And one very annoyed world.Based on the ingenious Sir Michael Twitter account, How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet is the funniest book you'll read this year.Whether it's offering his services as a Karate Lawyer or Funeral DJ, devising the world's worst plan to get a free haircut, or trying to buy a blue bucket that may or may not be for sale, Michael just wants to connect with people.The only problem is that people are slightly less enthusiastic about connecting with him, and the results are utterly hilarious.Warning: you'll never think about adding someone called Michael to a group chat the same way ever again.

    Inside, you'll find hundreds of jokes that are guaranteed to stir up a room full of smiles, including knock-knocks, witty puns, and one-liners. Complete with hilarious quotes from celebrities like Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and Jerry Seinfeld, everyone will revel in each gut-busting moment.So whether you're looking to add a few jokes to your repertoire, impress your buds, or improve your banter, this sidesplitting book arms you with the perfect joke for any occasion!

    

    

    

    From New York to Alaska, he tries to fend for himself without his trusty PA and life support, the unflappable Charmaine, for whom contentment lies in Jesus Christ and custard creams.With his blend of waspish wit and mischievous charm, Steward seeks out normal Americans, such as Joe le Taxi, the former NYPD officer who was one of the first on the scene at the Twin Towers and now runs an extortionate executive taxi service; Pam and Bob, a paranoid psychiatrist and a failed actor who once saw the back of Meryl Streep s head; Taylor the Alaskan bushwhacker who was raised by wolves and revels in their scat; Jeb the Yosemite inn-sitter who lives his life at the pace of a Ford Model T; Kacey Musgraves, the controversial country music star staying at the farm in Tennessee; and Sheriff Duke of Calhoun County, South Carolina, who reintroduces Steward to the long (and armed) arm of the law.For anyone at a crossroads, contemplating a temporary or permanent career break, this affectionate travel romp is essential reading. Journeying coast-to-coast across the US with Steward might just remind you that, despite the post-Trump hysteria, there are many normal and decent Americans out there

    Note: These texting fails contain profanity, not for children.When are people going to learn that autocorrect can't be trusted? With FAILS like these, we actually hope that's not for a long time.This book complies 101 of the funniest, most viral and cringeworthy autocorrect screenshots to date.Guaranteed to put you on the floor laughing!

    Purchase includes a free trial membership in the publisher's book club where you can select from more than a million books without charge. Chapters: Naked, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Holidays on Ice, Santaland Diaries, Barrel Fever. Source: Wikipedia. Free updates online. Not illustrated. Excerpt: Naked, published in 1997, is a collection of essays by American humorist David Sedaris. The book details Sedaris life, from his unusual upbringing in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina, to his booze-and-drug-ridden college years, to his Kerouacian wandering as a young adult. The book became a best-seller and was acclaimed for its wit, dark humor and irreverent tackling of tragic events, including the death of Sedaris mother. Prior to publication, several of the essays were read by the author on the NPR program This American Life. About the early life of the Sedaris family, and David's hopes to one day be rich and famous. It is revealed that the family is actually middle class. A description of Sedaris' obsessive-compulsive and Tourettic tendencies as a child. His behavior quirks include licking light switches and kissing newspapers, and they frequently land him in trouble at school. These tendencies are abandoned when he begins smoking at college. An account of Sedaris' elderly (and slightly senile) grandmother, known as Ya-Ya. After suffering an injury she is forced to live with his family, resulting in tension for all. Eventually, at the urging of Sedaris' mom (who was against Ya-Ya moving in with the family in the first place), she is put into a low-grade nursing home. When she dies, only his father seems to mourn. A description of events regarding a pornographic book that Sedaris finds when he is a child. The book is passed between his siblings, and eventually confiscated by his mother, who in turn reads it. A description of...More: http: //booksllc.net/?id=89168

    We promise to make you laugh and give you that much needed break in the middle of all the crazy.We have partnered with the most talented bunch of moms and dads to bring you the best, the funniest, and the most outrageous stories to get you from girth to birth.Are you having strange cravings? Have you asked yourself what in the hell is happening to my body? Have strangers touched your belly? If you've answered yes to any of these questions then this is the book for you! Prop up your cankles, grab a bowl of your favorite ice cream covered in olives and have a laugh with our crew. Things are about to get real.

    Broken Bananah is my completely true and overly honest journey through severe genital trauma. What happens when you lose something you love? And... can you really break a penis? Absolutely, and mine was one of the worst on file. Tethered to a catheter and surrounded by that’s-what-she-said jokes, I learned one of life’s greatest lessons: it can always be worse. Experience life and love without a penis in a recovery story that could only happen in New York City. Let’s laugh til we cry, dive into the weird, and grapple with the power of sex in this modern coming-of-something tale.

    Still wet behind the ears, he found himself on a whirlwind tour through the seven ages of man and the 57 varieties of human nature. He has to learn how to examine real people, diagnose them without becoming emotionally involved and fend off the crises of confidence which await around every corner. The book is set in the 1970s and there will no doubt be some readers who might think that things were better then. Edward Vernon is a pen name of a well known British doctor/author. Here's what the critics said about the series: Delightfully and wittily written. His descriptions of daunting receptionists, magazine-strewn waiting rooms and hypochondriacal patients will strike many familiar cords, but Dr Vernon is at his best when recounting his encounters in the surgery and at the bedside. For anyone needing to be entertained, and at times moved, there could be no better prescription than one chapter...taken each night at bedtime - Liverpool Echo Truthful, well observed and consistently readable - Daily Telegraph The funniest of the funny doctor books - Richard Gordon Dr Vernon is onto a good thing; we could do with some more - Oxford Times Hilarious - Titbits Thoroughly delightful - Fresno Bee Delightfully funny - Sunday Advocate, Baton Rouge For entertainment, a chapter or two before bedtime is just what the doctor ordered - Sacromento Bee Does for British GPs what Herriot has done for vets - Booklist Hilarious - Grimsby Evening Telegraph Very funny - Citizen, Gloucester Genuinely funny - South Wales Echo Wise, funny, sad and heartwarming - Chattanooga Times Good fun - Homes and Gardens Jolly good reading - Publishers Weekly Views the human species he treats with much the same affection, compassion and humour as Herriot brings to the animal world - Cleveland Plain Dealer Sometimes serious, sometimes hilarious - Lancashire Evening Post Will amuse, amaze and entertain - Yorkshire Post etc etc

    These are the true and incredible stories of some of Hollywood’s biggest and best known stars, but never before told . Every story has been researched and verified, no matter how surprising or out of character it may seem to the public, for some of the world’s best known people. * "This book is a pure delight." - Daily Oklahoman * " The research is incredible and told in a most      entertaining fashion." - Houston Courier * " Chaz does it again!  This time a Best Seller!      - Blake's Review * " I read until my eyes hurt and still couldn't      put it down." -  Dexter. MacBride      - Columbia Review. *  "A Winner!" - Ray Hibbard, Edmond Life & Leisure. * “A surprise on every page. Fantastic true stories. We loved having Little Known Facts on our radio station for more than 10 years.” - Craig Stallcup – NetRadio Boston * “I could forget the news and nobody would notice. But forget to air Little Known Facts and I would get 30 phone calls.”– Matt Batton – WPRG Radio * “What a fantastic way to spend a few hours. I love these stories of my friends and fellow actors.” - Dale Robertson, Actor, Host. * “Chaz is a dear friend. I can attest to many of these stories personally. What a pleasure to see them put together in one place.” - Tony Randall, Actor -What famous woman movie star invented the snooze alarm? - What famous woman television personality was a spy in WWII? - Did you know it was a glamorous woman movie star who invented the secret codes to direct navy topedos... - Which famous star was the real impetus for the movie Pretty Woman - The Beverly Hillbillies really existed - Which famous movie star was actually AWOL from the Army - Which famous Hollywood hunk was actually a Mailman - Which television star was responsible for one of the biggest toy crazes in history - Which famous comedy star was once completely blind And many many more.

    Discover how to Publish Books on Amazon & Sell A Million Copies Using Kindle, Print & Audio Book~ ON SALE FOR A LIMITED TIME FOR 0.99, USUALLY 3.99This Writing Guide is the # 1 Way to Learn The Entire Publishing Process on Amazon & Covers: How To Write More BooksHow To Find Which Categories to Publish InHow To Master Kindle Direct PublishingHow to Master Facebook MarketingHow to Master Product Descriptions (Synopsis)How to Use Community ForumsHow to Launch Book Promotions to Climb The Amazon RankingsHow To Master Print Publishing Using CreatespaceHow To Master Publishing Audio Books Using ACXHow To Remake Public Domain Books & Much More!

    A look at over 400 of the best historical movies (and some of the worst) purporting to be ‘factual’ or ‘based on actual events’; and how Hollywood has distorted, altered, manipulated, exaggerated, even falsified history under the all-encompassing premise…based on a true story…

    The result was a classic column full of Bombecks signature wit and warmth. Now the beloved column that has hung on hundreds of refrigerator doors has been cheerily illustrated and designed as a handsome gift book, Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream. In it, Bombeck gently reminds us of what is really important in life: If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.I would have cried and laughed less while watching television . . . and more while watching real life.But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it . . . look at it and really see it . . . try it on . . . live it . . . exhaust it . . . and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. . . . Long-time fans of Erma Bombeck will be thrilled to have this favorite column in the form of a beautiful keepsake. Readers discovering Bombeck for the first time will become fans instantly. Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream offers wisdom to inspire all of us.