In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and funny.

    She and her friends from Nobby’s Beach are the first women in Australia to gain their Bronze medallions for Surf Life Saving. On the eve of the year 1981 on the Gold Coast, Australia, this active teenager’s life is about to shatter and transform her once perfect world into one of despair as she tackles a life of paralysis. Through the support of her friends and family, Kerri will find her way back to the water and into the history books.A memoir filled with joy, tears, letters and poetry of a time when all else seemed lost. A life of hopes, dreams, love and humility learned.

    And lost a lot.One afternoon he added up how much he had squandered during the course of his professional career. It made for uncomfortable reading...Manchester United £60,000Newcastle United £1,102,000Blackburn Rovers £3,510,000Leicester City £1,050,000Sheffield United £670,000Bradford City £15,000 Glentoran £43,875Total (plus extras) £7,215,875That day seemed a world away from 1993 when he burst on to the scene as a fresh-faced young star with Manchester United. A dark-haired lad from the streets of Northern Ireland with a God-given talent, he was dubbed the new George Best.One of the famous Fergie fledglings, he made his debut aged just 17 before moving on to Kevin Keegan’s Newcastle where he came so close to landing a Premiership title winner’s medal. International caps piled up too. It was a thrilling adventure. Flying down the wing and sharing pitches and dressing rooms with legends, but behind the success and glamour, it was a different story.Like Best, Gillespie had a talent for self-destruction. He liked a drink and there were women but they weren’t causing a big problem – it was keeping hold of the millions he had earned from the game that ultimately proved his downfall.It wasn’t just about gambling. A nightmare ordeal during a training break in La Manga landed him in jail for a crime he did not commit. Then, in 2010, Gillespie became headline news again when a series of flawed business deals saw him declared bankrupt.How Not To Be A Football Millionaire is one of the most honest autobiographies you will read, about a player who lived the football life to the full.It tells a fascinating and moving human story of the darker side of the glory game. About winning and losing, fortune and fate, hope and heartache... About having the world at your feet and being left to ask yourself: ‘Where did it all go wrong?

    Inside stories, lurid tales, embarrassing incidents: soccer legend George Best has gathered together his favourite stories of his and his friends’ anecdotes and observations from their experiences in and out of the game over the last forty years.

    Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    In a crowded restaurant a small boy watches fearfully as his Jewish father is arrested by HitlerOCOs Gestapo. Days later, as Nazis burn and loot Jewish shops, his resourceful Catholic mother prepares an escape plan to take her family to England. So began Andreas Siegfried SachsOCO life in London, a new life at times no less bizarre or madcap than the world of Fawlty Towers and its hapless Spanish waiter, Manuel. Now, as one of BritainOCOs best-loved actors, Andrew Sachs recounts tales of his hilarious struggle to come to terms with all things English and his early foray into the world of showbiz, and goes behind the scenes of the infamous Torquay hotel. In time conquering stage, screen and radio, Sachs has appeared alongside a galaxy of stars including Rex Harrison, Norman Wisdom, No1/2l Coward, Alec Guinness, Richard Burton and Peter Sellers, and written award-winning radio plays, proving his talent and versatility again and again. A charming, laugh-out-loud funny and utterly compelling memoir which promises to delight devotees of Fawlty Towers, I Know Nothing! reveals the twists and turns of the truly fascinating life of Andrew Sachs, whose dignified response to the distressing intrusion into his private life by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross has only served to enhance the British publicOCOs affection for him. "

    Twirty-Something: A Young Woman's Guide to Giant Underwear is a hilarious new Kindle Single from Award-Winning and Amazon Best-Selling author and humorist Ingrid Reinke.On the cold January day when Ingrid Reinke turned 30, she looked back upon the last decade of her life in deep thought before finally shaking her head and mumbling to herself the following insight: "Wow, what a shit show."So, she sat down, braless and alone, and penned a collection of laugh-out-loud essays about the ridiculous, shocking and occasionally horrifying things that happen to us as we ungracefully age from 20 to 30, try, semi-successfully, to leave our clueless years behind and become mature, responsible grown-up women.From weird hairs to boob sweat, OCD to weddings, Twirty-Something swings between a no-holds-barred conversation and a cautionary tale about aging and all the crap that comes along with it.Sometime instruction manual, sometime commiseration partner, get ready for Reinke's honest and occasionally potty-mouthed accounts of this tumultuous decade.So hike up your yoga pants, plop another ice cube in your Pinot Grigio and get ready to laugh at the author, young women in general, and most of all at yourself.

    Yet even before the competition had started, Quinn was caught up in the most emotionally draining events of his career, as Ireland's World Cup campaign was rocked by Roy Keane's sudden departure. All his efforts at mediation failed, leaving him exhausted. As he worked to find a solution, Quinn looked back on his life and career, and saw echoes of his current situation. In this fascinating autobiography, updated for this edition, he recalls the all-night drinking sessions with Tony Adams and Paul Merson, the gambling, the good times and the bad. It is a remarkable story, brilliantly told.

    Taken by Collingwood at pick 58 in the 2001 ‘super draft’, no one saw a future Brownlow medallist but the scruffy kid knew how to get the ball. Right from the start he made two things clear: he didn’t like training and his mates and social life came first. Swan made front page news in 2003, and faced the sack after playing only three senior games. The infamous Collingwood Rat Pack took him under their wing, he thrived under Mick Malthouse’s coaching, and grew into a talented and nerveless big-occasion player with an incredible mix of power and speed. Off the field, his tattoos, deadpan delivery, transgressions and blunt refusal to become an AFL robot meant he was often used as clickbait.Despite mastering the art of appearing not to care about anything, in Dane Swan: My Story, Swan – for the first time – reveals the pride that drove him to succeed, his loyalty to family, mates and the club that gave him many last chances, and how he worked hard, his way. He takes us inside the highs of the premiership, and through the tumultuous years of the transition from Malthouse to Nathan Buckley. Footy might be only a game, but it’s one hell of a ride with Dane Swan.There’s no one like him at all in this day and age.Nick MaxwellOne of the greatest players in the history of this club. He marched to the beat of his own drum, always, off the ground more so than on it, but I always liked the fact that he was an individual. And whatever he was doing, it worked.Eddie McGuireThe bigger the game, the more turned on he was, and that became evident at the peak of his career because he played his best footy on the biggest stages.Nathan BuckleyWhat made Swanny so good? It was talent, hard work and mental toughness to be that consistent.Ben JohnsonIt was quite extraordinary the way that he just got on with it. He loved winning, he loved the challenge and underneath it, he is a very proud person.Mick MalthouseAbout the author: Dane Swan played 258 games for Collingwood Football Club. He achieved the ultimate team success as a premiership player, and his haul of individual awards is impressive: a Brownlow Medal, three Copeland Trophies, five All Australians, an AFLCA Most Valuable Player award, a Jim Stynes Medal, a couple of Anzac Medals, as well as a swag of top-three finishes in many awards. His unbelievably consistent output meant he averaged 26.85 disposals across 15 seasons, second only to Greg ‘Diesel’ Williams. Swan’s career came to an untimely end in round 1 of 2016. He is acknowledged as one of the best modern midfielders and a one-of-a-kind champion of the competition.

      The biggest games, the biggest trades, the juiciest rumours—chances are Duthie is the guy you tuned in to hear talk about them. There are other experts and insiders, stats guys and analysts, but no one else who can talk about sports with the humour, the knowledge, and the charisma Duthie brings to every event he covers. He also makes the best spoof videos.The Guy on the Left tells the story of Duthie’s career in broadcasting, from a nerdy appearance on a game show to chatting with Tiger Woods in the men’s room at The Masters. It’s a behind-the-scenes look at celebrated moments like Sidney Crosby’s famous game-winning goal at the Vancouver Olympics, but also less celebrated insights, like the disclosure that sports broadcasters often aren’t wearing pants on air. There are stories about goofing around with NHL superstars like Roberto Luongo and Anze Kopitar. There are also stories about wandering into the wrong house after walking his dog and surprising his neighbour in her underwear. His stories can also be serious. Tragedy strikes more than once in the sports world. Most notably, he had to go to air on the evening of September 11, 2001. His reflections on the way sport is part of all of our lives, from the athletes and sports figures on the planes to the kids who lost coaches and parents, are a powerful reminder of both the importance of sport and how lucky we all are to be part of it. Funny, thoughtful, self-deprecating, and wry, The Guy on the Left is everything fans love about James Duthie.

    These were the athletes in the Olympic marathon. So how did he end up with a bronze medal? How did he win the London marathon? And why does he still hold the English record for the distance?In this remarkable autobiography, he explains how -- how someone who was almost the bottom of the class when he first went to school, and even worse at sport, eventually turned himself into a world-class athlete, competing in top marathons all over the world, and genuinely going from last to first.As well as the enthralling life story of one of our finest distance runners, this book is a wonderfully clear and inspiring piece of life coaching for anyone who wants to make the most of their talents. But more than this, as Spedding says at the start, 'I believe that on occasions you can create the circumstances in which you can perform at a higher level than your talent says you can.' Spedding's own story, and his chronicle of the big races he excelled in, proves it's trueFor anyone aspiring to run a marathon, or indeed anyone who wants to set themselves a goal they think beyond their reach -- and achieve it -- this is an essential book.

    James Montague travelled there for three years, observing the region's cultures and politics through the prism of football and interviewing all the major teams along the way. He soon realised that to understand the game there is to understand its people. For as much as football forms an unlikely common thread between different countries, the sport also reflects what is unique in the national characters of those who play, support and organise it.When Friday Comes is an insightful and humorous account of Montague's journey, during which he gets stoned with the Yemeni FA, harangues Iran's Deputy President at the World Cup, has a gun pulled on him by genocidal Lebanese football fans, encounters a rioting group of fanatical young Jews singing 'I'm West Ham 'til I Die' in mockney English and was made to strip and then dance for the Iraqi national team.This is a compelling travel memoir that will enlighten, surprise and entertain football fans everywhere.

    He was twelve years old and he had a guitar. He would go around telling everybody that he was going to be a rock-and-roll star. I was eleven and I believed him.”SO BEGINS THIS HONEST, FUNNY, AND DEEPLY AFFECTIONATE MEMOIR OF A FRIENDSHIP THAT HAS SPANNED FIVE DECADES OF WILD ADVENTURES, SOUL SEARCHING CONVERSATION, MUSICAL MILESTONES, AND ENDURING COMRADERY.Louie and Bob after the Rolling Thunder Night of the Hurricane Benefit Concert at Madison Square Garden, December 8th, 1975.Louie and Bob after the Rolling Thunder Night of the Hurricane Benefit Concert at Madison Square Garden, December 8th, 1975.As Bobby Zimmerman became Bob Dylan and Louie Kemp built a successful international business, their lives diverged but their friendship held fast. No matter how much time passed between one adventure and the next, the two “boys from the North Country” picked up where they left off and shared experiences that will surprise and delight Dylan fans and anybody who loves a rollicking-good rock-and-roll memoir. From little Bobby’s very first public appearance (on a roof at Herzl Camp) through his formative years in Minnesota and New York and his rise to global superstardom, Louie Kemp was by his side—a trusted ally and confidant as Bob figured out how to share his gifts without compromising who he was. Louie produced Bob’s groundbreaking Rolling Thunder Revue—described in riveting detail here—and traveled with him in the rarefied world of the rock star, but he also shared quiet moments and intimate experiences. When Louie got married, Bob was his best man; when Bob questioned his Jewish faith, Louie brought him back to the fold. And that is just a small sample of the never-before-told, up-close-and-personal stories in this eye-opening book. Ever wonder what it might be like to attend a Passover Seder with Bob Dylan and Marlon Brando? Or go on a Mexican vacation with Bob Dylan, Dennis Hopper, and Harry Dean Stanton? Or get into a public food fight with Joan Baez? Read on.Louie’s own words best describe the relationship at the heart of Dylan & Me: “We have always had open minds, taken risks, helped the underdog. We have laughed at the same jokes and confided our deepest thoughts and fears. We have never needed anything from each other but have always been there for each other.” What better definition of friendship could anybody want?

    A tall, lean striker with the world at his feet, Ferguson seemed destined to develop into one of Scotland's most successful exports, but anger, and a number of injuries, hampered his progress. Ferguson has scored the most goals of any Scot in the Premiership but also shares the record for Premiership red cards. In 1995, he became the first professional footballer to be jailed for an offence committed on the pitch. It earned him a three-month sentence in Glasgow's infamous Barlinnie Prison and a twelve-match ban from the SFA. Bruised by the experience, he walked away from the Scotland team and blanked the media from then on. Featuring contributions from numerous top players, this explosive biography uncovers the real Duncan Ferguson. The author delves into Ferguson's personal and professional life and reveals that there is more to him than the media portrayal of a Scottish hard man.

    Yet shortly after reaching those heights, he started to crumble, and famously left the 2012-13 Ashes tour of Australia suffering from a stress related illness. His story is the story of Team England - it encompasses the life-cycle of a team that started out united by ambition, went on to achieve some of the greatest days in the team's history but then, bodies and minds broken, fell apart amid acrimony.Having seen all of this from the inside, Jonathan's autobiography takes readers to the heart of the England dressing room, and to the heart of what it is to be a professional sportsman. Not only does it provide a unique perspective on a remarkably successful period in English cricket and its subsequent reversal, it also offers a fascinating insight into the rewards and risks faced as a sportsman carrying the hope and expectation of a team and a nation. And it's a salutary tale of the dangers pressure can bring in any walk of life, and the perils of piling unrealistic expecations on yourself.