A student of golf lore, Bobby Joe is well aware that only a small group of stars have ever won a major at his age or older, and among them are such immortals as Nicklaus, Boros, Irwin, and Trevino. It’s now or never for Bobby Joe, and excuse him for thinking that his chances are slim and none.So it’s off to the Masters, U.S. Open, British Open, and the rest of the PGA Tour for Bobby Joe, who’s leaving behind the prospect of a third ex-wife. On the golf courses he’ll face familiar competitors such as Knut Thorssun and Cheetah Farmer, but the rival who may loom the largest is the game’s newest child star, nineteen-year-old Scott Pritchard. His talents are the talk of the Tour—so is his arrogance—and so, by the way, is his stunning mom, Gwendolyn, a shapely adorable woman who captures Bobby Joe’s full attention and threatens not to let go. Long revered by his peers as one of the world’s best sportswriters, and beloved by readers for such classics as Semi-Tough and Dead Solid Perfect, Dan Jenkins is at the top of his form in Slim and None. It’s packed with authentic insider gems about each of the majors and hilarious sketches of many of the characters—touring pros, officials, media, agents, caddies, and ladies—who inhabit this outrageous and endearing world of sports.

    . . when you were little, you learned that everyone poops. But did you ever discover how much? Well, sit down on that cold porcelain throne and get ready to laugh your butt off at the most amazing, hilarious, need-to-go facts on the one thing everyone does--but nobody talks about. Filled to the rim with piles of fascinating dirty fun, this illustrated kids' book for grown-ups answers all the questions you never thought to ask: •How do astronauts poop in space? •Where does poop go after you flush? •Why can I see the corn but not the chicken? •Can I light my poop on fire? •Who invented the first flushing toilet? •What's the poop on Michael Jackson, Elvis and John Wayne?

    From his years as a prankster at boarding school to his envious position as a chocolate tester for Cadbury's, Roald Dahl's boyhood was as full of excitement and the unexpected as are his world-famous, best-selling books. Packed with anecdotes—some funny, some painful, all interesting—this is a book that's sure to please.

    And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    Now Adrian's been volunteered to run it. From the confusion of arrival when Anne is allocated to the top bunk with a schizophrenic recovery group, and Adrian is in a low-ceilinged 'pod' at the top of the tower, to the hugs and tears of departure, this is typical Plass, humorous and heartwarming in equal measure.

     New York Times–bestselling author Phil Pepe takes readers along on Yogi Berra’s journey from St. Louis to New York’s Yankee Stadium, including all the stops along the way—from his days as a tack-puller in a women’s shoe factory, to a pre-game tribute in St. Louis, when he coined the phrase, “I want to thank all those that made this night necessary,” to his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Pepe explores Yogi Berra as a boy, player, hero, coach, manager, husband, father, and jokester, including all of the “Yogi-isms,” in an absorbing treatment that is simultaneously comical, thoughtful, and biographical.   Famous Yogi-isms:   - About a popular restaurant: “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.” - On Little League Baseball: “I think it’s wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.” - On why the Yankees lost the 1960 World Series: “We made too many wrong mistakes.”

    Join the O'Reilly family once again as they meet around the Jack O'Lantern on Halloween night and share ghost stories that will make you shiver and have you looking over your shoulder to see if there is "a little something extra" wandering through your home tonight.

    Yeah, right--there is no sense in both us dying"), discipline ("If you've got to get whupped, your father is the man. Mothers don't stop until you're bleeding to death"), money ("Before computers, checks were great...local ones took fourteen days to clear"), men and women ("If there were no women in the world, men would be naked, driving trucks, living in dirt"), underwear ("Women, do not buy your men bikini underpants"), love ("If you can get a car with no money down, you can get a boyfriend or girlfriend"), marriage ("There is no compromise, you either go to the basketball game or you go to a movie you hate"), divorce ("there are no Betty Ford clinics for strung-out lovers. You have to go cold turkey"), dieting ("I would be hanging out at McDonald's, tapping on the window: 'Don't throw out those fries!'"), parenting ("When they caught Jeffrey Dahmer, his mom was protective: 'He always had a healthy appetite...'"), technology, and much more.

    awkward! There are verses we'd like to forget or that have been changed throughout the centuries. There are many verses you've never heard before in church, let alone seen in your average children's Bible! Not to mention the verses that have been added over the centuries!Most people were raised in the faith chosen by their family. Young children learn a few Bible stories taken out of context and accept them without question. (On what basis could they possibly question their parents or church leaders?) After decades of repetition and tradition, it's understandable that we might put our beliefs on auto-pilot and just nod as a pastor repeats the verses and ideas that are already familiar and comfortable to us. It's no wonder that recent studies show an incredible lack of Biblical knowledge among Christians - 55% unable to even name the four Gospels of the New Testament - the very foundation of Christianity!The Goal? Awkward Moments encourages readers to really understand what is in their Bibles and think for themselves about the context of Biblical teaching. The 32 color illustrations and included commentaries will likely challenge some readers to reflect on how religion continues to shape the lives and culture of future generations. If readers happen to laugh out loud in the mean time - it's just an added bonus!Skeptical about a verse? Crack open your favorite Bible and read along to share the Good News with friends!REMEMBER: Don't blame us, it's in the Bible!

    Only the Few and the Proud know what fun Hell can be.Here it is, folks: "How the cow ate the cabbage" in the CLASSIFIED words of the President hisself [sic]. TOP SECRET stuff. EYES ONLY. If you want to know the real story (and you know you do)-Nam-A-Rama is Catch 22 meets "Apocalypse Now." It's the wildest, wackiest, saddest and truest war story ever told, because it's all made-up, which means it's all real-from the oatmeal dropped on the VC (the Marines won't eat it) to the naked movie star parachuting into Hanoi; from the jarhead who calls in air strikes from a Bangkok brothel to the "Sky-Kyke" who fills out the Marine Corps' diversity quota; from the businessmen demanding a long inventory-reducing war to the Pentagon brass hoping for a glorious medal-worthy one; from the locals who'll do anything for a Yankee dollar to the grunts nobody ever asked and never will. It starts and ends, like all the best adventures, in the air. Almost-Captain Gearheardt and his buddy, Almost-Captain Armstrong, are ferrying bodies (live in, dead out) for the CIA's Air America, but they have never forgotten their TOP SECRET orders, given when Gearheardt was delivering pizzas to the Oval Office for the CIA: Chopper into Hanoi and buy Uncle Ho a beer. Then either shoot his ass or shake his hand (the instructions get vague at this point). And so they do, Semper Fi, pausing only to get an aircraft carrier black-flagged for bubonic plague, have an affair with Mickey Mouse, cleverly decode the message sewn into a lusty spy's black panties, commandeer a Russian truck complete with a midget Chinese 'Uncle Sam,' avenge themselves on a Cuban torturer, and dutifully experience all the Honor and Glory of the next-to-the-next-to-last war that never (God forbid) made the Nightly News.And they do it all for laughs. Because if they were to stop laughing, where would the heartache end?Phillip Jennings' unpredictable novel of Vietnam is an American classic in the making, a not-so-longing look at the absurdity of a war in which the damned and the innocent share the same hootch, the same Commander-in-Chief, and sometimes even the same body-bag. You won't stop laughing, or thinking.

    101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

    In a delightful mix of charm, cheek, and satire, Sykes returns to the glittering world of her New York Times bestselling debut Bergdorf Blondes to introduce the Debutante Divorces--high society's newly unwed heiresses.

    Among the women she profiles are Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, architect and urban planner Denise Scott Brown, and Mileva Maric Einstein, the scientist whose marriage to Einstein ended in tragedy.

    His tweets are re-tweeted a hundred times and thousands follow his blog.Then there’s Paul, who stumbles on an old crush while Facebooking. Through research of her online habits, he arranges a “chance” meeting so they can fall in Like with each other.Martin is a cancer survivor with renewed purpose in life thanks to a supportive social media family.It’s a tapestry of people and events woven together with this era’s most abundant thread: social media.“With one Like I can say hi to a friend, support them during a crisis, share in a joke, make someone happy, or reinforce a person’s self esteem. I make myself part of their world. It’s like I stopped by for coffee. But, by Liking, I can also avoid talking to all the people I don’t want to waste time on. Or I can check to see what my ex girlfriend is doing seven or eight times an hour. It’s a double-edged mouse click.”- Anonymous

    It reveals - among other things - how 'President' Bush stole an election aided only by his brother, cousin and dad's cronies, electoral fraud and tame judges; how the rich stay rich while forcing the rest of us to live in economic fear; and how politicians have whored themselves to big business. Whether he's calling for United Nations action to overthrow the Bush Family Junta, calling on African-Americans to place whites-only signs over the entrances of unfriendly businesses, or praying that Jesse Helms will get kissed by a man, Stupid White Men is Michael Moore's Manifesto on Malfeasance and Mediocrity. A hilarious must-read for anyone who wants to know what the con is and how 'they' get away with it, Stupid White Men is only available uncensored because public pressure forced the original publishers to publish a book they felt was too hot to handle. Now it's time to find out why. 'A really great, hilarious, rollicking, fantastic read'  Newsnight Review 'Caustic, breakneck, tell-it-like-it-is ... He's a genuine populist; a twenty-first-century pamphleteer'  Observer 'Furious and funny. A great book'  Time Out 'Hysterically funny. The angrier Moore gets, the funnier he gets. Sensational'  San Francisco Chronicle Author of international bestsellers Stupid White Men and Dude, Where's My Country, Michael Moore's 2002 film Bowling for Columbine won the Anniversary Prize at the Cannes Film Festival and the 2002 Academy Award for Best Documentary. His 2004 film Fahrenheit 9-11 won the 2004 Palme d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival, and is the highest-grossing documentary of all time. Released in 2007, Moore's documentary Sicko, focused on the American healthcare system, was nominated for an Oscar.