If you follow each and every one, your life will become easier, more fabulous, more rewarding. Imagine what a chilled-out and wonderful human being people would think you were if you lived by the simple principle "You can never fail if you never try." Your wasted life would be an inspiration to others. Think of all the pointless, unhappy striving you could simply give up. Throw away that guitar! Give up on your dreams! Embrace your astounding mediocrity. This Book Loves You has something for everyone--or at least everyone willing to give up and stop caring. If all else fails, remember: "Don’t be yourself. Be a pizza. Everyone loves pizza."

    Tinsel Town. La La Land. The City of Dreams; groaning with wannabes and a few dazzling stars. For anyone brave enough to make the pilgrimage to LA in search of stardom; keep in mind the long odds and bring tissues.Eclipsed is a unique story about an ordinary family. Mum, Dad, four boys and a dog, albeit the dad is a somewhat famous UK comedian who dared to dream and chance his arm at becoming a Hollywood screenwriter.By chance and just like in our dreams and the best stories, his eldest son is talent spotted and after a series of serendipitous events, now finds himself as Marvel's new Spider-man. Meanwhile, his dad is doing comedy gigs in village halls...Written with great affection by a day as bemused as he is proud, Eclipsed is a hilarious story and insight into family life.We all want the best for our children and we hope that they might eclipse our own achievements, but in the same business as us and before they hit their teens? Come on, really?

    With humor and insight, Melissa Mohr takes readers on a journey to discover how "swearing" has come to include both testifying with your hand on the Bible and calling someone a *#$&!* when they cut you off on the highway. She explores obscenities in ancient Rome and unearths the history of religious oaths in the Middle Ages, when swearing (or not swearing) an oath was often a matter of life and death. Holy Sh*t also explains the advancement of civility and corresponding censorship of language in the 18th century, considers the rise of racial slurs after World War II, examines the physiological effects of swearing and answers a question that preoccupies the FCC, the US Senate, and anyone who has recently overheard little kids at a playground: are we swearing more now than people did in the past?A gem of lexicography and cultural history, Holy Sh*t is a serious exploration of obscenity.

    In "Family Business," a young chimpanzee offends his working class father by choosing to become a research animal instead of joining the family grub-hunting business. In "Proud Mom," a young mother is so besotted she doesn't realize her child is actually, truly a monster. And in "Animals," the fate of a terrified classroom hamster hangs in the balance when a notorious kid is picked for hamster care duty.

    Have you ever read an advertisement and felt like it was written directly to you? Well, what if it was? And if I told you that there's an underground group telling you and those around you what to buy, what to wear, and what to consume? Join the fun. The only thing holding you back is your own personality.We recommend that you read Gripped with a nice bottled water. "If Kurt Vonnegut and Sarah Silverman had a literary offspring, it might look something like this." Richard Thomas, authoe of Staring Into the Abyss"Donnelly dances on the line of comedic grace and brutal honesty to show how ugly personal growth can be." Michael Paul Gonzalez, author of Angel Falls"This is a hilarious yet poignant tale of how disjointed society has become." Jonny Gibbings, author of Malice in BlunderlandJason Donnelly is a writer in NYC currently seeking world domination. He has an MFA in creative writing and a horrible amount of debt from a University in Pennsylvania that shall not be named. Over the years, he's held the title of juggler, college recruiter, adjunct professor, headhunter and is currently a copywriter at a NYC ad agency. Find out more than you ever wanted to know about him here, www.jasonwdonnelly.com and then like the book page here, www.grippedbook.com You can now purchase from amazon.com here: http://www.amazon.com/Gripped-Your-Pe...

    It is the follow-up book to Police, Crime & 999, a book which still remains hugely popular today, with over 250 5-star Amazon reviews, and which garnered positive feedback from a number of national publications:‘Everything is included in this warts-and-all account. Very funny’ The Sun‘A treasure trove of a book – a wonderfully informative and addictive read, full of belly laughs’ The Non-Fiction Book ClubWARNING: Contains Humour & Traces of Nuts

    Though the characters may not be human, the situations in these stories bear an uncanny resemblance to the insanity of everyday life. In "The Toad, the Turtle, and the Duck," three strangers commiserate about animal bureaucracy while waiting in a complaint line. In "Hello Kitty," a cynical feline struggles to sit through his prison-mandated AA meetings. In "The Squirrel and the Chipmunk," a pair of star-crossed lovers is separated by prejudiced family members.With original illustrations by Ian Falconer, author of the bestselling Olivia series of children's books, these stories are David Sedaris at his most observant, poignant, and surprising.

    Are we really a nation of binge-drinking, horse-meat-eating, grumbling, tailgating slobs or is there something altogether more beautiful to be found lurking behind the cypress leylandii?This unprecedented adventure will take you to a DFS store, to Blackpool’s third best B&B, to the coffee kiosk on platform one at 5.35 in the morning. You will step into a ready-meal curry factory, a naturist’s back garden and an office of the future where they do somersaults into beanbags. You will endure a night out in Wakefield, a night out in a queue and a night in Thetford Forest trying, unsuccessfully, to prove that dogging is an urban myth. You will watch Reading play football.And all from the comfort of your own sofa. How English.

    And the trouble with being Tony, is that most of them got one.Just how do you 'look after' something that's trying it's damnedest to kill you and eat you?And how do you find love when you a) don't speak the language, and b) are constantly covered in excrement and entrails?If only he'd had some relevant experience. Other than owning a pet rabbit when he was nine. And if only he'd bought some travel insurance...That Bear Ate My Pants is the hilarious tale of one man's quest to better himself. Whether losing a machete fight with a tree, picking dead tarantulas out of a tank of live ones or sewing the head back on to a partially decapitated crocodile, Tony's misadventures are ridiculous, unbelievable and always entertaining.Long before Sky One got involved, there were already plenty of Idiots Abroad. This is the story of one of them...

    this book is a magical journey through life from the beginnings of time to the birth of a child and the adventure that we take on our way to the grave and beyond to the starsit is a celebration of being human and all of the beautiful things that is in between.if you like books that are about:why we are herehow we are madebabies shedding their baby legs and growing their child legsthe innocence of childhoodthe warmth of papas backteen lifebody harethe first kissfalling in lovebeing alonethe gift of a feathertales of witchessaturday nightsmonday morningsthe mystery of old peoples earlobesdeathghostsand the meaning of lifethen this book is for youbecause inside of this book there is all of those things and after reading about 5 pages of it you will be the main expert of human life and there will be nothing in this world that you will not know love from your friend chris (simpsons artist) xox

    and I am wide awake because the man of the house has decided that he needs to perform a series of complex manoeuvres that involve him balancing on his left elbow. When I fell asleep last night, there was a baby lying next to me. Her smelly diaper is still wedged on my head but aside from this rather damp clue, I can't seem to find her anywhere. I could ask my mother-in-law if she has seen the baby, but she may just tell me that I need to fast on alternate Mondays, and God will deliver the baby back to me . . . Full of wit and delicious observations, Mrs Funnybones captures the life of the modern Indian woman—a woman who organizes dinner each evening, even as she goes to work all day, who runs her own life but has to listen to her Mummyji, who worries about her weight and the state of the country. Based on Twinkle Khanna’s super-hit column, Mrs Funnybones marks the debut of one of our funniest, most original voices.

    In this gloriously entertaining romp through human history, peppered with amusing pop culture references, Greg Jenner explores the gradual and often unexpected evolution of our daily routines.This is not a story of politics, wars or great events, instead Greg Jenner has scoured Roman rubbish bins, Egyptian tombs and Victorian sewers to bring us the most intriguing, surprising and sometimes downright silly nuggets from our past. Drawn from across the world, spanning a million years of humanity, this book is a smorgasbord of historical delights. It is a history of all those things you always wondered - and many you have never considered. It is the story of your life, one million years in the making.The UK paperback edition (2016) is revised and updated with extra facts.OTHER REVIEWS:"If you find yourself secretly relishing your children's Horrible Histories books, you will love Greg Jenner's jolly account of how we have more in common with our ancestors than we might think ... all human life is here, amusingly conveyed in intriguing nuggets of gossipy historical anecdote" (DAILY MAIL)"A wonderful idea, gloriously put into practice, Greg Jenner is as witty as he is knowledgeable" (TOM HOLLAND)"Delightful, surprising and hilarious, this is a fascinating history of the everyday objects and inventions we take for granted" (LAUREN LAVERNE)"Greg Jenner's magpie mind takes you through the history of who we are and what we do, answering tons of questions you never thought to ask" (AL MURRAY)"Like visiting the most wonderful and cluttered museum, each chapter like another room teetering with illuminating ideas and information" (ROBIN INCE)"Hugely entertaining...full of astonishing insights" (HISTORY REVEALED MAGAZINE)"Jenner has a vivid, colloquial turn of phrase...lively, funny and completely absorbing" (CURRENT ARCHAEOLOGY MAGAZINE)

    Packed with more than 1,000 jokes, anecdotes, cartoons, quotes, and stories contributed by professional comedians, joke writers, and readers of the magazine, this side-splitting compilation pokes fun at the facts and foibles of daily routines, illustrating that life is often funnier than fiction

    Explore the oddities of the British psyche with this witty illustrated book. A perfect companion to British behavior, get to grips with everything from small-talk to superiority, from “the stiff upper lip” to hooliganism, from cricket to condiments, and curry to class. This hilarious A-Z guide will take you through the realm of all that’s British – its culture, its institutions, its humor, and its people. Ben Crystal has worked in tv, film and theatre. He is author of several books on Shakespeare for Penguin. Adam Russ is an actor and writer who lives in London. Ed McLachlan's is an acclaimed British cartoonist.

    Balding, myopic, often flaky with psoriasis, back fat that hangs suspended like a cape, a voice that could strip varnish, an increasingly dodgy hip and even dodgier teeth. Why would you draw attention to it? you must ask. Couldn't you just call the book something else? Do you think the Great British Public is ready to pore over your body? Well, as I turn forty and take stock of my showbiz life over the last ten years or so, I have learnt to embrace my flaws and face my shortcomings. In fact, strange as it might seem, the things I hate about myself have become my trademark and I am slowly, begrudgingly learning to, if not love them, to at least live with them. I am ready now to take a long hard look at myself and that's what Alanatomy is. It's the story of my rise to fame: the joys, the traumas, the parties, the disappointments. Hopefully you will find it witty, fun, heartwarming, but more importantly honest, and that it will keep you entertained every time you pick it up. Alanatomy is the chance for you to get beneath my skin and see the real me because, and to continue the anatomical theme if I may, this showbiz existence can sometimes feel like an autopsy - picked at, probed and scrutinized with every inch of your body held up for analysis, but unlike an actual autopsy, you are very much alive. So I give you Alanatomy: The Inside Story. I am laying myself out on the slab for your entertainment; naked, stripped bare. Grab your scalpel, peel back the skin and go deep, have a good old probe around at my life so far. Yes, you are going to find guts, a fair bit of cheek, maybe even a little bit of gristle, but hopefully, you'll find a whole lot of heart.'