And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    Here for the first time are his short stories and other short form fiction collected into one volume. A Blink of the Screen charts the course of Pratchett's long writing career: from his schooldays through to his first writing job on the Bucks Free Press,; to the origins of his debut novel, The Carpet People; and on again to the dizzy mastery of the phenomenally successful Discworld series.Here are characters both familiar and yet to be discovered; abandoned worlds and others still expanding; adventure, chickens, death, disco and, actually, some quite disturbing ideas about Christmas,all of it shot through with his inimitable brand of humour.With an introduction by Booker Prize-winning author A.S. Byatt, illustrations by the late Josh Kirby and drawings by the author himself, this is a book to treasure.

    Raina Sun is a typical graduate student trying to keep her head above water as the bills roll in from a lawsuit disputing an inheritance from her dysfunctional family. Then her dashing college adviser cons her out of several months of rent. Her quest to get her money back sets into motion a streak of bad luck. First, she finds the dead body of an ex-lover and becomes the prime suspect to his murder. The only man she ever loved reappears as the lead detective to the case and wants to reignite their passion (or at least he’s sending out smoke signals). Her life careens out of control as her best friend does whatever it takes to get the inside scoop for the town’s newspaper. And her grandma moves into Raina’s postage-stamp-sized apartment, dragging a red suitcase and trouble. The family secret Raina has been running away from is now staring at her across the dining room table every morning.Raina must figure out how to extract herself before things get dicey. There is no place for an amateur when it comes to murder. The eclectic cast of characters in this amateur sleuth mystery will have you scratching your head and laughing until the end.

    Stuck at a boring family party, on an awkward date, in a below-par job interview, or any number of other situations in which conversation has become more of a trickle than a flow. Well, fear the excruciation no more, as Richard Herring's Emergency Questions is about to change your life. Containing 1,000 conversation starters from one of our most cherished comedians, along with plenty of answers from the many household names who've appeared on his hundreds of podcasts, this book is virtually guaranteed to remove any social anxiety from your life, and will raise your repartee-game to new heights.

     All it takes is one morning for Sydney Photographer Lily Bianchi's life to go off the rails and over a cliff. A well-dressed English woman turns up at her door, swearing she's a witch. If that’s not crazy enough, she explains Lily’s brother, James, has been kidnapped and the Paranormal Investigation Bureau needs Lily’s help finding him. And the craziest part? The Englishwoman tells Lily she's a witch too. Before she can say, “Where’s my coffee?” she’s on a plane bound for Westerham, England. Unfortunately, England’s not as welcoming as she hoped--she's barely arrived before she gets set up, arrested and almost shot. Things can only get better from here, right? Yeah, right…

    Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    She resides in Limbo City, the modern capital of the collective afterlives, where she likes to stick it to the man (the legendary Grim Reaper himself) by harvesting the bare minimum of souls required of her. She’d much rather be hanging out with Gabriel, her favorite archangel, at Purgatory Lounge. But when a shocking promotion falls in Lana's lap, she learns something that could unravel the very fabric of Eternity. If the job isn’t completed, there could be some real hell to pay.

    That is, until she meets Mercury, an anti-establishment angel who's frittering his time away whipping up batches of Rice Krispy Treats and perfecting his ping-pong backhand instead of doing his job: helping to orchestrate Armageddon. With the end near and angels and demons debating the finer political points of the Apocalypse, Christine and Mercury accidentally foil an attempt to assassinate one Karl Grissom, a thirty-seven-year-old film school dropout about to make his big break as the Antichrist. Now, to save the world, she must negotiate the byzantine bureaucracies of Heaven and Hell and convince the apathetic Mercury to take a stand, all the while putting up with the obnoxious mouth-breathing Antichrist.

    They are the journeys of self-discovery, when one learns one’s true history and destiny. They are the times when self-discipline must trump the massive desire to act in a manner that offers a short term benefit… but a long term disaster. Adam long knew he faced such a journey, one he’d face completely alone. He didn’t know how he’d ever begin; fate seemed stacked against him. And yet he knew the stakes, knew that his failure — or his discovery — could doom him and those he loves most. And then… fate smiled on him. For just a few brief moments, the window opened, and he commenced that journey. He—and the world—would never be the same.

    I'm a witch working for a division of the government you've never heard about. The world's not what everyone thinks it is--unless you think that our world's a pawn in a game of chess between Heaven and Hell, and riddled with as much magic and wonder as it is with evil. In that case, the world is exactly what you think. My place of employment--the Office of Preternatural Affairs--takes a modern approach to an ages-old problem. It used to be that inquisitors would burn demons and the people in league with them. Now we get warrants, perform arrests, put the suspects on trial, and send guilty parties back to the Hell from whence they came with the travel forms filled out in triplicate.  This stuff I do with the OPA, it saves lives on most days.  Most days, I said. ABOUT WITCH HUNTThere are scratches on Cèsar Hawke's arms, a discharged Glock on his coffee table, and a dead woman in his bathtub. Yeah, maybe he brought the waitress home for some fun--he was too drunk to remember it--but he knows for a fact that he didn't kill her. He's an agent with the Office of Preternatural Affairs. He doesn't hurt people. He saves them.  The cops disagree. Now Cèsar is running. Isobel Stonecrow speaks with the dead. She brings closure to the bereaved and heals broken hearts. But when she talks to the wrong spirit, the OPA puts a bounty on her head. Tracking down Isobel is the last case assigned to Cèsar before he bolts. If he finds her, he can prove that he didn't kill that waitress. He can clear his name, get his job back, and bring justice to all those wronged families. She's just one witch. He's bagged a dozen witches before. How hard can one more be? ABOUT SILVER BULLETFormer private investigator Cèsar Hawke has one rule: He doesn't deal with dead bodies. That's why he enlisted with the Magical Violations Department in the Office of Preternatural Affairs. He's happy tracking down witches that commit petty crimes, but he leaves the homicides to other agents.  Except that he's been assigned to a new team--a team that handles special investigations--and the job has suddenly changed. Now Cèsar has to deal with dead bodies. He also has to deal with necromancers, murderous cults, and demons that can stop a man's heart with fear.  This isn't the job he signed up for, but it's the job he needs to do.  If he survives the first week.  ABOUT HOTTER THAN HELLTOWNA killer is mutilating bodies in Los Angeles. Agent Cèsar Hawke is on the case, but the murderer is ahead of him--way ahead of him.  Wiping the memories of the dead so that the team's necrocognitive can't talk to them? Done. Preventing magical reconstruction of the crime scenes? Oh yeah. And the murders keep getting more brutal while Cèsar struggles to catch up. The best way to heat up a cold case is to go to Helltown, where Los Angeles's most powerful evil hides out, but even those demons are afraid of the murderer. Their fear adds one more question to the growing pile of unknowns:  What kind of bad guy is too hot for Helltown?

    According to the hysteria, Nostradamus has predicted the end sometime this year. Possibly November, possibly Tuesday depending which expert you believed. No one knows how, but the theories range from mutated avocadoes to out of control smart speakers. Only one expert doesn’t believe it, Dr. Ally Oldfield. In order to dispel the paranoia, Ally is drawn into a world of useless ‘preppers’, Chinese hypnotherapists and a crap beige Renault 16 in pursuit of a four-hundred-year-old lie.  Only history can save the future, but can Ally solve the puzzle before humanity destroys itself or, more importantly to her, she finds a decent cup of coffee? If you like the mystery of Dan Brown, the Historical Fiction of Bernard Cornwell, and the humour of Douglas Adams you won’t be able to put this down.   ‘The End of the World is Nigh’ is the first book in the Dr. Ally Oldfield series.What readers are saying about ‘The End of the World is Nigh’ The End of the World is N1G13 is a superb, can't-put-down read One of the best books I have read and I've read thousands One of those books you don't want to finish and leaves you wanting more! It is brilliantly structured and very readable. A murder mystery with a unique slant to it and a story you simply have to read to satisfy a curiosity that builds with the story Loved this book. Original plot, very funny. Going to read all his books for sure Really enjoyed this book, great fun, I laughed out loud. Good mastery of the written word. Philibert Montmorency and Tony Moyle - both names to remember if you enjoy a good read. Superb read, well worth the insanely small purchase price.

    That was, of course, because they didn’t know that Camp Tekonichia was home to boundless spirit energy, three very bored ghosts, and a powerful magic spell on the verge of completion. Now, these three will have to race against time and an ancient evil trying to stop the whole world from turning into a haven for restless spirits. Aided only by a mysterious medium and the camp’s resident ghosts, none of them have a clue how they’re supposed to save the world. Especially since they only have until sunrise to do it.

    With weeks to live, a package arrives at the door of his hillside mansion—an artifact he paid millions for…a hominoid skull with elongated teeth, discovered in a farmer’s field in the Romanian countryside. With Shanna, his beautiful research assistant looking on, he sinks the skull’s razor sharp fangs into his neck, and immediately goes into convulsions. OPENS THE DOOR TO AN ANCIENT EVIL...A rural hospital. A slow night in the ER. Until Moorecook arrives strapped to a gurney, where he promptly codes and dies.WHERE DEATH IS JUST THE BEGINNING.Four well-known horror authors pool their penchants for scares and thrills, and tackle one of the greatest of all legends, with each writer creating a unique character and following them through a vampire outbreak in a secluded hospital.The goal was simple: write the most intense novel they possibly could.Which they did.A Word of Warning:Within these pages, you will find no black capes, no satin-lined coffins, no brooding heartthrobs who want to talk about your feelings. Forget sunlight and stakes. Throw out your garlic and your crosses. This is the Anti-TWILIGHT.NOTE: DRACULAS is a full length novel, 80,000 words long. But this ebook is also brimming with an additional 80,000 words of extras and bonuses:- a clickable table of contents- a round-robin interview with Strand, Wilson, Crouch, and Kilborn about writing DRACULAS- deleted scenes- two alternate endings- four excerpts from the authors’ other works- the short story “Serial” by Crouch and Kilborn- the short story “Cub Scout Gore Feast” by Kilborn and Strand- the short story “A Sound of Blunder” by Kilborn and Wilson- author biographies- comprehensive clickable bibliographies- an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look at the writing of DRACULAS, delivered through a collection of over seven hundred emails between the writers as they were brainstorming and writing the book

    Allegedly. William de Worde is the Discworld's first investigative journalist. He didn't mean to be - it was just an accident. But, as William fills his pages with reports of local club meetings and pictures of humorously shaped vegetables, dark forces high up in Ankh-Morpork's society are plotting to overthrow the city's ruler, Lord Vetinari.

    Wake his kid brother Andy up, get tormented on the school bus by the cool kids, try to avoid them while in school. Except it's Field Trip Day to the Science Museum, and now he's stuck with the meanest kids in seventh grade all day! But then the bus breaks down, so he doesn't even get to do anything cool at the science museum. It's okay, because an industrial accident brings science to Todd and his friends in the form of a zombie apocalypse. When the bus driver abandons them in the middle of a zombie outbreak, Todd, his brother Andy, his best friend Tarik, and their tomboy friend Mikayla take shelter in the first place they can find - an adult novelty store. What can you find in an adult toy store to fight zombies? Well…let's just say that the field trip was pretty educational, even if the kids never made it to the museum! Shingles is the comedy horror series from the gang that brings you the Authors & Dragons podcast. Like the podcast, these books are rated Not Safe For Anything.