Over the next 2 years, I was attacked by a few wild animals, experienced unexplained phenomenon, had a massive learning curve and truly experienced the Australian outback. If you are after a story that was written to appeal to the masses and that mainstream publishers love, then this probably isn't for you. If you are after a lighthearted read that provides the raw truth about life out bush and my experience of it, then click away. I hope you enjoy. Note - mature themes.

    That is what troubles animal-phobic, robotics engineer Smith who just got married. He learns that his bride’s dream is to have a farm where there are lots of animals and she can rescue ex-race horses to retrain and find them new homes. But according to a Meyers-Briggs Personality Test that they took for fun, their marriage is doomed. There is only one problem: the newlyweds took the test after the wedding. Whether Smith is chasing a cow named Pork Chop through the woods with a rope, getting locked in a tack room by the family pony, being snubbed by his wife’s dog, or unsuccessfully trying to modernize their barn using the latest technology, the odds are stacked against him. It seems like everything with four legs is out to get him. Will the animals win, forcing Smith to admit defeat, or will he fight to keep his family and the farm together? Enjoy the true, warm, and frequently hilarious stories of Smith’s journey along the bumpy road from his urban robotics lab to a new life on a rural Virginia farm.

    i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

     Join Cooper and the rest of the C&C gang as they fight tyranny the best way they know how... by being assholes. The author's share of royalties from sales of this title are donated monthly to the ACLU. Join me in pissing in the face of tyranny.

    

    

    

    Good for readers in grades 1-3. Tyler has a monster called Eddie! He is a perfect monster at home- he is well mannered, helps Tyler practice his soccer skills and even cleans the house. But in public, it's a different matter! Eddie farts in public and doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Not at all! Although Tyler pleads with him to stop, Eddie won't listen. It all ends in a way Tyler couldn't have imagined!

    This book was brought to you by the one and only - THE CLOWN FACTORY.

    draws on personal stories infused with humor and wisdom to extract impactful life lessons. He walks us through some of his most career-defining moments to emphasize the importance of living life with the punchline in mind. With a comedian's cadence and a dependable friend's outstretched hand, Michael Jr. addresses provocative issues including race, policing in America, forgiveness, socio-economics, and faith with gritty familiarity. While you will find yourself laughing out loud, at its core, FUNNY HOW LIFE WORKS reveals that if you pay close attention, the obstacles you face day to day are part of a much bigger plan that can help you realize and fulfill your life's mission. Like many of us, Michael Jr. wrestled with several moments of uncertainty, from living in his car to being held up by officers, but he never lost sight of the bigger picture. In this inspiring and self-reflective book, he implores us to do the same.

    Whether you're carving evil messages into your coworker's banana peel or telling your kids that, yes, raisins are actually dehydrated people, there's a certain, sinister-yet-fun draw to really messing with people. In Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much (the much anticipated follow-up to the heralded, award-winning Things Go Wrong For Me), Rodney Lacroix gives the reader some insight on what it's like to live the prankster life. No one is safe, including Rodney himself as not all of his antics go entirely as planned. Join him as he spins some yarns, gives you some new ideas and lets you relive the catastrophic consequences of jokes gone terribly wrong. Complete with original hand-drawn artwork and graphics, one-two punch Brain Nuggets, and the ever-popular Draw Something Files, Perhaps will not disappoint.* (Assumes you are an immature child who enjoys potty humor and making fart noises with your armpits.)

    Green has rounded up fifteen new yarns filled with the ornery yet irresistible style that has earned his books a place in classic Western Americana. Some More Horse Tradin’ recounts the dealings of a whole slew of craggy old-timers and rangy characters. See them match wits as they trade well-bred mares, snorty-like range colts, and used-to-be-bad horses from the tumbleweed plains. Admire the old-time knavery, skill, and salesmanship in such tales as “Gittin’ Even,” “Brethren Horse Traders,” “Mule Schoolin’,” and “Water Treatment and the Sore-Tailed Bronc.” Ride along with Green, and he’ll tell you what he knows about horseflesh--but keep your wits about you, and hang on to your wallet.

    Before sisters Sue and Linda inherit a village house in the hills they have little interest in Spain, but on travelling out to see their new possession they begin to warm to the idea of spending time there with their husbands Paul and Bill. After an enjoyable summer holiday the prospect of living in the village becomes irresistible and this book describes their transition from visitors to residents and the diverse selection of people they meet along the way. This amusing and informative memoir is an ideal read for those interested in the possibilities of expat life in rural Spain.

    Cricket's dressing-room clown is now broadcasting's joker in the pack. Whether it's dining on mealworms on I'm a Celebrity, displaying his ballroom fleckle on Strictly Come Dancing or causing weekly mayhem for the long-suffering host Sue Barker on A Question of Sport, millions of us enjoy Tuffers' lust for life and endearing sense of humour.In Where Am I?, Phil gamely tries to make sense of the wonderful roller-coaster he has been riding these last dozen years, delighting fans with a treasure trove of wonderful stories about the places he has been, the people he has met, the 'things' he has been asked to do but - most of all - the sheer enormous joy he has had doing it all.

    His “Uncle” Ed Pucci, who was Frank Sinatra’s bodyguard and a close family friend, set him up with an entry level dealer’s job in Vegas. Over the next three decades, Jimmy experienced all Las Vegas had to offer. He dealt craps to famous gangsters in a private game, he interacted with John Wayne, Elvis Presley, Redd Foxx, Debbie Reynolds, Louis Prima and other celebrities. Jimmy was a confirmed bachelor who lived the high life with the ladies, although at times his carousing nearly cost him his life. He saw hundreds of thousands of dollars bet on one roll of the dice, he caught gambling cheaters and had run ins with some very nasty types. ˃˃˃ Folktales from a bygone era Jimmy’s stories are folktales from a bygone era, the 1960s, 70s and 80s when Vegas was still a relatively small town. Back in the day, the “joints” were ruled by men whose names all ended in vowels and there was a good time to be had 24/7. When It Was Great will make you laugh and touch your heart, but most of all it will take you back to the Las Vegas of yesterday, when the Rat Pack played at the Sands, Elvis headlined at the Hilton and working stiffs like Jimmy partied like there was no tomorrow. Scroll up and grab a copy today.