The ex who can't stop talking about the French girlfriend who dumped him. The cute young bartender who knows how to make a Manhattan straight up. And, of course, Mr. Right—who looks like Liam Neeson, writes poetry like e.e. cummings, plays the guitar like Jimmy Page. Until he turns out to be a complete and total jerk.Narrated in 781 chapters—The List is an irresistible look at love, dating, friendship, sex, cats, thongs, and shopping. And a story that's as pleasurable, as interesting, as gossipy, as truthful, as reassuring, as compelling, as sane, as necessary as a late-night phone call to your best friend ever. Pour a cup of tea, curl up on the couch, and read to your heart's content.

    You've sneaked a peek at the supermarket checkout. Where else could you find the scoop on which senators are aliens, or Saddam and Osama's torrid love affair? Serious newshounds know the Weekly World News (which counts over a million beings as readers) broke the story that Elvis still lives, but it also has exclusives on what kind of pizza was served at Jesus' last supper, who's the father of the Loch Ness monster's baby, and (of course) the various escapades of Bat Boy, the half man/half bat found in a West Virginia cave almost 15 years ago. For the dedicated follower of the fantastic, and for the uninitiated too, Bat Boy Lives! contains all these vital dispatches and much more. Because the truth...is in here.

    It rejoices in men and women made of the Wrong Stuff: writers who believed in the power of words, but could never quite find the rights ones; artists and performers who indulged their creative impulse with a passion, if not a sense of the ridiculous, an eye for perspective or the ability to hold down a tune; scientists and businessmen who never quite managed to quit while they were ahead; and sportsmen who seemed to manage always to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Like Walter Oudney, one of three men chosen to find the source of the River Niger in Africa, who could not ride a horse, nor speak any foreign languages and who had never travelled more than 30 miles beyond his native Edinburgh; or the explorer-priest Michel Alexandre de Baize, who set off to explore the African continent from east to west equipped with 24 umbrellas, some fireworks, two suits of armor, and a portable organ; or the Scottish army which decided to invade England in 1349 - during the Black Death. Entries include: briefest career in dentistry; least successful bonding exercise; most futile attempt to find a lost tribe; most pointless lines of research by someone who should have known better; least successful celebrity endorsement; least convincing excuse for a war; worst poetic tribute to a root vegetable; least successful display of impartiality by a juror; Devon Loch - sporting metaphor for blowing un unblowable lead; least dignified exit from office by a French president; and least successful expedition by camel.

     A guy walks into a bar. Eight Canada Geese walk into a bar. A termite jumps up on the bar and asks, "Where is the bar tender?" Drum roll. The "Fifth Edition "of the perennially popular "Pretty Good Joke Book" is everything the first four were and more. More puns, one-liners, light bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, and third-grader jokes (have you heard the one about Elvis Parsley?). More religion jokes, political jokes, lawyer jokes, blonde jokes, and jokes in questionable taste (Why did the urologist lose his license? He got in trouble with his peers). More jokes about chickens, relationships, and senior moments (The nice thing about Alzheimer's is you can enjoy the same jokes again and again). It all started back in 1996, when "A Prairie Home Companion" fans laughed themselves silly during the first Joke Show. The broadcast was such a hit that it became an almost-annual gagfest. Then fans wanted to read the jokes, share them, and pass them around, and the first "Pretty Good Joke Book" was born. With 362 new jokes (more or less), the latest edition promises countless giggles, chortles, and guffaws anyone--fans of the radio show or not--will enjoy.

    Full color.

    Shea Serrano deftly pays homage to the most important song of each year. Serrano also examines the most important moments that surround the history and culture of rap music—from artists’ backgrounds to issues of race, the rise of hip-hop, and the struggles among its major players—both personal and professional. Covering East Coast and West Coast, famous rapper feuds, chart toppers, and show stoppers, The Rap Year Book is an in-depth look at the most influential genre of music to come out of the last generation.    Complete with infographics, lyric maps, hilarious and informative footnotes, portraits of the artists, and short essays by other prominent music writers, The Rap Year Book is both a narrative and illustrated guide to the most iconic and influential rap songs ever created.

    I always read the description first because, you know, I won’t read just any old thing. So I read the description for this book and thought it looked okay, so then I read the online sample and laughed so hard that a little bit of pee came out. Okay, a lot of pee came out. ALRIGHT! I PEED SO MUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY PANTS! There, are you happy now? It’s funny, okay? And it isn’t all about vomit and farts either (okay, a lot of it is about vomit and farts, but what’s wrong with that?)*Every Monday at school, Reggie writes an essay that begins with “On the weekend…” WARNING: You might want to have a spare pair of undies handy while you read about Reggie's weekends.*

    The book chronicles the city's colorful citizens and hopping nightlife, and also explores some of the most hilarious events from its crazy history—like the time the whole town was on fire, its ongoing raccoon infestation, and the cult that took over in the 1970s. Packed with laugh-out-loud-funny photographs, illustrations, and commentary by the other inhabitants of Pawnee, it's a must-read that will make you enjoy every moment of your stay in the Greatest Town in America. Praise for Pawnee: "Carrying this book around is a good way of picking up girls with glasses." —Tom Haverford "I have read over four books, and this is by far the one that has me in it the most." —Andy Dwyer "Literally the greatest endeavor of human creativity in the history of mankind." —Chris Traeger

    / 'Cause whether his or hers amoeba, / They too feel like you and meba.What if a boring lesson about the food chain becomes a sing-along about predators and prey? A twinkle-twinkle little star transforms into a twinkle-less, sunshine-eating-and rhyming Black Hole? What if amoebas, combustion, metamorphosis, viruses, the creation of the universe are all irresistible, laugh-out-loud poetry? Well, you're thinking in science verse, that's what. And if you can't stop the rhymes ... the atomic joke is on you. Only the amazing talents of Jon Scieszka and Lane Smith, the team who created Math Curse, could make science so much fun.

    “The illustrations bring the frivolity to a fever pitch.”—School Library Journal.Open this book to any page to begin your exploration. Here are poems about things that you may never have thought about before. You'll be introduced to jellyfish stew, a bouncing mouse, a ridiculous dog, and a boneless chicken.You'll learn why you shouldn't argue with a shark, eat a dinosaur, or have an alligator for a pet. You'll meet the world's worst singer and the greatest video game player in history. You'll even find an invitation to a dragon's birthday party....This playful collection is a wonderful introduction to the pleasures of poetry and word play from a master of the genre, Jack Prelutsky.“It’s the author’s joyous sense of the absurd that propels the reader from page to page.”—Horn Book (starred review)

    Learn more about Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Brian, and friends than you can shake a stick at -- or, in Brian's case, shake a martini at!There's a ton of insider stuff too:Commentary from the show's creator, producers, writers, and voice-over artists, including thoughts about those guys at Fox who did the unthinkable (like canceling the show) ...and then the unheard of (like bringing it back to the network!)Behind-the-scenes jokes and pranksSubtle things you may have missedAnd lots moreIt's all here -- Family Guy, uncanceled, unbanned, and uncensored!It's a must-have for all Family Guy fans.

    In "Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl," Brian, a father of three girls, shares his tactics for surviving this new and glittery world. From baby dolls and bedtime rituals to potty training and dance recitals, he leads you through all the trials and tribulations you'll face as you're raising your daughter. He'll also show you how to navigate your way through tough situations, like making sure that she doesn't start dating until she's fifty.Complete with commandments for restroom trips and properly participating in a tea party, "Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl" will brace you for all those hours playing house--and psych you up for the awesomeness of raising a daughter who has you lovingly wrapped around her little finger.

    Eliot for his godchildren and friends in the thirties. They have delighted generations of children since, and inspired Andrew Lloyd Webber's brilliant musical Cats.

    Her 6-step, proven process to get your toddler out of diapers and onto the toilet has already worked for tens of thousands of kids and their parents. Here's the good news: your child is probably ready to be potty trained EARLIER than you think (ideally, between 20-30 months), and it can be done FASTER than you expect (most kids get the basics in a few days—but Jamie's got you covered even if it takes a little longer). If you've ever said to yourself:** How do I know if my kid is ready? ** Why won't my child poop in the potty? ** How do I avoid "potty power struggles"? ** How can I get their daycare provider on board? ** My kid was doing so well—why is he regressing? ** And what about nighttime?!Oh Crap! Potty Training can solve all of these (and other) common issues. This isn't theory, you're not bribing with candy, and there are no gimmicks. This is real-world, from-the-trenches potty training information—all the questions and all the ANSWERS you need to do it once and be done with diapers for good.

    With his very own illustrations, this collection, which includes the famous On the Ning Nang Nong will make you laugh from the bottom of your belly - just like Spike did. The legendary and iconic figure, Spike Milligan was born at Ahmednagar in India in 1918. He received his first education in a tent in the Hyderabad Sindh desert and graduated from there, through a series of Roman Catholic schools in India and England, to the Lewisham Polytechnic. He then plunged into the world of Show Business, seduced by his first stage appearance, at the age of eight, in the nativity play of his Poona convent school. He began his career as a band musician, but became famous as a humorous scriptwriter and actor in both films and broadcasting. He was the creator, principal writer and performer of the infamous Goon Show. Spike received an honorary CBE in 1992 and Knighthood in 2000. He died in 2002. Other children's books by Spike Milligan: Bald Twit Lion; Badjelly the Witch; Dip the Puppy; Sir Nobonk and the Terrible Dreadful Awful Naughty Nasty Dragon; A Children's Treasury of Milligan: Classic Stories and Poems; The Magical World of Milligan