Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    Mrs Banerjee sets out to transfer the run-down theatre into Coronation Talkies, a thoroughly modern cinema showing Hollywood's latest love stories. Lydia Rushmore discovers the soothing effects of gin as she tries to fit into hill station society and please her complicated new husband.As World War II looms in Europe and British colonial power recedes, Chalaili becomes the setting for trickery, seduction and the unveiling of shocking secrets.

    Sam Hunt faces up to the big three-o, and begins to feel that it might just be the beginning of the end.

    And this time he's got a baby. William Walker loves his gorgeous wife and new son – even if he did faint at the birth. What man wouldn't, after two whole days of labour and only one small sip of (medicinal) whiskey to sustain him? But now he's a father, and a proud one at that. It's just a shame that parenthood doesn't stop him doing the wrong thing at precisely the wrong time, with comically catastrophic results for his small – and increasingly exasperated – family.This hilarious romantic comedy will have you laughing out loud as William battles everything from floods to the Machiavellian denizens of a sinister Kentish village with more than a few hints of Royston Vasey…

    Piranhas are the deadliest fish. A purring cat is a happy cat. Cleopatra was insanely beautiful. All natural products are safe. Oranges are the richest source of vitamin C. You can tell a liar just by looking in their eyes. the Roswell alien autopsy proved that intelligent aliens visited us. And Dr Karl wears a hoodie lab coat to work every day. Some of these are true and some are not. Well, the last one is definitely not. But inside these covers you'll find out whether there's dis information about the other wikkid myths . Dr Karl Kruszelnicki is the Julius Sumner Miller Fellow at the University of Sydney. He appears on triple J and other ABC radio stations, and on BBC radio, and is a regular guest of Kochie and Mel on Channel 7's Sunrise. this is his 24th book, and is based on his popular Good Weekend column, 'Mythconceptions'.

    Keep your hand on the horn during this startling comic fiction.

    After being fired from his job as the clandestine stooge on hit TV show Ghostbusters UK, Elliott returns home to find his girlfriend missing. To make matters worse, Hapkido Valentine, the legendary 1980s wrestler, has returned from the dead and taken up residency in Elliott’s flat. Despite a voracious appetite for sausage sandwiches, Hapkido is convinced he has finally become the mystical Japanese warrior he once portrayed in the ring.Together they must undertake a dangerous journey to find out why the Universe created this most unlikely of partnerships. All that stands in their way is a medallion wearing TV psychic, a train-spotting assassin and the murderous intentions of the local over 75’s women’s group. If Elliott thought the day started badly, things are about to get a whole lot worse.

    His plan may have worked all too well. Now, to save us from creeping socialism, death panels and everything progressive, he has written the antidote, Tea Party Fairy Tales. In Tea Party Fairy Tales, Red Riding Hood stands up for her Second Amendment rights, the Little Match Girl defends the magic of the free market to her grave, and Jack of “Beanstalk” fame shows the moral decay of a life on the dole. For those who find these too long-winded, more than a dozen Aesop’s Fables have been reworked to illustrate the eternal truths of American conservatism in handy, shouting-points form. Tea Party Fairy Tales deserves a place on every young American’s nightstand, right next to the Rush Limbaugh plush doll and a Smith & Wesson automatic, to help prevent the destruction of everything good and true in American culture. “Wake up, Storybookland! Before it’s too late!”

    . . One batch of doughnuts . . . One ripple of resentment.Profit-hungry developers are swarming over Middleton, determined to see the local football ground turned into luxury flats. But they haven't counted on the spirited resistance of local baker, Bill Baxter, who vents his frustration at the developers' plans by neglecting to put jam into a batch of doughnuts. Unbeknown to Bill, a rogue jamless doughnut sets in train a ripple of irrational anger that grows, wave upon wave, until finally it threatens to swamp the entire nation, leaving careers ruined, fortunes won and Parliament in turmoil. But where will it end? And what will become of Bill and his beloved Middleton?Stand up comedian Dominic Holland delivers another slick slice of comedy that will have you roaring with laughter, rooting for the good guys and relegating the villains to the bottom of the table.

     Elizabeth Langtree’s has her life in order – safe, organised, planned. Sure, she has her troubles, but they are nothing she can’t handle. Then everything is turned upside down when her family send her to Australia to collect her orphaned nephew. It all seemed so simple in New York, but Australia is nothing like she expected, and she soon falls under the spell of the Outback – the station, the lifestyle, and the seriously sexy owner who has been caring for Luke since the death of his mother. Elizabeth soon discovers that what seemed simple a world away is anything but, and her duty is at odds with the dictates of her heart. She must choose, knowing that a mistake will not only cost her everything, but destroy the future of a devastated little boy.

    Nazi skinheads are cruising the streets and a millionaire tycoon and a weather girl have been kidnapped. It falls to Barry Osgathorpe to discover who is responsible.

    What twisted, funny tales would it unleash upon the world?Each episode of Crackanory contains two 15-minute tales and is a master class in storytelling, combining some of the UK's best comedy writers and performers.Full author list: Nico Tatarowicz, Toby Davies, Kevin Eldon, Ali Crockatt, David Scott, Laurence Rickard, Jeremy Dyson, Simon Judd, Alex Carter and Holly WalshFull narrator list: Jack Dee, Sally Phillips, Rebecca Front, Kevin Eldon, Harry Enfield, Sarah Solemani, Sharon Horgan, Charlie Higson, Richard Hammond and Jessica Hynes.

    First responders share unique baby names, we hear stories about clueless newbies, bitter veterans, and patients with good intentions but bad ideas. We also hear more about the not-so-happy side of this industry. Grab a blanket, a mug of hot chocolate, and cozy up in front of the fire to catch up with submissions from people like you!

    In this mock autobiographical collection his mischievous drawings capture life's anxieties and ambitions from the mundane to the surreal. Here, at last, is The Truth about beer, doctors, shadow puppets, lunch, dolphins, boredom, and supernatural forces. Seductively strange and addictively amusing, this edgy little book welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the faithful.

    The right way, the wrong way and the Top Gear way. Although, on reflection, that's usually just the wrong way, but faster and with more shouting. Anyway, the good news is that this third way of doing things can be applied to almost anything, and that includes motoring in general. All you need is the right guidance, which is where the brand new Top Gear Alternative Highway Code comes in. Top Gear's Altnernative Highway Code will show you how to bring the ambitious but rubbish philosophies of the world's most popular TV programme to your driving, containing advice on general motoring, as well as specific tips on how to deal with common eventualities like a rapidly sinking amphibious camper van, a caravan airship that's just crashed into a small bush, or a stupid home-made limousine that's snapped in half while transporting a top celebrity to an awards ceremony.Road users should not leave home without it.