Enjoy these hilarious stories about stupid criminals, their hilarious attempts at crime, and bizarre mistakes they made that prevented them from getting away with their crimes.

    Elaine Ambrose boldly writes her latest kiss-my-attitude book as a sassy sequel to Midlife Cabernet. Ambrose shares her festive life experiences and career-crushing anecdotes as she explains how to remain relevant after age 50, why grown children make great travel companions, and how to balance midlife without falling over. Ambrose notes that her feminine mystique sprung a leak after years of competing as a funny female in a serious male job market. Now the hard work is done, and she invites midlife women to join her for Happy Hour.

    The 100 Best Yo Mama Jokes.

     The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. Other new titles for Autumn 2016: How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The DogThe Ladybird Book of the Meeting The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster

       Rory Thorne is a princess with thirteen fairy blessings, the most important of which is to see through flattery and platitudes. As the eldest daughter, she always imagined she’d inherit her father’s throne and govern the interplanetary Thorne Consortium.   Then her father is assassinated, her mother gives birth to a son, and Rory is betrothed to the prince of a distant world.   When Rory arrives in her new home, she uncovers a treacherous plot to unseat her newly betrothed and usurp his throne. An unscrupulous minister has conspired to name himself Regent to the minor (and somewhat foolish) prince. With only her wits and a small team of allies, Rory must outmaneuver the Regent and rescue the prince.  How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse is a feminist reimagining of familiar fairytale tropes and a story of resistance and self-determination—how small acts of rebellion can lead a princess to not just save herself, but change the course of history.

    The response was immediate and overwhelming—readers almost instantly began asking when the second volume of Royko columns would appear. With more than a hundred vintage Royko columns and a foreword by Roger Ebert, For the Love of Mike was the answer.Royko, a nationally syndicated Pulitzer Prize winner, wrote for three major Chicago newspapers in the course of his 34 years as a daily columnist. Chosen from more than 7,000 columns, For the Love of Mike brings back more than a hundred vintage Royko pieces-most of which have not appeared since their initial publication-for readers across the country to enjoy. This second collection includes Royko's riffs on the consequences of accepting a White House dinner invitation (not surprisingly, he turned it down); his explanation of the notorious Ex-Cub Factor in World Series play; and his befuddlement at a private screening of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, to which he was invited by his pal Ebert, the screenplay's author. The new collection also illuminates Royko's favorite themes, topics he returned to again and again: his skewering of cultural trends, his love of Chicago, and his rage against injustice. By turns acerbic, hilarious, and deeply moving, Royko remains a writer of wit and passion who represents the best of urban journalism. "To read these columns again is to have Mike back again, nudging, chuckling, wincing, deflating pomposity, sticking up for the little guy, defending good ideas against small-minded people," writes Roger Ebert in his foreword to the book. For the Love of Mike does indeed bring Mike back again, and until a Chicago newspaper takes up Ebert's suggestion that it begin reprinting each of Royko's columns, one a day, this collection will more than satisfy Royko's loyal readers.

    This edition also comes with twelve exclusive postcards. A must-have gift edition for all Whovians!To celebrate the arrival of Peter Capaldi on to our screens as the newly regenerated Doctor, this collection of Doctor Who short stories, each written by a different author, now includes an extra, brand-new twelfth adventure as part of the 12 Doctors, 12 Stories paperback anthology. Offering the perfect addition to the top-selling series, the twelfth story, 'Lights Out', has been penned by self-professed Doctor Who fan and best-selling female sci-fi writer Holly Black.Contents:A Big Hand For the Doctor by Eoin Colfer sees the First Doctor in pursuit of a gang of Soul Pirates in Victorian London. Missing both his left hand and his beloved granddaughter Susan, his quest to retrieve them promises a journey into a land he may never forget...The Nameless City by Michael Scott, who puts his own inimtable spin on the Second Doctor. When Jamie McCrimmon gives the Doctor a mysterious book, he has no idea of the danger contained within its pages. The book transports the TARDIS to a glass city on a distant world, where the Archons are intent on getting revenge on the Time Lord for an ancient grudge.The Spear of Destiny by Marcus Sedgwick follows the Third Doctor and Jo Grant on a quest to track down the magical spear of Odin. Caught in a vicious battle between two Viking tribes, the Doctor stop the spear getting into the wrong hands before it's too late.The Roots of Evil by Philip Reeve, joins the Fourth Doctor and his companion Leela on an adventure on a massive tree space station known as the Heligan Structure. Little do they know that the tree has been asleep for centuries, dreaming of vengeance against a man in a blue box... Tip of the Tongue by Patrick Ness is a Fifth Doctor adventure about a strange new craze for Truth Tellers, which is sweeping through the kids of small-town America. While the Doctor and Nyssa investigate the phenomenon, they discover the truth behind the Truth Tellers is far more sinister than anyone could have imagined...Something Borrowed by Richelle Mead. The Sixth Doctor and Peri attend a wedding on the planet Koturia and discover the return of a formidable old foe, whose genius matches the Doctor's. Can he outwit this villain, save Peri and stop the wedding in time?The Ripple Effect by Malorie Blackman. When the TARDIS lands on Skaro, the Seventh Doctor and Ace are shocked to discover the planet has become the Dalek's have become a force for good, and their once battle-torn planet is now a universal centre of learning. But how long can peace last...?Spore by Alex Scarrow, who puts his own twist on the Eighth Doctor in a terrifying tale about an alien pathogen that attacks a small town in the Nevada desert. As the population is reduced to a seething mass of black slime the Doctor realise it is the same virus which almost annihilated his entire race, the Time Lords...The Beast of Babylon by Charlie Higson. A young girl called Ali sees a silver orb fall from the sky and soon learns it's her ticket to seeing the universe. Desperate to retrieve the mysterious object, the Ninth Doctor lets her join him on a dangerous trip to ancient Babylon, where he must battle a giant Starman for the fate of the Earth.The Mystery of the Haunted Cottage by Derek Landy, joins the Tenth Doctor and Martha on a planet that looks exactly like Earth, but is full of fictional characters from Martha's childhood. Together they must solve the mystery of who has created a world of books before their story concludes.Nothing O’Clock by Neil Gaiman, is a terrifying tale about a race called the Kin. Thousands of years ago, the Kin were imprisoned for their crimes by the Time Lords. But the Kin were patient and deathless and, when Gallifrey fell, they escaped. Now the Eleventh Doctor and Amy Pond are all that states between the Kin and fate of the universe.Lights Out by Holly Black. The Twelfth Doctor is sucked into a murder investigation on the International Coffee Roasting Station, the most caffeinated place in the universe. A killer is on the loose; one who only emerges in the dark. Can the Doctor solve the mystery before the lights go out forever?

    high school genius has left her geek self behind in another school district so she can blend in with the popular crowd at Santa Monica High and actually enjoy her senior year. But when Farrah, the daughter of a UCLA math professor, unknowingly cracks a terrorist group's number sequence, her laid-back senior year gets a lot more interesting. Soon she is personally investigating the case, on the run from terrorists, and faking her own kidnapping-- all while trying to convince a young, hot FBI agent to take her seriously. So much for blending in . . .

    Celebrated artist Jeffrey Brown's delightful illustrations give classic Star Wars moments a fresh twist, presenting the trials and joys of parenting through the lens of a galaxy far, far away. Life lessons include lightsaber batting practice, using the Force to raid the cookie jar, Take Your Child to Work Day on the Death Star ("Er, he looks just like you, Lord Vader!"), and the special bond shared between any father and son.

    Acclaimed, New York Times bestselling author Tom Angleberger delivers a captivating retelling of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi like you've never experienced before, infusing the iconic, classic tale of good versus evil with a unique perspective and narrative style that will speak directly to today's young readers while enhancing the Star Wars experience for core fans of the saga.

    There’s a new rule in the galaxy: No one touches Earth! But why has Earth suddenly become the most important planet in the galaxy? That’s what the Guardians of the Galaxy are going to find out! Join Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket Raccoon, Groot and--wait for it--the Invincible Iron Man as they embark upon one of the most explosive and eye-opening chapters of Marvel NOW! The secrets these galactic Avengers discover will rattle Marvel readers for years to come! But while London deals with a brutal invasion by the Badoon, the fate of the Guardians may have already been decided millions of miles away! Why wait for the movie? It all starts here! Collecting: Guardians of the Galaxy 0.1, 1-3; & Guardians of the Galaxy Infinite Comic

    Some have compared his novels to those of Jonathan Tropper and Nick Hornby, praising his insightful takes on contemporary life and love, his hilariously descriptive language, his Woody Allen-like dialogue and the poignancy of his plots. Now, in “Three and a Half Virgins,” the author of “What’s Wrong With Dorfman” and “Millard Fillmore, Mon Amour,” turns his jaundiced eye to the subjects of lost love, nostalgia, redemption and guilt. It all begins when the wife of our hapless hero (problematically named Jimmy Hendricks) leaves him for the guy who lives in the cul-de-sac at the end of his block. After a mostly unsuccessful but comical attempt at dating, he finds himself revisiting his past. Engulfed by nostalgia, he's suddenly gripped by pleasant memories of three old flames -- Laura, Samantha and Molly -- all of whom happened to have been virgins when he first met each of them twenty years before.But the warm refuge of the past soon gives way to icy reality as he confronts the sobering details of how maliciously he tricked, seduced and broke each of their hearts. Overcome by remorse and tantalized by curiosity, he finds a way to reshape his past by apologizing to each of them for his heartless behavior.How will they react? Which, if any of the virgins will our hero end up with after his quest? The answer will surprise you, as "Three and a Half Virgins" transports readers back and forth through time, and ultimately suggests that the past is not necessarily prologue

    In fact, she and her friends make it a point to avoid all activities considered “extra-curricular.” So when her English teacher volunteers her to be an anonymous columnist for the school paper, Luisa’s first impulse is to run. But, unlike her high-school dropout sister, Luisa does want to go to college—it may be her only ticket out of a life spent working at the cowboy-themed diner where she waitresses part time—and it would be nice to have something on her applications.Her first assignment is to cover her high school's latest fundraiser, which pits the girls against the boys. Luisa will cover the events from the female POV, while another anonymous writer provides the male perspective—or, at least, that’s how it begins. The two columnists soon find themselves engaged in an epic battle of the sexes—a battle that Luisa is determined to win. Just who does this guy think he is, encouraging his peers to act like Neanderthals with their girlfriends? And why can’t Luisa shake the very sinking feeling that her new unidentified nemesis might also be her new boyfriend?

    They chew the fat, set the world to rights, curse the ref, say a last farewell… In this second collection of comic dialogues Doyle’s drinkers ponder:- a topless Kate Middleton- Barack and Michelle Obama (‘fuckin’ gorgeous’)- David Beckham (‘Would you tattoo your kids’ names on the back of your neck?’ ‘They wouldn’t fit’)- Jimmy Savile (‘a gobshite’)- the financial crisis (again)- abortion (again) - and horsemeat in your burger… Once again, those we have lost troop through their thoughts - Lou Reed, Seamus Heaney, Reg Presley, Nelson Mandela (‘he should never have left the Four Tops’), Phil Everly, Margaret Thatcher, Shirley Temple - and they still have that unerring ability to ask the really fundamental questions like ‘Would you take penalty points for your missis?’

    Philo announces herself at their door one Sunday evening with the words, "God pointed me here." A large presence, weighing 240 pounds and bearing tattoos on her arm, Philo smokes, swears, and loves to eat. She is also a mother of five and in flight from her abusive husband, Tommo. In no time at all, Philo has made herself indispensable. At the senior Daycare Center, she gets the old folks talking to one another, singing old favorites, and playing bingo again. And with all the love she's got to give, it's only natural that she helps Cap and Dina-two people at the Center long separated by a bitter feud-come together again. By turns comical and tender, Peter Sheridan's novel is a beautifully written portrait of an unforgettable woman who touches everyone she meets through the sheer force of being herself.