This is a journey which takes him across the world and back to a triumphant homecoming in Liverpool. But despite the laughs, the real journey in this tale takes him all the way - from a boy to a man.

    So which does he choose? Despite his love of basalt, he chooses the career that teaches him how to kill... and sh*t in plastic bags.Knowing his weak body will have to shape up to complete thirty weeks of commando training, Mark prepares for the Royal Marines by sleeping in his shed wearing only plastic bags. He braves pain by ordering his mate to attack him while trapped in a sleeping bag. He starves himself in a stupid urban survival exercise, turning down the offer of crispy pancakes from his bewildered mother.He is ready.Some might say for the nut house...Often hilarious and yet shockingly sobering, this is the true story of a boy who joins one of the world's most elite military units with only naivety and incompetence equalling his will to succeed.'A cover to cover laughathon' - SOLDIER MAGAZINE

    They casserole. They pinwheel. They pump the salad spinner like it's a CPR dummy. And then they kill a party crasher, carefully stepping around the body to pull cookies out of the oven. These twelve irresistible stories take us from a haunted prewar Manhattan apartment building to the set of a rigged reality television show, from the unique initiation ritual of a book club to the getaway car of a pageant princess on the lam, from the gallery opening of a tinfoil artist to the fitting room of a legendary lingerie shop. Vicious, fresh, and nutty as a poisoned Goo Goo Cluster, American Housewife is an uproarious, pointed commentary on womanhood.

    Now, a generation later, Harry Pearson returns to the region to discover how much things have changed - and how much they have remained the same.  In the mid-1990s, Kevin Keegan brought sporting romance and expectation of trophies to Newcastle, Sunderland moved the the Stadium of Light backed by a wealthy consortium, Middlesbrough signed one of the best Brazilians of the era and won their first major trophy - even little Darlington had a former safe-cracker turned kitchen magnate in charge, promising the world. The region even provided England's two key players in Euro 96 in Alan Shearer and Paul Gascoigne - the far corner seemed destined to become the centre of England's footballing world. But it never happened. Using travels to and from matches in the 2018-19 season, The Farther Corner will explore the changes in north-east football and society over the past twenty-five years. Visiting new places and some familiar ones, catching the stories, the sentiment and the sound of the supporters, locating where football now sits in the life of a region that was once proud to be what John Arlott suggested was ‘The Hotbed of Soccer’, it will be about love and loss and the happiness to be found eating KitKats and joking about Bobby Mimms on cold February days in coal-scented northern air. The region may have been left behind in the Champions League stakes, but few would doubt the power of its beating heart.

    First, they are made of paste and cloth, which is funny, as is the fact that people still buy and read them.” With that in mind, the McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes collects the best book-related humor from the humor-laden archives of McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Open it and be regaled by such sketches, lists, letters, and spoofs as:Postcards from James Joyce to his Brother StanWinnie-the-Pooh is My CoworkerIkea Product or Lord of the Rings Character?Popular Children's Fairy Tales Reimagined Using Members of My FamilyThe Very Unauthorized Biography of Steven Seagal Chuck Norris EroticaJohn Updike, Television WriterJane Eyre Runs for PresidentCormac McCarthy Writes to the Editor of the Santa Fe New MexicanHolden Caulfield Gives the Commencement Speech to a High SchoolLetters from Odysseus's College RoommateAnd many dozens more.

    From the Trade Paperback edition.

    Koalas look cuddly, but they're actually irritable, solitary beasts who do not want belly rubs. What kind of mocking god created creatures with poofy ears and big black noses that don't want belly rubs? BOpossums: North America gets one lousy marsupial, and let's just say it's not going to win any beauty contests. Or even not-ugly contests. C−Wombats: "Wombat" is a great name. It's got a "wom" and a "bat," and an "omba." They're kind of nondescript animals, cute in a generic pudgy mammal way, but their name spelled backward is "tabmow," and that makes all the difference. AThe Book of Ratings is hysterically arbitrary and undeniably infectious.

    When Denis receives a call to help an abused and starved racehorse called Lady May, he has no idea how this new bond of friendship will shape his life. Toby, Denis and Lady May’s adventures through the Northumberland countryside tells a special story filled with love, laughter and loss.

    After a wandering, precarious life during which he produced poems, essays, stories, and novels, Walser entered an insane asylum, saying, “I am not here to write, but to be mad.” Many of the unpublished works he left were in fact written in an idiosyncratically abbreviated script that was for years dismissed as an impenetrable private cipher. Fourteen texts from these so-called pencil manuscripts are included in this volume—rich evidence that Walser’s microscripts, rather than the work of incipient madness, were in actuality the product of desperate genius building a last reserve, and as such, a treasure in modern literature. With a brisk preface and a chronology of Walser’s life and work, this collection of fifty translations of short prose pieces covers the middle to later years of the writer’s oeuvre. It provides unparalleled insight into Walser’s creative process, along with a unique opportunity to experience the unfolding of his rare and eccentric gift. His novels The Robber (Nebraska 2000) and Jakob von Gunten are also available in English translation.

    Some things last forever...so of all people, you'd think tattoo artists would use spell-check! Get this e-book and laugh your @#$ off at what happens when questionable taste and lack of foresight collide.Note: As the title says, there's some pretty inappropriate stuff in here...not for children!

    When her mother's health begins to fail, Erina Bridget Ring searches for something to do during the hours she spends at her mother's bedside. What she discovers is knitting--and a group of women knitters. But as she learns to knit and at the same time cares for her ailing mother, she finds that things at the knitting group are not what they seem to be.

    Regularly priced at $4.99. Read on your PC, Mac, smart phone, tablet or Kindle device. ----------------- This is not the Best Seller "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. This is an essay on the Most Important Life Lessons of "The Alchemist". (If you haven't read the Alchemist yet, I recommend you do it before reading this book ... although you can also read this book without having read the Alchemist before) ----------------- This book contains proven steps and strategies on how to seek your personal legend; to follow your dreams, and along the journey learn lessons only you and the soul of the world would know. Paulo Coelho ventured his readers into the soul of the world with his enticing masterpiece “The Alchemist”. Enter the world of Santiago, a dreamer who fancy travelling, that is why he traverse his parent’s plans for him of becoming a priest and chose to be a shepherd. The dream that appears in his sleep was of treasures hidden at the Egyptian pyramids, so in search for it, he travelled all the way from Andalusia to the unbounded dessert of Egypt. The story will let you encounter the teachings of the world, most of it was already known to you but the realization will only come dawning after your journey with Santiago. Now start reading it and begin seeking for your own personal legend. Here Is A Preview Of What You'll Learn... The man you wanted to be Language of the soul The world’s greatest lie Personal legend The secret of happiness You cannot trust everyone Language of the world Don’t get used to the way things are Purification of oneself Never be afraid of losing what you have The mysterious chain that links one thing to another Language of love True love is letting go Kinds of alchemist The treasure and the heart Principle of favorability Soul of God The most precious treasure Much, much more! Scroll Up and Download your Copy Today! Be a Companion of Santiago and Learn all these Life and Spiritual Lessons he discovered in his journey! Take action today and download this book for a Limited Time discount of only $2.99! Tags: the alchemist, alchemist, paulo cohelo, the alchemist paulo cohelo, spirituality, personal growth, inspiration, spiritual books, spiritual

    The heady mix of human depravity, humour, satire, tragedy, revenge and drama makes these stories an essential cocktail of emotions.Review:“Breezy, Flippant, Poignant... Tales of pleasurable wickedness.”-Salil Desai, author of Inspector Saralkar Mystery Series“Although not all sugar and sunshine, Dalvi's voice is an important one, because he chooses to tell stories that others would normally shy away from. There's a serene resignation in his tales, one that is completely devoid of both hope as well as regret. I thoroughly enjoyed the stories.”-Bhaskar Chattopadhyay, author of Patang, Penumbra, Here Falls the Shadow, The Disappearance of Sally Sequeira and Best Served Cold“Gripping short-stories by Rafaa Dalvi. I am both intrigued and scared by his plot-twists. Thrilled to have read this book.”-Sanhita Baruah, author of The Art of Letting Go and The Art of Healing“Some of the best stories I have read so far. Rafaa has a gift of telling complex stories in a very intuitive and straightforward and are easy to read. This book is the best thing that has come out during these current circumstances.”-S. G. Kabe, author of Everything is Normal“Rafaa Dalvi is a flash fiction expert.”-T.F. Carthick, author of Carthick’s Unfairy Tales and More Unfairy Tales“Taut, propulsive and riveting, Rafaa’s mesmerising stories pack a big punch. Chasing Nirvana has been carefully crafted for maximum impact. A highly compelling read.”-Vivek Banerjee, author of ‘The Long Road’ and ‘The Other Side’

    Picking up where his hilarious Screen Burn left off, Dawn of the Dumb collects the best of Charlie Brooker's recent TV writing, together with uproarious spleen-venting diatribes on a range of non-televisual subjects - tackling everything from David Cameron to human hair. Rude, unhinged, outrageous, and above all funny, Dawn of the Dumb is essential reading for anyone with a brain and a spinal cord. And hands for turning the pages.

    All the usual ingredients were there—well-worn gloves, freshly cut grass, and new uniforms. But the addition of a coach who was “new to the area” is what made this season truly unforgettable for young Andy.Baseball fans and both current and former Little Leaguers will love the funny story, the age-old baseball wisdom quoted from some of the game’s greatest players, and the vintage baseball photography.