How did he allow the other person to die? How did he help the other person to hang himself to death? He was terribly upset about this. The moment his eyes saw a rope in any form he used to remember everything.........

    After being fired from his job as the clandestine stooge on hit TV show Ghostbusters UK, Elliott returns home to find his girlfriend missing. To make matters worse, Hapkido Valentine, the legendary 1980s wrestler, has returned from the dead and taken up residency in Elliott’s flat. Despite a voracious appetite for sausage sandwiches, Hapkido is convinced he has finally become the mystical Japanese warrior he once portrayed in the ring.Together they must undertake a dangerous journey to find out why the Universe created this most unlikely of partnerships. All that stands in their way is a medallion wearing TV psychic, a train-spotting assassin and the murderous intentions of the local over 75’s women’s group. If Elliott thought the day started badly, things are about to get a whole lot worse.

    Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

    

    Now Adrian's been volunteered to run it. From the confusion of arrival when Anne is allocated to the top bunk with a schizophrenic recovery group, and Adrian is in a low-ceilinged 'pod' at the top of the tower, to the hugs and tears of departure, this is typical Plass, humorous and heartwarming in equal measure.

    He dreaded the notion of following in his daed's and grossdaead's footsteps in working for the local RV manufacturer. Surely Gott had a plan for him to live the life Gott intended for him? Noah's maem was a renowned quilter and shopkeeper. She sold local Amish produce and her wonderful Amish quilts from her store, but she missed the opportunities presented by the seasonal flea-market when it closed for the winter months and harvest. With this in mind, Noah secures her a booth at the large Shipshewana flea market a fair distance from their home. It is here that he meets Miriam Yoder whose maem also has a booth at the market. As Christmas quickly approaches, is running out for Noah and he needs to decide on a vocation. Should he sell his dreams and settle into a life decided by his daed? When it becomes unbearable for Miriam and Noah to be apart for a week at a stretch, it seems that Gott is opening a window where He had so recently closed a door. Would the window offer Miriam and Noah the opportunities they both longed for? Find out if Christmas miracles do come true, in this truly wonderful seasonal story at this special time of year.

    How did business major Levi Crowne's life culminate in a summer job so pathetic? Just when it seems impossible to utter "will that be paper or plastic?" one more time, his wealthy Aunt Barbara offers Levi a golden opportunity: she will pay him to drive her elderly father, Loyal, from North Dakota to the Utah retirement home that awaits him. Eager to make a quick buck, Levi accepts the job. How bad could it be? Escort the old man to Glad Tidings Assisted Living Facility as quickly as possible, collect his pay, and get on with life. But nothing ever goes as planned. As the unlikely duo cross the plains--navigating through everything from tornadoes to seedy motels to biker bars--he's surprised at the feeling of kinship he develops with his passenger. In what becomes a life-changing adventure, Levi finds himself transformed by a gentle and wise old man who inspires him to slow down and enjoy the ride.

    Chapters: The Stars' Tennis Balls, Making History, the Liar, the Ode Less Travelled: Unlocking the Poet Within, Moab Is My Washpot, the Hippopotamus, Paperweight, Stephen Fry's Incomplete and Utter History of Classical Music. Source: Wikipedia. Free updates online. Not illustrated. Excerpt: The Stars' Tennis Balls is a psychological thriller novel by Stephen Fry, first published in 2000. In the United States, the title was changed to Revenge. In the Afterword to the 2003 American edition, Fry admits that the story "is a straight steal, virtually identical in all but period and style to Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo" but denies plagiarism, since Dumas also admits that the plot was taken from a contemporary urban legend. The main character, Edward (Ted/Tedward) Maddstone, is a seventeen year old schoolboy who appears to be the sort of person for whom everything goes right. He is captain of school, talented at sports and following in the footsteps of his father towards Oxford University, then a career in politics. He is happy and has fallen in love with a girl called Portia. But a few bizarre twists and turns of fate ensure that his life is turned upside down. As mentioned above, the plot is extremely similar to the story of The Count of Monte Cristo. The original title comes from a quotation taken from John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi. In full it reads: "We are merely the stars' tennis balls, struck and banded which way please them." The novel's dedication reads simply "To M'Colleague" - "M'Colleague" being the name by which Fry and Hugh Laurie referred to each other in their TV sketch show A Bit of Fry and Laurie.

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    With the recent death of their father, the girls must marry quickly in order to inherit their late father?s fortune.Even when Tristan finds out the three women are Mormons, a religious group he knows nothing about, he is positive he can lure Rachel into marriage?if he can convince her he?s a member of her church. Tristan soon finds himself fascinated by much more than just Rachel?s money. After a life of doing whatever?s necessary to close the deal, Tristan wonders if a fledgling testimony of the gospel can give him the strength to come clean to the woman he loves, even though it could mean losing her forever.This fresh, romantic tale is anything but your typical boy-meets-girl love story. Told with equal parts wit and heart, The Counterfeit Convert will keep you laughing while reminding you that facing consequences is the best way to conquer them.

    On the eve of their wedding, however, Samuel disappears, and Regi wonders if once again he has run away from both a life with her and a membership in the Church. Quite the opposite; Samuel has been kidnapped by the Raven Clan, a powerful Alaskan tribe, and is en route to stand trial in front of their justice council for a puzzling crime that happened years ago. When Regi and Samuel’s close friends suspect a kidnapping, Regi—with the help of her sister, Claudia, and friend Wakanda—resolves to follow Samuel to Alaska but soon learns secrets about her fiancé she hadn’t bargained for. While Samuel struggles with his faith and with understanding why he has been accused, Regi risks life and love to set him free.

    Her old nightmare is back. And now the timid kindergarten teacher is convinced that someone is following her--watching her every move. It could just be coincidence that she and the chillingly memorable man seem to show up at all the same places. Perhaps her paranoia is just a result of her deep fear of change. After all, so much has changed in her life recently. To make matters worse, Laura is now supposed to travel halfway across the country to take possession of a family estate she has inherited. As unnerved as she is with her 'stalker' in St. Louis, the plantation in Virginia seems even more frightening to Laura. And what is a Mormon girl going to do with miles of tobacco crop?But then again, maybe the family estate holds the secret to why Laura's parents would never talk about their past. In hopes of finding clues to this mystery, Laura packs her bags and catches a bus to Bufordville, a tiny town with more than its fair share of rumors, suspicions, and deadly secrets. Then panic sets in as Laura finds her returning nightmare is, in fact, a twenty-year-old reality--a reality that could very well repeat itself."

    After leaving her high-profile fianc

    Perfect for fans of Mike Gayle, Matt Dunn and David Nicholls. SYNOPSIS Things that might happen during your first year of parenthood: 1. You’ll get covered in a ‘nuclear’ poo. 2. You’ll be convinced your son is talking with a Japanese accent. 3. You’ll worry that when your son waves, it looks like a Nazi salute. Of course, this might just be Harry Spencer. Taking up where 'This Thirtysomething Life' left off, Harry Spencer and is wife Emily are back and trying to survive their first year of parenthood. It has its ups and downs (and a few bits in the middle), but along the way they begin to understand the true meaning of family and what it takes to be a parent. Featuring a hilarious cast of extras including Harry’s father-in-law Derek, who has a unique problem with Scotch, Steve and Fiona, the parents from children’s entertainment hell, and a yoga instructor with a prominent camel-toe, 'This Family Life' is the ultimate comedy for anyone who is a parent, has a parent, or is thinking about becoming one.