Because let’s face it! We hoomans are obviously stupid and trust me unicorns are never wrong. Did you know? The horn of the unicorn symbolizes ultimate truth and it has the power to pierce the chest of anyone who tries to lie. Damn!‘Uuuuuuuunicornnnnnnnnnnnnn,’ I yawned, waking up, after being thrown back to our crap-shit called Earth.‘So fellow hoomans, let’s begin.’About the book:This book is a sarcastic and humorous take on various themes like love, life, humanity, healing, and heartbreak - expressed through 51 beautiful chapters of relatable quotes, musings and poems. It basically deals with what we humans go through on a day-to-day basis. Moreover, every chapter is accompanied by a unique and perfectly orchestrated author's rant or opinion focused on one single person; You.

    

    The bloke can write. He rhapsodizes about heroin better than anyone since Jim Carroll. With the flick of his enviable pen, he can summarize childhood thus: ‘My very first utterance in life was not a single word, but a sentence. It was, ‘Don’t do that.’... Russell Brand has a compelling story." — New York Times Book ReviewThe gleeful and candid New York Times bestselling autobiography of addiction, recovery, and rise to fame from Russell Brand, star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and one of the biggest personalities in comedy today.Picking up where he left off in My Booky Wook, movie star and comedian Russell Brand details his rapid climb to fame and fortune in a shockingly candid, resolutely funny, and unbelievably electrifying tell-all: Booky Wook 2. Brand’s performances in Arthur, Get Him to the Greek, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall have earned him a place in fans’ hearts; now, with a drop of Chelsea Handler’s Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, a dash of Tommy Lee’s Dirt, and a spoonful of Nikki Sixx’s The Heroin Diaries, Brand goes all the way—exposing the mad genius behind the audacious comic we all know (or think we know) and love (or at least, lust).

    It is the story of a powerful, determined, honourable and brave Darcy, ready to put his life in danger for the woman he loves, and a strong, witty, kind-hearted Elizabeth, ready to admit her errors and to receive and return his ardent love. What if, instead of meeting for the first time after the failed proposal at Pemberley, their first encounter instead takes place while they are both travelling toward the North.The story begins in July, at the beginning of the Gardiners’ and Elizabeth’s journey towards the Lakes. A storm thwarts their plans and a broken wheel on their carriage forces them to make an impromptu stop at an inn, which is already overcrowded and has no rooms left to accommodate them. With no place to stay, no carriage to continue their travel and even in danger of falling ill, their plans seem entirely ruined. Unless…Still grieving over his failed marriage proposal, Darcy is on his way home to Pemberley. As usual, he stops for the night at his favourite inn, together with his valet and two coachmen. An unexpected storm causes the inn to be overcrowded and, faced with so many people without shelter, he is trying his best to offer his support. To his utter astonishment, one of those in need is the woman of his dreams and nightmares, Elizabeth Bennet.Since they seem to share the same destination, the same regrets and sorrow and the same hopes, could they mend the past and build a happy future whilst travelling together? What if new villains and new dangers threaten their lives, forcing them to face the most difficult choices? Will Darcy be able to protect his love?Find out all the answers in this romantic and adventurous tale of our beloved couple.

    The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird spy plane flew more than three-and-a-half times the speed of sound--so fast that no other aircraft could catch it. Above 80,000 feet, its pilots had to wear full-pressure flight suits similar to what was used aboard the space shuttle.Developed by the renowned Lockheed Skunk Works, the SR-71 was an awesome aircraft in every respect. It was withdrawn from use in 1998, when it was superseded by satellite technology. Twelve of the thirty-two aircraft were destroyed in accidents, but none were ever lost to enemy action.Throughout its thirty-four-year career, the SR-71 was the world's fastest and highest-flying operational manned aircraft. It set world records for altitude and speed: an absolute altitude record of 85,069 feet and an absolute speed record of 2,193.2 miles per hour.The Complete Book of the SR-71 Blackbird covers every aspect of the SR-71's development, manufacture, modification, and active service from the insider's perspective of one of its pilots and is lavishly illustrated with more than 400 photos. Former pilot and author Richard Graham also examines each of the fifty planes that came out the SR-71 program (fifteen A-12s; three YF-12s; and thirty-two SR-71s) and tells each plane's history, its unique specifications, and where each currently resides.

    Following in the footsteps of its predecessor, Milk and Vine II expands the Vine-poetry canon to include over 100 more vines, as well as a foreword by Karl from Online, a Viner who amassed hundreds of millions of vine loops and created many viral vines like "F*ck me Jerry" and "I'm quitting vine because someone commented on my post saying that I look like a piece of broccoli so goodbye forever." Several classic vines grace these pages like oovoo javer, cam & colin, ninki minjaj, chicken strips, jessie and ari, x games, michael with a b, and more! Milk and Vine II is perfect for your coffee table, rainy days with friends, or as a gift for any teen. Grab a copy today, and RIP Vine. NOTE: Explicit language inside, as well as credit to all the viners!

    Written with the same probing, analytic control that has long distinguished her poetry, American Originality is Glück’s second book of essays—her first, Proofs and Theories, won the 1993 PEN/Martha Albrand Award for First Nonfiction. Glück’s moving and disabusing lyricism is on full display in this decisive new collection.From its opening pages, American Originality forces readers to consider contemporary poetry and its demigods in radical, unconsoling, and ultimately very productive ways. Determined to wrest ample, often contradictory meaning from our current literary discourse, Glück comprehends and destabilizes notions of “narcissism” and “genius” that are unique to the American literary climate. This includes erudite analyses of the poets who have interested her throughout her own career, such as Rilke, Pinsky, Chiasson, and Dobyns, and introductions to the first books of poets like Dana Levin, Peter Streckfus, Spencer Reece, and Richard Siken. Forceful, revealing, challenging, and instructive, American Originality is a seminal critical achievement.

    Speed and control: I was fascinated by both, as well as by the way they were inextricably bound together.” Eventually, when Posey’s son was born, he was convinced that building him a basement layout would be the highest expression of fatherhood. Sixteen years and thousands of hours later, this project, “the outgrowth of chance meetings, unexpected friendships, mistakes, illness, latent ambitions, and sheer luck” was completed. But for Posey, the creation of his HO-scale masterpiece based on the historic Colorado Midland, was just the beginning.In Playing with Trains, Sam Posey ventures well beyond the borders of his layout in northwestern Connecticut, to find out what makes the top modelers tick. He expects to find men “engaged in a genial hobby, happy to spend a few hours a week escaping the pressures of contemporary life.” Instead he uncovers a world of extremes–extreme commitment, extreme passion, and extreme differences of approach. For instance, Malcolm Furlow, holed up on his ranch in the wilderness of New Mexico, insists that model railroading is defined by scenery and artistic self-expression. On the other hand, Tony Koester, a New Jersey modeler, believes his “mission” is to replicate, with fanatical precision and authenticity, the way a real railroad operates. Going to extremes himself, Posey actually “test drives” a real steam engine in Strasburg, Pennsylvania, in an attempt to understand the great machines that inspired the models and connect us to a time when “the railroad was inventing America.” Timeless and original, Playing with Trains reveals a classic, questing American world.From the Hardcover edition.

    He is, arguably, America’s most distinguished writer of prose poems. Here are contorted Darwinian narratives of apes and monkeys exhibiting absurdly human behavior, along with his usual menagerie of elephants, horses, chickens, roosters, dogs, mermaids and mice. Along with his trademark humor, The Rooster’s Wife finds Edson contemplating age, mortality and immortality as well.Of Memory and DistanceIt’s a scientific fact that anyone entering the distance will grow smaller as he proceeds. Eventually becoming so small he might only be found with a microscope, if indeed he is found at all. But there is a vanishing point, where anyone having entered the distance must disappear entirely without hope of his ever returning, leaving only the memory of his ever having been. But then there is fiction, so that one can never really be sure if one is remembering someone who vanished into the distance, or simply who had been made of paper and ink . . .Russell Edson has been called a surrealist comic genius, a magician of metaphor and imagination. He is all of these, and a philosophical poet whose zany expeditions into the twisted labyrinths of logic resemble Lewis Carroll’s adventures through the wonderlands of paradox and illusion. Perhaps that is why even people who do not read significant amounts of contemporary poetry can immediately appreciate the playful accessibility of Russell Edson’s writing. What he pulls out of the hat of the subconscious is always unpredictable, immediate and surprising.Russell Edson’s books include The Very Thing That Happens (1964); The Childhood of an Equestrian (1973); The Tunnel: Selected Poems (1994); and The House of Sara Loo (Rain Taxi Chapbook Series, 2002). He lives in Darien, Connecticut.

    From an important new American writer comes this powerful collection of personal essays on fear, creativity, art, faith, academia, the Internet, and justice.In this poignant and inciting collection of literary essays, Megan Stielstra tells stories to ward off fears both personal and universal as she grapples toward a better way to live. In her titular piece “The Wrong Way To Save Your Life,” she answers the question of what has value in our lives—a question no longer rhetorical when the apartment above her family’s goes up in flames. “Here is My Heart” sheds light on Megan’s close relationship with her father, whose continued insistence on climbing mountains despite a series of heart attacks leads the author to dissect deer hearts in a poetic attempt to interrogate her own feelings about mortality. Whether she's imagining the implications of open-carry laws on college campuses, recounting the story of going underwater on the mortgage of her first home, or revealing the unexpected pains and joys of marriage and motherhood, Stielstra's work informs, impels, enlightens, and embraces us all. The result is something beautiful—this story, her courage, and, potentially, our own.Intellectually fierce and viscerally intimate, Megan Stielstra's voice is witty, wise, warm, and above all, achingly human.“Stielstra is a masterful essayist.”—Roxane Gay, author of Bad Feminist and Hunger

    For this new edition Pam has written a general introduction, as well as individual introductions to the poems, many of which are now illustrated with specially commissioned line drawings by Susan Hellard. This is the first time The Works has been available in hardback and is certain to delight Pam's fans of all ages. Pam is one of Britain's best-loved personalities and has been a regular on television and radio for more than 30 years—most recently on Just a Minute, The Comedy Quiz, Countdown, and her own series, Ayres on the Air.

    There's just one problem: he doesn't quite have the looks to match his talent, and his publisher wants a photo to put on the book jacket. He asks his handsome (but dim) college classmate, Mike Smith, to take his place.Consequently it is Smith rather than Collins who receives the offer to be writer-in-residence at an asylum where therapy is centered on the soothing powers of literature. It's not long before the boundaries between inmate and observer are blurred in this literary cuckoo's nest and this comedy of errors verges on tragedy.

    Life's losers, an astonishing number of whom seem to be writers, can bring their manuscripts to the library, where they will be welcomed, registered and shelved. They will not be read, but they will be cherished. In comes Vida, with her manuscript. Her book is about her gorgeous body, in which she feels uncomfortable. The librarian makes her feel comfortable, and together they live in the back of the library until the trip to Tijuana changes them in ways neither of them had ever expected.

    Flip-flops are optional. All of your favorite hilarious Fun Stories gathered together in one place! Plus, extended versions of many of your laugh out loud favorites. PRAISE FOR FUN STORIES: “The offbeat & heartwarming humor kept me turning pages due to its rollicking adventures in every chapter. Your friends, loved ones, and co-workers will enjoy it too." "It's very funny and on point observational humor” “Has me laughing from beginning to end” "Similar to Dave Barry, Eric Idle, and Stephen Colbert's humor" “This guy's funny and charmingly off the wall” "Always thought coffee could get me through the midweek blues, but this blows it out of the water" "I love Fun Stories. Fantastic!" "Awesome stuff, really enjoyed the horse names. Great read." "Excellent and hilarious material here" INCLUDES ALL OF THESE AND MANY MORE: "Chick-fil-A Makes Me Feel Like Leonardo DiCaprio" "The Least Amount of Fame Possible (Old MacDonald)" "Cub Scout Dropout" "Not the Next Carrie Underwood" "Bigfoot Popcorn" "Gatorade For Your Soul" "Shamelessly Suggestive City Names" "I'm the Freakin' Michael Phelps of Googling" "Alright, Alright, Alright!" "Mind Game of Thrones" "Happy Friday (Mr. Pee Man)" "Clown Commuter Award" "How NASA Thins The Herd" "Crunchy Roads, Take Me Home" "Good Folks, Bad Coaching" "Ultimate Waitress Revenge" "Battle of the Bands" You'll be smiling for hours as the pages turn themselves. Three Fun Stories books have hit #1 on Amazon Humor. Five audio tracks from this book have hit the top 10 on the iTunes comedy chart. Click to download the book and start the fun! Need more info? If you enjoy the humor of these folks, you'll love reading Fun Stories Greatest Hits: Dave Barry, Dilbert, David Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, Carl Hiaasen, Christopher Moore, Jim Gaffigan, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jerry Seinfeld, Eric Idle, Erma Bombeck, Sebastian Maniscalco, Mindy Kaling, Jen Lancaster, Amy Lyle, The Far Side, Kevin Allison, Rainn Wilson, B.J. Novak, Sloane Crosley, Jimmy Fallon, Steve Martin, Judd Apatow, Adam Mansbach, Justin Halpern, Reader’s Digest, Dad Jokes, Garfield, Saturday Night Live, Friends, and The Office. Download Fun Stories Greatest Hits to start your next comedy adventure! Enjoy Fun Stories video posts at www.facebook.com/FunStoriesSeries. Get a free Fun Pack at www.mentalkickball.com. HUMOR, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT, PARENTING & FAMILIES, PARODIES, SATIRE, ESSAYS, SHORT STORIES, CELEBRITY & POPULAR CULTURE, COMEDY, CULTURAL, ETHNIC & REGIONAL, CARTOONS, JOKES & RIDDLES, MEN, WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVEL, POP CULTURE, RADIO, TELEVISION, PERFORMING ARTS, FUNNY BOOKS, HUMOR ESSAYS, FUNNY SHORT STORIES, FUNNY MEMOIR, HUMOR MEMOIR, FUNNY BOOK CLUB BOOKS, FUNNY ESSAYS, HUMOR BOOKS, HUMOROUS BOOKS, GIFTS FOR DAD, FUNNY GIFTS, LAUGH, LAUGH OUT LOUD, FUN, FUN, FUN, MORE COWBELL COWBELL

    In his screenplays and short stories, Ethan Coen surprises and delights us with a rich brew of ideas, observations, and perceptions. In his first collection of poems he does much the same. The range of his poems is remarkable–funny, ribald, provocative, sometimes raw, and often touching and profound.In these poems Coen writes of his childhood, his hopes and dreams, his disappointments, his career in Hollywood, his physically demanding love affair with Mamie Eisenhower, and his decade-long battle with amphetamines that produced some of the lengthier poems in the collection. You will chuckle, nodding with recognition as you turn the pages, perhaps even stopping occasionally to read a poem. Handsomely and durably bound between hard covers, this is a book that will stand up to most readers’ attempts to destroy it.