Welcome to the ER. This book is not about life and death struggles. This book is the polar opposite. It is about the absolute, over the top insanity that I have witnessed during my time in the ER. This book is the untold, unseen, and unshared rants and raves of an ER nurse, who has been slowly being driven mad by his patients. I want you, the reader to step into my scrubs, see this bizarre world through my eyes, and understand that once you stop laughing in the ER, it's time to quit. This book is the stupid stories that I still don’t believe. It’s the codes gone crazy. It’s the “I can’t believe you said that.” It’s a testament to everything an ER nurse puts up with on a day in and day out basis that most people don’t know exists. It makes Scrubs, E.R., House, and all the other medical shows look like fairy tales. As an ER nurse, I want to let the world know that when we pull that curtain and leave the room, we are laughing because let’s face it, it’s funny. Please from this moment forward stop and close this book if you think you are about to read about nursing at it’s finest. This is not Florence Nightingale’s kind of nursing; this is the grit, spit, vomit and s#!t that comes with the job I love/hate so much.

    Illustrated with 16 pages of photographs.

    Although Italian-American criminals are covered, this is not just another Italian mafia book. The book covers the Jewish gangsters as well (who truly were the pioneers of organized crime) and the Irish gangs, who were one of the first ethnic groups to run the New York City rackets. Joe even presents a few "lady gangsters" too.Most of all, “ Mobsters, Gangs, Crooks and Other Creeps-Volume 1- New York City" is easy to read. The short-chapter format is a stroke of genius. It is interesting, informative, entertaining, and to the point. You won't be bored reading it. Joe Bruno has hit the mark in presenting Old New York the way it really was. Rough and bloody! Mathew J. Mari - Criminal Attorney

    This is an excellent book for people who like to start sentences with ‘Did you know that…’” —The New York Times A hilarious, entertaining, and illuminating compendium of the most bizarre ways you might become a federal criminal in America—from mailing a mongoose to selling Swiss cheese without enough holes—written and illustrated by the creator of the wildly popular @CrimeADay Twitter account. Have you ever clogged a toilet in a national forest? That could get you six months in federal prison. Written a letter to a pirate? You might be looking at three years in the slammer. Leaving the country with too many nickels, drinking a beer on a bicycle in a national park, or importing a pregnant polar bear are all very real crimes, and this riotously funny, ridiculously entertaining, and fully illustrated book shows how just about anyone can become—or may already be—a federal criminal. Whether you’re a criminal defense lawyer or just a self-taught expert in outrageous offenses, How to Become a Federal Criminal is your wonderfully weird window into a criminally overlooked sector of American government.

    Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain.Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack 1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you?3. Use your head: cut off theirs.4. Blades don’t need reloading.5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on. Don’t be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset—life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life.

    All behind the outrageous antics of this wildly - witty Bengal kitten that turned our Empty Nest upside-down.After twenty-seven years of marriage, Diane and I had finally graduated, earning and acquiring our combined Degree with all the rights and privileges awarded to those now holding the official and distinguished title of Empty Nester!But as I turned and headed for home, the bloody wind blew up again, blowing open the front of my robe so wide that it demanded and required I immediately place Kitten in front of my naughty bits so as to avoid having someone call the authorities.

    A scathingly funny reinterpretation of the Ten Commandments from the larger, louder half of world-famous magic duo Penn and Teller reveals an atheist's experience in the world: from performing on the Vegas strip with Siegfried and Roy to children and fatherhood to his ongoing dialogue with proselytizers of the Christian Right and the joys of sex while scuba-diving, Penn has an outrageous sense of humor and a brilliantly entertaining opinion on, well, anything you care to think of.

    And as is the fate of all morons, they were drawn intotrouble—deep trouble—of hiding crores of rupees of black money in secret offshore companies.Will their mistake of turning a blind eye to the philosophy of ‘See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’ cost them their careers and put them in prison? Or Will Lady Luck change their fortunes forever?

     In his time as a uniformed officer Jon seized presidential aircraft, a working tank, cars, lorries, boats and coffins; and uncovered wild animals, killer snakes, bush meat, animal porn, poisonous vodka, dodgy medicine, bootleg prescriptions, pirated pills, toxic alcohol, firearms, side-arms, swords, explosives, stolen gold, dirty money, blood diamonds, child pornography and every drug known to man and a few as yet unknown ones. And the dead? He searched them too. When you’ve confiscated everything from a suitcase full human hair to a live monkey hidden in the lining of someone’s overcoat, you know you can never return to a normal line of work. But then Jon went into undercover customs work, and things became really interesting . . .

    You can’t fathom the weirdness– unless you’re one of the ER aliens. If you are, buy a dozen copies to give away: to your family, your neighbors, and the PTA. They’ll learn things you never had the heart to tell them, but they should know, like how it's like to work in the ER, the deviousness of shampoo bottles and the dangers of frying bacon naked.

    But how do you cope when, to top it all, you discover you are old enough to be the mother of everyone else in your NCT group? The story of one woman, one new baby, a slipped disc and rather too many wrinkles, The Secret Diary of a New Mum (Aged 43 1/4) follows the tale of a midlife mum as she tries to make the transition from experienced TV producer to utterly inexperienced parent. One in five babies is born to a mum over 35, and the number of over 40s giving birth has doubled. The first humorous narrative account of what it's really like to be a midlife mum - whether it's deftly side-stepping any questions about age and baby number two or weeping as younger counterparts ping back into their size ten jeans within thirty seconds of giving birth - this is the thoroughly entertaining, insightful and often hilarious account of what happens as you face up to menopause and new motherhood at the same time.

    Just when it seems that Little League may be no place for a kid, this all-star line-up of conniving commissioners and mitt-impaired fielders sends the sport off and over the wall.Praise for Little League Confidential"Bill Geist is the funniest writer since Marcel Proust--I mean Mark Twain--no, make that Yogi Berra."--Russell Baker"A lighthearted romp . . . essential reading for seasons to come."--The New York Times Book Review"Very, very, very funny."--Larry King, USA Today

    What do Postman Pat, Tommy Cooper, Norman Wisdom and George Best have in common with being abandoned in a Costa Rican jungle after a severe bout of flatulence? Indeed, how are they also connected to trying to buy an Australian brewery just to get a beer, owning twenty-two cars, an American soccer team and a Swiss mail-order pornography company?The common feature is of course a certain Richard Wakeman.The Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star takes you, the privileged reader, on a trip of absurd excess, a cultural car crash of side-splitting hilarity and an unforgettable glimpse (again) into the life of one of Britain's most legendary showmen, rock stars and all-time great raconteurs.

    Having longed for children since before she can remember, she was suddenly faced with an array of unfamiliar, unexpected and sometimes downright embarrassing emotional and physical reactions. And when Poppy (and a year later Daisy) was born she had to learn a whole new set of skills.From trying to conceive and a first positive pregnancy test to Poppy's first birthday, Minus Nine To One takes you through the worries, surprises, excitement, miracles and sheer bloody hard work that Jools - and all new mums in their own different ways - have to cope with along the way. As Jools writes, 'This certainly isn't meant to be read as a guidebook, or a medical reference book - it is simply my story and I hope that you can relate to it in some way (and maybe even relax with it in the bath!).'Down to earth, personal and very, very funny, this is the book no aspiring mother will want to be without.

    Ever been mortified by predictive text on your smart phone? You are not alone. This brings together more of the laugh-out-loud funny and painfully embarrassing posts from damnyouautocorrect.com, which highlight the hilarity that often ensues when text messaging goes wrong. This second volume of epic auto-correct fails is packed with never-before-seen content, as well as the most cringe-worthy posts from the site.