In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    1965.  War's found himself deep in the glamorous yet lethal world of international espionage. Unhappy with both the treachery and restrictive dress-code, when a name from the past reappears in his life War realises he must risk everything to keep the world safe once again. This short story follows on from the How To Be Dead series and continues the tale of everybody's favourite grumpy Horseman of the Apocalypse...  What Amazon readers are saying about the How To Be Dead Comedy Fantasy Series: ★★★★★ “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.”★★★★★ “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.”★★★★★ “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.”★★★★★ "Laughs and excitement combined!"★★★★★ “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”★★★★★ "If you like Tom Holt, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, Dave Turner's books will fit perfectly into your collection."

    An historical comedy about two bumbling botanists sent into the southern wilderness by Thomas Jefferson to look for something that isn't there. A novel in the spirit of Lewis and Clark (who make cameo appearences). Replete with wild Indians, river pirates, the kidnapped son of King Louis XVI, the lost colony of Roanoke, and much more. A non-stop romp full of life and humor and the sensibility of early America.

    When she’s not covered in fake fur, she sleeps with the wrong men, avoids laundry, sets her vibrator on fire, and dodges her mother’s demanding phone calls. Surrounded by eccentric friends, an offbeat family, peculiar coworkers, and a twenty-four-year-old goldfish, Jane searches for happiness through a maze of dirty clothes and hard lessons.Happy(ish) is set in Ferndale and the metro Detroit area.

    Blunt talks to Mr. Henson, Charlie’s mentor, like he knows him, but Charlie knows that can’t be. John Peter Henson is a good man who would only spend time with someone like Blunt the day he put him into the ground…Unwilling to give up Mr. Henson’s secret and tarnish his good name, Charlie tries to put the pieces together himself. Maggie Buchanan knows he’s hiding something and she’s on his trail as well. Together, they turn the tables on Blunt’s outlaws. Charlie ends up in possession of a treasure map to Mexican gold that may just get him killed.“The pace is fast, the action plentiful, the characters colorful and memorable, and the writing is top-notch.” – Wayne D. Dundee

     Eloise is too busy juggling the chaos of three kids, an ever present ex-husband and a demanding boss to even remember the last time dating crossed her mind. But as soft snow falls silently all around, romance twinkles with the flakes. After being single for so long, Eloise suddenly has a lot of choices. Too many choices. Will anyone be worthy of melting the guard around her heart to let love in? A fun-filled, festive read for fans of Christie Barlow, Fiona Gibson and Colleen Coleman

    The favour is returned when the scout is saved by the Cheyenne and given mercy, but when he falls in love with the girl he saved he knows that the tribe will never allow them to be together. They escape, but are forced to abandon their flight when they encounter an omen telling them that she is pledged to another. This frontier tale soon becomes a violent present day manhunt through the Wild West. Part of the Storycuts series, this short story was previously published in the collection The Veteran.

    Twirty-Something: A Young Woman's Guide to Giant Underwear is a hilarious new Kindle Single from Award-Winning and Amazon Best-Selling author and humorist Ingrid Reinke.On the cold January day when Ingrid Reinke turned 30, she looked back upon the last decade of her life in deep thought before finally shaking her head and mumbling to herself the following insight: "Wow, what a shit show."So, she sat down, braless and alone, and penned a collection of laugh-out-loud essays about the ridiculous, shocking and occasionally horrifying things that happen to us as we ungracefully age from 20 to 30, try, semi-successfully, to leave our clueless years behind and become mature, responsible grown-up women.From weird hairs to boob sweat, OCD to weddings, Twirty-Something swings between a no-holds-barred conversation and a cautionary tale about aging and all the crap that comes along with it.Sometime instruction manual, sometime commiseration partner, get ready for Reinke's honest and occasionally potty-mouthed accounts of this tumultuous decade.So hike up your yoga pants, plop another ice cube in your Pinot Grigio and get ready to laugh at the author, young women in general, and most of all at yourself.

    A desperate queen. A hero in the making.He is plainly too young and too inexperienced for the mission, but on the advice of her aged adviser Natoum, and with her husband off at war, the Queen reluctantly assigns the task of delivery to…Madrenga. Accompanied only by a runt of a pony and a scrap of a pup, he sets off to transport the royal message to its destination. No matter what it might take.But things are not always what they seem. Heroes are sometimes made of the strangest stuff, and love is to be found in the most unexpected places. If one doesn’t die while treading the lethal path…

     They say everyone has a skeleton in their closet, but why are so many of them coming to life? Tempest and Amanda work at the only paranormal detective agency in the book and business is booming. This second box set gives you over 1000 pages of pulse-pounding hilarious paranormal mayhem as they get themselves into yet more hot water solving cases no one else would be dumb enough to take. Dead Pirates of Cawsand – A ghost ship has been spotted off the coast of a quiet Cornish village where gold coins were recently found. Now skeletal pirates are wandering the streets, hiding in the mist to strike fear into the local community because they want their gold back. But they didn’t count on England’s best paranormal P.I. turning up. His well-earned break soon goes sideways as murder, kidnap, and ghost hunters ruin his vacation and threaten more than just his life. In the Doodoo with Voodoo – A client cursed by a voodoo priest is the start of a case that will push Amanda to her very limits. With Tempest away in Cornwall, Amanda has no back up, but she wants to do this for herself even though the priest is a scary character. However, when BFF Patience goes missing, it’s a race against time to solve the case before someone dies and she is about to find out just how badly she underestimated her suspect. The Witches of East Malling – There’s a storm brewing. It’s late Autumn in England, but the wet weather is hiding a dark crime – witches using lighting to kill! Hired to investigate, Tempest soon becomes a target himself when he comes face to face with a witch and she knows who and what he is. Is he closing in on the coven, or are they closing in on him? The deadly conclusion with leave you breathless. Crop Circles, Cows, and Crazy Aliens – Aliens? Really? There are lights in the sky, crop circles in the fields and the cows are producing glowing milk. It’s Amanda’s case, and seems a simple one until the first body shows up. Suddenly she has a mystery person leaving her clues, an internet star trying to help her investigation and conspiracy nuts raining from the sky. Is this the first wave of an alien invasion, or something far worse? Whispers in the Rigging – His dad reported stories of a ghost in the old Royal Dockyard, but that’s not why Tempest is going undercover. He’s there because his dad was found unconscious in a dumpster when he tried to poke around. Now Tempest must find out what is going on, but all too soon he realises there’s something beneath the dockyard that is much worse than ghosts. The paranormal? It’s all nonsense, but proving might just get them killed.

    Frances Calhoun wrote in the conversational southern language of the early 20th century. Episodes include: "The Rabbit's Left Hind Foot", "A Green Eyed Billy" and, "Education and Its Perils." After the author's death, later books in this series were written by Emma Sampson.

    A masterful debut, Coldwater Revival will forever be etched in your memories and upon your heart.Download the Readers' Guide.

    He doesn't remember his own name, doesn't recognize the faces of anyone around him, there is a dead woman in his apartment, and a close friend has died suddenly in a tragic accident. The puzzle gets more complex by the hour as Nick struggles to piece together the holes in his memory, is questioned by police about a missing person, and becomes the target of a team of hired killers. Danger and mystery lurk around every corner, and as Nick soon discovers...the difference between friends and enemies is sometimes a very fine line.

    Olivia, Nick, their two little girls, and Charlie still live in the old boarding house. It has been nine years since Mourning left Olivia. Nine years since the last time she saw him – though he has always arranged to have Charlie with him for a few weeks each year.But today Olivia is anxiously awaiting Mourning’s arrival. Yesterday he sent a message with Michelle – he needs to talk with Olivia. Why now? What will he say? Does he intend to take Charlie for good?On this already emotionally-charged day, a cryptic telegram from Missouri arrives. It will take Olivia, Mourning, and Nick on a different kind of journey together.Historical Fiction, Women's Fiction, Literary Fiction

    When he leaves for America in 1924 to make his fortune for their future, Lydia is heartbroken, and her ruthless younger sister Myra, is still determined to have Edward at any cost. Edward finds life in America difficult. Immigrants, especially Irish Catholics, are shunned, and the influence of the Ku Klux Klan has spread like an epidemic throughout America. When Edward is critically injured in a logging accident, Lydia immediately leaves Ireland for America. Her voyage in steerage is arduous, and an incident aboard ship, changes her and Edward’s life forever. A mentally unbalanced Myra follows Lydia to America. When her plan of revenge is derailed by her own greed, she finds herself in danger, and in need of Lydia’s help to survive. Bringing life to the struggles of Irish immigrants in the 1920’s, “The Good Deed” will captivate readers who enjoyed Andriana Trigiani's, “The Shoemaker's Wife”. "An intriguing book, and an enjoyable read." -S.J.S. Stanton for Chanticleer Book