Because once you hand over your life to the dice, anything can happen. Entertaining, humorous, scary, shocking, subversive, The Dice Man is one of the cult bestsellers of our time.

    The enigmatic and powerful man known only as the Commodore has ordered it, and his henchmen, Eli and Charlie Sisters, will make sure of it. Though Eli doesn't share his brother's appetite for whiskey and killing, he's never known anything else. But their prey isn't an easy mark, and on the road from Oregon City to Warm's gold-mining claim outside Sacramento, Eli begins to question what he does for a living - and whom he does it for.With The Sisters Brothers, Patrick deWitt pays homage to the classic Western, transforming it into an unforgettable comic tour de force. Filled with a remarkable cast of characters - losers, cheaters, and ne'er-do-wells from all stripes of life - and told by a complex and compelling narrator, it is a violent, lustful odyssey through the underworld of the 1850s frontier that beautifully captures the humor, melancholy, and grit of the Old West, and two brothers bound by blood, violence, and love.

    Novelette.This is the story of the time that Granny Weatherwax didn't win the Witch Trials and was nice about it, too. It was horrifying."It's not right! She's got no right to go around being cheerful at people!"Originally published in the collection Legends Vol. 3.

    That’s right, he is a Beefeater (they really do live there). It’s no easy job living and working in the tourist attraction in present-day London. Among the eccentric characters who call the Tower’s maze of ancient buildings and spiral staircases home are the Tower’s Rack & Ruin barmaid, Ruby Dore, who just found out she’s pregnant; portly Valerie Jennings, who is falling for ticket inspector Arthur Catnip; the lifelong bachelor Reverend Septimus Drew, who secretly pens a series of principled erot­ica; and the philandering Ravenmaster, aiming to avenge the death of one of his insufferable ravens. When Balthazar is tasked with setting up an elaborate menagerie within the Tower walls to house the many exotic animals gifted to the Queen, life at the Tower gets all the more interest­ing. Penguins escape, giraffes are stolen, and the Komodo dragon sends innocent people running for their lives. Balthazar is in charge and things are not exactly running smoothly. Then Hebe decides to leave him and his beloved tortoise “runs” away. Filled with the humor and heart that calls to mind the delight­ful novels of Alexander McCall Smith, and the charm and beauty of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, The Tower, the Zoo, and the Tortoise is a magical, wholly origi­nal novel whose irresistible characters will stay with you long after you turn the stunning last page. Published in the UK in August 2010 as Balthazar Jones and the Tower of London Zoo.

    Terra has recently signed a treaty with the planet Petreac. But revolution threatens and the Terrans must save the Nenni cast or their mission will end in abject failure.

    Now readers can join Holmes and Watson on a romp through 19th-century London, in 29 new and remarkable early cases. These humorous short stories feature appearances by Mycroft Holmes, Inspector Lestrade, and other familiar characters, as well as cameos from several well-known Victorians. They also contain numerous historical liberties. Can Holmes and Watson solve the mystery of Mornington Crescent? Why are all the policemen whispering at Scotland Yard? Is the world prepared for the case of the Giant Rat of Sumatra? Read The Secret Notebook of Sherlock Holmes to find out...

    ever wanted to quit your job...?‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is the amazing true story of one man's quest to escape his monotonous nine-to-five existence and open a charming delicatessen and restaurant in a delightful market town.With honesty, humour and breathtaking naïveté, it records his steep learning curve, radical lifestyle change and the immediate revelation that the customer is not always right!Amidst tales of bulimia, public menstruation, endless abuse and hilarious customer encounters, this eye-opening story unveils what happens after you walk into the boss and say: “I quit!”‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is a shockingly comical tale of culinary highs, customer lows and one woman's unhealthy fixation with thigh-warmed Stilton…‘An absolute hoot!’ ~ Anonymous celebrity chef‘This hits the nail on the head so much I can't believe it! So much so, I can't possibly put my name to it!’~ UK chef‘I am delighted that Mark has written this book. Maybe now people will believe me when I tell them the stories!’ ~ Matt, co-ownerI'd Sooner Starve - the book the celebrity chefs were too afraid to endorse!

    Crossman is determined to whip his men into shape and not only survive, but win.

    Other great kings and paladins are lost in the dim shadows oflong-past centuries, but Arthur still reigns in Camelot and his knightsstill ride forth to seek the Grail. "No little thing shall be The gentle music of the bygone years, Long past to us with all their hopes and fears."So wrote the poet William Morris in _The Earthly Paradise_. And surelyit is no small debt of gratitude we owe the troubadours and chroniclersand poets who through many centuries have sung of Arthur and hischampions, each adding to the song the gifts of his own imagination, sobuilding from simple folk-tales one of the most magnificent and movingstories in all literature.This debt perhaps we owe in greatest measure to three men; to Chrétiende Troies, a Frenchman, who in the twelfth century put many of the oldArthurian legends into verse; to Sir Thomas Malory, who first wrote outmost of the stories in English prose, and whose book, the _MorteDarthur_, was printed by William Caxton, the first English printer, in1485; and to Alfred, Lord Tennyson, who in his series of poems entitledthe _Idylls of the King_ retold the legends in new and beautiful guisein the nineteenth century.The history of Arthur is so shrouded in the mists of early England thatit is difficult to tell exactly who and what he was. There probably wasan actual Arthur, who lived in the island of Britain in the sixthcentury, but probably he was not a king nor even a prince. It seems mostlikely that he was a chieftain who led his countrymen to victory againstthe invading English about the year 500. So proud were his countrymen ofhis victories that they began to invent imaginary stories of his prowessto add to the fame of their hero, just as among all peoples legends soonspring up about the name of a great leader. As each man told the featsof Arthur he contributed those details that appealed most to his ownfancy and each was apt to think of the hero as a man of his own time,dressing and speaking and living as his own kings and princes did, withthe result that when we come to the twelfth century we find Geoffrey ofMonmouth, in his _History of the Kings of Britain_, describing Arthurno longer as a half-barbarous Briton, wearing rude armor, his arms andlegs bare, but instead as a most Christian king, the flower of mediævalchivalry, decked out in all the gorgeous trappings of a knight of theCrusades.As the story of Arthur grew it attracted to itself popular legends ofall kinds. Its roots were in Britain and the chief threads in its fabricremained British-Celtic. The next most important threads were those thatwere added by the Celtic chroniclers of Ireland. Then stories that werenot Celtic at all were woven into the legend, some from Germanicsources, which the Saxons or the descendants of the Franks may havecontributed, and others that came from the Orient, which may have beenbrought back from the East by men returning from the Crusades. And if itwas the Celts who gave us the most of the material for the stories ofArthur it was the French poets who first wrote out the stories and gavethem enduring form.It was the Frenchman, Chrétien de Troies, who lived at the courts ofChampagne and of Flanders, who put the old legends into verse for thepleasure of the noble lords and ladies that were his patrons. Hecomposed six Arthurian poems. The first, which was written about 1160 orearlier, related the story of Tristram. The next was called _Érec etÉnide_, and told some of the adventures that were later used by Tennysonin his _Geraint and Enid_. The third was _Cligès_, a poem that haslittle to do with the stories of Arthur and his knights as we havethem. Next came the _Conte de la Charrette_, or _Le Chevalier de laCharrette_, which set forth the love of Lancelot and Guinevere. Thenfollowed _Yvain_, or _Le Chevalier au Lion_, and finally came_Perceval_, or _Le Conte du Graal_, which gives the first account of theHoly Grail.

    This book published in 1879 mulls what how authentic a romance can be that is mediated over the wire by two telegraph operators.An excerpt from the book:But a very significant noise to Miss Nathalie Rogers, or Nattie, as she was usually abbreviated; a noise that caused her to lay aside her book,and jump up hastily, exclaiming, with a gesture of impatience:--"Somebody always 'calls' me in the middle of every entertaining chapter!"For that noise, that little clatter, like, and yet too irregular to be the ticking of a clock, expressed to Nattie these four mystic letters:--"B m--X n;"which same four mystic letters, interpreted, meant that the name, or, to use the technical word, "call," of the telegraph office over which she was present sole presiding genius, was "B m," and that "Bm" was wanted by another office on the wire, designated as "X n."A little, out-of-the-way, country office, some fifty miles down the line, was "X n," and, as Nattie signaled in reply to the "call" her readiness to receive any communications therefrom, she was conscious of holding in some slight contempt the possible abilities of the human portion of its machinery.For who but an operator very green in the profession would stay _there_?Consequently, she was quite unprepared for the velocity with which the telegraph alphabet of sounds in dots and dashes rattled over the instrument, appropriately termed a "sounder," upon which messages are received, and found herself wholly unable to write down the words asfast as they came.

    Flora Poste, a recently orphaned socialite, moves in with her country relatives, the gloomy Starkadders of Cold Comfort Farm, and becomes enmeshed in a web of violent emotions, despair, and scheming, until Flora manages to set things right.

    The novel, set in Greece, tells the story of the love between Achilles and Patroclus.The Song of Achilles won the Orange Prize for Fiction, making Miller the fourth debut novelist to win the prize.

    When it is announced that the Inspector General is coming to visit incognito, Anton, the chief of police, hastens to clean up the town before his arrival. Local officials scurry to hide evidence of bribe-taking and other misdeeds, setting the stage for the arrival from St. Petersburg of Ivan, a penurious gambler and rake who is promptly taken by the townspeople to be the dreaded Inspector General. Ivan, and his servant, Osip, soon take advantage of the situation with hilarious results. First performed in 1836, the play transcends regional and national boundaries to offer a biting, highly entertaining glimpse of universal human foibles and failings.

    Symptoms include:*Acute embarrassment at the mere notion of making a fuss;*Extreme awkwardness when faced with any social greeting beyond a brisk handshake;*An unhealthy preoccupation with meteorology.Doctors have also reported several cases of unnecessary apologising, an obsessive interest in correct queuing etiquette and dramatic sighing in the presence of loud teenagers on public transport. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS. VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS are highly contagious. There is no known cure.Rob Temple's hilarious new book reveals all the ways in which we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning oddballs, struggling to make it through every day without apologising to an inanimate object. Take comfort in misfortunes of others. You are not alone.