Red Clay, Blue Cadillac: Stories of Twelve Southern Women


Michael Malone - 2002
    Written in the author's wry and masterful voice, these evocative stories are infused with all the peculiar customs, ironies and humor so special to the South.The twelve stories in this collection include "Red Clay," which won an Edgar Allen Poe Award, in which a local girl from Thermopylae becomes a movie star who moves back to her sleepy North Carolina home town and is tried for murdering her unfaithful husband. Her trial causes the town and one man in particular to look back with longing and nostalgia at this exquisite Southern belle who captivated-and sometimes manipulated-every man she met."Fast Love," the recipient of an O. Henry Award, is the story of a man who chases down his future wife after seeing her jog past. As he gets closer to his quarry, he also gains the courage to stand up for what he wants and to champion what he believes.In "Blue Cadillac," Marie, blonde and beautiful, shares dinner and her love of Elvis with a high-tech sales rep on his way home to Memphis. Along the way and on the road, they have exquisite sex and decide to part, Marie in her blue Cadillac. As he rings the bell at his mother's house, the young man discovers that he has been robbed of his wallet and his whole life on cards.Self-contained masterpieces, each of these short stories has the impact and power of a full-length novel.Stella : red clay --Marie : blue Cadillac --Precious : winners and losers --Charmain : white trash noir --Lucy : maniac loose --Flonnie : the rising of the South and Flonnie Rogers --Patty : love and other crimes --Meredith : fast love --Angie : the power --Mona : Miss mona's bank --Betty : a deer on the lawn --Mattie : invitation to the ball

Somewhere in Ireland a Village Is Missing an Idiot


David Feherty - 2003
    Line drawings.

Stormy Weather / Lucky You


Carl Hiaasen - 2003
    A prime-time hurricane devastates southern Florida at the start of his honeymoon and he can't even use camcorder. Fortunate, really, as the results would not make family viewing back home in New York. Within hours the ruins are alive with Mobsters, crusaders, temptresses, presidential aides and escaped wild animals. Even a crucifixion, previously unheard of in these parts, can't halt the mayhem. For the inhabitants of Dade County, the hurricane is the second good rush - the year's hottest scam. Everyone wants a piece. And Max, he just wants to go home Lucky You Saturday afternoon in Grange, Florida. Virtually unnoticed, JoLayne Lucks stops by the Grab'n'Go to play the same numbers she's played every week for five years. 17-19-22-24-27-30. Each lotto number marking the age she dumped a tiresome lover. She doesn't know it yet, but the discarded men in JoLayne's life have finally amounted to something. $28 million and a whole swamp of trouble

How to Remodel a Man: Tips and Techniques on Accomplishing Something You Know Is Impossible But Want to Try Anyway


W. Bruce Cameron - 2004
    For want of a better term, let's call these people "women."Their urge is understandable. We've all had to take measures to accommodate men, because they are involved in nearly every aspect of modern life except maybe housework and they like to run things like corporate meetings and the planet. The only other alternative has been to try to avoid men altogether, which is pretty hard to do if you are interested in stuff like reproduction or having your oil changed.That's why How to Remodel a Man is so indispensable-it is a clear, step-by-step guide for anyone who wants to alter the character and behavior of a man, written by an actual man. Author W. Bruce Cameron provides startling insight into male pattern thinking, explaining why men can open a refrigerator and not see the mayonnaise, or how it is that they can throw dirty clothes at the hamper or in front of the hamper or even on top of the hamper and yet not seem capable of getting any of it in the hamper. Normally, changing a man has certain obstacles, including, but not limited to, the fact that it is impossible. But Cameron is able to overcome this hindrance because he, himself, has been remodeled. In a move so bold it may be shocking to people unaccustomed to such personal courage, Cameron turned himself over to the women in his life and asked them to change him. It started with a list of his flaws (Cameron came up with four; the women came up with one hundred seventy eight) and ended with him writing How to Remodel a Man, so that others could learn from his experience.If you're a woman, you'll be amazed to learn that men can be trained to perform all sorts of tricks, like using the instruments on the sides of their heads (the ears) to listen to you, and the space between those instruments to think about you.If you're a man, you've been given this book so that you'll see that it's possible to watch television without holding the remote or to ask for directions from strangers without suffering a catastrophic loss of testosterone. Cameron changed, and you can too.How to Remodel a Man is the essential guide for anyone in the awkward position of having to interact with a person of the male gender.

Family Inheritance


Deborah Leblanc - 2004
    Nightmares live there. Jessica LeJeune left Louisiana, but she brought some of those mysterious forces with her--and now she's being called back to her Cajun roots to confront a destiny she could not escape and a curse she might not survive.Jessica's younger brother, Todd, has descended into a world of madness. His shattered mind is now the plaything of an unimaginable evil, an unstoppable entity with cruel plans for both Jessica and Todd. But Jessica is not alone in her battle to save her brother's soul. For deep in the misty bayous, in an isolated wooden shack, lives the one person who is their only hope...

Middle Finger of Fate


Kim Hunt Harris - 2013
    But Lord have mercy on anyone who has Salem for their last hope, because that girl is a piping hot mess and always has been. Everyone knows that, including Salem.But Salem is trying. She quit drinking, and even started praying. Maybe if she can prove Tony's innocence and find the real killer, it would balance out some of the mistakes she's made in her past -- a past that includes betrayed best friends now bent on vengeance, ex-crushes who were supposed to be old and fat by now, and an ex-husband who might, possibly, not be an ex after all. If Salem can catch a break from reaping all the wild seeds she's sown, she might have a chance to redeem herself.Then again, maybe she should just settle for being a piping hot mess.

Untorn Tickets


Paul Burke - 2002
    Dave Kelly and Andy Zymanczyk are classmates at a strict Catholic school. Both, desperate to escape their stifling backgrounds, get part-time work in the local cinema. Here they form a binding friendship and, with the help of one charismatic cinema manager, embark on a voyage of discovery. Dave falls in love with Rachel, a Jewish girl who also wants to escape from her strict religious background, while Andy falls for a girl he knows he can never have. When the cinema is threatened with closure, the boys realise that more than their new-found freedom is at risk...

A Ghostly Shade of Pale


Merle Temple - 2013
    History files on a bygone era are ripped open and rewritten in temporal games with eternal consequences at the intersection between heaven and hell, between the visible and the Invisible.Mississippi Bureau of Narcotics Captain Michael Parker is an unlikely player in a struggle for the soul of America. A ghostly pale embodiment of evil becomes his obsession, and his tormentor leaves a trail of bodies across the South.As snipers ambush Michael and his agents on frozen fields of regret and the woman he loves is stalked by death, he learns that he is not alone as he has to fight for his life against enemies seen and unseen.

Ant Farm and Other Desperate Situations


Simon Rich - 2005
    Armed with a sharp eye for the absurd and an overwhelming sense of doom, Rich explores the ridiculousness of our everyday lives. The world, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place–with endless comic potential.–If your girlfriend gives you some “love coupons” and then breaks up with you, are the coupons still valid?–What kind of performance pressure does an endangered male panda feel when his captors bring the last remaining female panda to his cage?–If murderers can get into heaven by accepting Jesus, just how awkward is it when they run into their victims?Join Simon Rich as he explores the extraordinary and hilarious desperation that resides in ordinary life, from cradle to grave."Hilarious." -John Stewart

The Borrowed Boyfriend


Ginny Baird - 2016
    What started as a college spring break tradition morphed into an annual reunion, ultimately encompassing boyfriends and husbands. Only Allison hasn't brought along a love interest in years, inspiring the others toward goodwill efforts at fixing her up. Faced with the prospect of yet another beach week mismatched with a virtual stranger, Allison's roommate Kate suggests a shocking alternative. Allison can "borrow" Kate's handsome and successful boyfriend for the trip. The trouble is Grady O'Brien stands for everything romantic idealist Allison is against. He's a ruthless businessman who will stop at nothing to get ahead. What Allison doesn't understand is just how far Grady is willing to go...Wine industry entrepreneur Grady O'Brien knows an opportunity when he sees one. Allison Murphy runs a boutique wine label design company, while Grady heads up a firm that buys those sorts of businesses out. When Grady's girlfriend unexpectedly must attend a conference and their vacation plans are cancelled, she encourages Grady to accompany Allison to the beach instead. Grady agrees to participate in the ruse of playing Allison's boyfriend with a secret agenda in mind. He hopes to pave the way for acquiring Allison's Bella Fortuna Wine Designs by winning favor with its pretty owner and her friends. The one thing Grady doesn't count on losing in the bargain is his heart.

Murder By Numbers


R.S. Vaisbort - 2014
    Vaisbort. Murder by Numbers is a fun and fast-paced detective novel set in boom-to-bust Silicon Valley circa 2001, where multi-millionaires cling desperately to their fortunes, CEOs pray that their startups stay funded, and techies hope to hold onto their jobs. Opportunities for financial gain – both legal and illegal – remain a high stakes game. And no one knows this better than Kaitlin Hall, a beautiful and brilliant rookie detective in the High Tech Crimes Detail of the San Jose Police Department. Kaitlin’s unauthorized investigation of the fatal car crash of a young systems administrator quickly leads newbie Detective Hall into dangerous, uncharted territory. Enlisting the help of her hacker friend and confidant, Slim Yamazaki, Kaitlin digs deep into the networks of technology companies developing the building blocks of the world’s most sophisticated systems that protect corporate data and, more importantly, U.S. security interests. As Detective Hall uses her keen intellect and initiative to solve a growing web of multiple murders, she navigates the politics of law enforcement and the egos of venture capitalists, tech moguls, and former lovers to make stunning discoveries. With lives at stake, her assumptions about human nature and her abilities as a detective will be tested to the fullest. With high-tech suspense, engaging characters, and an entertaining dose of humor, author R.S. Vaisbort takes you on a thrilling ride through Silicon Valley at the dawn of the 21st century.

Two Guys Fooling Around with the Moon


B. Kliban - 1982
    Brilliantly drawn and bitterly funny, these cartoons thoroughly demonstrate better living through plywood, reaffirm that what's good for business is good for America-even if Your Government in Action has taken to the streets-the Madonna is out of order and Yoga has been made silly. 122,000 copies in print.

The Illustrated History of Football: Hall of Fame


David Squires - 2017
    Pitch invaders aside, few of us get to experience that adrenalin rush. Of those who do make it as a professional footballer, even fewer realise the giddy heights of success. In the Illustrated History of Football: Hall of Fame, cartoonist David Squires returns to celebrate those who straddle the game like giants; those talented, determined souls who were juggling tennis balls in the back streets before they could talk. There’s more than one way to attain football immortality though, and Squires also turns his comic eye to the mavericks, the pioneers, the forgotten legends and the anti-heroes. From Pele to Meazza, Maradona to Socrates, you will be taken on an unforgettable journey through the good, the bad and the Hagi.

Don't Sleep with a Bubba: And Other White Trash Wisdom


Susan Reinhardt - 2007
    --Karin Gillespie"She's like a modern-day, southern-fried Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry."--BooklistAimed at anyone with a funny bone, these all new stories and essays by Gannett-syndicated columnist Susan Reinhardt tackle domestic life, particularly of the Southern persuasion, with sidesplitting observations and searing confessions. Reinhardt candidly lets readers into her world as she goes mano a mano with her Bubba of a husband--and occasionally her mother. From discovering she's getting a dreaded "front fanny" to revealing her husband's experiments with a Norelco shaver and their Pomeranian pooch, Reinhardt scrapes bare the bedrock truth about married life and love. She also poignantly shares her struggles with a depression that secretly plunged her downward and her reaction to the unexpected helping hands that pulled her up. Totally uncensored and blisteringly honest, Reinhardt is all heart--and a storyteller to savor and remember."So engaging. . .so honest. . .will make you laugh out loud."--The Asheville Citizen-Times"Like hanging out with your bluntest, most mischievous friend, the one who never fails to crack you up." --Chicago Sun-Times"Funny and touching. . .Reinhardt is not afraid to put it all out there."--The Pilot (N.C.)"Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. . . will have you holding your sides the whole time." --Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Girl"She can break your heart in one sentence and leave you laughing till you're breathless in the next." --Julie Cannon, True Love & Homegrown TomatoesSusan Reinhardt is a syndicated columnist and feature writer whose work has appeared all over the world in major newspapers such as the Washington Post, London Daily Mirror, Newsday, and other Tribune Media and Gannett publications. Reinhardt has won dozens of awards for her writing, including several Best of Gannett honors and a Pulitzer Prize nomination. A long-time volunteer fund-raiser for Hospice, the United Way, the American Lymphoma and Leukemia Society, the PTO and other worthwhile and not so worthwhile causes, Reinhardt is also a proud member of the Not Quite Write Book Club, a group of ten women who drink wine and pretend to act literary. A true Daughter of the South, Susan Reinhardt was born in South Carolina, was raised in Georgia, and currently makes her home in Asheville, North Carolina, the jewel city of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She has two adorable children and still calls her mama every night.

The Florence King Reader


Florence King - 1995
    Reprint.