101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

    It's a picture of an ideal relationship for a new generation of married couples: alternately grotesque, sexy, silly, and sexually permissive, but above all, built on mutual respect and honesty: •I promise: to never comment on your bad breath, as long as you don't come near me with bad breath. •We're going to make a lot of parenting mistakes: Let's not make putting leashes on our children when we go to the mall one of them.•Your job: I know I'm the 'free spirited one', but you're not allowed to be doing something that makes you miserable. Sorry. We'll f**'in live in a box, it's fine.

    When her offence was discovered it was reported to be the biggest white-collar crime committed by a female in Victoria, and she was sentenced to seven years in a maximum-security prison, alongside the state's most notorious criminals. Being incarcerated with drug dealers and murderers, however, was not nearly as daunting as having to tell her two young daughters why she was leaving them. The shame was almost unbearable. As Kerry adjusted to life behind bars, she began to see her fellow inmates as more than simply 'murderers' and 'drug dealers' - they became real people with names and broken dreams. And as they opened up to her, she realised that many of these women had violent home lives and were not getting parole simply because they couldn't fill out the paperwork. Horrified, Kerry set about using her skills to represent them. She also began to study. Today, Kerry has a PhD, advocates for women prisoners, and has been reunited with her daughters. In her inspiring memoir, filled with fascinating stories of life behind bars and shot through with wry humour, she reveals how one woman's darkest hour can become a turning point in her life. And how, just perhaps, it can even be the making of her.

    Note: These texting fails contain profanity, not for children.When are people going to learn that autocorrect can't be trusted? With FAILS like these, we actually hope that's not for a long time.This book complies 101 of the funniest, most viral and cringeworthy autocorrect screenshots to date.Guaranteed to put you on the floor laughing!

    Broken Bananah is my completely true and overly honest journey through severe genital trauma. What happens when you lose something you love? And... can you really break a penis? Absolutely, and mine was one of the worst on file. Tethered to a catheter and surrounded by that’s-what-she-said jokes, I learned one of life’s greatest lessons: it can always be worse. Experience life and love without a penis in a recovery story that could only happen in New York City. Let’s laugh til we cry, dive into the weird, and grapple with the power of sex in this modern coming-of-something tale.

    We promise to make you laugh and give you that much needed break in the middle of all the crazy.We have partnered with the most talented bunch of moms and dads to bring you the best, the funniest, and the most outrageous stories to get you from girth to birth.Are you having strange cravings? Have you asked yourself what in the hell is happening to my body? Have strangers touched your belly? If you've answered yes to any of these questions then this is the book for you! Prop up your cankles, grab a bowl of your favorite ice cream covered in olives and have a laugh with our crew. Things are about to get real.

    Kevin Smith, the legendary independent film-maker, columnist and cultural commentator, launches himself on an unsuspecting world with a series of hilarious rants on the absurdity of just about everything. Unlike his unforthcoming screen alter-ego Silent Bob, Smith is ready to let rip at maximum volume, whether it be on the madness of Hollywood, 'The Unholy Tale of Greasy Reese Witherspoon', his bloodcurdling hatred of Britney Spears or the highly-sexed comics industry. Along the way we get a shocking insight into the making of Smith's movies, and learn far more than is necessary about his bathroom habits.

    NBC executives didn’t think anyone would watch either, but they bought it anyway, hiding it away in the TV dead zone of summer. But against all odds, viewers began to watch, first a few and then many, until nine years later nearly forty million Americans were tuning in weekly.In Seinfeldia, acclaimed TV historian and entertainment writer Jennifer Keishin Armstrong celebrates the creators and fans of this American television phenomenon, bringing readers behind-the-scenes of the show while it was on the air and into the world of devotees for whom it never stopped being relevant, a world where the Soup Nazi still spends his days saying “No soup for you!”, Joe Davola gets questioned every day about his sanity, Kenny Kramer makes his living giving tours of New York sights from the show, and fans dress up in Jerry’s famous puffy shirt, dance like Elaine, and imagine plotlines for Seinfeld if it were still on TV.

    Like what, you ask? Here are just a few extraordinary examples: * Bats always turn left when they exit a cave.* In the 1960s, astronauts trained for moon voyages by walking on Hawaiian lava fields.* Lloyd's of London insured Bruce Springsteen's voice for 3.5 million English pounds.* Physician Amynthas of Alexandria, Greece, performed the first known nose job in the Third Century B.C.* Military toilet paper is printed in a camouflage design, since white could attract enemy fire.* Elvis Presley always wore a helmet when watching football on TV.* King Henry VIII's ladies at court had a ration of one gallon of beer per day.* It takes the energy from 50 leaves on an apple tree to produce one ripe fruit.* The only country to host the Summer Olympics but not win a sinlge gold medal was Canada, in 1976. And that's just the beginning! So what are you waiting for? Attack!

    For more than thirty years, writer, producer and director Nell Scovell worked behind the scenes of iconic TV shows, including The Simpsons, Late Night with David Letterman, Murphy Brown, NCIS, The Muppets, and Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, which she created and executive produced.  In 2009, Scovell gave up her behind-the-scenes status when the David Letterman sex scandal broke. Only the second woman ever to write for his show, Scovell used the moment to publicly call out the lack of gender diversity in late-night TV writers’ rooms. “One of the boys” came out hard for “all of the girls.” Her criticisms fueled a cultural debate. Two years later, Scovell was collaborating with Sheryl Sandberg on speeches and later on Lean In, which resulted in a worldwide movement.Now Scovell is opening up with this fun, honest, and often shocking account. Scovell knows what it’s like to put words in the mouths of President Barack Obama, Mark Harmon, Candice Bergen, Bob Newhart, Conan O’Brien, Alyssa Milano, and Kermit the Frog, among many others. Through her eyes, you’ll sit in the Simpson writers’ room… stand on the Oscar red carpet… pin a tail on Miss Piggy…bond with Star Trek’s Leonard Nimoy… and experience a Stephen King-like encounter with Stephen King.Just the Funny Parts is a fast-paced account of a nerdy girl from New England who fought her way to the top of the highly-competitive, male-dominated entertainment field. The book delivers invaluable insights into the creative process and tricks for navigating a difficult workplace. It's part memoir, part how-to, and part survival story. Or, as Scovell puts it, “It’s like Unbroken, but funnier and with slightly less torture.”

    Kenneth Turan’s fifty-four favorite films embrace a century of the world’s most satisfying romances and funniest comedies, the most heart-stopping dramas and chilling thrillers.Turan discovered film as a child left undisturbed to watch Million Dollar Movie on WOR-TV Channel 9 in New York, a daily showcase for older Hollywood features. It was then that he developed a love of cinema that never left him and honed his eye for the most acute details and the grandest of scenes.Not to be Missed blends cultural criticism, historical anecdote, and inside-Hollywood controversy. Turan’s selection of favorites ranges across all genres. From All About Eve to Seven Samurai to Sherlock Jr., these are all timeless films—classic and contemporary, familiar and obscure, with big budgets and small—each underscoring the truth of director Ingmar Bergman’s observation that “no form of art goes beyond ordinary consciousness as film does, straight to our emotions, deep into the twilight room of the soul.”

     As seen on ESPN's Cold Pizza Fantasy football -- one of America's most popular, and profitable, virtual pastimes -- became a way of life for sports humorist and author Mark St. Amant. Utterly fed up with never having won his league championship, St. Amant abandoned a successful advertising career to make fantasy football his full-time job, embarking on a sprawling reconnaissance mission to discover what really makes this game, and its 20 million players, tick. Committed is the result of St. Amant's ranting, relentless, and strategic pursuit of his own obsession. In this wickedly funny and deeply informative work, St. Amant offers readers an all-access sideline pass to his wild, unprecedented fantasy football season, and to the hobby itself. From its humble beginnings in a New York hotel in 1962 to a multibillion-dollar business today, from local and online leagues to high-stakes, cutthroat Las Vegas competitions, St. Amant lays bare the facts, figures, and fanaticism of fantasy football in all its multidimensional glory.

    With full-color photo essays, the author guides readers past good taste, sense and even logic into the magical, mayhem-ridden world known as his life.

    A look at over 400 of the best historical movies (and some of the worst) purporting to be ‘factual’ or ‘based on actual events’; and how Hollywood has distorted, altered, manipulated, exaggerated, even falsified history under the all-encompassing premise…based on a true story…

    In fact, each setback they experience just seems to immerse them deeper into a life they have totally fallen in love with. 'Seriously Mum, Who's that Chicken?' is the latest installment of their adventures as they continue to seize the day, living off-grid and loving every minute.