"These tubes give me oxygen, which helps me breathe.""Would they help me breathe, too?" she asked."I dunno, wanna try?""Nah," she replied, "I don't wanna look like a weirdo.""Wanna know a secret?" I asked."Yeah!"I licked my finger and rubbed it on her arm. "I just gave you cancer," I whispered.***THE FAULT IN OUR PANTS is the hilarious new parody of The Fault in Our Stars! Just listen to these reviews:"Grand." -Augustus Waters"A douchefest." -Hazel Grace Lancaster"Will there be a braille edition?" -Isaac"Why wasn't I in the movie?" -KaitlynAll the big scenes that weren't in the book but should have been are here! For example:--The scene where Hazel tells Isaac that "always" no longer applies if your significant other goes blind--The scene where Hazel wastes her Genie Wish by wishing for a million more wishes--The scene where Hazel tries to take it past first base in the Anne Frank HouseAnd many more!From support group to the swing set of tears, from Augustus' trophies to Amsterdam, from Van Houten to Venn diagrams, it's all in THE FAULT IN OUR PANTS. So go ahead, give it a shot. You know you want to read it more than "Paper Towns."ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Steve Lookner is one of Amazon's top parody authors. He began his writing career as an editor of The Harvard Lampoon, and has written for such TV shows as Saturday Night Live and MADtv. Be sure to check out Steve's other parodies, including City of Boneheads: A Parody of City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, Book 1), The Lightning Fart: A Parody of The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson & the Olympians, Book 1), The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner, and Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl!

    Its eyes rolled back in its head, and its wings jerked wide open...   When 12-year-old Billy Chan finds out his parents are sending him to a summer camp in middle-of-nowhere China, he doesn't know what to expect. There he meets fellow campers Dylan, Charlotte, and Ling-Fei, and together they stumble upon an age-old secret: there are four powerful warrior dragons hidden deep within the mountain behind the camp! They need the children's help to set them free before terrible evil in the guise of the Dragon of Death is unleashed upon the earth. Billy and his friends must set off on a dangerous adventure that will take them to the heart of the Dragon Realm. But can they save the dragon and human worlds from destruction?

    A cryptic picture message from their mother leads them to a familiar gate in the woods, but comfortable sights quickly give way to a new world entirely—Down—one inhabited by talking birds and the evil Puppeteer queen. Summer and Bird are quickly separated, and their divided hearts lead them each in a very different direction in the quest to find their parents, vanquish the Puppeteer, lead the birds back to their Green Home, and discover the identity of the true bird queen.With breathtaking language and deliciously inventive details, Katherine Catmull has created a world unlike any other, skillfully blurring the lines between magic and reality and bringing to life a completely authentic cast of characters and creatures.

    Fell! So will urchins and whippersnappers everywhere.” —Chris Grabenstein, author of the New York Times bestsellers Escape from Mr. Lemoncello’s Library and The Island of Dr. Libris   When the mysterious Dr. Fell moves into the abandoned house that had once been the neighborhood kids’ hangout, he immediately builds a playground to win them over. But as the ever-changing play space becomes bigger and more elaborate, the children and their parents fall deeper under the doctor’s spell.   Only Jerry, Nancy, and Gail are immune to the lure of his extravagant wonderland. And they alone notice that when the injuries begin to pile up on the jungle gym, somehow Dr. Fell is able to heal each one with miraculous speed. Now the three children must find a way to uncover the doctor’s secret power without being captivated by his trickery.

    He’s a youngster in dragon terms.His old and infirm Dragonkeeper has just died. The dragon is sad at his friend’s passing, but also looking forward to some solo adventures.There is much unrest in the world of men. The states that will eventually merge to become the Chinese Empire are at war. Danzi’s plans for a peaceful visit to a friend in the south soon go awry.Set in 282 BC, Dragon Dawn is a ‘prequel’ to the Dragonkeeper trilogy.

    When Benji runs into a group of bullies, he escapes into a tent called The Memory Emporium, where he meets a strange old man inside named Louis. The old man shows him a magically vivid memory of a fighter pilot, in the hopes of getting Benji to pay to see other memories Louis has collected from people over the years.Benji quickly realizes the ability to take memories could help his parents stop fighting with each other, and he asks Louis to teach him how to become a memory thief. But Louis isn't the only person with the ability to show and manipulate memories. There's also the mysterious Genevieve, a Memory Thief with much more nefarious motives.Benji learns how to manipulate memories himself, but having that power comes at a cost to his family, and possibly to his own mind as well. Genevieve's powers get out of control as she steals more and more memories from people in town including Benji s sister, Kelly. Benji must learn to use this newfound power, as he is the only one able to stop Genevieve.

    But it looks like Partner is headed for a terrible fate--pet food! Then the kids get an idea: each third grader will find odd jobs and earn money to pay for Partner's care.

    Slowly, slowly, with a tap, click, crack, the baby turtle embarks upon a mysterious nighttime journey. Gentle, tender verse and enchanting illustrations carry this tranquil tale from sand to sea.

    "A "Junior Literary Guild" selection and winner of the "Mystery Writers of America" EDGAR Award.This story "immediately hooks readers, who will gobble up this satisfying fare," says "School Library Journal. "Fully realized Victorian melodrama that would make Dickens proud," says "The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books."

    Ripped from their parents as babies, they are being protected from a horrible evil of devastating power, an evil they know nothing about.Until now.Before long, Kate, Michael, and Emma are on a journey through time to dangerous and secret corners of the world...a journey of allies and enemies, of magic and mayhem. And — if an ancient prophesy is correct — what they do can change history, and it is up to them to set things right.

    How fortunate you are to be holding such a magnificent book. How your mind must be shivering in anticipation of the great wisdom of which you are about to partake. I know I can hardly wait, and I wrote the book.I know it will be tempting to quote and speak aloud the beautifully written text you are about to experience, but please, for the sake of all that is possible in Foo, do not.The very existence of your world and dreams could be shattered by your carelessness. Do not let this book out of your sight.You have been warned.On a much happier note, enjoy!Professor Philip Winsnicker

    Includes an exclusive preview of Stan Lee's upcoming illustrated novel, Zodiac! When twelve magical superpowers are unleashed on the world, a Chinese-American teenager named Steven will be thrown into the middle of an epic global chase. He'll have to master strange powers, outrun super-powered mercenaries, and unlock the mysterious powers of the Zodiac.

    Having rescued her father many years earlier she feels safe. But the long, bloody hand of the mob reaches out for her and her family, thrusting them into ever-increasing danger.Love, loyalty, friendship and even life itself are threatened in Charles Dickens' unforgetaable, most dramatic book.(back cover)

    My name is Dr. Cecil H.H. Mills. I’m the author of this book and many other ones that you might not have heard of. This book is about two idiot wannabe detective-types. Their names are J.J. and Valentine Watts, but I’m not sure if they’re actually brothers or not. They make a friend; her name is Trudi de la Rosa. She’s a wannabe detective-type too, but honestly, she’s less of an idiot than the brothers. The three of them team up to solve a mystery that takes place in a snowy chateau up in the mountains. It gets more complicated around chapter 11, but now you’ve got the main gist of it. The story’s full of intrigue and adventure and puzzles and light violence and some swear words. It’s really entertaining. Just buy the book and start reading. You’ll understand everything about the Ghost Hunters Adventure Club very soon.