Meet Wally Moscowitz. His day job is top secret. As ghostwriter for Oral B, the most famous gangsta rapper in the world, Wally is the real mastermind behind Godz-Illa Records' best-selling artist, and the best-kept secret in the Industry. But if word gets out about Wally's true profession, Godz-Illa's kajillion-dollar rap empire will be sunk, and Wally will be dead meat. When Wally comes home one particularly bizarre afternoon to find a ransom note and his best friend and dog, Dr. Barry Schwartzman, missing, Wally goes to great lengths to stop the dognappers while keeping the big secret under wraps. He must, if he wants to walk away with his job, not to mention his life, intact. The hunt for Dr. Schwartzman and the blackmailing thug who is trying to reveal hip-hop's biggest conspiracy becomes a wild-goose chase in which everyone becomes a suspect: Sue Schadenfreude, Wally's girlfriend, who makes a pretty penny massaging Barbra Streisand's papillon, Yenta; Pardeep Vishvatma, Wally's neighbor, who keeps a watchful eye on all the suspicious characters lurking about the hood; Jerry Silver, Wally's slick-rick, self-styled superagent; Abraham "Dandy" Lyons, Wally's boss and Godz-Illa's CEO-badass with Suge Knight's street cred and Tony Soprano's "friends"; Jem, the fiery, achingly familiar vixen who steals Wally's heart; Yo Yo Pa and Teddy Bizzle, Oral B's entourage; and the mysterious mob crew: Five-two Lou, Six-seven Kevin, and Balsamic Vinny, who show up when Wally needs them most. Duck Duck Wally is a hilarious romp through the absurdities of Los Angeles, the bombastic details of hip-hop culture, and a day in the life of what was supposed to be the painfully ordinary existence of Wally Moscowitz.

    His hilarious syndicated newspaper column and numerous best-selling books have sparked the kind of adulation that's often reserved for rock stars or world leaders. His wit cuts right to the core of life's absurdities.In My Teenage Son's Greatest Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry, Dave shares his hopes, fears, and insights about his own stint as a father. Most people make babies out to be very complicated, but the truth is they have only three moods: Mood One: Just about to cry. Mood Two: Crying. Mood Three: Just finished crying.

    He’s taken to hospital for treatment. Then people start trying to assassinate him.The man has to find out why, how to get them to stop, and what the CIA has to do with all this. There’s also the little problem of working out who he used to be, and why that changed. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Piper and best friend Lance are trying to find him…Jonathon Fairfax – still the world’s most socially awkward hero – is back. If only he knew.‘A hugely entertaining novel … a surprising, yet strangely fitting, progression to the Jonathon Fairfax story.’ Scott Pack (former head buyer for Waterstones)Pick up the latest Jonathon Fairfax novel – sequel to two Amazon bestsellers: The Perpetual Astonishment of Jonathon Fairfax (‘A comic gem’ Stylist, ‘You can’t help being tickled’ The Guardian, Bath Novel Award shortlist) and Jonathon Fairfax Must Be Destroyed (‘A funny, daft-yet-relatable, nerve-jangly thriller’ Emerald Street).*That’s a trashcan or dumpster, for American readers.The Jonathon Fairfax novels can be read in any order.

    Gene Shalit, The Today Show God has appeared on earth to set the record straight in this uproarious comic novel, adapted into the movie comedy starring George Burns. God is here to confront nonbelievers, taking his messenger and the reader on a wildly funny roller coaster ride. As God Himself says, The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets and before that the 1914 Boston Braves and before that I think you have to go back to the Red Sea." "Looking back, I made a few mistakes. Giraffes. It was a good thought, but it didn t really work out. Avocados on that I made the pit too big.

    She wears granny panties and is constantly dropping wads of cash at Target, and his son cries all the time. Now his "temporary" roommate, Dave, ate all the Totino's pizza rolls. Again. Karl Welzein is sick of this. So sick of this.Power Moves chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his journey from life as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed party maniac who spits out his life philosophies like a modern-day Charles Bukowski (if he preferred to get drunk at Applebee's).A middle-aged Michigan native, Karl may be overweight, prone to questionable fashion and culinary choices, oblivious to his drinking problem, a poor excuse for an employee, obsessed with the restroom, and a terrible husband, father, and friend . . . but in his heart he means well. He's just like a lot of us—he loves the USA, Guy Fieri, bold flavors, Bob Seger, and thinking he looks jacked in a tight tee and Maui Jim sunglasses. Karl is an everyman and like no other man on the planet all at once.Inspired by the Twitter feed @DadBoner, Karl finally tells his full story. He shares his wisdom on fitness (1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like Stone Cold. 3. Cut off your sleeves), diet (Eat only the filling of the Taco Bell Beefy Melts for maximum flavor and low-carb health), fashion (Wearin' boots with jean shorts says "I like to keep cool, but I'm ready if the action gets hot"), work life (If you don't have a job that makes you want to kill yourself, you don't deserve to drink until you want to die), and the bliss of the perfect weekend (beers, brats, and babes' chest beefers).But above all, this is a story about America—the real red, white, and blue America of today. Welcome to Karl's world. Reading this book is the ultimate Power Move.

    The second addition to the Clients From Hell series taps freelance veterans for even more material. Interviews, resources, and particularly poignant tales of client insanity are all included alongside the fan-favourite anecdotes of freelancing dysfunction.For the first time, Clients From Hell takes a step back from finger-pointing and clever name-calling to inform the audience of how to make it as a creative professional. Step one: buy this book. Step two: take heed of these cautionary tales. Step three: we haven't thought of a step three yet. We'll worry about that when revisions come around.Anyone who has ever worked with clients may find these tales frighteningly familiar. New freelancers may think twice about their chosen profession - or at least find relief in the fact that they're not alone in absurd client interactions.And the rest of you? You can just laugh and enjoy your day job.

    Of her worst day... Monday morning, about ten... A Human female's life will be saved because an ancient alien can't stand dickheads. Harry (the Human female, her dad had a family issue) hoped a new job as detective marshal on the planet Smuds, would bring adventure and weird aliens. It did. Chunglie is weirder than most, and proud of it. When bodies are found on a spaceship, Chunglie comes to realise his new friend is the only one who can solve the mystery and find the killer. But the killer has worked that out too, and it's up to Chunglie to keep Harry alive. You will enjoy this story, because everyone likes to see the dauntless alien sidekick come through for the win… yes?

    A novel by Alok Kumar.

    The only thing standing in the way is her stubborn jelly belly - and her hilariously complicated home life, of course.

    No other contemporary humorist knew the South so well, loved it so passionately, or wrote about it so vividly.

    It's depressing. But not as depressing as being told by his mother that he looks like Humpty Dumpty - after the accident. With a face that not even his own mother can love, it's hardly surprising that he'll try anything to get a woman to go out with him, even if it's only for a single date. With little interest in anything other than his quest for a woman and a nice bit of cod and chips, Jason needs to think outside the box if he's going to find someone who'll give him a chance. Along with Barry -- his best mate -- Jason comes up with the only thing he thinks will work: dating a blind woman. However, to do that, he needs to pretend he's blind himself, which is a lot harder than you might think ... especially when guide dogs are so hard to come by. Eventually Jason's efforts pay off and he meets Emma, a pretty professional with a host of friends. When he takes her out, they instantly hit it off. But will Jason be able to fool both Emma and her best friend Jerry into thinking he's blind? With everything to play for, Jason faces the biggest challenge of his life, and nobody -- especially not him -- can see how it'll all turn out.

    Unable to fit in at school, she forges alliances where she can: with her housekeeper, with a pimply fellow misfit named Cynthia, and with the gorgeous Taylor, who gets her kicks out of shoplifting. Most frustrating of all is Katie's imperfect friendship with the proprietor of a local gas station, a handsome 23-year-old who shares her love of checkers but doesn't return her crush. With humour and an eye for telling detail, Berg conveys the way each uncompromising element of Katie's life ultimately offers her more than she had anticipated.Until The Real Thing Comes AlongPatty Murphy is facing that pivotal point in a woman's life when her biological clock ticks as insistently as a beating heart. Will she find Mr Right and start a family? But Patty is in love - with a man who is not only attractive and financially sound, but sensitive and warmhearted. There's just one small problem: He is also gay. Against her better judgment, and pleas from family and friends, Patty refuses to give up on Ethan. Every man she dates ultimately leaves her aching for the gentle comfort and intimacy she shares with him. But even as she throws eligible bachelors to the wayside to spend yet another platonic night with Ethan, Patty longs more and more for the consolation of loving and being loved. In the meantime she must content herself with waiting - until the real thing comes along . . .

     Thirty something Magda, born in England to Polish parents has recently broken up with her rotten boyfriend Matt and needs a fresh start. Quitting her job, she sets off to Warsaw to teach English, While her excited Mama thinks she is off to find a nice Polish husband, Magda simply wants to explore her roots. improve her rusty Polish and see how her parents' homeland has changed. To her horror Magda discovers that Mama and bossy cousin Dagmara have sneakily put her on a dating site. Does Magda stay in Poland? And does she find a Polish husband? And what does she learn about her mama's tragic past? A moving romantic comedy, 'Are My Roots Showing?' is about identity, migration, family, the fleetingness of life and love. Magda learns how history affects the present, and that where there are roots, new shoots can grow. …It’s a charming book which can be read as a light-hearted tale but there is a lot of meaning beneath the surface. As an exploration of how it feels to belong to and reconcile two cultures, it's really successful. It offers humour, sadness and wisdom as well as entertaining read. Just beautiful!… …Although Are My Roots Showing? explores some serious themes, it’s all done with a very light touch and a lot of laugh-out-loud humour. The characterisations are exquisite… …This is a beautiful book, sometimes really funny and sometimes heart-breaking…What readers say about the romantic comedy 'Are My Roots Showing?' ...Fantastic. A Polish Bridget Jones. Funny, and yet the Polish history interjections are interesting too. Makes me want to visit Poland, but I need to take my own food!!! You'll understand once you've read it... …It’s a charming book which can be read as a light-hearted tale but there is a lot of meaning beneath the surface. As an exploration of how it feels to belong to and reconcile two cultures, it's really successful. It offers humour, sadness and wisdom as well as an entertaining read. Just beautiful!… …Although 'Are My Roots Showing?' explores some serious themes, it’s all done with a very light touch and a lot of laugh-out-loud humour. The characterisations are exquisite… …This is a beautiful book, sometimes really funny and sometimes heart-breaking…

    We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. 'The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life' is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

    Modelled on those catalogues that spill unwanted from your weekend newspapers, this is a celebration of triumphantly useless and inappropriate consumer choices. Illustrated throughout in the shape and style of catalogues that offer you the chance to buy machines that stamp your initials onto golf balls or allow you to warm you slippers electronically before putting them on. An array of toys, gadgets, and handy-helps, it's a modern vision of a consumer paradise gone very weird indeed.