And then you are a footballer, and you’re suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We’ll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson’s assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?Can’t get enough of Crouch? Tune into That Peter Crouch Podcast on Radio 5 Live

    Bird provides views on the game and those involved in it, with behind the scenes accounts and humorous anecdotes.

    Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...MARRIAGE?"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."MEN WITH DOGS?"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"STEPPARENTHOOD?"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you." WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.

    It was a flawed plan.'No Shame is a very funny, candid and emotional ride of a memoir by one of our most beloved comedians. The working-class son of a coach driver, and the youngest member of the Noel Coward Society, Tom Allen grew up in 90s suburbia as the eternal outsider.In these hilarious, honest and heart breaking stories Tom recalls observations on childhood, his adolescence, the family he still lives with, and his attempts to come out and negotiate the gay dating scene. They are written with his trademark caustic wit and warmth, and will entertain, surprise and move you in equal measure.

    He'd won the Stand-Up of the Year Award, his HBO special was a huge hit, and his sitcom had been picked up. And then it all came crashing down. Diagnosed with Stage III non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, he was told he would have to undergo chemotherapy immediately. The sitcom was dumped and the fire of his white-hot career started to go out. But Schimmel never lost his sense of humor, his knife-like edge, and most of all, his passion to entertain. Indeed, it was his basic need to laugh-even if the only people around him were suffering from cancer and the room he was playing was the Mayo Clinic infusion center-that carried him through his ordeal. From his colorful banter with nurses and other patients during chemo, to his hilarious conversation with a wig salesman, going for the laugh was Robert Schimmel's survival mechanism. Alternately laugh-out-loud funny and profound, Cancer on Five Dollars a Day is an honest account of how one man's face-off with a deadly disease helped him better understand himself.

    And then she looked ahead. What next? 'Live adventurously', a Quaker advice, was hovering around her brain. Putting her and John's much-loved house in France on the market she embarked on a series of journeys.

    Despite his on-screen persona, Niven wasn’t always the perfect gentleman. He was insecure both privately and professionally and used people to get ahead. But he did, he said, ‘at least try to be a decent man.’ He knew he often failed, although it isn’t easy to find people who ever had a bad word to say about him. In this fascinating biography of the star, Munn looks at the funny stories and the sad underlying truth, from his outrageous days with Errol Flynn and their irrevocable split –‘You always know where you are with Flynn. He always lets you down’ – and numerous affairs with stars and prostitutes, to an attempted suicide, his horrific experiences in war-torn France and the breakdown and blame of his second marriage. This compelling text includes interviews with his second wife, Hjordis, John Huston, Rex Harrison, Laurence Olivier, Loretta Young (they discussed marriage once), Niven’s long-time friend Michael Trubshawe, Peter Ustinov, Ava Gardner and many more.

    From coping with the suicide of a colleague to the unusual whereabouts of a jar of Colman's mustard, the story follows this rural doctor's misguided attempts to make sense of the career in which he has unwittingly found himself.

    He was 19 years old when he won the 2005 French Open in his very first appearance at the event. A left-hander with a booming forehand, Nadal had been known as a clay-court specialist since playing his first pro tournaments in 2001. His aggressive style, flowing hair, and muscular build have made him a fan favorite as well. He won his first singles title in 2004, and had a breakout season in 2005, winning at Monte Carlo, Rome, Barcelona, and Stuttgart as well as at Roland Garros. He won the French Open again in 2006, 2007, and 2008, defeating rival Roger Federer in the final each time. In 2008 he broke through at Wimbledon, beating Federer to win the men's singles title in a spectacular fashion. No Nadal fan will want to be without this comprehensive biography.

    

    It began, in 1979, as a mad idea of starting a cable channel to televise local sporting events throughout the state of Connecticut. Today, ESPN is arguably the most successful network in modern television history, spanning eight channels in the Unites States and around the world. But the inside story of its rise has never been fully told-until now. Drawing upon over 500 interviews with the greatest names in ESPN's history and an All-Star collection of some of the world's finest athletes, bestselling authors James Miller and Tom Shales take us behind the cameras. Now, in their own words, the men and women who made ESPN great reveal the secrets behind its success-as well as the many scandals, rivalries, off-screen battles and triumphs that have accompanied that ascent. From the unknown producers and business visionaries to the most famous faces on television, it's all here.

    Leaving home for the dust and faded glamour of Detroit, over the next ten years, under the guidance of the legendary Emamuel Steward, he set about honing his craft, winning fight after fight and slowly climbing the professional ranks.Then, in 2012, his star ascendant, Lee suffered two devastating blows in quick succession: defeat in his first World Championship bout and the sudden loss of Steward, his guide and confidant. Bereft, his career in jeopardy, the path to redemption would test every hard-won lesson of the previous decade …Fighter is a lyrical and philosophical memoir about resilience, bravery and the wisdom to be found at the limits of human experience.

    This biography reveals the highs and lows of his music career. It reflects on his life married to Katie Price.

    These other subjects include...Caffeine | Ghostbusters | Being Poor | Twitter | Caravans | Obama | Wales | Paul McCartney | The Welfare State | Sherlock | David Cameron Looking Like Ham | Amy Winehouse | ‘The Big Society’ | Big Hair | Nutter-letters | Michael Jackson's funeral | Failed Nicknames | Wolverhampton | Squirrels’ Testicles | Sexy Tax | Binge-drinking | Chivalry | Rihanna’s Cardigan | Party Bags | Hot People| Transsexuals | The Gay Moon Landings

    With four Tour de France points jersey victories, three road race world championships, the 2018 Paris-Roubaix, and multiple spring classics among Sagan’s palmares, the world of cycling agrees that this intense yet fun-loving rider is among the most dominant and fun-to-watch riders of his generation. In My World, for the very first time, bike racing fans will have the opportunity to glimpse behind the scenes of Sagan’s cycling life, revealing the full extent of his dedication to competition and determination to win. They will read about his relationship with fellow riders, his heroes and how he copes with the expectation of success. He will share technical details about his preparation, dissect the art of the sprint and analyze the tactics that play out during a fiercely competitive stage or race.