Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    And then there's Seve.Severiano Ballesteros was perhaps the most naturally gifted golfer ever to have walked a fairway. From the moment his brother Manuel gave him his first club he was unstoppable. A few weeks before his seventeenth birthday he turned pro. Five years later he won the Open. A genius had arrived.For the best part of two decades Seve dominated the golfing landscape. He played shots others could only dream of. With 94 wins as a professional (including 5 majors) he was a phenomenon, an athlete who transcended his sport.But Seve stood for more than simple excellence. Almost single-handedly, Seve gave European golf credibility; almost single-handedly, he made the Ryder Cup one of the greatest contests in world sport. And when, as captain, he finally lifted the trophy on home soil in 1997, a whole continent rejoiced. His pride and passion have inspired millions, and we have taken him to our hearts. Here, for the first time, Seve tells his own story. From his humble beginnings right up to the present day, here at last is the man behind the magic in his own words. Seve is utterly entertaining, blazingly charismatic and unique.Severiano "Seve" Ballesteros Sota was a Spanish professional golfer and a leading sports figure. He won more than 90 international tournaments in an illustrious career. He first caught the attention of the sporting world in 1976, when at the age of 19 he finished second at The Open. He played a leading role in the re-emergence of European golf, helping the European Ryder Cup team to five wins both as a player and captain. He won the World Match Play Championship a record-tying five times. He is generally regarded as the greatest Continental European golfer of all time and won a record 50 times on the European Tour.Ballesteros died of brain cancer on 7 May 2011, aged 54.

    In his own words, and for the first time, Roberto Duran tells his unbelievable story in I Am Duran: The Autobiography of Robert Duran. From the mean streets of Panama to the bright lights of Las Vegas, blazing a trail through the golden decade of boxing, Duran, in unflinching form, dispels myths and lays bare the cost of conquering the world. He also returns to the debacle that entered sporting folklore during his rematch with Sugar Ray Leonard, when he uttered the infamous words 'no mas' - no more.Starting life in abject poverty as the illegitimate son of a serving US soldier, Duran quickly realized that his fists could both protect him on the streets and put food on the table. His reputation in and out of the ring travelled the corridors of boxing power on the day, for a bet, he knocked down a horse with a single punch.From his stunning debut in New York to the glorious defeat of Sugar Ray Leonard, the world titles and the chaos that ensued after the No Mas encounter, Duran's explosive life in the ring was matched only by the volatility outside of it, as he lurched from kingmaker to bankruptcy, before the ultimate ending of a bloody comeback and, finally, redemption.

    An unpopular war. A military and diplomatic team in disarray. Those are the challenges President Obama has faced as he attempts to make a success of U.S involvement in Afghanistan. They are also the challenges President Truman surmounted in the winter of 1950 as he began managing a war in Korea that risked becoming bigger and more costly. It was the first significant armed conflict of the Cold War: United States troops under the command of General Douglas MacArthur came to the aid of the South Koreans after North Korea invaded. When Communist China entered the conflict on the side of the North Koreans, the crisis seemed on the verge of flaring into a world war. Truman was determined not to let that happen. MacArthur kept urging a widening of the war into China itself and ignoring his Commander in Chief. On April 11, 1951, after MacArthur had “shot his mouth off,” as one diplomat put it, one too many times, Truman fired him. The story of their showdown—one of the most dramatic in U.S. history between a Commander in Chief and his top soldier in the field—is captured in all its detail by David McCullough in his biography Truman, and presented here in a e-book called Truman Fires MacArthur (an excerpt of Truman, McCullough’s Pulitzer Prize-winning biography), which was the headline carried in many newspapers around the country the next day. Truman Fires MacArthur will continue to ride the headlines. It will go on sale as an ebook just as the Rolling Stone profile that exposed General Stanley McChrystal’s insurrection and forced his resignation hits newsstands, and media coverage of the showdown continues to draw historical analogies between Truman and Obama.

    Some of his tales will seem far fetched, unless you're a cop and then you know that anything can happen - and just when you think you've seen it all, someone will surprise you.

    

    Free goal-setting/visualization guide and affirmation audio track included with purchase. Would you like to know the shortcut to achieving success and extreme happiness? In this life-changing book, you will learn the methods and techniques for creating dramatic, permanent change in your life. It took me many years of suffering and then many years of self-education to figure out the secrets of success and happiness, and now I'm thrilled to present to you this book that covers many of the strategies that I use to this day to help me achieve greater success and maintain my happy and optimistic attitude. How to Achieve Success and Happiness: Increase your mind power, overcome negativity, achieve your goals, and live your dreams in record time In this book, you will learn how to systematically adjust your mindset in order to create rapid change in your life and dramatically increase your levels of happiness. You will discover the step by step approach for manifesting all your desires, and you will also learn the common roadblocks to success so that you may avoid making mistakes along the way and accelerate your progress. Topics covered include: Subconscious programming Cultivating self-awareness Autosuggestion Visualization techniques Blocks to Abundance Eliminating stress Eliminating negative influences Increasing energy It is certainly possible for you to achieve success and live your dreams, and you can achieve your goals in much less time than you might think. Success starts from within. I learned that the hard way after having my life crumble before my eyes. I had to rebuild myself from within. Only when I learned to be happy did I start to see worldly success, and this book will describe exactly how I did that. You don't have to take the long path to success like I did. You can take the shortcut and begin realizing your wildest dreams faster than you could imagine.

    What I eat. And how I stay lean. If you are over the age of 50 there is no better time to get VERY FIT!! And have the body you truly desire despite your age!!Fitness over 50: Weekly Workout Plan! by Christopher Quinn

    But what lies behind every bad man? Gangsters' Wives tells the side of the story you didn't know - what it's like to live with Britain's most lawless men, from the women who married them. Devoted mum-of-three Judy Marks was imprisoned alongside her husband, notorious drug smuggler Howard Marks; while Flanagan, the first ever Page Three girl, found herself splashed across the papers as the fiancée of legendary East End villain Reggie Kray. Jenny Pinto, wife of gangster Dave Courtney, has given the police keys to their house to stop them breaking down the front door. In ten funny, moving, searingly honest first-person accounts, Gangsters' Wives tells you all you ever wanted to know about the lives and loves of the women who are, quite literally, married to the mob.

    The collection exhibits the madness that engulfs those who descend into cycling obsession, celebrating the average cyclist living in a world defined by the pros. The writings range from fanciful musings concerning the Tao of singlespeeding to lengthy descriptions of end-to-end rides in Britain and Ireland. Mountain biking, road cycling, classic alpine climbs and all sorts of other cycling events are chronicled along the way. Each is written in a lighthearted style designed to bring the reader into the author’s world which is often littered with incident and humour. Within the pages the reader will find a loose ticklist of events to ride, bikes to own and challenges to take on. Each described in the author’s own inimitable style. This latest version comes with added "much better proofreading than last published edition" About the Author Dave Barter is a British cyclist. Excellent we’ve got that out of the way. A non-cycling author of a series of bicycle based reflections would have a hint of incongruity about it. He likes to think of himself as an all rounder having tried many two wheeled disciplines and fallen off most of them. In 2001 he chucked in his job and went cycling. In 2010 he did exactly the same thing again. In between times he’s written a few articles about cycling and a few of them have even made it into print. Dave was born in Ely Hospital in 1966 after his Dad raced floodwater to get his Mum to the ward before the river Ouse burst. This explains why he is always in a rush. Dave lives in deepest Wiltshire with his wife Helen and his children Jake and Holly. Wembley the cat used to reside within the family as well but sadly snuffed it a few years ago. Dave’s fiscal profession is Information Technology. He writes articles to fund bike parts and is currently attempting to finish a number of books. Once he has read them, he’ll turn his attention to his half completed writing projects. Like all good IT practitioners he rarely finishes anything. Obsessive Compulsive Cycling Disorder is the rare exception. Dave has recently published a road cycling route guide to the UK. Great British British Rides is also available from Amazon in paperback format.

    These documents reveal the clandestine dealings of clubs, players and agents at the highest echelons of international football. And the story they tell is astonishing.From the eye-popping details of player transfers including Neymar Jr, Pogba and Coutinho, to the loopholes and opaque tax structures that ensure maximum earnings for players and agents alike, this is a tale rife with rapacious greed and questionable deals. At the same time, it is the gripping story of a fan who wanted to free football from its corrupt overlords - and now finds himself on the run.

    This book contains the fascinating, insightful and at times hilarious memoirs of one of the most gifted and enigmatic British footballers of the last 25 years, Matt Le Tissier.

    It offers: • In-depth, insightful essays on all 30 Major League Baseball clubs, with no-holds-barred evaluations of at least 50 players per organization • Baseball Prospectus’s exclusive (and deadly accurate) PECOTA projection system, forecasting the chances that a player will break out, improve, or collapse • In-depth features on the true costs of injuries, adventures in win expectancy, the limitations of statistical analysis—plus all our stats explained! The Baseball Prospectus team of cutting-edge analysts includes Mark Armour, Andrew Baharlias, Jim Baker, James Click, Clifford J. Corcoran, Clay Davenport, John Erhardt, Gary Gillette, Steven Goldman, Thomas Gorman, Gary Huckabay, Jay Jaffe, Rany Jazayerli, Christina Kahrl, Jonah Keri, Mark McClusky, Dave Pease, Dayn Perry, Nate Silver, and Keith Woolner. Check out www.baseballprospectus.com for year-round baseball coverage.

    The profession requires cops to see people at their worst. They see death, tragedy, crime, and despair on a daily basis. The very nature of the tasks cops perform and the things cops see skews their sense of humor. Sometimes, a sense of humor is the only defense mechanism in a police officer's tool box. Stripped of the ability to laugh, or forced to be politically correct in a politically incorrect work environment can be hazardous to one's health. Coping becomes an essential component of a police officer's arsenal. One of the primary coping mechanisms utilized by cops is humor. A cop can find something funny about almost anything, regardless of how tragic the circumstances. Dark humor involves making light of a serious, disturbing or taboo subject matter. It is sometimes viewed as morbid, cruel, offensive, and graphic in nature and is yet, still found funny. This is the story of the author's twenty-year police career with the New York City Transit Police and NYPD as he worked with some of New York City's darkest knights - those cops who did and said the funniest things under the most difficult circumstances.

    Marcia and her partner Paul, Nikitta’s father, rushed to the scene but there was nothing they could do. Firefighters had already discovered Nikitta’s body in the wreckage of the home she’d lovingly built with her childhood sweetheart. To add to their agony, Nikitta had been eight months’ pregnant. The fully formed yet unborn baby girl she’d already named Kelsey May was gone, too.But it soon became apparent Nikitta’s death was far from an accident. Within hours, the investigation became a murder inquiry and Ryan’s cousin Carl Whant was the prime suspect. Whant had been openly infatuated with Nikitta and boasted that he thought of her every time he had sex.As her world collapsed around her, Marcia could only watch in horror. Shortly after Whant was charged with murder, child destruction, rape and arson, she began charting her feelings in a searingly honest diary, the contents of which are published for the first time in this book.Marcia painstakingly recalls the agony of holding her granddaughter for the first time in a police mortuary, but being unable to see her dead daughter because of the shocking state in which Whant had left her. She charts the pain of laying them both to rest, knowing she will have to face their killer every day in court when Whant’s case comes to trial. For the first time, she opens up about her turbulent relationship with Ryan and the devastating revelations which almost cause her world to shatter for a second time. But, above all, she speaks of the indescribable hell of learning to live without the most important thing in her life.