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The Onion Presents a Book of Jean's Own!: All New Wit, Wisdom, and Wackiness from the Onion's Beloved Humor Columnist
Jean Teasdale - 2010
Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!
Westward Ha!
S.J. Perelman - 1948
Perelman's companion is cartoonist Al Hirschfield, whose drawings capture the very essence of Perelmania.
Riding the Tiger: Twenty Years on the Road: The Risks and Joys of Bringing Tibetan Buddhism to the West
Ole Nydahl - 1992
Tell people that the mind is like space: open, clear and limitless, and talk about both the way and the goal." In 1969 Ole and Hannah Nydahl became the first Western students of H.H. the Karmapa, the head of the Kagyu tradition of Tibetan Buddhism. After years of practice in the Himalayas, he authorized them to teach and start centers in his name. An audience with the Queen of Denmark started their work in the West. A basement in historical Copenhagen became the first Tibetan Buddhist center on the European continent, and a rusted-through VW-bus with race-car qualities got them everywhere. Riding the Tiger is the inside story of the development of Tibetan Buddhism in the West. In his refreshingly unsentimental style, Lama Ole shows all aspects of the work. With breathtaking intensity, he highlights both healthy and unhealthy tendencies in the light of the Buddha's ultimate aim: to bring about the fully developed beings whose every activity blesses the world. Amazon Review: Jason Anderson from Monterey, CA: "Lama Ole Nydahl is a unique figure in modern Buddhist history--first Western student of the Black Hat lama, H.H. the XVIth Gyalwa Karmapa, married lama 'without robes, ' and spiritual figure personally chosen by the Karmapa to teach and make foundations in his name--and Riding the Tiger is filled to overflowing with his particular energies and gifts. It is a galloping book that takes the reader around the world, inviting him in for a close-up look at the making of a Buddhist center for meditation and study, and Lama Ole has successfully started over one hundred such centers. And a deep look, as well, at the nature of Buddhism in the West, how it has been transplanted, how it has flourished. ... This is a magical book and a magical ride!
Air Mail: Letters From The World's Most Troublesome Passenger
Terry Ravenscroft - 2007
But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.
Three and a Half Virgins
John Blumenthal - 2011
Some have compared his novels to those of Jonathan Tropper and Nick Hornby, praising his insightful takes on contemporary life and love, his hilariously descriptive language, his Woody Allen-like dialogue and the poignancy of his plots. Now, in “Three and a Half Virgins,” the author of “What’s Wrong With Dorfman” and “Millard Fillmore, Mon Amour,” turns his jaundiced eye to the subjects of lost love, nostalgia, redemption and guilt. It all begins when the wife of our hapless hero (problematically named Jimmy Hendricks) leaves him for the guy who lives in the cul-de-sac at the end of his block. After a mostly unsuccessful but comical attempt at dating, he finds himself revisiting his past. Engulfed by nostalgia, he's suddenly gripped by pleasant memories of three old flames -- Laura, Samantha and Molly -- all of whom happened to have been virgins when he first met each of them twenty years before.But the warm refuge of the past soon gives way to icy reality as he confronts the sobering details of how maliciously he tricked, seduced and broke each of their hearts. Overcome by remorse and tantalized by curiosity, he finds a way to reshape his past by apologizing to each of them for his heartless behavior.How will they react? Which, if any of the virgins will our hero end up with after his quest? The answer will surprise you, as "Three and a Half Virgins" transports readers back and forth through time, and ultimately suggests that the past is not necessarily prologue
Bear in the Back Seat I and II: Adventures of a Wildlife Ranger in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park: Boxed Set
Carolyn Jourdan - 2014
You'll love seeing Kim and a fellow ranger tested as they bravely take on the task of relocating 77 live skunks by sedating them with darts from homemade blowguns, especially when the pickup truck load of stinkers wakes up while still in transit. An hilarious, heartwarming, and heartbreaking memoir by the chief wildlife ranger in the #1 most popular family vacation destination in the USA, the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. For over thirty years, Kim DeLozier acted as a referee in the wild, trying to protect millions of park visitors from one of the densest populations of wild black bears in America -- and the bears from tourists who get too close. Written with bestselling author Carolyn Jourdan who has several highly-regarded #1 Amazon bestsellers about the Smoky Mountains.
Reluctant Pioneer: How I Survived Five Years in the Canadian Bush
Thomas Osborne - 1995
The view 16-year-old Thomas Osborne first had of Muskoka was at night, trudging alone with his even younger brother along unmarked primitive roads to find their luckless father who, in 1875, had decided to make a new start for his beleaguered family on some "free land" in the bush east of the pioneer village of Huntsville, Ontario. The miracle is that Thomas lived to tell the tale.For the next five years Thomas endured starvation, falling through the ice and freezing, accidents with axes and boats, and narrow escapes from wolves and bears. Many years later, after returning to the United States, Osborne wrote down all his adventures in a graphic memoir that has become, in the words of author and journalist Roy MacGregor, "an undiscovered Canadian classic."Reluctant Pioneer provides a brooding sense of adventure and un- sentimental realism to deliver a powerful account of pioneer life where tragedies arrive as naturally as rain and where humour resides in irony.
Going Bare!
John David Harding - 2012
The book is short - around an hour of reading - and details everything from when I first decided naturism appealed to me, to my thoughts after the holiday.
The Mysteries of Max: Books 1-3
Nic Saint - 2017
He may look like your regular ginger flabby tabby, but unlike most tabbies, he can actually communicate with his human, reporter for the Hampton Cove Gazette Odelia Poole. Max takes a keen interest in the goings-on in their small town, by snooping around with his best friends Dooley, a not-too-bright ragamuffin, and Harriet, a gorgeous white Persian. Their regular visits to the police station, the barbershop and the doctor’s office provide them with those precious and exclusive scoops that have made Odelia the number one reporter in town. Purrfect Murder When the body of a bestselling writer is discovered buried in the last Long Island outhouse, and a new policeman arrives in town to solve the murder, it looks like things are about to change in Hampton Cove. Detective Chase Kingsley doesn’t take kindly to nosy reporters like Odelia snooping around his crime scene or interviewing his suspects. And to make matters worse, he’s got a cat of his own in Brutus, a buff, black bully, who, just like his owner, likes to lay down the law. Soon Brutus isn’t just restricting access to the police station, but he’s putting the moves on Harriet, breaking up the band.
Now it’s all Odelia, Max and Dooley can do to try and solve the murder, in spite of Detective Kingsley’s and Brutus’s protestations, and show the overbearing cop and his bullyragging feline how things are done in Hampton Cove. Purrfectly Deadly When famous eighties pop star John Paul George is found floating facedown in his pool, Hampton Cove’s premier sleuthing tabby Max and his feline friends are on the case. Soon they’re chasing leads and following clues, helping their human Odelia Poole, reporter for the Hampton Cove Gazette, solve the murder.
Meanwhile, new cop in town Chase Kingsley has his own problems to deal with. An old scandal threatens to get him kicked off the force. And even though Odelia and Chase don’t always see eye to eye, she decides to help him clear his name, even if it means keeping Chase’s cat Brutus, Max’s self-declared nemesis, in town.
Soon Max is up to his whiskers in drug dealers, boy toys, disgruntled ex-wives and even more drug dealers, all while competing with Brutus for the title of Hampton Cove’s one and only ‘true detective.’ Purrfect Revenge Blorange tabby Max and ragamuffin Dooley are on the case again. This time a world-famous reality star has been found murdered in her own bed, and it looks like the crime just might be terror-related. The Kenspeckles, stars of the well-known reality show Keeping Up with the Kenspeckles, are in town to film a new season of their show, so the case soon turns into a complete media circus, with the Kenspeckles insisting the entire investigation is filmed for their show.
Odelia Poole, Hampton Cove’s premier reporter, teams up with Detective Chase Kingsley to catch the killer, but with cameras filming their every move, and every Kenspeckle a suspect, they’re not making a lot of progress. Good thing Odelia’s cats Max and Dooley can sneak around undetected, tracking leads and hunting clues. But first they have to pacify Shana’s French Bulldog Kane, who just might be in possession of the clue that breaks the case. And they have to outsmart Chase’s black tabby Brutus, who has his own reasons to find the killer.
Burning Fence: A Western Memoir of Fatherhood
Craig Lesley - 2005
Their story is one of hardship, violence, and cautious, heartbreaking attempts toward compassion. Lesley's fearless journey through his family history provides a remarkable portrait of hard living in the Western states, and confirms his place as one of the region's very best storytellers.
USE THIS FOR THAT: Your Easy Essential Oil Guidebook
Kathy Heshelow - 2017
Essential oils hold great wellness benefits.Kathy Heshelow makes it easy for beginners or dabblers in aromatherapy to walk away with a good understanding of how to USE THIS FOR THAT. You'll get great info, recipes, applications and tips to keep you and your family well.
There's This River... Grand Canyon Boatman Stories
Christa Sadler - 1994
Often hilarious, sometimes bittersweet and always entertaining, these true tales tell the stories of a landscape, a lifestyle and a unique community.
The Junket (Kindle Single)
Mike Albo - 2011
He lands an enviable gig writing about shopping and fashion for the city’s major newspaper, but an ill-fated promotional junket gets Albo into hot water. He becomes a gossip item and finds himself caught in an acrimonious war between Old and New Media. Here's a gimlet-eyed account of the back-biting media scene, a glimpse into the inner workings of the fashion crowd, and a candid portrait of what it takes to survive as a writer in today’s chattering and watchful New York City."I was perilously close to exposing a secret underground economy of promotion: favors and junkets and banquets and gifts that keeps the city in motion, and keeps underpaid writers at work. Basically, I became the Silkwood of Swag."
Free Kindle Books
Creep Creepersin - 2013
This is the story of one man's quest to get the entire Amazon Kindle library for free and the repercussions of what an insane obsession could bring.