and I am wide awake because the man of the house has decided that he needs to perform a series of complex manoeuvres that involve him balancing on his left elbow. When I fell asleep last night, there was a baby lying next to me. Her smelly diaper is still wedged on my head but aside from this rather damp clue, I can't seem to find her anywhere. I could ask my mother-in-law if she has seen the baby, but she may just tell me that I need to fast on alternate Mondays, and God will deliver the baby back to me . . . Full of wit and delicious observations, Mrs Funnybones captures the life of the modern Indian woman—a woman who organizes dinner each evening, even as she goes to work all day, who runs her own life but has to listen to her Mummyji, who worries about her weight and the state of the country. Based on Twinkle Khanna’s super-hit column, Mrs Funnybones marks the debut of one of our funniest, most original voices.

    For his dad, it was a chance to return to the place he hadn’t seen since fleeing post-war Germany. For Adam, a chance to repay his dad for everything he’d given him in life. After three weeks of travel, Adam decided not killing his dad was more than enough repayment. Frustration reached a whole new level as Adam discovered his dad didn’t like museums, galleries, landmarks, travelling, or Paris. God, he hated Paris. But amid the irritation of travelling with an adult toddler (an adoddler), Adam learned – through gritted teeth – more about his dad, his family and himself. If you’ve ever travelled with family, are considering it, or would never even dream of it, you will identify with the pain, pressure and triumph of Adam making it out alive (and with a hint of sanity left). Paris and Other Disappointments is a hilarious memoir about fathers and sons, and the joys and challenges of travel, from one of Australia’s most talented comedians. Praise for the live show version of 'Paris and Other Disappointments' [Eurodad]: ‘Do you have or have you ever had a parent? Well if you have, there's something in this show for you . . . There really is something in here for everyone. Adam Rozenbachs is a seasoned comedy writer and performer, with TV and radio credits as well as stand-up and it really shows. A quality performance.’ Herald Sun ‘Good, honest, Aussie comedy with lashings of cheeky charm.’ The Age ‘Combining his skills as raconteur with an acutely developed sense of comic timing, this is mainstream, storytelling comedy at its best . . . the result is a great character study of a particular type of set-in-their-ways bloke.’ Chortle UK

    Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies."Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so hes' now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat.From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists").Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.

    Delve deep into the mind of these creatures and learn what makes them tick.

    Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...MARRIAGE?"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."MEN WITH DOGS?"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"STEPPARENTHOOD?"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you." WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.

    Twelve-year-old Cindy has just dipped a toe into seventh-grade drama—with its complicated friendships, bullies, and cute boys—when she earns an internship as a cub reporter at a local newspaper in the early 1970s. A (rare) young female reporter takes Cindy under her wing, and Cindy soon learns not only how to write a lede, but also how to respectfully question authority, how to assert herself in a world run by men, and—as the Watergate scandal unfolds—how brave reporting and writing can topple a corrupt world leader. Searching for her own scoops, Cindy doesn’t always get it right, on paper or in real life. But whether she’s writing features about ghost hunters, falling off her bicycle and into her first crush, or navigating shifting friendships, Cindy grows wiser and more confident through every awkward and hilarious mistake.

    Now, David Rees returns to do it once again--just in time for the most anticipated election in years. He's taking on the Bush Doctrine, Operation Iraqi Freedom, the war in Afghanistan, tax cuts, the 2004 campaign--and much, much more!

    Effi’s no pushover, but trying to stand up to Maxey is like trying to stop an earthquake. It would be easier to deal with Maxey if Effi had a buddy. She hasn’t had a best friend since Lola Jo moved, and she has so many secrets saved to tell a best friend—including the most amazing idea in the world for a winning science project—she’s about to explode.Effi’s got to win that science prize, find a best friend, and get back at Maxey—in just one week!From the Hardcover edition.

    They’re fluffy, playful, and can be a joy to have as a companion. However, they can also be huge assholes. So what can you do? How do you deal with a roommate who always seems to be plotting to kill you?While we all love sharing adorable photos of kittens, these frisky felines are known more for marching to the beat of their own drum than abiding by the rules. From running around your home at two in the morning, knocking everything off your shelves, or taking up most of your bed, these furry critters can be immensely selfish and disrespectful to those who give them endless love and affection.Why Cats Are Assholes is up for such a challenge. From studying their history all the way back to ancient Egypt, comedian Liz Miele—the daughter of veterinarians—digests the cat psyche to try and understand why they do the things they do, and how we, as their loyal servants, can handle domestic bliss with them around.With the help of her cat Pasta, Miele breaks down the common behaviors of cats in an attempt to try and better understand their plan of attack (if there is one), as well as what we can do to better prepare ourselves.Whether you have one, two, or twelve fur babies, Why Cats Are Assholes is the ultimate guide to better understanding your pet’s behavior while taking back your home from these domesticated terrorists.

    Discover the Homework Hoax, the Squirting Blister, the Movie Popcorn That Grabs You Back. Pull classic pranks on your siblings, like short-sheeting the bed. Freak out your friends with food pranks: a self-peeling banana, “misfortune” cookies, or ice cream that will make them scream (here’s a hint—it involves instant mashed potatoes). And there are perfect pranks to pull on your parents, including a scheme to “freeze” the family computer. The book includes recipes for fake bird poop, fake dog poop, fake vomit, and fake snot (regular, nosebleed, and wormy varieties). A complete prankster’s guide, Pranklopedia also provides a four-part lesson on how to pull the perfect prank and tells you what to do when pranks go bad: 1. Disappear for a while . . .

    Tuesday started out like any other day – until my school became the target of a zombie attack! I tried to call my Dad, but he wouldn’t answer. So my school is about to be taken over by crazy zombies – but not if I can help it! This story is a funny adventure that is engaging for children, middle school students, and grown-ups.

    Fortunately Greg's best mate Stu has come to the rescue. Now it's Stu's job to lead Greg down the path of enlightenment, where woman swarm by their hundreds and will pay for Greg's company. Welcome to the Meat Market, where everything has a price, even love.

    A wild and witty compendium comprising the best-selling collections Bury My Heart at Fun-Fun Mountain and Say Hello to Cactus Flats, this colorful saga of the Fox family will inspire laughs and instant recognition.From the endurance test of together-time vacations to the always chaotic goings-on at work, home, and school, the Fox family exhibits the day-to-day lunacy that comes with family life--a life that includes the trials of dad Roger's computer ineptitude and mom Andy's culinary adventures. The Fox siblings--Peter, Paige, and Jason—display a recognizable, albeit quirky, look into the real world of growing up.Cartoonist Bill Amend, who was referred to by the Los Angeles Times as "one of the nation's best young cartoonists," bolsters this realistic portrayal by keeping his characters in the real world of Nintendo and Barney, Super Bowls and tofu casseroles, overdue book reports and overly painful trips to the mall. The personalities and humor of FoxTrot are timeless. We all know these people.FoxTrot reveals the humorous side of family trials and tribulations like no other comic strip in America. With Enormously FoxTrot, readers will be able to enjoy the engaging Fox family more than ever!

    With full-color photo essays, the author guides readers past good taste, sense and even logic into the magical, mayhem-ridden world known as his life.

    You'll lick your lips with this latest helping of the Belcher family, the stars of Fox Television's fan-favorite animated sitcom! Those delightful little scamps Tina, Gene, and Louise are always daydreaming of a life far from the reality of the family res