When a flying saucer crashes into his fishing hole, Jimmy tries to use the stranded survivors to jump-start his TV career. This first contact isn't accidental though. The Galactic Pool's saddest excuse for a politician has committed sabotage while plotting to rule Earth. And he's about to find out what happens when you mess with Earthlings.*81,000 words with a courteous 0.0149% F-word rate*There are sex scenes, but they are strictly telepathic. (sorry)

    He's confronted the HOA. He's even taken on Santa himself. He doesn't usually win. These are the tales of the Dumb White Husband and they are all available here in this collected edition.This handsome volume includes:Dumb White Husband vs. the Grocery Store - John would rather sit and watch the game, but his wife needs some things at the store. Can he complete the list and get back in time to see the end of the game?Dumb White Husband vs. Halloween - Every Halloween, Chris has the scariest house on the block and gives out the best candy. But, this year, someone is showing him up and he'll stop at nothing to find out who.Dumb White Husband vs. Santa - Erik has planned the perfect Christmas for his family. The plan is foolproof, bulletproof and flame retardant. Nothing can undo the hours of planning and preparation. Nothing except maybe odd-shaped packages, ill-timed fruitcakes or an errant neighborhood Santa Claus.Dumb White Husband vs. the Tooth Fairy - Erik always has a plan and he's sure he would have figured out the whole Tooth Fairy thing eventually. But, when his three-year-old son takes a frisbee to the mouth, he's forced to speed things up. Between neighborhood kids with big mouths and unhelpful dentists he's going to need to improvise. Will he bend to the pressure of inflation? Will he get caught in the act? And, what do you do with those teeth anyway?Dumb White Husband for President (A novella) - There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand for the things he believes in. John doesn't believe in bagging his grass. So, when a new allergy-prone neighbor gets the HOA to require it, there's only one thing he can do - run for President of The Creeks of Sage Valley Phase II.John, Chris and Erik put aside most of their differences to run a campaign that they hope will see John elected as President and end the meddling of the rule-loving new kid on the block. Will they succeed? It's doubtful.

    But until then, he'll be shoveling lots of klunk and hangin' with lots of dudes.Talk about a bummer. A maze bummer.Will Thomas ever get to hang out with a girl again? Find out...in THE MAZE BUMMER!

    He’s had a bad year. Sarah, his wife of nearly twenty five years, has walked out on him to move in with Colin. Perhaps they simply grew apart, perhaps the magic was no longer there, or perhaps, as his friend Jerry suggests, Rick has become boring. This nagging thought, together with too much beer on New Year’s Eve and shock at the sudden death of his college friend Alex, leads Rick to a New Year’s resolution… To make the most of the time he has left, and show himself and his old friend Jerry that he is not boring, he will undertake a peculiar challenge: for a whole year he will accept every invitation that comes his way. Any invitation. No excuses. No regrets.

     The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain. But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason—the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends—Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one)—end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies. And now everyone wants the bunny cube, which means Doug, Bryce, Lulu, and Charlene are being pursued by an insane supermodel general, an army of sadists, a vast criminal organization, a smaller, more-in-startup-mode criminal organization, and an unstoppable killing machine—the worst kind of killing machine. Doug and his friends may be a bunch of losers who aren’t particularly smart or good at anything, but they have one thing going for them: a really cool name for their mercenary group. And now it’s up to Hellbender to save the world—well, what’s left of it. It’s pretty ruined and war-torn already. But, you know, they live there, so they kind of need it. It’s a mess, but that’s what you get for listening to Satan. Or half-listening.

    Only one man could prevent the accident. An ex-NASA scientist reluctantly joins the crew of re-commissioned space shuttle Discovery on a daring rescue mission to recover the satellite. Orbiting Earth, they are about to experience something out of this world.

    The enemy is consuming all intelligent life throughout the galaxy. And to stop them, the stars may have to die.Enter Julian Nverson, a disgraced pilot reactivated to fight in a conflict humanity lost long ago. He joins the remnants of mankind, in the midst of another invasion, another exodus, when billions of lives have already been swept away.Perhaps the end is inevitable. But Julian won't be alone in his fight. Forces that were formerly dead, forgotten or trapped will converge together, all in the hopes of freeing the galaxy once and for all.

    He doesn’t know how to win the heart of the girl at the coffee shop. And he shares his home with a clan of mischievous tiny people.Yet these all turn out to be the least of his troubles.A secret race of Giants dwelling in the neighboring mountains wants Gulliver to exterminate all the Little People… or else. When folks in his hometown begin brutally dying, Gulliver must make a hard choice. But choices have consequences.And consequences, he’ll learn, come in all terrible sizes.DEAD SIZE is a comical psychological fantasy mystery thriller for fans of Christopher Moore, David Wong, and Terry Gilliam.(Advisory: this book is intended for mature audiences.)

    As our story opens, the Bennet sisters are enjoying a peaceful life in the English countryside. They idle away the days reading, gardening, and daydreaming about future husbands - until a funeral at the local parish goes strangely and horribly awry.Suddenly corpses are springing from the soft earth - and only one family can stop them. As the bodies pile up, we watch Elizabeth Bennet evolve from a naive young teenager into a savage slayer of the undead. Along the way, two men vie for her affections: Master Hawksworth is the powerful warrior who trains her to kill, while thoughtful Dr. Keckilpenny seeks to conquer the walking dead using science instead of strength. Will either man win the prize of Elizabeth's heart? Or will their hearts be feasted upon by hordes of marauding zombies? Complete with romance, action, comedy, and an army of shambling corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls will have Jane Austen rolling in her grave - and just might inspire her to crawl out of it!(Description from back cover of trade paperback edition)

    Both thought-provoking and action-packed, Frend is a story of transformation, the unceasing drive to belong, and the struggle to liberate oneself from oppression, both internal and external.

     ...but what the salvage crew finds on their mission will change their lives forever. Colonel Tucker Petersen, retired five years from the military, is suddenly recalled to active duty and is put in charge of the Salvage-5 mining/recovery mission.Four previous civilian salvage missions have gone missing from the Kirkwood Gap. Tucker is sent, with his crew of eight, to discover what went wrong with the Self-contained mining dredge, the Euna-1, at Asteroid 15 Eunomia... Find out what discoveries are waiting for the crew of Salvage-5. ˃˃˃ Join Colonel Tucker Petersen, and the crew of Salvage-5, for this new Techno Thriller ˃˃˃ This will be sure to keep you biting your nails and on the edge of your seat. Scroll up and grab a copy today.

    When Doc, their mentor, went missing, the five teenaged heroes did their best to make the world a better place, stumbling from adventure to adventure without an overall strategy.The general public seems to be cheering them on, but a shadowy government agency lurking in the background, wants to round them up and force them to play by their rules. And they aren't going to take no for an answer — even if it means making an example of the young heroes. Meanwhile, a bigger threat, an escaped experiment who spreads sickness wherever he goes, is working his way toward the City to meet the Indestructibles head on, blaming them for what he has become. With Doc Silence gone, Fury apparently missing, and the Dancer slipping away into her own silent brand of vigilanteism, will Solar be able to hold her team together in the face of this looming threat? And who is the mysterious, neon-pink haired stranger who keeps appearing and then disappearing like an illusion on the Indestructibles' flying base? The Indestructibles have become a national sensation — but will they survive the fame? Please tune into the sequel The Indestructibles: Breakout to find out for sure.

    That is, until she meets Mercury, an anti-establishment angel who's frittering his time away whipping up batches of Rice Krispy Treats and perfecting his ping-pong backhand instead of doing his job: helping to orchestrate Armageddon. With the end near and angels and demons debating the finer political points of the Apocalypse, Christine and Mercury accidentally foil an attempt to assassinate one Karl Grissom, a thirty-seven-year-old film school dropout about to make his big break as the Antichrist. Now, to save the world, she must negotiate the byzantine bureaucracies of Heaven and Hell and convince the apathetic Mercury to take a stand, all the while putting up with the obnoxious mouth-breathing Antichrist.

    Join her on this whimsical journey as she discovers the beauty of life and love on Earth.Author Ann Crawford's trademark optimism brings us a witty and wise book filled with memorable characters and insights into what makes us all so very human.

    Coronado Prep student Maria Ochoa, 16, is near death after crashing her car on an isolated stretch of New Mexico Highway 14 during a blizzard. When the only person to show up to help her is a teen gangbanger named Demetrio Vigil, Maria fears she’s doomed, until the young man manages, miraculously, to heal her nearly fatal wounds with nothing but the warm energy radiating from his hands. Maria is grateful for the help, and seeks to thank Demetrio by returning to the tiny ghost town of Golden, where he said he lives, to find him and give him a gift. What she discovers out about Demetrio along the way, however, not only defies logic and belief, but puts Maria’s very life in terrible danger.