A short story in the Oddjobs universe that tries to answer the age-old question: what Christmas present do you get for the demon who has everything?

    Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    Laugh at the antics of Riverdale’s teens as they seek the perfect Christmas tree, go on a sleigh ride, help those less fortunate, give one another cherished holiday gifts and more as they enjoy the magic of the season!

    It is thus embarrassing when he is run over by a bus. It is even more embarrassing when he, and atheist, realises there is an afterlife…Resurrected on a huge flat plain, he is forced to play a deadly game. Moved as a pawn to the whim of the Gods in a fight to the death with warriors from all ages of earth’s history. Killed again and again only to be resurrected.The General, the Grim Reaper and Anubis are some of the strange beings who direct this grisly entertainment. Is it real or only in his decaying mind. Who is the Clown? It there anywhere to escape to?To retain his sanity, he must believe there is an end; an escape; a purpose. A thought-provoking story leading to an action filled climax that challenges our accepted beliefs…

    I had been sending horror stories to mainstream magazines who rewarded me with a stack of rejection slips, many of which included a scribbled note: "A little too weird for our readers."My next step was to send these stories out to the men's magazines, who included "horror stories" in their listings in the Writer's Market. Once again I was rewarded with a stack of rejection slips with this note: "You write very well, but we do not publish any stories that do not include at least three explicit sex scenes." (By this time I'd papered most of my bathroom with rejection slips.) Ah-ha! I said. I shall write an erotic fable. Cat's Karma came out of that effort. Actually, after no one accepted the story I cleaned out the explicit sex scenes so I could show this story to my friends without them thinking I was a hopeless horndog, and this version is the end result. -- Christopher Moore

    Cheerleaders are seriously injured and even killed at a higher rate than other high school sports. Their stunts are performed in skimpy uniforms without the benefit of proper safety equipment…and yet they love them, glittery eyeshadow, spirit bows, and all.And then there are the Fighting Pumpkins, who take that injury rate as a challenge. Students of Johnson’s Crossing High School, they answer to a higher calling than the pyramid and the basket toss, pursuing the pep rally that is rising up against mysteries and monsters, kicking gods with the pointed toes of professional athletes chasing a collegiate career.Meet Jude, half-vampire squad leader; Laurie, who can compel anyone to do as she asks; Heather, occasionally recreationally dead; Marti, strong enough to provide a foundation for any stunt; Colleen, who knows the rule book so well she may as well have written it; and Steph, who may or may not be the goddess of the harvest. The rest of the squad is ready to support them, and braced for the chaos of the big game, which may have a big body count. Prepare to jump high, yell loud, and look pretty with the Fighting Pumpkins, those glorious girls in the orange and green, whose high kicks could still be enough to save the world.And if they’re not, it isn’t going to be for lack of trying.Dying with Her Cheer Pants On includes three stories appearing for the first time anywhere: "Tryouts," "Trial by Fire," and "Compete Me."

    Unfortunately, this results in no customers, no cargo jobs and no hope of paying off the huge loan on his precious ship.When a debt collector kicks in his airlock and threatens his life, Hal grabs the nearest job and blasts off without reading the fine print. Can he deliver the freight and pay off his debt, or is this Hal’s last cargo run?

    Life is like that now that I’m a grim reaper. My holidays gets an extra helping of festive weirdness when the Casanova of mall Santas kicks the bucket. Instead of crossing over, he sets out to spread his own special brand of Christmas magic to a number of single ladies in town. I’ll admit, as a widow I’m hesitant to stop him from gifting his Christmas miracle, but as a reaper, it’s my job to pack his yule log and jingle bells off to the netherworld. After all, everybody knows Santa is only supposed to come once a year.

    The award-winning Scam School Book 1 is available March 14 (Pi day!) on the eReader of your choice. Hear behind-the-scenes secrets about Scam School episodes and listen to bonus techniques with Brian's exclusive audio commentary for every trick featured in the book. Embedded video demonstrations provide an easy way to understand some of the visual aspects of your favorite scams.Ever need to review a trick at the bar before pulling it off in front of an audience? Having the Scam School book on-the-go allows you to easily review tricks, techniques, and presentation ideas in secret before amazing your friends.Each trick has a custom header designed to summarize the type (or class) of trick, the factors involved, and what objects are required to pull it off. Each section that corresponds to a Scam School episode links directly to that episode.

    What could possibly go wrong?Spinoza is a private investigator who specializes in finding the missing. He’s good at what he does. Damn good. But he’s also got a secret past that haunts him. In the short story, THE VAMPIRE ON THE TRAIN, Spinoza takes on a different kind of investigation when he’s hired to ride a train with a vampire whose dreams predict the future. Spinoza is in the vampire’s dreams. And so is the train…“The Vampire on the Train” is a mystery thriller and a paranormal adventure for an intrepid private detective who finds out he is the key to one vampire living...or dying. Now Spinoza must make the decision of a lifetime before the train reaches its final destination...**Acclaim for J.R. Rain and Samantha Moon** “J.R. Rain’s Samantha Moon, private investigator, is a vampire heroine to cheer for. The VAMPIRE FOR HIRE urban fantasy series has sparkling dialogue, quirky mystery, paranormal thrills and chills, fun romance and humor, and a great ensemble cast of characters. Get hooked with MOON DANCE and be swept away into the mystique of an unforgettable vampire saga.” —Eve Paludan, bestselling author of the WITCH DETECTIVES series “I enjoyed Moon Dance immensely. The protagonist, Samantha Moon, is a female vampire with a husband and children. Those predate her condition; six years ago, she was attacked by a vampire and rendered into one. Now she’s trying to carry on with family and private eye business, and she’s a feisty, skilled person, so is doing mostly okay. It is not a horror story; she buys animal blood to eat and doesn’t generally prey on humans. But her husband has an increasing problem with her coldness—not of spirit, but of body. ‘You sicken me and scare the hell out of me,’ he tells her. ‘And when I touch you it’s all I can do to not gag.’ She replies, ‘Words every wife wants to hear.’ I love this! What makes it special are her character and nature.” —Piers Anthony, bestselling author of the XANTH series “J.R. Rain delivers a blend of action and wit that always entertains. Quick with the one-liners, but his characters are fully fleshed out (even the undead ones) and you’ll come back again and again.” —Scott Nicholson, bestselling author of the AFTER series “Is it possible to redefine two genres in one book? I don’t know, but J.R. Rain has left a lasting impression for the vampire and mystery genres.” —P.J. Day, bestselling author of the JACK KING vampire thrillers “Impossible to put down. J.R. Rain’s Moon Dance is a fabulous urban fantasy replete with multifarious and unusual characters, a perfectly synchronized plot, vibrant dialogue and sterling witticism, all wrapped in a voice that is as beautiful as it is rich and vividly intense as it is relaxed.” —April Vine, bestselling author of UNBOUND

    Summer, 1947. A dame walks into a saloon . . .It’s not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It’s love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an Air Force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. ’Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he’s got the connections on the street.Meanwhile, a suspicious flying object has been spotted up the Pacific coast in Washington State near Mount Rainer, followed by a mysterious plane crash in a distant patch of desert in New Mexico that goes by the name Roswell. But the real weirdness is happening on the streets of the City by the Bay.When one of Sammy’s schemes goes south and the Cheese mysteriously vanishes, Sammy is forced to contend with his own dark secrets—and more than a few strange goings on—if he wants to find his girl.

    When he hits the links at the absymal Dulles Woods golf course, the unexpected happens: He begins to play well. But there are more hazards on the course for Sn than just sand traps and disaffected caddies!Long a staple of Scalzi's live readings, "Judge Sn Goes Golfing" has never seen print until now. Read what you've been missing.

    But the Devil shows up with fancy coffee one morning, promising to make Billy's dream of being published come true: as long as Billy steals The Neko of Infinite Equilibrium, a cat-shaped statue with magical powers, from the most powerful warlock in the Eastern United States.The Devil's bidding sends Billy on a wild chase through New York City, through which Billy discovers his own strength, harnessing his powers as a hell-wolf and finally fighting the warlock face-to-face. God even makes a guest appearance, and He's not who you thought He was. Bushnell's stunningly imaginative debut is about finding meaning in life, confronting your biggest critics, and discovering that a boring life might be the best life of all.

    It's not their fault that they decide to settle on Lucky, a raccoon god of good fortune. At first, everything seems to be working fine. But they will soon learn that the world of divine powers is not to be entered into casually.

    They bury their doubts with their dead.The Annals of the Black Company discounted ebundle includes: The Black Company, Shadows Linger, The White Rose, Shadow Games, Dreams of Steel, The Silver Spike, Bleak Seasons, She Is The Darkness, Water Sleeps, Soldiers LiveAt the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.