Gertie’s mission in life is to improve Rosedale's citizenry through a steady stream of belittling, correction, and harassment. The only person unfazed by her campaign is the town’s deputy sheriff, Seth Randall, who has his own mission. Seth also serves as associate pastor of a local church, and he will not rest until he saves Gertie’s soul.But redemption is a word easier said than done. Add Gertie's childhood friend turned convict, an extremely valuable rookie baseball card, and a plate of cookies delivered with threatening messages, and you’ve got yourself a hornet’s nest of trouble.When the people of Rosedale come together to save Gertie Thump, the one person they would rather not, Gertie's not the only one who discovers that every good person has a little darkness in them and every demon a little tenderness.

    To escape the loan sharks, Barry decides it’s time for one of them to die—or at least to pretend to. As the venue for this insurance fraud, they choose Lola’s home country, Guerrera, where death certificates come cheap and government record-keeping is sketchy at best. There is only one problem: la familia.After Barry’s “death,” Lola returns to the US, leaving her husband in the hands of her family as he begins to assume her brother’s identity. But the South-American hospitality of Lola’s relatives soon wears thin as they realize that their lives might be easier if Barry’s death weren’t just an act. Conning an insurance company is tricky enough, but no matter the country, no one is more dangerous than the in-laws.

    But what happens when the credit crunch bites, you’re desperate for another baby and your Asian neighbour is trying to match-make you with her infatuated son?

    A mysterious snowfall, one Santa too many, and eyes of coal that watch you wherever you go.Ten-year-old Kaity is busy trying to get rid of her mum's creepy new boyfriend and reunite her divorced parents, but her curiosity gets the better of her when she meets the new mall Santa and his enchanting daughter Blizzard. Can Kaity help them save Christmas from being destroyed by Anti-Claus - a pretend Santa who is a permanent member of the naughty list?It's Christmas in the village of Chelferry, but this year the snowmen can move, the fairy won't stay on top of the Christmas tree, and if you listen closely to the musical Christmas cards, you can hear the faint sound of screaming over the Jingle Bells...- - - - - - - - - -Creepy Christmas is a 50,000 word (approx 200 pages) novel suitable for ages 8 and upwards.

    Muslim terrorists are suspected, but no group has claimed responsibility. Hours after a barely legible name--scribbled on the back of a blood-stained business card--is discovered in the shirt pocket of the slain minister, the Director of Israeli Intelligence, Ariel Davidov, calls a trusted friend, Harry McClure. T The former American naval intelligence officer had, when stationed in Israel, worked closely with Davidov. Now, president of an international security consulting firm, he is asked to investigate a possible American connection to the brutal crime. McClure soon uncovers a Wall Street money laundering scheme linked to a clandestine brotherhood's plot to overthrow the Israeli government, reclaim the Temple Mount, and return Israel to its biblical roots. Davidov is alarmed by the magnitude of the conspiracy. Recognizing the radical brotherhood's plans could trigger a full-scale war between Israel and her Arab neighbors, aided by McClure, he races to organize a preemptive eleventh-hour strategy aimed at thwarting the imminent attack.

    In a world where the truth has become B-roll, exposing the true identity of his enigmatic adversary is the only thing Blackwell can do to prevent death and destruction of unprecedented proportions. But how do you unravel the identity of a man who does not exist? A frenetic pace, a hair-raising plot that hops around the globe, hard-hitting character beats, crisp prose, dexterous timing, the mother of all twists, and hands down one of the most interesting villains this side of Keyser Söze from The Usual Suspects make Terminal Rage a modern-day cult classic that defiantly redefines its genre.

    Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    CNN has described him as "having the world's most interesting job." Read about Lansky's experiences: fending off hippos with a canoe paddle on the Zambezi Rivertest driving Ferraris in Italysurviving the world's largest tomato fight in Spainswimming with dolphins off the coast of New Zealandblowgun hunting with the Jaguar Indians in the Amazonriding an ostrich in South Africalassoing reindeer above the Arctic Circlewrestling an alligator in Floridaplaying ice golf in Finland

    Both funny and insightful That'd Be Right is part memoir, part personal history of Australia over the last thirty years. It's a biographical trip told through sport, and families and William's own experiences. He writes: 'As with A Man's Got to Have a Hobby I weave in and around the events that have held such fascination for this country over the last thirty years or so, connecting them all with the progression of a life.' Some of these events would be considered momentous, some small and personal. And all are seen through William's eyes. They range from a day at the Melbourne Cup with his mother where too many champagnes and too few winners were picked; a swimming carnival early in the morning after a gloomy and long federal election the night before; watching truly surreal Grand Final moments in a pub with a group of odd and unknown bar companions. William also writes about a night at the cricket with his son, which shows how things can change and oddly come full circle.

    The Stench of Honolulu Are you a fan of books in which famous tourist destinations are repurposed as unlivable hellholes for no particular reason? Read on! Jack Handey's exotic tale is full of laugh-out-loud twists and unforgettable characters whose names escape me right now. A reliably unreliable narrator and his friend, who is some other guy, need to get out of town. They have a taste for adventure, so they pay a visit to a relic of bygone days-a travel agent-and discover an old treasure map. She might have been a witch, by the way. Our heroes soon embark on a quest for the Golden Monkey, which takes them into the mysterious and stinky foreign land of Honolulu. There, they meet untold dangers, confront strange natives, kill and eat Turtle People, kill some other things and people, eat another thing, and discover the ruins of ancient civilizations. As our narrator says, "The ruins were impressive. But like so many civilizations, they forgot the rule that might have saved them: Don't let vines grow all over you."

    The breast of the mail bore a ragged hole and the heavy links were sticky. It took a moment for Hedyn to realize it was soaked in drying blood.“A bascinet and hauberk?” he asked.“Aye, you shall need these before the night is done.” . . . Treachery, disease, hunger, and death plague their steps as King Henry’s men near their fateful battle with the French army at Agincourt. Eager to see the world that lies beyond his small Cornish village, 12 year ol Hedyn, son of an archer and serf, is thrilled to be chosen to join King Henry’s army as it advances on Normandy. His excitement quickly gives way to exhaustion in body and spirit, as well as worry for the safety of his newfound friends and comrades. Can a mysterious stranger with a secretive past offer Hedyn hope amidst the horrors of battle?

    It's a world of danger and excitement, and Mazik Kil'Raeus is . . . a door-to-door salesman. Though a skilled spellcaster, Mazik couldn't get a good job out of college, and now he's stuck in a dead-end one he hates. Along with his friends, Gavi Ven'Kalil (waiter at a local bar) and Raedren Ian'Moro (apprentice healer . . . it's not as glamorous as it sounds), Mazik is not happy with the way his life is going. Frustrated with boring work, selfish bosses, and wasting their lives for meager pay, the three friends decide to do something crazy—they're going to become monster-slaying adventurers. Not that it will be easy. With a consortium of powerful guilds determined to keep people like them out, they'll have to wow everyone to make it. That's when they set their eyes on a difficult quest: stopping a group of kidnappers who have been terrorizing their city for months. But when the kidnappers turn out to be acolytes of a power-hungry god, the quest transforms into an explosive battle that rampages across the city. The three friends are in over their heads, and nobody expects them to come out on top. That's an adventure they relish. After all, it's better to risk uncertainty and death now, than to accept mediocrity and die without ever having lived. WAGE SLAVE REBELLION combines the fantasy adventure of The Hobbit with the pulse-pounding combat of a Marvel action movie. It's medieval sword & sorcery meets urban high fantasy, in a tale about refusing to accept limits and living life to its fullest, no matter what anyone else has to say. WHO SHOULDN'T READ THIS BOOK: Anyone who doesn't like stories with drinking, cussing, fighting, or killing likely won't enjoy this book. The main characters are adults, and they live in a dangerous world; they act accordingly. Anyone who prefers their books serious or grimdark may be disappointed. This book has adult themes and situations, but above all else it's intended to be fun. If that doesn't sound like something you would enjoy, this book may not be for you. WHO SHOULD READ WITH BOOK: Anyone looking for an action-packed, fun-filled fantasy adventure. If you enjoy friendly banter, thrilling heroics, and tons of explosions, this book is for you. If you like stories with a certain lightness of tone which eschew angst in favor of punching problems in the face, this book is definitely for you. And if you've ever loathed your job or dreamed about going on adventures with your best friends, this book was written with you in mind. Want behind-the-scenes info, sneak peeks, and to be the first to learn about sequel announcements? Sign up for the author’s email list at www.stephenwgee.com. You’ll get a free prequel short story when you sign up. NOW AVAILABLE: The exciting sequel to WAGE SLAVE REBELLION and the second book in the FIRESIGN series. Join Mazik, Gavi, and Raedren as they continue their adventures in FREELANCE HEROICS.

    Twirty-Something: A Young Woman's Guide to Giant Underwear is a hilarious new Kindle Single from Award-Winning and Amazon Best-Selling author and humorist Ingrid Reinke.On the cold January day when Ingrid Reinke turned 30, she looked back upon the last decade of her life in deep thought before finally shaking her head and mumbling to herself the following insight: "Wow, what a shit show."So, she sat down, braless and alone, and penned a collection of laugh-out-loud essays about the ridiculous, shocking and occasionally horrifying things that happen to us as we ungracefully age from 20 to 30, try, semi-successfully, to leave our clueless years behind and become mature, responsible grown-up women.From weird hairs to boob sweat, OCD to weddings, Twirty-Something swings between a no-holds-barred conversation and a cautionary tale about aging and all the crap that comes along with it.Sometime instruction manual, sometime commiseration partner, get ready for Reinke's honest and occasionally potty-mouthed accounts of this tumultuous decade.So hike up your yoga pants, plop another ice cube in your Pinot Grigio and get ready to laugh at the author, young women in general, and most of all at yourself.

    and Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard on NCIS. Crime pays. And pays well.Sal, Max and Enzo Bruschetti have proved this over a lifetime of nefarious activity that they have kept hidden from law enforcement. Nowhere in any file, on any computer is there a record of anything illegal from which they have profited. But Max has a problem. His body is getting old and his doctor has told him to take it easy. Max has decided that the time has come for the family to retire.But when young actor Harry Murphy overhears the Bruschetti brothers planning changes to their organization, including the murder of a man in London who knows too much, the Bruschetti's plans begin to unravel.After Harry makes the well-intentioned if egregious mistake of trying to warn the Bruchetti's intended victim he finds himself alone in a foreign country, on the wrong side of the law, with a suitcase full of cash and a dangerous man on his trail. And while his good looks, charm and cheerful persistence may prove assets in the turbulent events that follow, none of Harry's past roles have prepared him for what happens next.A turns tense and funny, Once a Crooked Man is infused with the infectious charm that has made David McCallum one of television's longest running, most-beloved stars.

    The road to revenge is ahead. But the pit stop she makes along the way could reroute her life. Amanda Martin refuses to burn for the crimes of her manipulative ex-boyfriend. After all, he was the one who strong-armed her into committing fraud and left her to shoulder the blame. When an enraged investor sets fire to their office building, she scrambles onto the first bus out of the city. With the authorities hunting for her, she hides out to plot her revenge in the last place anyone would look—the tiny Texas town of Phoenix.But when Amanda uncovers a hidden talent for reporting at the local paper and starts a sweet romance with a charming cop, she starts to question whether she’d be better off building a new life than tearing her ex a new one. Just as she starts settling in, her work at the paper unearths a decades old cold case that threatens to turn the town against her and expose her criminal past. With time running out before the townsfolk discover her true identity, Amanda is faced with an impossible choice—turn her back on a fellow victim of crime or stand her ground and lose her precious freedom. Phoenix is the first book in an enthralling women’s fiction series. If you like compelling characters, nail-biting suspense, and a dash of romance, then you’ll love Kimberly Packard’s small-town mystery.