Funny Quotes: 560 Humorous Sayings that Will Keep You Laughing Even After Reading Them


Saeed Sikiru - 2014
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Daisy Days: Hilarious Misadventures


Lynne Gumbleton - 2019
    How did we ever find time to go to work. New to Caravanning. Its mishaps. Its pleasures. Its fun. Susie and Jack take early retirement and end up biting off more than they can chew. An unexpected inheritance changes their lives forever.

Finding Fireflies


A.C. Williams - 2015
    I’m 32 years old, accident-prone, a church secretary, and still single. Never-been-on-a-date kind of single. But that doesn’t mean I’ve never been in love. Until I find the second love of my life, I’ll always have my memories of summers past with Aaron, the guy of my dreams, chasing fireflies at twilight. Compared to him, the options at the Highpointe Baptist Church’s singles group just add insult to injury. But my stable pastor’s kid’s life takes an extraordinary turn when a misunderstanding lands me in jail, and that’s where I meet Jordin, a young prostitute. Her troubles make my life look like a dream, and I can’t help but feel that I need to help her in any way possible. Of course, that’s the perfect time for Aaron to reappear in my life, only to befriend Jordin. Just when I think it can’t possibly get worse, Jordin gets herself kidnapped by an underground prostitution ring, and it’s up to Aaron and me to get her back. This story isn’t for the faint-hearted. I have to face off with jilted women desperate for a second MRS degree, survive bad catfish, captain pontoon boats, and fight old people for their motor scooters. This is my story. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Bitter Pill


Richard L. Mabry - 2019
    At that point, doubts begin to intrude on his previously untroubled existence.Dr. Abby Davis is tired of her family practice and at odds with God. Dealing with critically ill and dying patients has crushed her spirit to the point she’s ready to quit. But she soon realizes that there’s more to healing than ministering to the physical body.Scott Anderson was the oldest graduate of his seminary class. Then again, most of them hadn’t turned away from a medical practice, hoping to atone for past mistakes (including his wife’s death) by ministering to men’s souls. Now he hopes he hasn’t made a colossal mistake in switching careers. Each of these individuals becomes linked to the other, and each finds that God has a purpose for them—but, as it often does, the lesson comes with discomfort.

The Demas Revelation: A Novel


Shane Johnson - 2007
    Anna Meridian—an archaeologist and woman of faith—uncovers the find of a lifetime: ancient documents dating to the time of the apostles, confessions that the early Christians are perpetrating a falsehood. She decides she must keep the documents' existence a secret, but word eventually leaks out. Many turn from their faith as another earth shattering discovery sheds more light on the validity of the manuscripts. The archaeologist searches for meaning in it all—why did these manuscripts come to light and what is her part in God's plan?

Kingdom Come


Larry Burkett - 2001
    When massive warehouses surrounded by metal fencing seem to go up overnight, local businesses are bought out, and more than 6,000 families establish residence in a community named Kingdom Come, the FBI begins to suspect cult activity. Agent Ben Atkins is sent to investigate, and though he does sense something major happening, he is not convinced it is sinister. In fact, as he moves in for a closer look, he begins to wonder if those on the inside of Kingdom Come are working to keep evil out. But time is running short for him to discover the truth, as unexpected enemies-law enforcement agencies, media groups, and even the church hierarchy-threaten the community's existence.

Don Quixote, U.S.A.


Richard Powell - 1966
    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

The Cake List (The List Books Book 1)


Dianne J. Wilson - 2020
    Do Something Selfless. Do Something Kind. Break a Never. Stop an Always. Figure out God. “Some people write a bucket list, you know… things they want to do and tick off before they die. Honestly? Dying doesn’t seem half as scary as the big-O birthday that’s hunting me down. So I’ve made my own list. Things I want to do and tick off before I eat that birthday cake. So far, it’s not going too well.” ~*~ Fresh from a spectacular break-up and faced with a looming big-O birthday, Meg throws her cautious nature aside and signs up for dance classes. Little does she know that Ballroom will stretch more than just her muscles. Between the charming dance instructor and his secrets, her grumpy neighbour and a fish that can’t swim straight, Meg’s list seems doomed from the start. ~*~ Heart-felt and funny, Meg’s list-crossing quest takes her so far out of her comfort zone, she may never find her way back.

Magnificent Bastards


Rich Hall - 2008
    Meet the man who vacuums bewildered prairie dogs out of their burrows; a frustrated werewolf who roams the streets of Soho getting mistaken for Brian Blessed; a smug carbon-neutral eco-couple; a teenage girl who invites 45,000 MySpace friends to a house party; the author of a business book entitled Highly Successful Secrets to Standing on a Corner Holding Up a Golf Sale Sign and a man whose attempts to teach softball to a group of indolent British advertising executives sparks an international crisis.

The Money-Whipped Steer-Job Three-Jack Give-Up Artist


Dan Jenkins - 2001
    After thirty years of waiting for the follow-up, Jenkins returns to the world of big-time golf in The Money-Whipped Steer-Job Three-Jack Give-Up Artist and finds a world where endorsements and course fashion matter more than the side bet. His hero, Bobby Joe Grooves, is a hell-raising two-iron-wielding rogue trying to turn his one annual tournament win and considerable Texas charm into a spot on the Ryder Cup team. Standing between Bobby Joe and his little spot of golf heaven are two ex-wives, a girlfriend, various pious PGA officials, and his embarrassing lack of a career major. A book that will teach you more about golf history than any weepy sunset-over-the-eighteenth-green retrospective, The Money-Whipped Steer-Job Three-Jack Give-Up Artist is an uproarious portrait of what it’s really like to play on the PGA Tour. It’s vintage Dan Jenkins.

Pocket Guide to the Apocalypse: The Official Field Manual for the End of the World


Jason Boyett - 2005
    So go ahead and start with the panicky noises. Then, crack open this handy book. It's your comprehensive guide to the last days, a must-have for apocalypse watchers, readers of Revelation and all-around Armageddon obsessives. Inside you'll find valuable information like: -- A brief history of the end of the world -- The Apocalyptionary (a glossary of the end) -- Candidates for the Antichrist -- Fun with eschatology! -- The Endies (a salute to end-times entertainment) ...and several other slightly alarmist and conspiracy-minded categories. Doomsday has never been so much fun!

Jesus at Walmart...a Reed Shaking in the Wind


Rick Leland - 2011
    Fueled by Pastor Malachi Marble's fall from faith, which tumbles him into the late night world of Walmart.Author Rick Leland spent fourteen months working as a Walmart Overnight Stocker doing research for the book. Well, not purely for research."Actually I needed the money to live on," Leland said. "But I knew God was working something out in my life, as inspiration for Jesus at Walmart emerged even before my first night's work was over." Walk past the greeter; into the heart of Walmart with Malachi Marble. Grab a shopping cart. You'll need something to hang onto during this trip to Walmart like no other. And when you exit Jesus at Walmart, expect to leave a changed person.

Gaspar And The Fantastical Hats


David A. Lindsay - 2013
    Confronted by danger at every turn, he and his friend, Hubris the Spellbroker, become entangled in a bizarre web of intrigue, politics and outlandish fashion. They soon realise that they are just pawns in a greater game, but who is their real adversary and how can they disentangle themselves without ending up seriously dead?This humorous fantasy novella (28,500 words) is a prequel to the novel, Gaspar The Thief (126,000 words), also by David A. Lindsay.

Tennis and the Masai


Nicholas Best - 1987
    Drop him into a ghastly Kenya prep school in the middle of Rider Haggard country. A school where cricketing news comes by carrier pigeon, leopards are assaulted with a red-hot poker, and runaway boys are hunted down with spearmen and a pack of foxhounds... For Martin Riddle, the experience is unforgettable. For the riding mistress, Lady Bullivant, it is all part of the day's work. And for the headmaster, a disreputable ex-Guards officer, it is simply a means of staving off bankruptcy for a few more weeks. As for the Masai, tennis may be on the curriculum at Haggard Hall, but midnight meetings with naked warriors definitely are not! 'The funniest book I have read since David Lodge's Small World' - Sunday Times 'Wickedly funny' - Daily Mail 'Less savage than Evelyn Waugh, Best is every bit as sharp... an immensely enjoyable book' - Evening Standard 'Very good entertainment' - Sir Alec Guinness (Sunday Times book of the year) Nicholas Best's books have been translated into many languages. He was the Financial Times's fiction critic for ten years and was long-listed in 2010 for the Sunday Times-EFG Bank 30,000 award, the biggest short story prize in the world. For more details, see www.nicholasbest.co.uk

It's a Dunder-Bull Wife


Karen Cantwell - 2011
    Everything in Dunder-Bull is five-star rated, including the wives. As Barb puts it, “Dunder-Bull Wives make Stepford Wives look like couch potatoes.” Succumbing to the need to “measure-up,” Barb decides to prepare a grand and luscious Christmas feast for a party of twenty. The problem? Barb can’t cook her way out of a turkey-roaster bag. In usual Barbara Marr fashion, chaos ensues. Will she survive? Will her family fall victim to salmonella food poisoning? Will Martha Stewart ridicule her publicly?A Barbara Marr Holiday short story, sure to tickle your funny bone and touch your heart at the same time.All profits from the sales of this short story go to the charity, Make-a-Wish Foundation.