In the meantime, enjoy this freebie from God: OMG: How I Created the Universe, Adam, and Steve, which contains the first five chapters on the Creation of Adam and Steve (you read correctly) excerpted from The Last Testament.

    The planes break, the regs break, metal gets bent, students are lost at sea, and a Top Gun wannabe student, who has four hundred hours of flight instruction, still hasn’t made his first solo flight. “CFI! The Book” is an over-the-top satirical aviation comedy that’s loosely based on real world experiences of flight instruction, but if the FAA asks, this is all strictly fictional.

    While maintaining a voice unmistakably his own, Moehring evokes the wild imagination of Tom Robbins, the soul of Sedaris, and the wisdom of Vonnegut. Though readers will more often than not find themselves laughing out loud, Moehring's eye for the profound and his unyielding honesty ensure that they are just as likely to cry-or cringe.

    Enjoy these hilarious stories about stupid criminals, their hilarious attempts at crime, and bizarre mistakes they made that prevented them from getting away with their crimes.

    Fortunately, Moran’s injuries are not fatal; unfortunately, his compromising admissions have been heard by a motley assortment of bedside visitors, including a local police detective and the younger brother of Cesar Hernandez, Moran’s backer in his bookmaking business. The book follows, courtesy of Moran’s often hilarious first-person narration, the consequences of his ill-timed frankness, which include assault, vandalism, theft and murder. When the police identify Moran as the prime suspect in the killing, he embarks on an amateurish and offbeat quest for the truth. Readers who like to smile while reading a whodunit should hope that the author manages to enmesh his creation in further investigations.

    1 bestselling author Robert Bryndza.Coco Pinchard has just turned forty, and is feeling fabulous. Her long-held dream to be a writer has been realised, with the publication of her debut novel, her son, Rosencrantz, is attending a prestigious London drama school, and her musician husband, Daniel, seems more in love with her than ever. Coco feels poised to enter an exciting new chapter in life.When the New Year dawns after a hideous Christmas spent with her awful in-laws, Coco catches Daniel in bed with a younger woman, her novel flops, and Rosencrantz goes spectacularly off the rails.As her once-happy life unravels, and any chance of an exciting new chapter recedes into the distance, Coco's new iPhone becomes her confessional.Through emails to loyal friends Christopher, a neurotic middle-aged socialite, and Marika, a slightly alcoholic schoolteacher, Coco begins to document her seemingly endless (and often hilarious) run of bad luck.When Coco reaches the top of the local allotment list (after putting her name down nineteen years previously) she meets the drop-dead gorgeous Adam, and she's back in the world of dating as a single forty-something. Read the emails that tell the hilarious, feel-good tale of Coco picking up the pieces!Fans of rom coms by Sophie Kinsella will be glued to the pages of this totally addictive page-turner.

    Middle age is a daily drudge of sagging body parts and aches and pains. Her fervent prayer that she could somehow recapture her youth comes true one night during a chance encounter with a child-like vampire. As soon as the other women in her family see the transformation they waste no time in sticking their necks out, hoping Susan will share this new-found fountain of youth. Suddenly, this newly born group of hot-bodied vamps find themselves thrust into a world controlled by an ancient order of vampires. A world with rules, all of which the ladies pretty much break within hours of becoming immortals. And the little matter of the accidental epidemic of vamped out wildlife isn't exactly endearing them to the powers that be, either. They're So Vein is a hilarious and irreverent new twist on the paranormal/vampire romance genre.

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    Turns out I needed a power tool arsenal… Nancy Myers is having a hard time. She’s broken-hearted, homeless and unemployed. And she’s just turned forty. But Nancy has a secret weapon. Desperation.Relying solely on her finely-honed ability to make stuff up as she goes along and the battery life of her cordless drill, she’s determined to make a fresh start (one that on no account features men of the falling-in-love-with variety).After purchasing a rural property on a whim at the foot of the Southern Alps in New Zealand, Nancy attempts to settle into country life. She finds the vista of the mountains healing. She also finds a tall, dark and gumbooted stranger (who proves to be therapeutic in other ways).But when she discovers her precious view is about to be taken away, Nancy faces a hard choice. Should she play saboteur to protect her own happiness, even if it means losing the man who just might possibly be the key to it?Maybe her fresh start is actually a false start. Or maybe she’s learning a thing or two about how to be a kick-arse, self-reliant woman.

    She ends up working as a journalist for a newspaper in Manhattan.Set in a snowy November in New York, Phred's world is filled with romance, humour and excitement involving her attractive newspaper editor, Royce, gorgeous movie star, Bradley Goldsilver, and handsome Hollywood agent, Vaughn.Royce sends Phred out one night to a New York movie premiere. Phred is a journalist, not a photographer, but Royce wants her to go. Her assignment is to glean a candid shot of movie star, Bradley Goldsilver, at his latest movie premiere. No mean feat. Especially as every other big burly paparazzo with their eye on the money is vying for the same.Phred, a reluctant paparazzo, does something outrageously out of character to get the photograph she needs - and ends up in the headlines herself.Phred gives a whole new perspective to the world of the paparazzi.About the Author:De-ann Black is a bestselling author, traditionally published for over 15 years, with more than 50 books published. She's also a scriptwriter and former newspaper journalist. She worked as marketing editor for a glossy magazine, helped organise fashion shows and photo-shoots, trained for many years in martial arts, and was a full-time newspaper journalist. De-ann loves to sew, knit and is also a fabric designer and artist. And she loves to bake cakes.Books by De-ann Black include:The Sewing, Knitting & Baking series: Book 1 - The Tea Shop Book 2 - The Sewing Bee & Afternoon TeaBook 3 - The Christmas Knitting BeeThe Tea Shop & Tearoom series: Book 1 - The Christmas Tea Shop & Bakery Book 2 - The Christmas Chocolatier Book 3 - The Chocolate Cake Shop in New York at Christmas Book 4 - The Bakery by the Seaside Book 5 - Shed in the City The Tea Dress Shop series: Book 1 - The Tea Dress Shop At Christmas Book 2 - The Fairytale Tea Dress Shop In Edinburgh Book 3 - The Vintage Tea Dress Shop In Summer And - Christmas Romance in Paris Christmas Romance in Scotland The Bitch-Proof Suit - fashion and romance set in Dublin and New York Oops! I'm the Paparazzi - romance in New York The Cure For Love - set in Cornwall New releases for 2014 THE CHRISTMAS KNITTING BEETHE SEWING BEE & AFTERNOON TEA THE TEA SHOP SHED IN THE CITY THE BAKERY BY THE SEASIDENew releases for 2013 & 2012 include: CHRISTMAS ROMANCE IN PARIS THE CHOCOLATE CAKE SHOP IN NEW YORK AT CHRISTMAS THE CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATIER THE CHRISTMAS TEA SHOP & BAKERY CHRISTMAS ROMANCE IN SCOTLAND THE VINTAGE TEA DRESS SHOP IN SUMMER THE FAIRYTALE TEA DRESS SHOP IN EDINBURGH THE TEA DRESS SHOP AT CHRISTMAS DUBLIN GIRL - HOT SUMMER IN THE CITY THE BITCH-PROOF BRIDE THE BITCH-PROOF ROMANCE SHOPPING FOR MEN SHOPPING FOR MEN AT CHRISTMAS OOPS! I'M UP TO MISCHIEF OOPS! I'M A SECRET AGEN

    He had a solid job. He ran 5Ks for charity. He was living a nice, safe Midwestern existence. And then his wife left him for a handsome paramedic down the street.We’re All Damaged begins after Andy has lost his job, ruined his best friend’s wedding, and moved to New York City, where he lives in a tiny apartment with an angry cat named Jeter that isn’t technically his. But before long he needs to go back to Omaha to say good-bye to his dying grandfather.Back home, Andy is confronted with his past, which includes his ex, his ex’s new boyfriend, his right-wing talk-radio-host mother, his parents’ crumbling marriage, and his still-angry best friend.As if these old problems weren’t enough, Andy encounters an entirely new complication: Daisy. She has fifteen tattoos, no job, and her own difficult past. But she claims she is the only person who can help Andy be happy again, if only she weren’t hiding a huge secret that will mess things up even more. Andy Carter needs a second chance at life, and Daisy—and the person Daisy pushes Andy to become—may be his last chance to set things right.

    

    #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLEREveryone’s favorite Idiot Girl, Laurie Notaro, is just trying to find the right fit, whether it’s in the adorable blouse that looks charming on the mannequin but leaves her in a literal bind or in her neighborhood after she’s shamefully exposed at a holiday party by delivering a low-quality rendition of “Jingle Bells.” Notaro makes misstep after riotous misstep as she shares tales of marriage and family, including stories about the dog-bark translator that deciphers Notaro’s and her husband’s own “woofs” a little too accurately, the emails from her mother with “FWD” in the subject line (“which in email code means Forecasting World Destruction”), and the dead-of-night shopping sprees and Devil Dog–devouring monkeyshines of a creature known as “Ambien Laurie.” At every turn, Notaro’s pluck and irresistible candor set the New York Times bestselling author on a journey that’s laugh-out-loud funny and utterly unforgettable.

    A world of speakeasies and dancing girls where a gambler or bootlegger is perfectly normal and respectable in every way. Those familiar with "Guys and Dolls" know what to expect!

    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!