The Luxury Orphanage
Grant Finnegan - 2020
Ravenstone House, built in the early 1800s, was once a majestic home. Then it was used as an orphanage for decades. When it closed its doors in 1956, the building lay derelict for more than thirty years.In its neighbourhood, the house is well known for being haunted. But only when it is converted into luxury flats do the dark secrets from its past come to light. The unexpected events that follow will upend the lives of the residents as the tortured souls trapped beneath Ravenstone reveal themselves to demand justice.Get us to where we belong.It's not our fault.We did nothing wrong.
Call of the Arcade
F. Gardner - 2020
Two friends travel to an arcade in downtown Chicago, which they suspect may contain a haunted arcade machine from urban legends- Polybius. Unknown horrors await them, as they inch ever closer to the truth behind the sinister arcade game.Part of a series of interconnected horror novels that can be read in any order. Each book serves as a stand alone story, yet builds a greater picture behind a dark mystery in Chicago.
The Book That's More Than Just a Book - Book
Peter Kay - 2011
These peculiar outlooks bring to life the unique world of Peter Kay like never before. The Book That's More Than Just a Book - Book invites you into a world of suspect characters and awkward situations. Here you will meet Peter's family, their friends, some familiar faces, and some completely unexpected ones. Chock full of brand new material and crammed with photographs and illustrations, creating one of the funniest books you're ever likely to read.
Thick As Thieves : Hilarious Tales of Ridiculous Robbers, Bungling Burglars and Incompetent Conmen
Andrew Penman - 2013
Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.
Last Christmas
Heide Goody - 2018
A short story in the Oddjobs universe that tries to answer the age-old question: what Christmas present do you get for the demon who has everything?
Zombies Ate My Homework (Shingles Book 5)
John G. Hartness - 2018
Wake his kid brother Andy up, get tormented on the school bus by the cool kids, try to avoid them while in school. Except it's Field Trip Day to the Science Museum, and now he's stuck with the meanest kids in seventh grade all day! But then the bus breaks down, so he doesn't even get to do anything cool at the science museum. It's okay, because an industrial accident brings science to Todd and his friends in the form of a zombie apocalypse. When the bus driver abandons them in the middle of a zombie outbreak, Todd, his brother Andy, his best friend Tarik, and their tomboy friend Mikayla take shelter in the first place they can find - an adult novelty store. What can you find in an adult toy store to fight zombies? Well…let's just say that the field trip was pretty educational, even if the kids never made it to the museum! Shingles is the comedy horror series from the gang that brings you the Authors & Dragons podcast. Like the podcast, these books are rated Not Safe For Anything.
Shit Happens
Eileen Wharton - 2012
She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!
The House That Jack Built: A Humorous Haunted House Fiasco
Jonathan Paul Isaacs - 2016
In less than 24 hours Nate Merritt loses his job, his girlfriend, and his estranged Aunt Edna. But after Edna’s will bequeaths him a historic mansion deep in the backwoods of Louisiana, Nate hatches a daring plan: he’ll renovate the house and flip it for a tidy profit. The fact that Nate doesn’t know anything about home improvement doesn’t deter him at all. Too bad Nate doesn’t realize the mansion in question happens to be haunted. And the ghost who lives there might not be so indiscriminate about Nate’s ability. Humorous and irreverent, The House That Jack Built is a story of learning how to move on into the next chapter of life—as well as a tribute to every disastrous renovation ever attempted by a homeowner. And ghosts. Don’t forget the ghosts.
OMG: How I created the Universe, Adam, and Steve
David Javerbaum - 2011
In the meantime, enjoy this freebie from God: OMG: How I Created the Universe, Adam, and Steve, which contains the first five chapters on the Creation of Adam and Steve (you read correctly) excerpted from The Last Testament.
Dead Meat: The Complete Zombie Apocalypse Series
Nick Clausen - 2021
Within three days, the undead have taken over most of town. Despite heroic efforts and swift initiatives from the government, disaster keeps spiraling. Soon, the infection reaches the nation's borders, threatening to become a worldwide pandemic.Will this be the end of mankind?This is the end of the world - one day at a time.
The Haunting of Rose Mansion
Clarice Black - 2017
But strange events at the house have her worried for the safety of her charges. Steeped in horrific history Rose Mansion isn't a welcome place. Floorboards creak, doors open and close, and strange sounds resonate at night. Nothing unusual for such an old house. Surely? But Ashley feels there is something else. Something dark. Something sinister. As matters begin to escalate, she begins to doubt her own sanity...
Merry Bloody Christmas
Ellie Scott - 2018
A chocoholic grizzly bear, a talking Christmas tree, mince pie overdoses and a very bloody murder. Will poor old Saint Nick make it out alive? Sad, strange, funny and gruesome, this overlapping, multi-genre collection of tales has a little something for every reader. Curl up with a mulled wine and some fictional festive misery, and discover what Father Christmas really likes to drink when he wriggles down your chimney. Spoiler: it isn’t milk.
I Think the Nurses are Stealing My Clothes: The Very Best of Linda Smith
Warren Lakin - 2006
Her voice lit up Radio 4's News Quiz, she was brilliant on QI and she tirelessly travelled the UK as one of the most respected and loved comics on the circuit.' STEPHEN FRYStephen Fry spoke for much of middle England when he responded to the news of Linda Smith's tragic death of cancer, aged 48, earlier this year. Linda was the brilliant mainstay of Radio 4's The News Quiz, Just a Minute, and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue for many years. She was just establishing her career on TV through blistering performances on Have I Got News for You, QI and Room 101, when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.Linda was one of the few women to conquer the male dominated world of comedy and she had the wit and the charm to win over millions of male and female fans in equal measure. She had an eye for the absurdities of modern life and loved to prick the egos of the pompous and the vain. She could be savage about the people she despised too. When she spoke of the "dead devil-eyes of Nicky Campbell" she meant it. When she called David Mellor, "the thinking woman's fat ugly bastard", she meant it even more. When she called David Blunkett "Satan's bearded folk singer", it was a simple statement of fact. No wonder then Linda was voted the 'wittiest person alive' by Radio 4 listeners in 2002.In this brilliant anthology, we go right back to the start of Linda's career and re-live her very best material from the picket lines of the Miners' Strike, to the Edinburgh Festival and on to her mainstream success on BBC radio and TV, and as touring comedian loved up and down the country. The Very Best of Linda Smith is being compiled and edited by her partner of twenty-three years, Warren Lakin. The book also carries contributions from her extensive fan club including: Paul Merton, Graham Norton, Clive Anderson, Bill Bailey, Jo Brand, Alan Davies, Jack Dee, Dawn French, Stephen Fry, Tony Hawks, Eddie Izzard, Matt Lucas, Nicholas Parsons and Alexei Sayle amongst others. It will be the must-have gift for comedy fans and Radio 4 listeners this Christmas.