Mittens relentlessly hassles his human all day long, while only taking breaks to watch Judge Judy, hang with his best friend Stumpy, complain about the antics of Drunk Patty the neighbor, ask Grandma for money to buy useless items from QVC, and harass the "filthy beast" dog, Phil.Angie Bailey is an award-winning writer and blogger, humorist, and professional member of the Cat Writers' Association. Her primary blog, Catladyland, has won many awards, and her humor writing is featured nearly daily on Catster.com, one of the most popular cat sites on the Web. She loves to photograph her cats in silly poses and sleeps with one eye open. And yes, she has three cats."Each installment of Texts From Mittens is like a little gift to brighten your day!" —Kate Benjamin, Hauspanther founder and co-author of Catification with Jackson Galaxy"Texts From Mittens makes me wish my cat had thumbs! This is a hilarious book; Angie Bailey has done it again!" —Jeremy Greenberg, Author of Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed"We all knew that cats were hilarious, but Ms. Bailey's sardonic cat quips really take their mannerisms, attitude and occasional apathy to another level." —Susan Michals, Curator of Cat Art Show Los AngelesCome home! There's an emergency! What?? Are you OK? My dish is half empty! I'll be home soon. You wish starvation upon me! Stop being dramatic. Am weeak. Caan hasrdly tyyppe. Are you going to wear those black pants on your bed? Yes. I have a date. They're comfortable. Mittens, get off my pants!

    That is what troubles animal-phobic, robotics engineer Smith who just got married. He learns that his bride’s dream is to have a farm where there are lots of animals and she can rescue ex-race horses to retrain and find them new homes. But according to a Meyers-Briggs Personality Test that they took for fun, their marriage is doomed. There is only one problem: the newlyweds took the test after the wedding. Whether Smith is chasing a cow named Pork Chop through the woods with a rope, getting locked in a tack room by the family pony, being snubbed by his wife’s dog, or unsuccessfully trying to modernize their barn using the latest technology, the odds are stacked against him. It seems like everything with four legs is out to get him. Will the animals win, forcing Smith to admit defeat, or will he fight to keep his family and the farm together? Enjoy the true, warm, and frequently hilarious stories of Smith’s journey along the bumpy road from his urban robotics lab to a new life on a rural Virginia farm.

    Topics cover every aspect of radio communication, including basic system and procedural comprehension, etiquette and rules, visual flight rules, instrument flight rules, emergency procedures, ATC facilities and their functions, and a review of airspace definitions. This revised edition also discusses Global Positioning Systems (GPS) and Land and Hold Short Operations (LAHSO). Beginners and professionals alike will find this an invaluable resource for communicating by radio.

    The emotional and hilarious story of hard-living Todd Cartwright who falls in love with Tammy Everett, a woman who literally saves Todd from himself. But Tammy's suspicious, overly-protective father, Harry, does everything he can to crush the relationship. Todd is not about to give up the greatest thing that's ever happened to him and goes to war with Harry. But when the unthinkable happens, the men dive into a physical and emotionally tailspin that threatens to consume them both. Todd decides to go on the honeymoon alone and return to his destructive ways only to find Harry at the airport with Tami's ashes which Harry intends to spread on the island. Reluctantly, these two wounded souls go on the honeymoon - both for very different reasons - where the enormous anguish consuming them causes them to react in very diffferent and unexpected ways. Though these two men hate each other, each is the only person who can understand the loss that the other has suffered. Todd and Harry are forced to recognize that they have one thing in common: they loved the same women. And that bond causes them both to begrudgingly help the other overcome the gaping loss that has swallowed them and move on with their lives.

    Diary of a Dragon is an example of the latter: a clever, heavily illustrated tale, appearing as a SubPress eBook for the first time anywhere.

    For all of them, try as they might to escape it, the past remains a constant presence. From the run-down despair of Robert's dying inner London parish to the yearnings for love and physical contact of the city's social outcasts - and from the money-driven hubris of Manhattan's financial elite to the home-spun wisdom of rural New England - The Other Side of Loss is a modern-day parable of loss and redemption, of despair and triumph, of human weakness and the life-affirming salvation of human strength in all its meanings. 'Any novel that weaves a high-tension narrative out of two priests, prostitution, and a lottery ticket has to keep you turning the pages.' Gyles Brandreth 'Zounds! Not since Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein has a more colourful story come from a more surprising source. Tom Vaughan is a very imaginative soul.' George Butler, film producer, The Endurance, Roving Mars, Tiger Tiger

    So this little book provides a low-cost, over-the-counter dosage to cheer up (and/or terrify) those who find themselves on the wrong end of health maintenance. (Whichever the "wrong end" might be.) Some of the funniest humor writers on the scene today share their stories, jokes, therapeutic venting, and scans of the process of Getting Better - including some medical personnel who didn't realize they were being funny.Contributors include columnists, comedians, authors, TV writers, and people with unauthorized access to hospital files.This inexpensive, pocket-sized book is a time-released "get well card" for the ailing and afflicted, an inside chuckle for medical professionals, and a collection of healing fun for those who aren't under care at the moment.

    Juggling the needs of her daddy-hungry son with her first love Ben and her estranged father, she’s fresh out of her klutzy charm to help her sort out the mess she’s created.Lying low at her granny's cottage in the small village of Ballydara, in County Galway, Aislin is faced with decisions about trust, forgiveness, and the true meaning of family. Can a commitment-shy young mother find lasting love?Books by Susan Colleen BrowneThe Village of Ballydara SeriesThe Secret Well, short story ebookA Christmas Visitor, short story ebook and the sequel of The Secret Well It Only Takes Once, A Village of Ballydara Novel, Book 1 (print and ebook)Mother Love, A Village of Ballydara Novel, Book 2 (ebook, coming soon in print)Children’s StoryMorgan Carey and the Curse of the Corpse Bride, a lighthearted Halloween story for middle-grade readers (ebook, coming soon in print!)Memoir Little Farm in the Foothills: A Boomer Couple’s Search for the Slow Life (print and ebook)

    Cooper gets kicked in the nuts so hard that he shits himself at one point. That's worth a dollar all by itself.

    The only hope left for her to survive is controversial healer Arpan. She locates the man whose touch could heal her but finds he has retired from the limelight and refuses to treat her. Erica, consumed by stage four pancreatic cancer, is desperate and desperate people are no longer logical nor are they willing to take no for an answer. Arpan has retired for good reasons, casting more than the shadow of a doubt over his abilities. So begins a journey that will challenge them both as the past threatens to catch up with him as much as with her. Can he really heal her? Can she trust him with her life? And will they both achieve what they set out to do before running out of time?

    Although it’s not the car that her sister, Cindy, receives, Lou knows it could have been worse. She could have gotten Gran’s collection of toenails. When Lou opens the box and a guy the size of a stick of gum falls out; she changes her mind – the nail clippings would have been better.Not a day goes by that Lou doesn’t wish she could shove that guy back in the box and pretend she’d never laid eyes on him. Because of him, she discovered Gran was a sorceress and Cindy is a witch and all these years they have been keeping Lou’s magic locked away “for her own safety.” Without the magic she’s vulnerable to whoever, or whatever, is after her. With it, she’s a target for a fate worse than death.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

    He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    . .Jean and Rosie are involved in a new adventure together—one they’re both excited about—and they’ll introduce you to some interesting characters along the way.While Jean is also busy dealing with numerous man issues, her best friend, Rosie, has plenty of issues of her own: she’s facing empty nest syndrome, her husband is recovering from heart surgery, and she’s finally prepared to solve a deep, dark secret from her past. Then, there’s the unexpected news that could shatter her optimism and faith. In Woolen Bikinis is an engaging story about the unexpected twists and turns that can happen in any woman’s life, as well as a strong friendship, one Jean and Rosie are fortunate to have, that can help carry one through.It’s also about Simple Pleasures, plenty of them (like woolen bikinis). Be prepared to be delighted!

    How do you react to sandwich boards, road signs, laminated instructions, and other written missives that are just not exactly what their creator meant? If you've ever (gently) judged anyone else for their linguistic failures, if you find yourself guffawing about the frequent confusion between "incontinence" and "inconvenience," if you've ever been tempted to whip out your marker to add in or cross out apostrophes, and if you've refused to answer e-mails in which "your" and "you're" are used interchangeably, this book is for you. With pictures culled from the Facebook group by the same name, I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar is a hilarious and eye-opening tour through restaurants and shops, through parking lots and along winding roads, and around the world.