Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    This includes his Greek parents, who bankroll his glorious isolation in London. This includes his career as a consultant, his clients, his boss, the majority of his colleagues and people he sees on the way to work. This includes the dumb model boyfriend of the American girl that he has decided to fall in love with. This includes her also. When Maine fails to obliterate himself through drug overdoses, the obsessive changing of his legal name and half-hearted thoughts of suicide, it falls to his central nervous system to pick up the challenge of trying to kill him off. Can Maine survive with his lack of values intact?

    Featuring a foreword from Kyle M. Scott, Sinister Scribblings brings together a unique blend of stories, some of which have been previously published, others that are original pieces and only available within this collection. In this collection we meet a whole host of broken, deranged characters in a sequence of horrific circumstances, including a mother who is determined to seek vengeance upon the school thugs that are bullying her only daughter; a woman who’s lifestyle has spiralled out of control after finding her boyfriend in a more than compromising position; a man who once spent his life in the public eye, has fallen from the heights of stardom and is slowly rebuilding himself; a teenage boy, a daydreamer who enjoys chocolate eggs for breakfast, who finds himself unravelling a unique Easter gift; a cave dwelling creature who has a taste for young flesh; a mischievous young boy who finds himself upon the naughty list at Christmas; a man, who after recently losing his job, makes a compelling agreement with a strange figure in a bar; two twin sisters who battle it out in brutal style after a major misunderstanding; a group of friends on their friends stag night, who get more than they bargained for upon entering an abandoned hospital for a prank; a man who awakens in a terrifying situation, in a strange location following a party with his friends; a woman abandoned in her friend’s cabin at a picturesque lake during a thunder storm; a man who crashes his car whilst driving home and spotting the figure of woman in amongst the trees beside the road; a serial killer enduring complications whilst receiving the lethal injection. Featuring bonus stories from Stuart Keane, Andrew Lennon, Michelle Garza & Melissa Lason, C.M. Saunders, Daryl Duncan, Mark Nye and Dale Robertson. Sit back, relax and immerse yourself in these Sinister Scribblings.

    One of the employees in the company his family just bought happens to be his one-night stand, Sinclair Mahoney. With their passion-filled encounter still fresh in his memory, Hunter wants to rekindle their connection. But Sinclair's sudden wariness of tangling with her new boss sets the CEO on a different course of action. First he'll show Sinclair how desirable she is in the boardroom...then he'll prove it in the bedroom.

    Here is the first book in the ‘Strapped’ Series by Lucia Jordan, written in her signature style of high passion and emotion. Life imitates art unlike anything Madeline has experienced before. Madeline Longo is well known in the world of romantic literature as editor of SwanSong Books – the publishers of best selling romance, whose steamy works are popular with readers. Unfortunately what she is not so talented in is transferring that success to her love life, which is practically nonexistent due to the demands of her career. But when she meets Will Bennet—a sensuous romance writer who is not afraid to act on his powerfully seductive imagination—she finds herself for the first time living out her deepest fantasies. He intrigues and excites her, and not before long she finds herself swept up in his world of dark fantasy that’s addictively mind-blowing. But can Will and Madeline’s careers withstand the force of their attraction? With Will on her mind, Madeline is loosing track of work and her competitive streak is fading. And when she gives Will an ultimatum, will she end up losing him to SwanSong’s biggest rival? Only mature readers should download this book.

    He has a public meltdown while chaperoning Oasis at an awards ceremony; he’s lost joy in his bathroom full of rock’n’roll memorabilia; and his young son is in trouble at school for emulating rock star behaviour.Reluctantly Michael consults Mrs Henckel, a no-nonsense therapist with zero experience of pop culture. As Michael addresses his feelings about the past, in particular his failed teenage band, Mental Elf, he’s forced to confront the question: is it finally time to grow up and forget rock’n’roll?Michael Odell is a former contributing editor to Q magazine and has written about music for NME, the Guardian, the Independent and Spin, among others. Currently he does interviews and writes on family matters for The Times. He lives in Bristol."Please don't put your life in the hands of a rock 'n' roll band, who'll throw it all away." So advised Noel Gallagher in 1995 and Michael Odell ignored him anyway.One of Britain's most fearless rock interrogators, Odell turns his merciless searchlight on himself in this wry, compelling odyssey into the heart of his own - and rock n roll's - madness. Larks with the legends are all here (Bowie, McCartney, Mick `n' Keef ... Michael Buble) but it's his inner life which illuminates, his psyche traumatically crumbling as he confronts his chaotic past. Hilarious, tragic and timely, this is high farce in high (and low) places, uncovering why rock's lost highway is littered with the bodies of the righteous dreamers. Could it be because "the music people are all mad?" (Clue: yes.)' -- Sylvia Patterson, author of I'm Not with the Band `Hilarious and disarmingly honest; a journey into the neurosis of rock fame, but through doors you don't expect.' -- Rachel Joyce, author of The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry `Rock Bottom is one of the best music books ever written, because Michael Odell knows music isn't about the musicians - it's about what it does to the listener, even if what it does ends up being wholly disastrous. It's sad, funny, fascinating and wise. And everyone who ever claimed a record changed their life should read it, and then think again.' -- Michael Hann, former Guardian music editor

    . .Back in the day Jeremy was far more likely to be found gunning around the world in a haze of burnt rubber and petrol fumes. But life as a globe-trotting petrol-head also meant he was forced endure more than his fair share of foolishness, frustration and downright bafflement. And, while Jeremy may not a patient man, you have to ask why anyone should have to consider issues as diverse and perplexing as:-The downsides of relaxing in a bath of crude oil-Why fishing is for people who hate their kids-Whether there are noise-cancelling headphones with the power to silence James May-Why saving the planet means soggy paper straws and no more children-What to do about the rambler who stole his marrowBut as puzzling and exasperating as life on the road often seemed to be, you could always count on Jeremy to set the world to rights with a rare wit and unique understanding. And at full throttle. Just don't expect it to all go smoothly . . .Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

    

    

    Civil War pits countrymen against one another and tears a nation asunder. Life and death are held in the balance where everyone is a slave to something. In a time when war brings the South to its knees, two women will forge a friendship in the fires of redemption and thrust Ironwood into a new future – where the battle for freedom has merely begun. Book Two: Heir of HopeA hidden diary. Dreams of the past. And a hope for a new future. Emily Burns grew up an orphan, so she never expected to inherit a southern plantation. When she discovers an old diary hidden in the attic, her life becomes strangely entwined with her Civil War ancestor and she soon begins to wonder how a woman long dead can keep showing up in her dreams.Book Three: Missing MercyThe venture ahead could leave their friendship behind.Made a safe-haven after the Civil War, Ironwood Plantation is a refuge of equality for former slaves. But twenty years and a new generation later, they have become an isolated community with little contact with the rest of the world.In a time where prejudices try to define them, Mercy Carpenter and Faith Harper must push the boundaries of their beliefs and trust in the God who holds the keys to freedom.

    Not only did she need summer break the way all teachers do, but she also needed to get away from life for a while—and leave the humiliation of her fiancé dumping her a month before the wedding behind. What better way to relax than a month-long stay in Hawaii? Things get off to a rough start when Megan makes a fool of herself at the baggage carousel, but lucky for her, handsome Drake Hanover is there to sweep her off her feet—or rather, get her back on them. And, as fate would have it, they are staying at the same resort, one which Drake intends to buy. While adventure was part of the plan, the two of them, and a few friends, find themselves caught up in the adventure of a lifetime—one that involves shadowy figures, plenty of deception, and a lot of hidden treasure. And what better way to fall in love than over a little bit of danger in paradise? Billionaire Vacation is a steamy alpha billionaire romance. No cliffhanger and has a HEA. Includes 3 free bonus full-length novels for a limited time.

    FILTHY One taste was all it took. She's mine. Whether she likes it or not... This is Finn O'Grady's story. FILTHY RICH The bruises on my bride's face stir the monster in me. Someone's touched my property. I'm Irish Mob. We kill to protect our women. We reap nightmares on those who harm them. And I’m the biggest nightmare of them all. This is Eoghan O'Donnelly's story. FILTHY DARK Loving someone means making them hate you to keep them safe, to get them away from the toxicity that is your world. I destroyed us before we even had a chance to begin… Can a near death experience bring both my kid and the woman who owns my heart back to me? This is Declan O'Donnelly's story. Contains never-before-seen bonus chats!!

     Homicide Detective Michael Dobson has seen many things in his long years on the force, but nothing can prepare him for a series of murders linked through the same mysterious chain letter mailed to the victims before their untimely demise. The answers lie in the victims’ pasts, leading Dobson and his rookie partner on a serpentine quest through the dark recesses of vengeance and betrayal. Can he stop the killer in time, or will a brutal fate await all who have made the killer’s list?

    Vignette #2 brings back a very minor character - Simon Gardner, the owner of the local Antique Shoppe. The third vignette takes us to Sweet Beans and an interaction between Sal and Camille. There is always something happening at the coffee shop. Vignette #4 is a little deeper insight into some of the agony that Heath Harvey has faced at the loss of his parents. His life changed drastically and the boy never was given time to deal with it. The final vignette - #5 is a look at our favorite waitress from Joe's Diner. Lucy is a steady, solid presence in the lives of so many people in Bellingwood, but what is her story? This is an opportunity to find out.The Bellingwood books are written from Polly's perspective and every once in a while it's fun to look at what's happening behind the scenes from the viewpoint of other characters. These vignettes were originally published on the nammynools.com website and in the monthly email newsletter to Bellingwood readers.

     Includes one brand new story. Transport yourself to a world of sweet love and romance. Where heroes are strong and brave and the women are determined and resilient. There are 31 romances all with a happy ever after. All these wonderful books will keep you reading for a long time to come. All the authors are bestsellers and include 4 kindle All Star authors. Enjoy these sweet romances which include Historical, Western, Mail Order Bride, Regency Romance, Scottish Historical Romance, and Amish Romance there is something here for every reader. All the books are clean and suitable for all ages. Included in this amazing value set are: No Going Back A Baby to Heal His Heart For the Love of the Baby A Father's Blessing A Surprise Proposal Blackmailed by the Rancher For Love or for duty The Baby and the Beast Saving the Twins A Dream Come True The Secret Valentine The Language of Flowers The Duke and the Valentine’s Day Heiress A Return to Faith Trust and Faith Home to Stay Where We Belong Amish Hideaway Closer to Her Heart A Reason to Stay With All Her Heart Highlanders Choice and the Runaway Bride Highlanders Revenge and the Secret Love Highlanders Heart and the Deadly Arrow The Clan Chief's Daughter and the Strangers Trust Trapped in Time Twins for a Lonely Bride The Baby on the Porch Captured by the Rancher A Better Man Only For Love Grab this set while you can and don't forget to tell your friends.