Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results."I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left.""Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?""Ten," the doctor says sadly."Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!""Nine..."

    And when Lady Peculiar’s butler – a part-time comedian – is found drowned in his own mango chutney, Detective Inspector Clinton Trump comes blundering onto the scene – ready to shun logic, breach protocol and trust in his own gut instincts. What will South East England’s greatest detective uncover? Is her ladyship a murderess? Was the killer a comedy rival? Or are darker forces at work in this particular corner of Brokenshire? Join our self-proclaimed British detective genius, as he races against time to solve this very funny murder mystery – so he can play golf at the weekend! The first novel in the ‘Clinton Trump Detective Genius’ series This riotous English detective spoof is murderously good fun from first page to last, as Inspector Trump and his unwanted sidekick, Constable Dinkel, encounter a procession of crazy comedy characters in the Great British countryside. Stuffed solid with British humour (or ‘humor’, if you’re one of the many American tourists who visit Upper Goosing), its mix of black comedy, British farce, funny one-liners and downright silliness is guaranteed to generate tremendous titters across the very civilised world.More amateur sleuth than professional investigator, Clinton Trump will bring a smile to your face like no other Trump has before, or probably ever will. So, jump aboard the Trump detection train, blow your Clinton trumpet and join the movement – Make Murder-Mystery Great Again! A Word from Detective Inspector Clinton Trump: “Greetings from Upper Goosing – the murder capital of Europe. You’ll find the scenery, tea rooms and cake shops are well worth the risk of a premature, grisly death. But before purchasing this novel, please note that it only employs British English, as spoken by Her Majesty the Queen. I don’t want anyone griping about me saying ‘per cent’ instead of ‘percent’, ‘metre’ instead of ‘meter’ or ‘tea’ instead of ‘coffee’. If you must grumble, please do as the English do and complain only to yourself. And if you’re planning on enjoying a cup of Earl Grey with this quality e-book, please remember: it’s tea first, milk second. Finally, don’t be afraid to laugh thunderously when reading this novel. Just don’t laugh yourself to death – we have enough fatalities around here as it is. Thank you.”

    

    Determined to prove herself to her family, she’ll stop at nothing to get what she wants. But when her bitchy tongue gains her death threats and the unwanted attention of a stalker, it could be Anoushka who is making the headlines. For actress Evie Merchant, her childhood dreams of becoming the world’s hottest movie star are just about to come true. But a string of hurtful liaisons with lovers out to use her fame, has made Evie uncertain about her future. And with Oscar day looming, Evie’s biggest prize of all could be cruelly snatched from her. A loveless upbringing has made wild child Regan Phoenix search for quick-fix highs from drink, drugs and meaningless sex. But when the opportunity of starring in her own reality show comes along, Regan grabs it with both hands, hoping to put her trashy past behind her. From fashionable London to stunning Venice and glitzy LA, Trinity takes you into a glamorous and thrilling world you won’t want to leave.

    And while it's not OK for someone else to make yo-momma jokes about your momma, it is perfectly healthy — even downright hilarious — to find the humor in your own upbringing. In fact, these writers highly recommend it. So if you think your mom is nuts, pull up a chair. You're in good company.

    However, when James Aden takes up the position of Deputy Agent he does not realise the full extent of what the job entails.He finds himself spending his days negotiating with royalty, farmers, and even wildlife, as well as the imperious Lady Leghorn. In order to survive, James must come to terms with his role quickly, and not let himself get too distracted by Sophie, the pre-college assistant.

    Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    Laughing also gives us long term effects as well, it improves our immune system, relieves pain, increase personal satisfaction and improves our mood. Laughter is really a great medicine, and most of the time it is free. You may just have a funny conversation with your family or friends, watch a funny movie or sitcom, or just ready funny books. Remember, in life the best ornament is humility; the richest wealth is wisdom; the strongest weapon is patience; the best security is faith; the best mental tonic is laughter. Live well, laugh often, love much and share God's blessings. Read our collection of jokes and funny short stories. These jokes and funny stories are collected from different sources in the Internet. Download our book now, and laugh out those stress away. Please note that this book is categorized under Jokes for Adults and may contain some offensive jokes and stories, and it is your discretion as a customer whether to share the jokes and stories with others.

    In the industry, I'm known as a "Freight Dog." I fly canceled checks and other types of high-value cargo around the country, mostly at night, in airplanes that are older than I am. Flying freight-or "work" as we call it-in small, twin-engine aircraft is a lesser known side of the aviation world. Our day starts when banker's hours end. Thousands of flights move millions of pounds of work from city to city every night while the rest of the country is asleep. We're out there in the freezing rain getting de-iced when you're laying down for bed. We're sweeping the snow off our wings with a broom at three in the morning. That horrible thunderstorm you heard last night while you were sleeping, we were flying through it. The fog you woke up to in the early morning hours, we were landing in it. Hauling Checks is a comedy about the darker side of aviation. A cast of degenerate pilots, who work for a shady night time air cargo operation, take you on a flight through the unfriendly skies. The pilots abuse every Reg in the book in their quest to make deadlines for their high value cargo. As the company falls on hard times, management resorts to questionable measures to save the failing airline.

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    Urzila talks candidly about her childhood with a great family, apart from her abusive dad, and about growing up in South Africa. She shares crazy but true tales about her OE, her move to New Zealand, coming out, getting married and having children, and her life in comedy. This is a great listen from one of our most loved and most popular comedians.

    

    Flip-flops are optional. All of your favorite hilarious Fun Stories gathered together in one place! Plus, extended versions of many of your laugh out loud favorites. PRAISE FOR FUN STORIES: “The offbeat & heartwarming humor kept me turning pages due to its rollicking adventures in every chapter. Your friends, loved ones, and co-workers will enjoy it too." "It's very funny and on point observational humor” “Has me laughing from beginning to end” "Similar to Dave Barry, Eric Idle, and Stephen Colbert's humor" “This guy's funny and charmingly off the wall” "Always thought coffee could get me through the midweek blues, but this blows it out of the water" "I love Fun Stories. Fantastic!" "Awesome stuff, really enjoyed the horse names. Great read." "Excellent and hilarious material here" INCLUDES ALL OF THESE AND MANY MORE: "Chick-fil-A Makes Me Feel Like Leonardo DiCaprio" "The Least Amount of Fame Possible (Old MacDonald)" "Cub Scout Dropout" "Not the Next Carrie Underwood" "Bigfoot Popcorn" "Gatorade For Your Soul" "Shamelessly Suggestive City Names" "I'm the Freakin' Michael Phelps of Googling" "Alright, Alright, Alright!" "Mind Game of Thrones" "Happy Friday (Mr. Pee Man)" "Clown Commuter Award" "How NASA Thins The Herd" "Crunchy Roads, Take Me Home" "Good Folks, Bad Coaching" "Ultimate Waitress Revenge" "Battle of the Bands" You'll be smiling for hours as the pages turn themselves. Three Fun Stories books have hit #1 on Amazon Humor. Five audio tracks from this book have hit the top 10 on the iTunes comedy chart. Click to download the book and start the fun! Need more info? If you enjoy the humor of these folks, you'll love reading Fun Stories Greatest Hits: Dave Barry, Dilbert, David Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, Carl Hiaasen, Christopher Moore, Jim Gaffigan, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jerry Seinfeld, Eric Idle, Erma Bombeck, Sebastian Maniscalco, Mindy Kaling, Jen Lancaster, Amy Lyle, The Far Side, Kevin Allison, Rainn Wilson, B.J. Novak, Sloane Crosley, Jimmy Fallon, Steve Martin, Judd Apatow, Adam Mansbach, Justin Halpern, Reader’s Digest, Dad Jokes, Garfield, Saturday Night Live, Friends, and The Office. Download Fun Stories Greatest Hits to start your next comedy adventure! Enjoy Fun Stories video posts at www.facebook.com/FunStoriesSeries. Get a free Fun Pack at www.mentalkickball.com. HUMOR, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT, PARENTING & FAMILIES, PARODIES, SATIRE, ESSAYS, SHORT STORIES, CELEBRITY & POPULAR CULTURE, COMEDY, CULTURAL, ETHNIC & REGIONAL, CARTOONS, JOKES & RIDDLES, MEN, WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVEL, POP CULTURE, RADIO, TELEVISION, PERFORMING ARTS, FUNNY BOOKS, HUMOR ESSAYS, FUNNY SHORT STORIES, FUNNY MEMOIR, HUMOR MEMOIR, FUNNY BOOK CLUB BOOKS, FUNNY ESSAYS, HUMOR BOOKS, HUMOROUS BOOKS, GIFTS FOR DAD, FUNNY GIFTS, LAUGH, LAUGH OUT LOUD, FUN, FUN, FUN, MORE COWBELL COWBELL

    If Eddie wants to wed Menaka, it is Thilak Rupasinghe, her orthodox terror of a father, whom he must woo and whose farts he must kiss – Thilak wants his daughter to marry someone of the same race, religion and caste, and if possible from the same locality.In a desperate bid to make his dream a reality, Eddie tries to connect with Thilak in other ways – eating curries that make him bleed spice and breathe fire, driving drunk through red lights, threatening co-workers with violence, and sleeping with snakes. But will Eddie ever be good enough for a man who hates the colour of his skin?Sparkling with wit and featuring an endearing cast of characters, The Amazing Racist is the story of a man who finds a home among strangers, of a father-in-law whose bark is worse than his bite, and of bonds that grow to be stronger than family ties.

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.