Fiction by Hugo and Nebula award winners and nominees as well as talented newcomers. Stories were selected by the Unidentified Funny Objects series curator Alex Shvartsman.

    He is twelve inches tall, full of fluff, and really, really bad at being a hero. Magically animated and discarded by his maker as a failed experiment, he is saved by a little girl. But she's got problems of her own, and he might not be able to help her. Fortunately for the little golem, he's quick to find allies, learn skills, gain levels, and survive horrible predicaments. Which is good, because his creator has a whole lot of enemies... Warning: Contains profanity and violence.

    Solomon has just begun work on his marvelous temple, charging Khaba, a formidable magician in his royal court, to oversee its construction. The workforce is an ill-behaved bunch of demons, a particularly unruly djinni named Bartimaeus among them. True to form, Bartimaeus promptly gets kicked off the temple project and assigned the even more miserable task of hunting bandits in the desert. There he crosses paths with Asmira, a highly skilled and loyal captain of the Queen of Sheba’s guard, on a suicidal mission to save her country from Solomon’s imminent attack. Of course, Bartimaeus has no intention of helping her. That is, until Asmira makes him an offer he cannot refuse. . . .A spellbinding addition to Jonathan Stroud’s New York Times bestselling Bartimaeus audiobooks, The Ring of Solomon brims with dazzling wit, unforgettable characters, and powerful themes of freedom and slavery, with or without magical bonds.

    Laugh as you learn about America's friendly northern neighbor with this step-by-step guide to Canadian customs, pop culture, and slang -- perfect for anyone who's considered moving to (or just visiting) maple leaf country.Written by New York Times bestselling author (and born-and-bred Canuck) Jenn McCartney, this comprehensive guide will teach you everything you need to know about Canada, including: HistoryBewildering residency rules, demystifiedUnique laws and customsContributions to the arts and pop culture (Celine Dion, Margaret Atwood, Justin Bieber)Colorful slang, explainedCreative doodles, helpful charts, and fun graphsHilarious and honest, this guide will delight your politically disgruntled father, nudge your bleeding-heart neighbor to hit the road, and inspire you to plan for (or daydream about) your own Canadian getaway.

    She hasn't got a tree. She hasn't bought any presents. The malls are jam-packed with staggering shoppers. There's not a twinkle light anywhere to be seen in her apartment.And there's a strange man in her kitchen.Sure, this has happened to Stephanie Plum before. Strangers, weirdos, felons, creeps, and lunatics are always finding their way to her front door. But this guy is different. This guy is mysterious, sexy-and he has his own agenda. His name is Diesel and he is a man on a mission. And Diesel is unlike anyone Stephanie has ever met before in her life. The question is, what does he want with her? Can he help her find a little old toy maker who has skipped out on his bail right before Christmas? Can he survive the Plum family holiday dinner? Can he get Stephanie a tree that doesn't look like it was grown next to a nuclear power plant? These questions and more are keeping Stephanie awake at night. Not to mention the fact that she needs to find a bunch of nasty elves, her sister Valerie has a Christmas "surprise" for the Plums, her niece Mary Alice doesn't believe in Santa anymore, and Grandma Mazur has a new stud muffin. So bring out the plastic reindeer, strap on your jingle bells, and get ready to celebrate the holidays--Jersey style. In Janet Evanovich's Visions of Sugar Plums, the world of Plum has never been merrier!

     A hardboiled elf is framed for murder in a North Pole world that plays reindeer games for keeps, and where favorite holiday characters live complex lives beyond December. Fired from his longtime job as captain of the Coal Patrol, two-foot-three inch 1,300-year-old elf Gumdrop Coal is angry. He's one of Santa's original elves, inspired by the fat man's vision to bring joy to children on that one special day each year. But somewhere along the way things went sour for Gumdrop. Maybe it was delivering one too many lumps of coal for the Naughty List. Maybe it's the conspiracy against Christmas that he's starting to sense down every chimney. Either way, North Pole disillusionment is nothing new: Some elves brood with a bottle of nog, trying to forget their own wish list. Some get better. Some get bitter. Gumdrop Coal wants revenge. Justice is the only thing he knows, and so he decides to give a serious wakeup call to parents who can't keep their vile offspring from landing on the Naughty List. But when one parent winds up dead, his eye shot out with a Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model BB gun, Gumdrop Coal must learn who framed him and why. Along the way he'll escape the life-sucking plants of the Mistletoe Forrest, battle the infamous Tannenbomb Giant, and survive a close encounter with twelve very angry drummers and their violent friends. The horrible truth lurking behind the gingerbread doors of Kringle Town could spell the end of Christmas-and of the fat man himself. Holly Jolly!

    Except, as Peter and Helen Radley know but their children have yet to find out, the Radleys happen to be a family of abstaining vampires. When one night Clara finds herself driven to commit a bloodthirsty act, her parents decide to explain a few things.

    Snuggles... Stress. You would think December would be Ivy's ideal time of year. After all, festivities abound and witches everywhere are encouraged to put their feet up and relax. That's not quite the case when she has various Order members attempting to finagle her into Christmas activities and a special artefact from the top of the Christmas tree goes missing. Either someone is attempting to sabotage Winter or something very strange is afoot indeed. This is a short holiday novella.

    But now, with the help of a magic beacon, I’m seeking those who are tainted. The impure. Abominations.Monster girls.But not to kill.They need my help. All kinds of help.I'm more than happy to provide it, to do all I can to keep them safe from the real monsters that exist in the world.

    It's taken months for Iris to work up the nerve to spend time around her baby sister after her vampire transition, so she enlists help from Jane Jameson and Company to keep her blood-thirst under control and assure Gigi's safety.Gigi, on the other hand, has problems of her own, including the demise of her relationship with high school sweetheart, Ben, and a looming job interview with Ophelia Lambert, the scariest potential employer in the Hollow. And then there's the small matter of the handsome, frustrating vampire who keeps appearing in Gigi's peripheral vision, then disappearing before she can talk to him.Can the Scanlon sisters negotiate romantic problems, vampire politics, and Christmas cookie disasters and enjoy a relatively normal holiday?Duration: 3 hours 43 minutes

    For him, Christmas wasn't just about making a list, but making sure it was long enough. He also had a reputation for embellishing the truth. That is until a chance meeting with an angel on the streets of Manhattan ends with a journey back in time to the birthplace of Christianity. Eventually, he makes his way home with a story that could change all their lives. He only has one problem . . . no one will believe him.

    Change is coming to the world, from the King of Destruction moving to a certain [Doctor] finding more friends from home.The Wandering Inn has a [Princess] who solves problems rather than creates them, and her name is Lyonette. Yet what happens when the [Innkeeper] returns to manage her inn? Lyonette must learn to be a good employee rather than manage everything herself, and sharing power is never easy...Nor is it ever simple in war, but that is where Geneva Scala remains. In bloodier and increasingly brutal battlefields, The Last Light of Baleros is now growing in fame, but there is no future there. She is desperate, working against hostile forces who see her intervention as dangerous, and still bears the wounds of her previous war to save lives. But she is no longer alone.(This novel is the e-book version of the free web serial. You may read the entire ongoing story at wanderinginn.com free of charge.)

    Musical. STINKFOOT is an absurdist musical written by former Bonzo Dog Band frontman Vivian Stanshall (1943-1995) and his wife Ki Longfellow-Stanshall for their Old Profanity Showboat in Bristol. The musical was performed in December 1985 but has not been published before. The Sea Urchin edition will contain the script of the musical, lyrics and artwork by Vivian Stanshall, photos of the Bristol performances and an introduction by Ki Longfellow-Stanshall.