He wasn't concerned about getting the wrong man. He knew what the man looked like. There was no way he could make a mistake about his target's identity -- he had the man's skull under his shoulder.

    Imprisoned and forced to share a cell with a cannibalistic serial killer, Cal thinks things can't possibly get any worse. He is wrong. It’s not until two-thirds of the human race is wiped out and Cal is abducted by aliens that his day really starts to go downhill. Whisked across the galaxy, Cal is thrown into a team of some of the sector's most notorious villains and scumbags. Their mission should be simple enough, but as one screw-up leads to another, they find themselves in a frantic battle to save an entire alien civilization - and its god - from total annihilation. A hilarious, fast-paced space adventure from the author the Independent calls "the new Terry Pratchett."

    When mystery shopper Shannon Jacoby meets billionaire Declan McCormick with her hand down a toilet in the men's room of one of his stores, it's love at first flush in this hilarious new romantic comedy from New York Times bestselling author Julia Kent.

    The new Thanatos is superbly competent, ends pain when he ends lives. But Satan is forging a trap for Luna, the woman Death loves.

    As his life spirals out of control with grief, he is presented with the possibility that the souls of his family might be trapped in Hell. Thus begins an unimaginable and nightmarish journey to rescue his family from the depths of Hell, with the Devil as the puppet master pulling his strings. Warning: Graphic violence and profanity included. "Fast paced, dark, cleverly plotted" - S.G. Redling, author of Flowertown. "An excellent first book from a promising new author" - Robert Cowan, author of The Search for Ethan."Jamali's work read like fishing with dynamite. And I mean that in a good way" - Bradley Ernst, author of the Law of Retaliation series.

    Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to hone their physiques ready for the summer holidays. All it will take is a bit of effort and willpower . . . and pulling together as a team. What could possibly stand in their way?True to form, the path to the body beautiful is less straightforward than they hope!

    They mourn, and Cormac sends a beautifully written eulogy back to Earth. The word from ground control is unequivocal: no matter what happens, the mission must continue.But as the body count begins to rise, Cormac finds himself alone and spiralling towards his own inevitable death … unless he can do something to stop it.

    Now the halls are alive with Trekkies, tech nerds, and fantasy gamers in their Viking finery *all of them eager to hail their hero, bestselling fantasy author Appin Dungannon: a diminutive despot whose towering ego more than compensates for his 5' 1" height . . . and whose gleeful disdain for his fawning fans is legendary.Hurling insults and furniture with equal abandon, the terrible, tiny author proceeds to alienate ersatz aliens and make-believe warriors at warp speed. But somewhere between the costume contest and the exhibition Dungeons & Dragons game, Dungannon gets done in. While die-hard fans of Dungannon's seemingly endless sword-and-sorcery series wonder how they'll go on and hucksters wonder how much they can get for the dead man's autograph, a hapless cop wonders, Who would want to kill Appin Dungannon? But the real question, as the harried convention organizers know, is Who wouldn't ?"I loved BIMBOS OF THE DEATH SUN . . . Beautifully observed, funny, nicely constructed, even compassionate." *Robert Silverberg From the Paperback edition.

     Marvel at the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current. Gape at the lawnchair jockey who floats to a height of 16,000 feet suspended by helium balloons. Learn from the man who peers into a gasoline can using a cigarette lighter. All three -- and many more -- contend for Darwin Awards when their choices culminate in magnificent misadventures. These tales of trial and awe-inspiring error--verified by the author and endorsed by website readers--illustrate the ongoing saga of survival of the fittest in all its selective glory.

    Then her eyes fell on her daughter’s copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.65-year-old Betty had given up on her life’s ambition to write a bestselling novel. However, after walking in on her husband with a lady of the night, she finds herself single and with mounting debts. In need of a ‘get rich quick’ scheme, straight-laced Betty decides to try her hand at writing an erotic novel.With little experience in matters of the libido, Betty finds herself ill-equipped to pursue her goal. So she sets out to acquire carnal knowledge without arousing the suspicions of her prudish friends and uptight family.When her embittered mother-in-law finds a butt plug in the slow cooker, it seems like the game is up. Will Betty be able to prevent bankruptcy with her salacious prose before her source of income is exposed?

    are you the type of person who:- thinks books are quite good- has never held a book before and would like to try holding one for a day- is completely normal and just wants to look at something- is fed up- would rather be dead- is frightened of what tomorrow may bring- is curious- needs a bit of motivation- wants to feel more positive about your lifethen this is the book for youbecause the words and pictures inside of this book will instantly make you feel more positive about yourself even after just having a look at them for about a second or 3 secondswhat happens to your body when you have no motivation:when you have no motivation it is like a wall of sadness has been built up inside of yourself and it is this wall that stops all of the happy things in the world from getting inside of your body so take my book and use it to break down the wall of sadness brick by brick so that happiness can climb back inside of your body and live there for the rest of your dayslove from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

    - Patrick Ness

    The only thing that can be guaranteed is that it will be his next earth-movingly funny bestseller. And we are still pretty confidently saying it will not be about earthworm migration patterns in East Devon.This is the story of Ned Maddenstone, a nice young man who is about to find out just what hell it is to be one of the stars' tennis balls.  For Ned, 1978 seems a blissful year: handsome, popular, responsible and a fine cricketer, life is progressing smoothly for him, if not effortlessly. When he meets Portia Fendeman his personal jigsaw appears complete. What if her left-wing parents despise his Tory MP father? Doesn't that just make them star-crossed lovers? And surely, in the end, won't the Fendemans be won over by their happiness?  But, of course, one person's happiness is another's jealous spite. And spite is about to change Ned's life forever.  A promise made to a dying teacher and a vile trick played by fellow pupils rocket Ned from cricket captain to solitary confinement, from head boy to political prisoner. Twenty years later, Ned returns to London a very different man from the boy seized outside a Knightsbridge language college.  A man implacably focused on revenge. Revenge is a dish he plans to savour and serve to those who conspired against him, and to those who forgot him.

    At the centre of much of the intrigue is Casmir, the ruthless and ambitious king of Lyonesse. His beautiful but otherworldly daughter, Suldrun, is part of his plans. He intends to cement an alliance or two by marrying her well. But Suldrun is as determined as he and defies him. Casmir coldly confines her to the overgrown garden that she loves to frequent, and it is here that meets her love and her tragedy unfolds. Political intrigue, magic, war, adventure and romance are interwoven in a rich and sweeping tale set in a brilliantly realized fabled land.

    Corcoran and Boone's powerful extrasensory abilities lead them to an advanced transportation system through time and back to the bucolic 18th-century English countryside. There, they discover a family from the distant future that is hiding from the Immortals - an alien race that, many centuries on, is seducing human subjects with the promise of immortality. But the cost of life eternal is the corporeal self, and there is no place in the aliens' future for anyone unwilling to exist as mind alone.Now that the Evans family's sanctuary has been breached, escape is the only answer - for Tom Boone and Jay Corcoran as well - and the only way out is forward...far forward. But racing through space and time can be a hazardous occupation, especially with monstrous beasts, killer robots, and Immortal body destroyers waiting at every juncture.