Is there any practical value in knowing that your child resembles produce? And where's the good stuff, the useful details, like beware of the baby registry and all the crap you will never use, or be prepared to get breast milk all over everything you own? Hilarious, candid, and easy to read, Funny Little Pregnant Things is full of helpful information about all the stuff people don t tell you about pregnancy the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

    Fifty true stories told on The Moth Radio Hour.

    The hull glides in silence and with such perfect balance as to report no motion. I sit up for another stroke, now looking down as the blades ignite swirling pairs of white constellations of phosphorescent plankton. Two opposing heavens. ‘Remember this,’ I think to myself.”Few people have ever considered the eastern United States to be an island, but when Nat Stone began tracing waterways in his new atlas at the age of ten he discovered that if one had a boat it was possible to use a combination of waterways to travel up the Hudson River, west across the barge canals and the Great Lakes, down the Mississippi River to the Gulf of Mexico, and back up the eastern seaboard. Years later, still fascinated by the idea of the island, Stone read a biography of Howard Blackburn, a nineteenth-century Gloucester fisherman who had attempted to sail the same route a century before. Stone decided he would row rather than sail, and in April 1999 he launched a scull beneath the Brooklyn Bridge to see how far he could get. After ten months and some six thousand miles he arrived back at the Brooklyn Bridge, and continued rowing on to Eastport, Maine. Retracing Stone’s extraordinary voyage, On the Water is a marvelous portrait of the vibrant cultures inhabiting American shores and the magic of a traveler’s chance encounters. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where a rower at the local boathouse bequeaths him a pair of fabled oars, to Vanceburg, Kentucky, where he spends a day fishing with Ed Taylor -- a man whose efficient simplicity recalls The Old Man and the Sea -- Stone makes his way, stroke by stroke, chatting with tugboat operators and sleeping in his boat under the stars. He listens to the live strains of Dwight Yoakum on the banks of the Ohio while the world’s largest Superman statue guards the nearby town square, and winds his way through the Louisiana bayous, where he befriends Scoober, an old man who reminds him that the happiest people are those who’ve “got nothin’.” He briefly adopts a rowing companion -- a kitten -- along the west coast of Florida, and finds himself stuck in the tidal mudflats of Georgia. Along the way, he flavors his narrative with local history and lore and records the evolution of what started out as an adventure but became a lifestyle. An extraordinary literary debut in the lyrical, timeless style of William Least Heat-Moon and Henry David Thoreau, On the Water is a mariner’s tribute to childhood dreams, solitary journeys, and the transformative powers of America’s rivers, lakes, and coastlines.From the Hardcover edition.

     Let me test my presumption with a preview of four these ‘old’ stories. If I told you there was once a west coast sex cult with dozens of young girls, single ladies, and married women, who all fornicated with one well-endowed “prophet,” and he occasionally found it necessary to carry-out bondage S&M sessions here and there, you may not be surprised at all. But what if that sex cult began in 1903 and ended in 1906 with a couple of murders and suicides, does that sound like anything you have read about before? Or, how about a cheater who murders his inconvenient wife, disassembles her over a fifteen hour period, then puts her bones in the same stove he cooks breakfast for his sons before sending them off to school? If that doesn’t surprise you, perhaps the ending will–but you’ll have to find out for yourself. In ‘The Dandy and the Squire,’ a smooth-talking peacock from Kentucky visits his northern ‘cousins,’ and charms three of the women into his bed. He’s a big time operator who talks fancy, dresses fancy, and tells great stories of his days as an adventurer, riverboat gambler, and sharp-minded deal maker. He’s so smooth, he’s able to murder the patriarch’s son, make him look like the bad guy, and marry the boy’s tender-hearted sister before the Yankees get wise to his lies. Good thing, too, because he had also talked the father into giving him the family farm. Chapter Five is the stranger-than-fiction story of ‘Shoebox Annie.’ During the early 20th Century, this trollish-looking woman introduced her freakish-looking son to a life of crime. Their decade’s long spree of lyin’, cheatin’, and stealin’ led them to become America’s first mother and son team of serial killers. They were so good at disposing of bodies, none of their four victims have ever been found. If ‘old’ stories sound boring to readers of contemporary true crime, I hope this book will change minds, and fully reveal just how wicked and decadent our ancestors were. And deadly. Volume II in the Vintage True Crime Stories series is a wrecking ball that smashes to pieces that phrase, “The Good Old Days.” Maybe you will believe me when you get to the last page.

    The book is full of many personal stories never told or published before. 16-page photo insert.

    But after a near fatal trip to the emergency room with their mute, wheelchair-bound son Marshall, they admitted the dust and the heat were too dangerous. To save their boys, the Balls cashed out, sold their beloved farm, and moved to Asheville, North Carolina.Nearing fifty, Troy thought her chance at adventure had passed. But in this booming little Appalachian Mountain city of hippies, farmers, artisans, and retirees, she unexpectedly discovered a support network and something she’d never had in twenty-five years of providing round-the-clock care for her special needs boys: the freedom to pursue her own dreams. She struck up a friendship with a legendary eighty-year-old raconteur from the mountains, met his friends, and soon found herself in a rickety country shack with an ingeniously inventive retired farmer trying to create the best recipe ever for traditional mountain moonshine.Full of eccentric characters and charming locations—from a "haunted" cabin in the mountains to the last farm in the world to grow heritage Crooked Creek corn—Pure Heart is a charming story of a woman who set out to find a purpose in the most unexpected of places, and ended up finding happiness, contentment, and a community of love and respect.But when the real estate bubble burst and the collapse of her husband Charlie’s new venture in Asheville left them deeply in debt, Troy realized her ten-year business plan for Troy & Sons Platinum Whiskey wasn’t enough. If she was going to save her family—and she was definitely going to save her family—she needed to become the most successful woman in the legal whiskey business. And she needed to do it fast, before the bank took her house, her business, and everything she’d worked so hard to achieve.

    But how else do you cope when your mentally ill mother has killed your little brother and sister by scalding them with boiling water?This is a harrowing true story of how one little girl endured the most tragic of childhoods. But it's also the ultimate tale of forgiveness.Follow Nikkia on her heartbreaking journey, as she attempts to find answers and rekindle a relationship with her mother behind the gates of a secure psychiatric hospital.Deeply moving, Mummy is a Killer proves that love really is the strongest emotion of all.

    Although by now, not such a green graduate, the animals and their owners keep her challenged in a way never described in the text books.

    All of her proceeds from this book will be donated to the Give2Asia/Happy Hearts Fund helping to rebuild the areas hardest hit.

    By the time he reached his 50th birthday his career was everything he'd ever hoped it would be. With a sports column in a major paper, winning APSE's Best Sports Columnist in Texas four times, and a daily spot on ESPN's highly successful show, "Around the Horn," Cowlishaw had pursued and conquered nearly everything he ever desired professionally. However, the pursuit of that success nearly cost him his life.DRUNK ON SPORTS is more than simply a memoir by one of America's most well-known sportswriters. Behind his happy-go-lucky public persona was a man with a considerable (but well-disguised) drinking problem. For years, Cowlishaw believed that his ability to drink with the best of them helped in his development of sources and pursuit of stories and, unfortunately, he was right. Among others, the relationship he built while sitting on a barstool next to Cowboys Coach Jimmy Johnson allowed him to get where other reporters couldn't. As all hell broke loose between Johnson and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones in 1994, Cowlishaw was right next to Coach Johnson every step (and beer) along the way. In DRUNK ON SPORTS, Cowlishaw recounts first-hand stories never told and quotes never shared from the bizarre breakup of one of the NFL's most successful dynasties.As he points out in the introduction, this is not an anti-drinking book. Cowlishaw loved alcohol for 35 years. If anything, this is a how-not-to book more than a how-to book. Along the way, Cowlishaw takes readers inside some of the biggest stories in sports. He joined ESPN in 2002 as a regular on Around the Horn and discusses life behind the scenes at the Worldwide Leader candidly and at length. Cowlishaw writes and talks and, at times, drinks his way into the sports world's fast lane - what else would you call getting hammered on vodka with Denny Hamlin at the Daytona 500 - before realizing the only way to continue was to call a halt to the partying.The story of his rise and fall is more insightful and humorous than it is preachy as Cowlishaw examines some of the flawed decisions he made throughout his lifetime in sports. DRUNK ON SPORTS is a cautionary yet entertaining tale of never before told stories featuring some of the most recognizable personalities in sports, and if it causes some readers to reexamine their own lives, then it will have gone above and beyond its intended purpose.

    Being quite so little, he was rejected by his herd, and the future looked bleak. A few fields over, a young girl was coming to terms with the fact that she would never be able to ride again. Unknowingly, they were about to change each others lives . . .The pony was Little Alf, a Shetland pony with dwarfism, and the girl, Hannah, who rescued him aged sixteen. From charity work and building a business together, they became constant companions, though there have been a few casualties along the way - mainly garden ornaments and the neighbors' vegetables.Little Alf is the story of their life together - the adventures and the mischievous behavior of the most adorable little pony.

    It is just a true story. Except for the parts that are enormous, staggering lies..."At once brazen and terrified, Sarah Maria Griffin's hilarious and beautifully written story opens a doorway into the interior life of the Celtic Tiger cubs who have left Ireland to escape the recession in search of prosperity.Thrown into life 5000 miles away from home, Sarah's tale echoes that of many of her generation, forced to forge new lives and build new homes and relationships on distant shores. She describes in open, honest detail her experience of her first year in San Francisco: a year of struggle and strife, of newness and oddness, of adventure and excitement, of loneliness and despair, but also of incredible fun, happiness and joy.Not Lost is a book about growing up, about friendship, about love, about life and living it well., It is by turns heartbreaking, funny, tender and gutsy. Assured but never cocky, it marks Sarah Maria Griffin as one of the major new voices of her generation.

    Jail attendants said they understood she was held in connection with the shooting of an airline pilot.'Petite, glamorous and beguiling, Jessie 'Chubbie' Miller was one remarkable woman ... flyer, thrill seeker, heartbreaker. No adventure was too wild for her, no danger too extreme. And all over the world men adored her.When the young Jessie left suburban Melbourne and her newspaperman husband in 1927, little did she know that she'd become the first woman to complete an England to Australia flight (with a black silk gown thrown into her small flight bag, just in case), or fly the first air race for women with Amelia Earhart, or that she would disappear over the Florida Straits feared lost forever only to charm her way to a rescue. Nor could she have predicted that five years later she'd find herself at the centre of one of the most notorious and controversial murder trials in United States history. And this all began with something as ridiculously mundane as a pat of butter.The Fabulous Flying Mrs Miller is a spellbinding story of an extraordinary woman - an international celebrity during the golden age of aviation - and her passionate and spirited life.