The gifts, the music, the yearly seafood buffet, the orgy...what's not to like?But, like all children, he eventually finds out Santa isn’t who he thought. The good news is, unlike everyone else, Santa Claus actually is his mom. Even better, she wants Bert to take over the job. The bad news is there’s more to the job than stuffing stockings and getting his bells jingled. So what's a demon to do? Drag his friend Mark Vedis along for the ride, of course. Join Bert, Mark, and the Santa team as they go through hell in their quest to bring a merry Christmas to all. Especially for Bert.

     After killing three dead gods—again—you’d think I’d get a break. Some time off to lick my wounds in a very cat-like fashion. But my stalker has other plans. And after discovering who my stalker is—or rather, was—I miss the good old days when my enemies were dead gods and world armies. My name is Katrina Darling, and my stalker just had to be one of the most powerful creatures in all of creation, didn’t he? Encantado Dreams, Book 8: Katrina Darling hasn’t been back for the start of the semester, leaving a void in her seat and in her boyfriend’s heart. Luckily for both, I’m a shapeshifter who specializes in pretending to be a long-lost lover. And Justin is just too yummy to not indulge in. But when you’re a 500-year-old shapeshifter who’s broken her fair share of happy homes, you tend to make enemies. And one of my mine just showed up, making things a bit more complicated than I’d like. My name is Isabella Ramirez, and what was supposed to be a harmless little fling has turned into something far more deadly. If you like the Dresden Files, Mercy Thompson or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then you’ll be helplessly addicted to the Mortality Bites series. "Mythology, satire, and brutal honesty. Vance delivers a knockout punch of fun and fearlessness in every last one of his books. Not only does he make you laugh, he makes you think. That's a rare combination that few authors ever achieve, and Vance does it splendidly." — John P. Logsdon, author of the Paranormal Police Department series. What Amazon readers are saying: ★★★★★ ‘Urban Fantasy at its best.’ ★★★★★ ‘Irritatingly unputdownable.’ ★★★★★ ‘Refreshing in its uniqueness.’ ★★★★★ ‘Boy was this long overdue! I was just whining to my husband about how everyone seems to be working from the same book outline when this little gem popped up.’ ★★★★★ ‘Great world building.’ ★★★★★ ‘Really enjoyable story. I went directly to Book 2.’ ★★★★★ ‘Genuine giggles on every page.’ ★★★★★ ‘Oh I needed that ... Something different.’ ★★★★★ ‘Ex-vampires, avatars, fae, and humans just trying to get along… Make time to sit down and read through in one sitting.’ The Mortality Bites Series takes place in the GoneGod World... an inspiring and unique setting of myths, magic and mischief. But what is the GoneGod World? Four years ago, the gods left. All of them. Their last message to humanity was "Thank you for believing in us, but it is not enough. We're leaving. Good luck." At first no one took them seriously. Until, that is, all the denizens of all the heavens and hells started showing up on people's doorsteps.

    Yes, the twelve gods of Olympus are alive and well in the twenty-first century, but they are crammed together in a London townhouse--and none too happy about it. And they've had to get day jobs: Artemis as a dog-walker, Apollo as a TV psychic, Aphrodite as a phone sex operator, Dionysus as a DJ.Even more disturbingly, their powers are waning, and even turning mortals into trees--a favorite pastime of Apollo's--is sapping their vital reserves of strength.Soon, what begins as a minor squabble between Aphrodite and Apollo escalates into an epic battle of wills. Two perplexed humans, Alice and Neil, who are caught in the crossfire, must fear not only for their own lives, but for the survival of humankind. Nothing less than a true act of heroism is needed-but can these two decidedly ordinary people replicate the feats of the mythical heroes and save the world?

    And the killings point to a civil war brewing among the fae.When Kyra finds an abandoned baby dragon, she doesn’t want to bring him home. But until she can hunt down his thunder and stop the dragon killers, she’s on babysitting duty. As a pest controller with a soft heart, Kyra already has an apartment full of rescues, including a basilisk who thinks he’s a turkey, a banshee nanny, and even a pygmy kraken. She might take care of them, but they also fill her need for family. And when that family is threatened, she’ll risk everything to save them. She’ll even join forces with the handsome and irritating captain of the city’s vigilante Guardians, who never fails to be around at her most undignified moments.Along with a quirky cast of misfits and unruly critters, Kyra leaves the safety of Montreal Ward and travel through the dangerous Inbetween—the land beyond the protected city states, where magic is the only rule of law—to reunite the lost dragon with his thunder and stop a new and sinister force from invading their home. Fans of Kate Daniels and Fantastic Beasts will find something to love in this action-packed, Urban Fantasy tale set in a future version of Montreal. Book 1 of the thrilling new Valkyrie Bestiary series is a true menagerie of fascinating characters, adorable critters and dark magics.

    You know, the type who wins. When she’s not crushing it at volleyball or hitting the books, Genie is typically working on how to crack the elusive Harvard entry code.But when her hometown comes under siege from hellspawn straight out of Chinese folklore, her priorities are dramatically rearranged. Enter Quentin Sun, a mysterious new kid in class who becomes Genie’s self-appointed guide to battling demons. While Genie knows Quentin only as an attractive transfer student with an oddly formal command of the English language, in another reality he is Sun Wukong, the mythological Monkey King incarnate—right down to the furry tail and penchant for peaches. Suddenly, acing the SATs is the least of Genie’s worries. The fates of her friends, family, and the entire Bay Area all depend on her summoning an inner power that Quentin assures her is strong enough to level the very gates of Heaven. But every second Genie spends tapping into the secret of her true nature is a second in which the lives of her loved ones hang in the balance.

    Bills still gotta be paid. Especially when you’re heading into vet med. Emma Chase is nothing special – if anything, with a roomie who turns into a jaguar on a regular basis, she’s the sidekick, not the heroine. Her superpowers have more to do with acing her finals and overworking herself. Knowing her best friend’s secret makes it easier to justify her own inclination to keep people at a distance, but it doesn’t change her life. Until others like him show up on her doorstep, convinced she’s the fated savior of their race, telling her she’s destined to command the magic of – well, Emma doesn’t quite catch that part, she’s too busy getting her ass the hell out of there. What she does know? The Jaguar King is after her, his rivals want her dead, and she doesn’t have to believe in prophecy to believe they’ll stop at nothing to catch her. Violence. Magic. Inappropriate humor. Step into a world of wonder and savagery in a gritty urban fantasy with an unlikely heroine, sizzling heroes, and complicated villains. The Jaguar King is a full-length read and the first in a series, and all the books have satisfying resolutions as well as a series-spanning story arc. Definitely no cliff-hangers – just bad-ass shifters with one goal: claim the prize. Claim the Caller of the Blood.

    It includes newly edited scenes, a special Kai P.O.V., the first chapter of the sequel: Redemption, the first chapter of the first book in our new apocalyptic series: Project ELE and more! This new Young Adult paranormal series will have you averting your eyes for years to come! NEVER, EVER lock eyes with a Night Marcher! Everyone in Hawaii has heard this warning, except for seventeen-year-old Emma Townsend that is. For most Hawaiians know that looking into the eyes of Night Marcher can strike a curse that will end in death or eternal servitude. Even though her father, who is a paranormal investigator, solely raised Emma, she has little experience in the realm of the supernatural. When she is forced to move with her father to Hawaii, only months before her graduation, Emma finds that her world as she knows it, is shaken when she starts seeing the unexplainable: fire balls in the distance, beating drums in the middle of nowhere and strangers who vanish into thin air. Then one day when she has a run in with a procession of Night Marchers, ancient Hawaiian spirits wandering from their burial grounds to their locations of battles past, Emma has no choice but to believe that the unbelievable does exist. Now Emma must go on the run with the help of a mysterious stranger, as they seek out how to free Emma from the curse of a Night Marcher, who will stop at nothing to get her soul.*We hope you enjoy this new edition of our free book which has had more than 60,000 downloads since February 2012.

    It's not their fault that they decide to settle on Lucky, a raccoon god of good fortune. At first, everything seems to be working fine. But they will soon learn that the world of divine powers is not to be entered into casually.

    This July 2013 re-release (with new cover) is a slightly expanded version, with new scenes featuring Hell's favorite matchmaker, Lucifer, so to incorporate this novella into the Welcome to Hell series.~*~*~His mission was to harvest her soul, but he captured her heart instead.Marigold has a date with Death, but when she foils his plan to take her soul back to Hell, she invites him to dinner instead.Mictain, an Aztec god who now collects the dead for Satan, is baffled at his interest in the plump human who can see him. Intrigued--and in lust--he can’t help pursuing her. But things are never simple when gods are involved.Lucifer, Lord of Hell tries to warn him away and even Marigold’s long lost father decides to butt in. But, despite the opposition, things heat up between them, and Marigold learns, when Death comes calling, it’s best to get naked and invite him into bed—and her heart.

    Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort.One fateful night – different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful – Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to “survive.” Because even after it’s over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.

     It’s not easy finding love while tromping through jungles, but Anna accepts that as the price of dedicating her life to the conservation of rare animal species. The last place she expects to find romance is at a visit to the foundation that funds most of her work...but there, she discovers her idea of ‘rare species’ doesn’t go nearly far enough. Reclusive bear shapeshifter Garius spends his time and money ensuring conservationists like Anna are funded, and protecting shifters like himself whose gladiator ancestors once fought, and bonded with, the beasts of the Roman Colosseum. He avoids the modern-day cage fights that his heritage demands, and doesn’t believe in fated mates...at least, not until he meets Anna. When Garius's enemies strike, he is willing to walk away from the world he knew in order to keep Anna safe. But the magic that created shapeshifters has rules, and those rules must be honored...even if it means Garius's life is on the line. Can destiny overpower the ancient law of the arena? Find out in GLADIATOR BEAR!

    Giles has spent her life mining the ruins of the elves who vanished from the Four Kingdoms a thousand years ago. But when her patrons begin disappearing too—and then turning up dead—she finds herself unemployed, restless, and desperate. So she goes looking for other missing things: as a bounty hunter. Tracking her first fugitive—the distractingly handsome and strangely charming Alric—she unearths a dangerous underworld of warring crime lords, demonic squirrels, and a long-lost elven artifact capable of unleashing a hell on earth.Chased, robbed, kidnapped, and distressingly low on rent money, Taryn just wants one quiet beer and to catch her fugitive. But there’s more to Alric than his wicked grin—is he a wanted man or the city’s only hope? With menacing mages in pursuit and her three alcoholic faery sidekicks always in her hair, Taryn’s curiosity might finally solve the mystery of the elves… or be the death of her and destroy her world.

    A suburban mom with two young children, her life revolves around her family, her job, and the comforts of home. So when her estranged, wild-child sister comes to her, begging for help and claiming a witch murdered her husband and wants to steal her baby daughter in payment for a long-ago oath, Tamara thinks she’s gone crazy. Until she turns up dead, and the baby vanishes without a trace. If Tamara’s going to get her niece back, she’ll have to expand her worldview fast. She’ll also need some expert help. But where can a normal, practical woman find help dealing with an evil witch? Fortunately for her, aid is closer than she thinks. Who better to give button-down Tamara a crash course in things that go bump in the night than Stanford occult studies professor Dr. Alastair Stone? At least he can offer some tips, even if she’s sure he can’t help her any other way. Because magic isn’t real…right? Welcome to the spooky side of the street, Tamara. Hope you survive the experience. Devil's Bargain is a short, standalone novel in the world of the Alastair Stone Chronicles urban fantasy series. Don't miss the rest of the series: Stone and a Hard Place The Forgotten The Threshold The Source Core of Stone Blood and Stone Heart of Stone Flesh and Stone The Infernal Heart The Other Side Path of Stone Necessary Sacrifices Game of Stone Steel and Stone Stone and Claw The Seventh Stone and two standalone novellas: Turn to Stone Shadows and Stone

    He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    Then again, she never thought she'd be hit on by her ex-husband at his own funeral...or be the prime suspect in his murder. Fortunately for Constance, irresistibly sexy sheriff Nathan Garrett wants to believe her explanation -- that a card-carrying demon in a black suit killed Jimmy in the garage -- or maybe he wants something more. Either way, all signs are leading to a showdown of hellish proportions, with Constance at the heart of the battle, when the Devil and would-be mother of the Antichrist (a pop princess wannabe) descends on Crockett County. Sure, she'd rather be cooking up a storm for the next state fair, but if she's going to be the Chosen One, at least Constance can give a few demons a Texas-style butt kicking....