Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    

    Like what, you ask? Here are just a few extraordinary examples: * Bats always turn left when they exit a cave.* In the 1960s, astronauts trained for moon voyages by walking on Hawaiian lava fields.* Lloyd's of London insured Bruce Springsteen's voice for 3.5 million English pounds.* Physician Amynthas of Alexandria, Greece, performed the first known nose job in the Third Century B.C.* Military toilet paper is printed in a camouflage design, since white could attract enemy fire.* Elvis Presley always wore a helmet when watching football on TV.* King Henry VIII's ladies at court had a ration of one gallon of beer per day.* It takes the energy from 50 leaves on an apple tree to produce one ripe fruit.* The only country to host the Summer Olympics but not win a sinlge gold medal was Canada, in 1976. And that's just the beginning! So what are you waiting for? Attack!

    Reeves truly was the most unusual US Marshal to ever serve this country. His accomplishments earned him the title of the most feared lawman in the wild and untamed Indian Territory. The reader will follow his never ending contacts with murders, robbers, horse thieves and whiskey runners. His remarkable life should be an inspiration for any reader. They will be impressed, and astonished by his fearlessness, dedication to honor, commitment to the law and his impact on history. Bass Reeves Lawman is the second of a trilogy based on the true life of Bass Reeves, the first Black US Marshal west of the Mississippi. You will follow him from as he meets famous people of the time. Pistol Pete, Belle Starr, Judge Isaac Parker, Heck Thomas and Sam Sixkiller were just some of the famous and infamous who crossed paths with this amazing man. Bass Reeves was born a slave, escaped captivity during the Civil War. His years of service, as a US Marshal, to the lawless Indian Territory helped write the history of Oklahoma. His honor, accomplishments and courage makes him eligible to be called the greatest lawman of his time. Bass Reeves’ story will make any lover of the old west wonder why he is not more famous. The history of the Old West is filled with stories of heroes and villains, and those stories have been a source of fascination for generations. The fact that the stories of these unique and colorful characters continue to intrigue people is a true testament to the grit and determination it actually took to tame a wild and unpredictable country. Among those stories, readers will seldom find a character that overcame more challenges and had more determination than Bass Reeves. As a slave, Reeves served a man who ultimately became the Speaker of the House of Texas. He was a participant in the Civil War and escaped to the lawless Indian Territory that is now Oklahoma. His life with the Indians, gave him the skills to make him a great tracker and hunter of outlaws. He learned five languages and gained respect of the Indians of the Territory, which made him one of the few who could gain information and accomplish the task of hunting down the lawless. Bass Reeves faced challenges in his new homeland that would have destroyed a lesser man, but his natural gifts of determination and intelligence helped mold the man into one of the most feared and respected lawmen in history. The story of Bass Reeves was illuminated in his day by only a flicker of candlelight, because he was black. If he had been a white man, the entire world would have known of his great exploits, and his name would have been mentioned with the likes of Wyatt Earp, Bat Masterson and Bill Hickok. If the real truth had been known, the name of Bass Reeves would have been a beacon of historical light, shining brighter than any of his contemporaries. The truth is, many of those more famous lawmen also reveled in some of the less honorable sides of life, like gambling, prostitution, profiteering, murder and vengeance. To the contrary, research into the life of Bass Reeves has shown that he strictly obeyed the laws of the land and strove to treat the men he hunted with even more respect than was customary for that time in history. Amazingly, Reeves stuck to these high standards in a wild territory that was often filled with greater danger than any of his contemporaries could have even imagined. Bass Reeves brought law to a territory of outlaws that spread out over seventy thousand square miles. He arrested more than three thousand offenders and delivered them to face judgment before Judge Parker, in Fort Smith, Arkansas.

    30,000 first printing."

    Jackie saw it all, and in The Joke Man: Bow to Stern he shares personal stories as well a look from behind the scenes at one of the highest-rated radio shows of all time. You’ll also get his take on his falling out with Howard and the show, and plenty of the raunchy, laugh-out–loud humor that Jackie “The Joke Man” is famous for. So sit back, relax, and enjoy as “The Joke Man” riffs on his one-of-a-kind career in show business, Howard Stern and the gang, and his very unique life—an American success story like no other.

     If he carries through with the plan, his sister will die first. His ex will die next, and he will die last. In between, he’ll take out as many people as he can. Students. Security guards. Teachers. First responders. They are all fair game. Who will live, and who will die? How will those who live go on when their world is shattered by unthinkable tragedy? *** Contains scenes of graphic violence. Reader discretion advised.

    When her mother's health begins to fail, Erina Bridget Ring searches for something to do during the hours she spends at her mother's bedside. What she discovers is knitting--and a group of women knitters. But as she learns to knit and at the same time cares for her ailing mother, she finds that things at the knitting group are not what they seem to be.

    He was saved by the Children’s Aid Society that placed orphaned children with families on the frontier. These families welcomed the children and most found loving homes. Some grew up to become industrial, political, or community leaders. Slater did not find a loving home. Instead, he found himself at Pete Jablonski’s farm in Fargo, Dakota Territory where abuse was a daily dose of reality. When outlaws rob a local mine payroll and kill four men in the process, Slater makes a mortal enemy of the Elko County Sheriff that takes Slater's life is an unexpected direction.

    When a mysterious phantom enters his life, he sets himself on a quest to discover the true meaning of lummoxness, and what he learns along the way is both shocking and hilarious.Written with honesty and selfeffacing wry humor, Lummox is an exceptional story of manhood at a time of its redefinition, a book that will leave you laughing out loud in recognition and cheering for lummoxes everywhere.

    The joys and travails of building a home in Baja California.

    Iconoclast. Apostate. Drunk. Many words have been used to describe Doug Stanhope, but rarely has “hopeful” been one of them. However, heading into 2016, Stanhope peered through the apocalyptic fog and saw a forecast that was more rainbows than acid rain: His first book was set for release, his new stand-up special was in the can, and he was about to film a television pilot with his friend and confidant Johnny Depp. The sharks of Hollywood were circling, and Stanhope’s pockets were filled with chum. The only thing that could stop Doug was himself, and that’s exactly what he did.First came the booze, then came the pills, then came the stripper, and then, Doug came. A tryst aboard a cruise ship leaves him literally and figuratively adrift when his scorned wife, Bingo, reveals she is in love with another man: a jug-sippin’, guitar-pickin’ hobo. A simple, black-out fling turns out to be a pebble tossed into the lake of you-know-what named 2016, and in No Encore for the Donkey, Stanhope traces the resulting rings.Written and performed by Stanhope, his third memoir follows the veteran comedian on a quest to save his marriage, his wife, and eventually his wife’s life. Our hero's journey finds Stanhope cuddling with Johnny Depp in his Los Angeles mansion, receiving some much-needed TLC from Marilyn Manson, and - most daunting - building a new hour of comedy in the rusted-out hellscapes of post-industrial America.Equal parts love letter, road romp, and harrowing condemnation of the failures of America’s mental health care system, No Encore for the Donkey is a hilarious and heartbreaking account of a man balancing on the edge of damnation. With Bingo in a coma and Trump about to be elected, Stanhope sifts through the ruins of his own personal cataclysm in order to answer the big questions: What does it mean to love someone when you can’t love yourself? What is the point of success if you have no one to share it with? And is the end of the world BYOB?

    The perfect book for the Nana of today, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry...it will make you want to run out and buy something nice for your grandchild!

    But what of the unseen Alan? For the first time, this famously private man welcomes us into his home and audibly deshrouds himself for a fascinating series of podcasts. Over the course of 18 generously durated episodes, Partridge grants us full and unfettered access to his off-screen life (within reason). In exchange for a series of payments from Audible, he promises an access-all-areas pass to the nooks and crannies of his hinterland, to reveal a wiser, cleverer, more reflective Alan than many of his more vaunted peers have given him credit for. He then sends the resultant podcasts to Audible ensuring they meet the technical specifications laid down in the contract.

    Twirty-Something: A Young Woman's Guide to Giant Underwear is a hilarious new Kindle Single from Award-Winning and Amazon Best-Selling author and humorist Ingrid Reinke.On the cold January day when Ingrid Reinke turned 30, she looked back upon the last decade of her life in deep thought before finally shaking her head and mumbling to herself the following insight: "Wow, what a shit show."So, she sat down, braless and alone, and penned a collection of laugh-out-loud essays about the ridiculous, shocking and occasionally horrifying things that happen to us as we ungracefully age from 20 to 30, try, semi-successfully, to leave our clueless years behind and become mature, responsible grown-up women.From weird hairs to boob sweat, OCD to weddings, Twirty-Something swings between a no-holds-barred conversation and a cautionary tale about aging and all the crap that comes along with it.Sometime instruction manual, sometime commiseration partner, get ready for Reinke's honest and occasionally potty-mouthed accounts of this tumultuous decade.So hike up your yoga pants, plop another ice cube in your Pinot Grigio and get ready to laugh at the author, young women in general, and most of all at yourself.