Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    Open at your own risk. Sarah and Tommy have the same kinds of problems as most any ten-year-old girl and six-year-old boy. Homework, bullies, Dad not going in to work since Mom ran off to fuck the postman. That sort of thing. But they're not going to take their problems lying down. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, they think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley. What they discover will make you soil your pants in terror. It will make your skin crawl. It might even give you... Shingles.

    Entering a world of mysterious powers and nightmarish consequences, Chris realizes the secret belief of every teenage boy- that his wang has the power to change the world. The Monkey's Penis is the third installment in the terrifying Shingles series, and once again readers with weak hearts or bladders are advised to read on at their own risk...

    Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    Doctor Ravinder Shah speaking. No case too weird, no problem too bizarre. Strangeness a speciality. How can I help you?” London Social Worker Rav Shah moonlights as a paranormal detective, aided by one of his clients and a Border Collie he rents by the hour. It was supposed to be a bit of fun: a search for truths out there; a quest for a life more interesting than the one that fate, destiny, and personal apathy had granted him. But then a case involving a Yorkshire farmer and a herd of flying pigs leads him into a world darker and more dangerous than he’d ever dreamed. The truth is indeed out there. And it’s got Rav square in its sights.

    Sarah Bishop is eager to restore her father's good name. Survival show host Russ Cloud is just as eager to boost his plummeting ratings. They'll both have a shot at redemption when they find themselves hired by eccentric billionaire Cameron Carson. After a series of his publicity stunts end in spectacular failure, Carson has a plan to redeem his tarnished image: capture a live Sasquatch.Sarah and Russ join an expedition with an eclectic crew: an Afrikaner safari hunter, a 'roided out former wrestling star, a Shoshone master tracker full of surprises, a heavily tattooed Russian warrior woman, a pair of wise-cracking nerds, and a cute gum-chewing intern with some hidden skills. Will they find Bigfoot? There's something in the woods... but it's not what they're expecting.

    It wasn't an alien spacefleet firing from above. It was a bomb planted in the center of the planet before humanity even existed. In an instant, the human population dropped from 11 billion to 1,066. I'm Loris Roderick, set to take command of the Magellan space station. I didn't know I was to become the de facto leader of our species when its survival hung by a thread. We should run, hide in some corner of the galaxy to eke out what existence we can. But I'd rather we get our revenge. Earthless is the first book in the Survivors series and is 60,000 words long. Sightless: The Survivors Series #2 is now available for Pre-Order!

    Off the grid, out of sight of the authorities. Hoping to escape a terrifying secret; to outrun what he has seen and what he has done. Kane is an assassin who, with the help of the Machine, possesses the ability to assume the identity of anyone he wishes. He can strike without warning, and kill without mercy. Stronger than a dozen men, faster than sight itself, he can be anywhere, anytime.When Book catches Kane’s eye, he discovers the world is even more dangerous than he knew. Book must ally himself with people who, like him, know that Kane is on the verge of remaking the world in his image.But how do you know who to trust, when the man who wants you dead can be anyone he pleases? How can you fight for the ones you love......when you can’t even believe who you see?

    He has plenty of secrets behind his body's girth or 'Vein Armor' as he calls it. An accident brings Dunkin together with several slightly dysfunctional characters. Together they go on an undead hunting expedition that starts in sunny Florida and works its way down the Amazon in South America. The first book in a trilogy.

    Portsmouth, England. A global particle physics experiment releases a pulse of unknown energy with catastrophic results. Scientists in their laboratories search desperately for a solution to the broken fabric of existence, but they are already too late, the sanctity of the grave has been sundered. There is no virus or bacteria to combat, just chaos and horror as a million graveyards expel their tenants from eternal slumber. The world is unaware of the impending apocalypse, realisation only dawns with the appearance of the mouldering corpses who devour everything they encounter. Governments crumble and armies are scattered to the wind. Kurt Taylor, a self-employed plumber, witnesses the start of the horrifying outbreak. Desperate to reach his family before they fall victim to the ever growing horde of shambling corruption, he flees the scene, watching the unfolding cannibalism and destruction in his rear view mirror. In a society with few guns, how can people hope to survive the endless waves of zombies that seek to consume every living thing? With ingenuity, planning and everyday materials, the group forge their way and strike back at the Hellspawn legions. Rescues are mounted, but not all survivors are benevolent. The evil that is in all men has been given free rein in this new, dead world. With both the living and dead to contend with, is there any hope for the Taylor family?

    Or not. No, definitely not, because the grim reaper's lost his job. He's been stripped of his scythe and banned from reaping. The angel of death has officially fallen, and he's crash-landed at 24/7 Demon Mart.It doesn't take long for DeeDee, Lloyd, and Kevin to figure out that living with the angel of death isn't easy. Lost souls. Angry exes. Ancient curses. Will the grim reaper ever get his afterlife together? The outlook is not so good.The reaper isn't the only angel who's out of sorts. Lloyd's devilish boss Faust hasn't been the same since a tentacle monster spit him out of an alternate dimension, and his ex-girlfriend tried to start the zombie apocalypse. And Angel eight ball? He's having a hell of a time juggling a terrible new boss and saving Lloyd from eternal damnation.As unreaped souls stack up and the specter of death looms larger, what's the Demon Mart crew to do? Find out in this grim reaper comedy.

    

    Lord help her… NOTE: This volume contains the first three books of the Jessica Christ series, including ... Book 1: The BeginningBook 2: And It Was GoodBook 3: It's a Miracle!*Plus* the first chapter of Book 4: Nu Alpha Omega The Beginning Jessica McCloud knows first-hand that it’s tough to fit in when you’re God’s only begotten daughter. While she has the power to smite, and she’s privy to most of the juicy gossip in her West Texas town, nobody is knocking on her door with frankincense and myrrh. The Messiah-in-the-making still has to contend with algebra tests, her first crush, and menstrual cramps with the power to spark lightning storms…As if dealing with her overbearing Father and a scheming preacher wasn’t enough, Jessica must face down the demons that lurk around every corner. No matter what she wants from life, everything seems to lead to a final showdown with the devil. The daughter of God has a choice: face the destiny thrust upon her or find some way to forge her own path…And It Was GoodAs she enters the uncharted territory of high school, Jessica McCloud could use a few more friends who believe in her. Of course, that means something entirely different for the daughter of God. After her two-millennia-dead half-brother visits her in a dream and tells her it’s time for her to stop messing around, Jessica begins the hunt to discover what miracles she can perform. And if one of them happens to win the heart of her long-time crush, Greg, then so be it. But when a reporter with a grudge against God catches wind of her first miracle, Jessica stumbles her way through one scandal after another until she wonders if the world wouldn’t be a much happier place with no miracles at all. It's a Miracle! Miracles happen when you least expect them. And if you’re Jessica McCloud, God’s only begotten daughter, they happen when you least want them. Is an uneventful senior year of high school too much for Jessica to hope for?Yes. Yes it is.Instead of focusing on college applications, Jessica must juggle Jimmy’s newest scheme, Eugene’s latest slander, and a gruesome (unpaid) internship at Midland Memorial Hospital. And just when she’s starting to get the hang of it, a serious PR blunder ignites a firestorm of brand new accusations. It would take nothing short of a miracle for Jessica to come out on top this round, and she isn’t holding her breath…

     The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain. But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason—the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends—Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one)—end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies. And now everyone wants the bunny cube, which means Doug, Bryce, Lulu, and Charlene are being pursued by an insane supermodel general, an army of sadists, a vast criminal organization, a smaller, more-in-startup-mode criminal organization, and an unstoppable killing machine—the worst kind of killing machine. Doug and his friends may be a bunch of losers who aren’t particularly smart or good at anything, but they have one thing going for them: a really cool name for their mercenary group. And now it’s up to Hellbender to save the world—well, what’s left of it. It’s pretty ruined and war-torn already. But, you know, they live there, so they kind of need it. It’s a mess, but that’s what you get for listening to Satan. Or half-listening.

     But when Wilson takes an intense interest in Oliver's writing and his genre stories of dragons, aliens, and spies, things get weird. Oliver’s stories don’t just need to be finished: they insist on it. With the help of Minerva, Wilson’s girlfriend, Oliver has to find the connection between reality, fiction, the mythical Cydonian Kingdom, and the non-mythical nightclub called M Pallas. That is, if he can survive the alien invasion, the ghosts, and the fact that he thinks he might be in love with Minerva. Unfiction is a wild ride through the collision of science fiction, fantasy, thriller, horror and romance. It's what happens when one writer's fiction interferes with everyone's reality. Unfiction is the latest novel from Gene Doucette, the bestselling author of The Spaceship Next Door.