In the essay, Twain laments the dour ways in which men of America's Gilded Age employ man's "most faithfull friend." He concludes by insisting that: "the wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely, with head erect, not haltingly, tortuously, with pusillanimous mien, as being ashamed of our high calling."

    The exciting prequel to the Witches of East End series from Blue Bloods author, Melissa de la Cruz.

    A pet shop employee’s innocent date with a customer quickly turns disturbing rather than delightful. She and her family hold a centuries-old secret, and they want him to stay with them forever . . .

    Dan Shamble and his ghost girlfriend are called to the Vampire Circus when a fortune teller’s cards go missing. Not exactly the glamorous life, but the stakes escalate when a vampire trapeze act goes dead wrong, and Shamble discovers even more skeletons in the closet than the ones that live there. As he shuffles for clues through an unnatural cast of carnies, he faces a slate of suspects that could freak out even the most daring detective—a werewolf lion tamer, a fat lady with an enormous secret, an undead ringmaster…and what could be scarier than a circus clown? The only thing certain is that the show must go on—dead or alive.

    Ivy Mitchell’s life is changed forever after she follows her cat, Karma, into an old house, where she stumbles upon a strange book that not only unleashes her destiny, but attracts a smoking hot, mysterious stranger named Chance with wicked powers of his own. Ivy was born a witch, but an important decision awaits. Make the wrong choice and more than her powers are at risk. A story in nine parts, each written by a different writer in her own individual style: Lori Connelly, Aileen Harkwood, Zara Stoneley, Kari Lemor, Sarah Lefebve, Carmel Harrington, Teresa F. Morgan, Lynn Marie Hulsman, and Jane Lark.Length: 4300 words

    Sandman Slim, has a new job, but being the new Lucifer in town gives fresh meaning to the word "Hell." Especially when he hears of hideous massacres near a haunted fortress out on Hell's frontier.As far as Stark's concerned, the more dead Hellions, the better, but he still has to prove that no one screws with Sandman Slim. And facing creatures so terrible even Hell does not want them is no cakewalk, even for Lucifer.Includes 13 pages excerpt from Devil Said Bang

    But unfortunately, sometimes people DO get what they wish for. Ryan hasn’t gone far before he is set upon by a bunch of scary, nihilistic punk-sorcerers who need him to set off a doomsday device that will destroy the planet and everyone on it. Fun!Riding to the rescue, however, is a certain skeleton detective and his teenage partner/combat accessory. Now Skulduggery and Valkyrie only have a few hours to figure out what's going on, while saving Ryan and – incidentally – the whole world.And all that time, the punk-sorcerors are closing in…

    series) War was cruelty, cruelty was war. Sacrifices must be made by both sides. Rydere Dardanos was king of the Dardaptos people—the race of beings responsible for the ancient vampire legends. He’d do anything to protect his people in the war between the Dardaptoans and all those named Taniss. Emily Taniss was the new CEO of Taniss Industries, the company her grandfather started sixty years ago. The company responsible for so many horrific acts against the Dardaptoan people. Her grandfather’s actions held many repercussions for Emily and her cousins. It would take them years to straighten it all out. But Emily didn’t have years, she had only moments. Rydere saw the young woman’s death as a necessary sacrifice for his people. So many of his people had been lost at Taniss hands, her death was only fitting. Owed to his people. He didn’t have to like killing her, but he would do it. He held her small body clutched against him as he lowered his fangs toward her neck. He would make it easy on her, he would make it quick. Until his first taste of her blood made it clear to him she wasn’t just a sacrifice. She was his destined mate...and queen of his people. Now he would have to convince her of that...

    Carly, an unassuming receptionist at Guru Fashion Agency, is shocked when sexy new guy Jake texts her to say he needs her help—fighting off zombie models! Soon she discovers New York is under siege and she’s the chosen one who can save them all. With the help of her sassy, donut-loving deskmate Joyce and the intriguing Jake, Carly embarks on a death-defying adventure that leads to a Fashion Week showdown with the Queen of the Zombies, one of the industry’s biggest icons. It just might be the strangest first date she’s ever had.

    Outside the walls of Consilience, half the country is out of work, gangs of the drug-addicted and disaffected menace the streets, warlords disrupt the food supply, and overcrowded correctional facilities churn out offenders to make room for more.The Consilience prison, Positron, is something else altogether. The very heart of the community and its economic engine, it’s a bold experiment in voluntary incarceration. In exchange for a house, food, and what the online brochure hails as “A Meaningful Life,” residents agree to spend one month as inmates, the next as civilians, working as guards or whatever’s required.Stan and Charmaine have no complaints—until the day Stan discovers an erotic note under the fridge of the house he and Charmaine must share with another couple while they’re back inside Positron. It’s a missive of erotic longing, pressed with a vivid lipstick kiss: “I’m starved for you!” it breathes. If Stan rarely thought about the house’s other residents before—they’ve never met them and don’t know their names; it’s not allowed—now he can’t stop thinking about them, especially the note’s sex-addled author, a woman apparently named Jasmine, so unlike his girlish wife, Charmaine. He HAS to meet her, but in this highly ordered and increasingly surveilled world, disorderly thoughts are a risk, and breaking the rules has dire consequences.

    NOTE: This story has been re-released in the Dark Bites anthology.Celebrity necromancer Jaime Vegas is headlining a sold-out séance tour, but behind the scenes, a disgruntled ghost has a bone to pick, in Kelley Armstrong's The Ungrateful Dead.Plus tales guaranteed to get under your skin - in a good way - from:* Janet Berliner* Don D'Ammassa* Nancy Holder* Nancy Kilpatrick* J. A. Konrath* F. Paul Wilson* Joe R. Lansdale* Will Ludwigsen* Sharyn McCrumb* Mark Onspaugh* Mike Resnick* Steven Savile* D. L. Snell* Eric James Stone* Jeff Strand* Lucien Soulban* Matt Venne* Christopher WelchSo let the blood flow and laughter reign - because when it comes to facing our deepest, darkest fears, a little humor goes a long way!

    He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    It’s an even thinner one between wrong and dead…Terrible has always been on the wrong side of the law, living up to the only name anyone ever gave him. As the chief enforcer for Downside’s most powerful criminal, it’s his job to collect debts and protection money by any means necessary. And he’s very good at his job.But part of that job is also to keep Bump’s various employees safe. So when a street dealer is found dead and a prostitute is brutally attacked, Terrible immediately starts using his fists to hunt down the ones responsible.He’s determined to find and destroy them. They’re determined to use his desire for the woman he secretly loves to break him.

    Some assembly required... Police Chief Delaney Reed loves the holidays in Ordinary, Oregon, the beach town where gods vacation and monsters reside. But this year, she has a lot on her plate. It isn’t just the creature who follows her home, or the terrible storm barreling toward town. It isn't that Mrs. Yates’s penguin has been stolen. Again. It’s that her boyfriend, Ryder Bailey, has been gone for two months and is growing more distant. She's beginning to think she knows why. But when a demon, a dragon, and a god bearing unusual gifts get thrown on top of her to-do list, Delaney decides to roll up her sleeves and make this holiday unforgettable. One disaster at a time.

     Suspenseful, surprising, sometimes dark, sometimes humorous-these all-new stories will ensure that readers never think of vampires (or birthdays) in quite the same way again. In New York Times bestselling author Charlaine Harris's "Dracula Night," Sookie Stackhouse is the only human at the annual commemoration of Dracula's birth. But this year, the Prince of Darkness actually shows up-and finds Sookie to be a tasty-looking present. New York Times bestselling author Jim Butcher's crime-solving wizard Harry Dresden, of the Dresden Files novels, heads to a role-playing party to give his vampire brother a birthday present in "It's My Birthday Too," only to discover there are some bloodthirsty party crashers who don't share their brotherly love. In "Twilight," Cassandra DuCharme, who appeared in New York Times bestselling author Kelley Armstrong's Dime Store Magic, knows she has to kill to live as a vampire another year-but finds herself disturbingly disinterested in the hunt. Plus ten more bloody good birthday stories that take the cake.Contents xi • Preface: A Few Words (Many Bloody Returns) • (2007) • essay by Charlaine Harris and Toni L. P. Kelner1 • Dracula Night • [Sookie Stackhouse 4.3] • shortstory by Charlaine Harris21 • The Mournful Cry of Owls • novelette by Christopher Golden50 • I Was a Teenage Vampire • novelette by Bill Crider73 • Twilight • [Women of the Otherworld Short Fiction 7.2] • novelette by Kelley Armstrong100 • It's My Birthday, Too • [The Dresden Files 9.2] • novella by Jim Butcher146 • Grave-Robbed • [Vampire Files] • novelette by P. N. Elrod176 • The First Day of the Rest of Your Life • [The Morganville Vampires: Extras 2.5] • novelette by Rachel Caine201 • The Witch and the Wicked • novelette by Jeanne C. Stein230 • Blood Wrapped • [Henry Fitzroy] • novelette by Tanya Huff254 • The Wish • shortstory by Carolyn Haines265 • Fire Ice and Linguini for Two • [Garnet Lacey 2.5] • novelette by Lyda Morehouse [as by Tate Hallaway ]290 • Vampire Hours • novelette by Elaine Viets318 • How Stella Got Her Grave Back • novelette by Toni L. P. Kelner