Lieutenant Orion Murphy is scheduled for execution due to a clerical error. His only out is to undergo a complete physical makeover, get a rank and name change, and agree to take over a new platoon in the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC). Seeing that it's a case of comply or die, he accepts the offer. A week later, he finds himself standing on the bridge of The SSMC Reluctant with a misfit crew, an insane special agent, an antiquated robot mechanic, and his updated identity. Will the newly-named Commodore Don Harr be able to get control of the ship and crew? Can they all survive their first mission, especially since they're not really supposed to? And who came up with this mission, anyway? …it all makes Harr wonder if execution may have been the better option.Author Rating - Comedic-Red: Contains racy and irreverent humor, adult themes, situations, and language. Will likely be offensive to some people.

    Patiently and politely, he asks the animals he comes across, one by one, whether they have seen it. Each animal says no, some more elaborately than others. But just as the bear begins to despond, a deer comes by and asks a simple question that sparks the bear’s memory and renews his search with a vengeance. Told completely in dialogue, this delicious take on the classic repetitive tale plays out in sly illustrations laced with visual humor—and winks at the reader with a wry irreverence that will have kids of all ages thrilled to be in on the joke.

    Collected here and illustrated to wonderful haunting effect by Edward Gorey, these short, funny pieces offer moral instruction for all types of mischief makers—from a certain young Jim, "who ran away from his nurse and was eaten by a lion," to the tale of Matilda, "who told lies and was burned to death”—and add up to a delightful read for any fan of Roald Dahl or Shel Silverstein.

    

    Wait a minute. You’re confused. What are fucks, you ask? It’s quite simple, really. Fucks are her self-esteem; all the happy, sad and wonderful thoughts that sit in her basket. That sit in every girl’s basket! And every girl must give these fucks away every time someone asks. One day Elodie-Rose decides to break rank and find out what happens if those fucks stay where they are...

    The overly ambitious little girl from Oh No! is back for more. But this time, she doesn't have a humongous problem, she has an EPIC crisis on her hands: a mere A on her history test! There's only one solution: travel back in time to 33,000 B.C. to make her wrong answer right! Mac Barnett and Dan Santat's laugh-out-loud sequel to the critically acclaimed Oh No! will be sure to tickle a prehistoric funny bone for fans new and neanderthal alike.

    Where The Deep Ones Are

    Because after you have read this book, you, Good Sir, will know how to be a pro athlete. And pro athletes don't need books. Or strong family bonds. Or any of that stupid crap. Not when they have ready access to millions of dollars and scores of smoking hot chicks with questionable judgment. This book will be all you require to cast aside your boring life as some jackass who cruises around bookstores hoping to score grad-school trim. With Men with Balls, you will learn how to: Showboat using classical pantomime techniques Figure out whether or not a stripper actually fancies you Emotionally cope from the emotional fallout of rookie year hazing games Find out which free locker room amphetamines will give you a shot of energy, and which will cause you to run down terrified schoolchildren with your Escalade (NOTE: Some do both) Avoid media scrutiny by directing beat writers and columnists to the nearest hot buffet So grab your balls, bookboy. You're about to become a home-run hitting, steroid-injecting, angry-orgy-having Turbostud. They're gonna need a whole ocean just to wash your jock.

    Have you ever wondered how expensive a jar of honey would be if a minimum wage for bees applied, or whether a dog cares what's on television when they sit next to you?This book pairs the sweet and sad facts of animal life with their imagined thoughts and reactions.

    While the kids plan their next move, an unexpected threat emerges and June gets separated from her friends, dragged miles away from Wakefield to a town overgrown with monstrous vines and never-before-seen creatures. Drawing on her post-apocalyptic survival and action skills--and with the help of some odd new companions--June attempts to make her way back home. But not before she uncovers critical information about the mysterious "Tower." Information that the future of our world may hinge upon . . .

    In the industry, I'm known as a "Freight Dog." I fly canceled checks and other types of high-value cargo around the country, mostly at night, in airplanes that are older than I am. Flying freight-or "work" as we call it-in small, twin-engine aircraft is a lesser known side of the aviation world. Our day starts when banker's hours end. Thousands of flights move millions of pounds of work from city to city every night while the rest of the country is asleep. We're out there in the freezing rain getting de-iced when you're laying down for bed. We're sweeping the snow off our wings with a broom at three in the morning. That horrible thunderstorm you heard last night while you were sleeping, we were flying through it. The fog you woke up to in the early morning hours, we were landing in it. Hauling Checks is a comedy about the darker side of aviation. A cast of degenerate pilots, who work for a shady night time air cargo operation, take you on a flight through the unfriendly skies. The pilots abuse every Reg in the book in their quest to make deadlines for their high value cargo. As the company falls on hard times, management resorts to questionable measures to save the failing airline.

    But in the end, just when you think he's given up, he makes a transformation into something ineffably beautiful. A metaphor for growing up? A bit of inspiration for the unappreciated striver in all of us? Yes, yes, and more.

    Over the past year, though, one sensation has dominated the Web: LOLcats. Here’s how it works: First you find a picture of a cat online, and then you add a caption that reflects the cat’s point of view. Just remember that although cats can speak English, their spelling and grammar is not so hot. Once you’re done, you have a LOLcat (laugh out loud cat). Since its founding in January 2007, icanhascheezburger .com (named after the most famous LOLcat of all) has been the center of the LOLcat world. I Can Has Cheezburger? collects 200 LOLcats from the enormously popular site, some classic and some new, in glorious and glossy full color. The book also highlights legendary LOLcat forms recognizable to fans everywhere (including “Do Not Want,” “Monorail Cat,” and “Oh Noes!”), and offers a guide to the finer points of LOLspeak. Packed with witty and endearing images and published into a proven cat-egory, I Can Has Cheezburger? is sure to delight feline aficionados and Internet nerds alike.

    A might be for apple, but it's also for aisle and aeons. Why does the word "gnat" start with a G but the word "knot" doesn't start with an N? It doesn't always make sense, but don't let these rule-breaking silent letters defeat you!This whimsical, funky book from Raj Haldar (aka rapper Lushlife) turns the traditional idea of an alphabet book on its head, poking fun at the most mischievous words in the English language and demonstrating how to pronounce them. Fun and informative for word nerds of all ages!

    George and Martha. Frog and Toad. Cowboy and . . . Octopus? Yes, that's right. Meet Cowboy and Octopus--the next great pair to become a household name. Cowboy likes beans'n'bacon and bacon'n'beans. Octopus eats raw seafood. Octopus prefers knock-knock jokes, but Cowboy doesn't get them. How will these two ever be friends? Illustrated in funky, vintage-style cut-outs and told in several humorous mini-stories, the famous Stinky Cheese Man duo of Scieszka and Smith have created sweet--and of course hilarious--tales of an unlikely friendship.Watch a QuickTime trailer for this book.