And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    She hates the gym, is nice to everybody, and shops at Ross Dress for Less. When she's not teaching preschool, she's wearing yoga pants... to nap in. So when she inherits her estranged grandfather's fitnesswear company in San Francisco, nobody expects her to keep it. Fite Fitness needs a heartless suit to save it from bankruptcy, not a thirty-year-old woman who cries when her students leave for kindergarten.Someone like Liam Johnson. A former Olympic swimmer, Liam is Fite's executive vice president. Unlike Bev, he's devoted his life to Fite's success. Managing one little preschool teacher — and his attraction to her — shouldn't be an issue. Right?But Bev's tired of being underpaid and underrated, and refuses to step aside as an obedient figurehead. To everyone's shock and horror, she moves up to San Francisco, sets up an office, and dives into the business. Nothing — not mockery, not exercise, not sabotage, not a disastrously hot night with her aggravating VP — is going to scare her away.As Liam realizes she's tougher than she looks, he discovers that losing Fite might not be nearly as bad as losing her...A story about the pursuit of love, happiness, and the perfect yoga pants, Love Handles will speak to anyone who's ever had to face the thing that scares her most.Warning: contains at least two loves scenes and a happy ending.

    Also check out the Agnes Barton Paranormal series, same characters, different spin. Hilarious Senior sleuths — Grandma Mazur meets Murder She Wrote — cozy mystery. Agnes Barton is not your typical senior citizen living in Tadium, MI, on the shores of Lake Huron. She drives a red hot Mustang, shops at Victoria's Secret, rankles local police officials, and has a knack for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. What does a murder that happened forty-three years ago have to do with missing tourist Jennifer Martin? Agnes makes it her personal mission to find out, and she's not letting the fact she's seventy-two get in the way. Butting heads with Sheriff Clem Peterson is something she's accustomed to, but lately Clem seems to be acting even more strange, making Agnes wonder what he may be hiding ala the Martin disappearance. Agnes’ partner in crime, Eleanor Mason tags along, Watson to her Holmes. Together, they unearth clues. If only Eleanor would behave, as although lovable, she has a knack for getting into trouble by tangling with her rival, Dorothy Alton, or flirting with anyone—male or female—and gossiping! She's incorrigible, but she does carry a Pink Lady revolver in her purse, one that has proved useful at times. Life for Agnes and Eleanor is shaken up when Agnes' former boss and secret crush comes to Tadium. Before long, the lady sleuths have more on their hands to contend with as goons roll into town and bullets begin to fly. Adult content. Also by Madison Johns Agnes Barton Senior Sleuths Mystery Series in order: Armed and Outrageous (Book one) Grannies, Guns and Ghosts (Book two) Senior Snoops (Book three) Trouble in Tawas (Book four) Treasure in Tawas (Book five) Agnes Barton/Kimberly Steele Cozy Mystery Series Pretty, Hip & Dead (Book one) A Cajun Cooking Mystery series Target of Death (Book one) Romance Pretty and Pregnant (Kimberly Steele novella) Redneck Romance (Kelly Gray, standalone) http://madisonjohns.com Join Madison newsletter list. https://www.facebook.com/MadisonJohns...

    10:32 AM EST: An entire floor of government agents leap to their death from their office building. 12:57 PM EST: All the police officers inside a station murder each other. And the day has just begun. Lieutenant Asher Benson left Iraq with a traumatic brain injury, PTSD, and a Purple Heart. His doctors warned that the symptoms would be life altering. They had no idea. As his body healed, the thoughts of those around him began to echo through Ash’s mind, stretching the boundaries of his sanity. Five years later, Ash is drowning the voices with copious amounts of booze and self-loathing. When unidentified intelligence agents abduct him in broad daylight, Ash is thrust into a world of espionage and assassinations. A unique terrorist is operating on U.S. soil, and the government needs Ash, and the malady that has plagued him for half a decade, to find the killer. *Ash is the first book in the Asher Benson thriller series, which is full of snarky humor and nonstop action.

    Some fishing, some barbecue, some games...The Fannelli brothers are heading to Crescent Lake too. Some stalking, some kidnapping, some murder, definitely some games...though not necessarily the type of games the Lamberts had in mind. But it doesn't matter. The Lamberts are going to play whether they like it or not.An intense psychological thriller, Bad Games has the dark, mind-bending chills of The Bad Seed combined with the fish-out-of-water dread and suspense of Deliverance. So let Jeff Menapace's highly anticipated suspense thriller keep you up all night as it delves into the mystery of nature versus nurture when comprehending the evil in man, along with the will and determination an innocent family must summon to fight back against horrific odds.

    When it sets its sights on an unsuspecting mother one routine morning along an isolated stretch of highway, a quiet farming family is suddenly thrust into a world of unspeakable terror, and a young girl must learn to be a hero.

    But almost no one actually does...Well, Val Jolly feels like she's almost no one. Invisible to her husband and dissatisfied with her life, deep in her soul Val yearns to be someone else. Someone sexy. Someone happy.With only her favorite romance novel to guide her, Val decides Italy is the perfect place for some relaxation, romance and reinvention. But she soon finds out that handsome men, like life, have plans of their own.Will Val score a home run? Or will she just want to run home? In the race to rediscover herself, what awaits Val at the finish line may be a completely unexpected type of victory. That's up to you to decide.If you've ever dreamed of ditching your life and running off to Europe, now’s your chance! Join Val on a roller-coaster ride through Europe that will leave you gasping! From gut-busting hilarity to gut–wrenching gaffs, finding yourself again is always worth the price of admission. Get your ticket now!Absolute Zero is not a mystery per se. (Unless you count the mystery of why we do the crazy things we do!) It is a stand-alone novel, and the funny, yet often heart-wrenching prequel to the hilarious Val Fremden Mystery Series. Just like life, this satirical look at starting over after forty is full of ups and downs. It's told through the eyes of a sharp-witted, reluctantly redneck woman who’s always played it safe – until now. Freedom comes at a great price for Val. Will it be worth it in the end?Pick up a copy and come along for a tour of Italy, Germany and the human heart.Praise for Absolute Zero:“Loved it. Couldn’t stop, had to see what happened next.”“This character makes you proud to be a woman.”“Want a good laugh and a new friend? Grab this.”“Her characters are lovable and believable and you cheer, and cry, along with them.”“Wonderful book. Had me at the first paragraph.”

    Neither do her friends at the Mount Airy Dog Park. When the apparent suicide of Lia's deadbeat boyfriend draws the attention of Detective Peter Dourson, he decides to adopt the dead man's dog to infiltrate the tight group he's certain conceals Luthor Morrissey's killer. As his investigation uncovers secrets, a grieving Lia fights her growing attraction to the laid-back detective. Meanwhile, Luthor's killer lurks, desperate to stay ahead of the investigation--no matter who has to die... If you like believable characters, a multi-layered plot, and a compelling sense of humor with your intrigue, pick up this can't-put-down whodunit for a romp through the dog park with Lia and the gang. This extended edition includes new and expanded scenes. (69,000 words)

    He needs a blood transfusion and only one person matches. But first Milliner must solve the mystery at the Kingston house, where Liz Goldfine may have committed a heinous crime, and the dark depths of the lake harbor teenage secrets.Groups of strange young men are gathering on the roads, the old house holds many mysteries, and the waters are rising fast. What lurks deep in the lake and can anyone stop it?

    That’s until she discovers the vice president, Martin Dean, in a pool of blood and herself at the center of an investigation into insurance fraud.Millions of dollars are missing, the chief suspect is dead and her mysterious, sexy, new boss is not what he seems.Recruited by the joint task force working on the case, all Lexi has to do is work out who killed Dean and where the missing millions are. That’s easier said than done when her sister insists upon the baby shower to end all baby showers, her wise-ass cop family just wants to keep her safe, someone keeps leaving her creepy gifts, and all the clues point to a seedy sex club on the wrong side of town.As the bodies start to pile up, Lexi is on a race against time to find the killer and the money, before she’s the next one in the murderer’s sights.Also in the series:Armed and FabulousWho Glares WinsCommand IndecisionShock and AwesomeWeapons of Mass DistractionLaugh or DeathKissing in ActionTrigger SnappyA Few Good Women - - coming soon!

    Jesse dies for a living, literally. As a Necronite, she is one of the population’s rare 2% who can serve as a death replacement agent, dying so others don’t have to. Although each death is different, the result is the same: a life is saved, and Jesse resurrects days later with sore muscles, new scars, and another hole in her memory. But when Jesse is murdered and becomes the sole suspect in a federal investigation, more than her freedom and sanity are at stake. She must catch the killer herself—or die trying.

    He digs into the snowman to discover two things: the weapon fits into the body just under the head, and the snowman was supposed to be the back drop for Lexi's next show.From this improbable beginning comes friendship. Can there be more for a woman who is afraid to get close again and a man who has shadows from his childhood?Families join together and hearts are healed as this couple goes walking in a winter wonderland.

    What if the devil on your shoulder could actually come out and play? Voices in my Head is just that. Meet Mikey, the sweetest five-year-old you've ever met, and his psychotic dark side Michael. When his mother changes his life forever Michael comes out to play.

     With the increasing disappearance of miners and a mysterious groan from deep under the earth, rumors begin to circulate of an ancient and deadly curse. When Mason’s friend goes missing, he leads the search for his good friend. He slips and falls, crashing into an old, disused segment of the pit. Surrounded by evil creatures in the pitch darkness, can he find his way out to warn the locals? Or will the monsters escape and wreak havoc before he gets the chance? Enjoy this thrilling page-turner FREE now! **Includes an exclusive behind-the-scenes peek at the best-selling post-apocalyptic series Resistant!**

    But there's one title you won't see next to his name: Killer. Living an ordinary life, Bill's world is about to be thrown into extraordinary turmoil when he takes a wrong turn and ends up on Desolation Road---a winding, obsolete throughway on the outskirts of town. But what he doesn’t know is that trouble is heading his way from around the bend—and he’ll be forced to make a split second decision, one that will send him running for his life. One he can never take back.From Andrew E. Kaufman, #1 bestselling author of The Lion, the Lamb, the Hunted and While the Savage Sleeps, comes a gripping new psychological thriller.