But waking up gaunt, hangry, and undead makes for a very bad day. Mallory's killer better hide, because she's just discovered blood, meat, and dairy don't agree with her, and a future with no cheese is grim indeed. She's out to find her killer... and maybe a vegan cheese that doesn't melt her nose hairs.

    Problem was, these stories, many of which found their way into the general social consciousness, reflected the way in which these men lived and saw their world: that is, the stories were sexist, discriminatory, unfair, culturally biased, and in general, demeaning to witches, animals, goblins, and fairies everywhere.Finally, after centuries of these abusive tales, which have been handed down--unknowingly--from one male-biased generation to the next, James Finn Garner has taken it upon himself (that's right, yet another man) to enlighten and liberate these classic bedtime stories and retell them in a way that is much more in keeping with the society in which we live today.Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, then is the fruit of Garner's labors. We'd like to think that future generations of fairy-tale fans will see this as a worthy attempt to develop meaningful literature that is totally free from bias and purged from the influences of a flawed cultural past.

    INCLUDED DELETED BONUS SCENES AND ALICE HU'S RED QUEEN'S REVENGE CUPCAKE RECIPE!Her Mad Hatter: Alice is all grown up. Running the Mad Hatter's Cupcakery and Tea Shoppe is a delicious job, until fate--and a fairy godmother with a weakness for bad boys--throws her a curveball. Now, Alice is the newest resident of Wonderland, where the Mad Hatter fuels her fantasies and thrills her body with his dark touch. The Mad Hatter may have a voice and a body made for sex, but he takes no lovers. Ever. But a determined fairy godmother has forced Alice into Wonderland--and his arms. Now, as desire and madness converge, the Hatter must decide if he will fight the fairy godmother's mating--or fight for Alice. Gerard's Beauty: A not so classic retelling of Beauty and the Beast, as seen through the eyes of the villain... Betty Hart has had it with men. Jilted in love, her life now consists of shelving books by day, watching too much Anime by night, and occasionally dressing up like a superhero on the weekends with her fellow ?Bleeding Heart? nerds. Men are not welcome and very much unwanted. Especially the sexy Frenchman who saunters into her library reeking of alcohol and looking like he went one too many rounds in the ring. Gerard Caron is in trouble. Again. Caught with his pants down (literally) he?s forced to seek asylum on Earth while his fairy godmother tries to keep Prince Charming from going all ?Off with his head?. Maybe, messing around with the King?s daughter hadn?t been such a great idea after all, not that Gerard knew the silly redhead was a princess. But his fairy godmother knows the only way to save his life is to finally pair Gerard with his perfect mate, whether he?s willing or not. From the moment Gerard lays eyes on the nerdy librarian he knows he must have her, but Betty is unlike any woman he?s ever known. He thought Betty would come as willingly to his bed as every other woman before her, but she is a woman who demands respect and even? horror of all horrors? love. Is it possible for a self-proclaimed Casanova to change his ways? Red and Her Wolf: Long ago there lived a beautiful child. Her name was Violet. Fair of skin, with blonde hair and large blue eyes. Born of wild magic, she was a woman with a child?s heart. Innocent and lovely, but not at all what she seemed--you see Violet went by another name: The Heartsong. She was the child of fairy magic, the physical manifestation of all fae kinds unbridled power. Cosseted and pampered, she grew up in isolation, never knowing who she really was, or why there were those who?d seek to harm her. Ewan of the Blackfoot Clan is a wolf with a problem. He?s been sent to kill the Heartsong, but the moment he lays eyes on the blonde beauty he knows he?ll defy the evil fae he works for to claim Violet as his own. This is the tale of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, as it really happened...

    But instead of listening to garbled announcements in the airport, she has found a method of bypassing the crowds at the desks, the long lines at the toilets, the nasty lunch, the whimpering children and punitive parents, the bookless bookstores, and the blue plastic chairs bolted to the floor.This method - changing planes - enables Sita to visit fifteen societies not found on Earth. She will encounter cultures where the babble of children fades over time into the silence of adults; where whole towns exist solely for holiday shopping; where personalities are ruled by rage; where genetic experiments produce less than desirable results. And many other exotic landscapes whose denizens are fundamentally human...

    These days, women are quite capable of solving their own problems and slaying their own dragons (or demons, as the case may be).In this all-new anthology, Kerrie L. Hughes and New York Times bestselling author Rachel Caine have collected original stories from thirteen of today’s most exciting urban fantasy and paranormal authors. Each story features a strong heroine who kicks butt and takes names in a dangerous world and makes that world a better place for everyone in it—except the bad guys, of course. And if she finds a bit of romance along the way, well, a little heat warms the heart and sharpens the mind…just as long as the man can keep up. Includes: Shiny by Rachel CaineIn Venito Veras by Karen ChanceHunt by Rachel VincentMonsters by Lilith SaintcrowVampires Prefer Blondes by P.N. ElrodNine-Tenths of the Law by Jenna BlackDouble Dead by Cheyenne McCrayA Rose by Any Other Name Would Still be Red by Elizabeth A. VaughnSuperman by Jeanne C. SteinMonster Mash by Carole Nelson DouglasWanted: Dead or Alive by L.A. BanksMist by Susan KrinardBeyond the Pale by Nancy Holden

    Though the characters may not be human, the situations in these stories bear an uncanny resemblance to the insanity of everyday life. In "The Toad, the Turtle, and the Duck," three strangers commiserate about animal bureaucracy while waiting in a complaint line. In "Hello Kitty," a cynical feline struggles to sit through his prison-mandated AA meetings. In "The Squirrel and the Chipmunk," a pair of star-crossed lovers is separated by prejudiced family members.With original illustrations by Ian Falconer, author of the bestselling Olivia series of children's books, these stories are David Sedaris at his most observant, poignant, and surprising.

    His traps and machinations are the stuff of legends. His faces are legion. No matter what face the devil wears, Sympathy for the Devil has them all. Edited by Tim Pratt, Sympathy for the Devil collects the best Satanic short stories by Neil Gaiman, Holly Black, Stephen King, Kage Baker, Charles Stross, Elizabeth Bear, Jay Lake, Kelly Link, China Mieville, Michael Chabon, and many others, revealing His Grand Infernal Majesty, in all his forms. Thirty-five stories, from classics to the cutting edge, exploring the many sides of Satan, Lucifer, the Lord of the Flies, the Father of Lies, the Prince of the Powers of the Air and Darkness, the First of the Fallen... and a Man of Wealth and Taste. Sit down and spend a little time with the Devil.

    What she isn't used to is having suburban housewives refusing to acknowledge the presence of ghosts in their homes. There are lots of reasons why someone might harbor a spirit, and none of them are good.At least Chess has Terrible on her side. But things are never as black and white as they seem, especially not when love is involved, and Chess finds herself making a decision she never thought she'd make.

    After his father is found dead at the center of Stonehenge with a strange glowing spiral engraved into his palm, David decides to challenge his father’s theory that Maeshowe—a passage grave ruin in Stenness, Scotland—possesses metaphysical powers. However, the morning after his arrival in Stenness, David wakes to find everyone else in town is dead.NATO pathologist Brynne Thatcher is trained to recognize the subtle features of subsonic death, a unique forte and her only leg-up in a career dominated by men. Sound is the ideal weapon: an indiscriminate killer that leaves almost no trace upon its victims. She is testing an acoustic cannon in the grasslands a short distance from Stenness. Thatcher is certain her weapon caused the Stenness massacre, but all bets are off when she pinpoints Maeshowe as the source of deadly noise. The ruin erupts with low-frequency sound every 77 hours. Each explosion is larger and deadlier than the last. The only clues to stopping Maeshowe are the spiral petroglyph glowing inside its central chamber and the lone survivor, David.Investigating the connection between the two glowing spiral symbols, Thatcher and David uncover Brenton’s most bizarre theory: There are four locks and four keys lost throughout antiquity. Any man who finds a matching lock and key will gain one of the powers of the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse (Conqueror, War, Plague, and Death). Displacement of a key awakened the passage grave. Unless the “key” is placed into the petroglyph “lock,” the ruin will kill every living thing.Finding the key won’t be easy. A clandestine brotherhood known as the Abaddon is sworn to protect the keys. As Maeshowe’s eruption spreads across northern Europe, the leadership of the Abaddon crumbles. A new leader of the dark society seeks to become Conqueror, and a race to the Apocalypse begins.

    But first they'll have to overcome some very unusual residents of the hills and valleys. One is David Drake's unforgettable creation, Old Nathan the Wizard. He doesn't claim much for his magical powers, but they're real enough for what they are-and besides, he hasn't forgotten how to use his long flintlock rifle. Enter the gritty, realistic world of Old Nathan, a backwoodsman who talks to animals and says he'll face the Devil himself-and who in the end will have to face the Devil in very fact. A century later, very different interlopers, from criminals to snooping college professors, are poking around the hills, up to no good. But a very unusual family, the Hogbens, are likely to cause more trouble than unwelcome visitors can handle, as Henry Kuttner relates. They're a family of mutants, with very unusual powers, and city folk who cause trouble are likely to suddenly find unbelievable-and unpleasant-things happening to them. But not all of the trouble is caused by humans, as the Slade family find out when Eric Flint and Ryk E. Spoor relate how a Kentucky family finds itself caught in the middle of a struggle between battling groups of the creatures who live deep underground and are the basis from the old legends of gnomes. The Slades have to make sure that the right gnomes win-or an earthquake will wipe out everyone in at least four states. Magic, mutants, and mountain folk add up to an unusual volume, with adventure ranging from the grim and eerie to the wildly comic.

    Whether through the falsified historical record of the uniquely weird Swedish creature known as the “Pyret” or the title story, “Jagannath,” about a biological ark in the far future, Tidbeck’s unique imagination will enthrall, amuse, and unsettle you. How else to describe a collection that includes “Cloudberry Jam,” a story that opens with the line “I made you in a tin can”? Marvels, quirky character studies, and outright surreal monstrosities await you in what is likely to be one of the most talked-about short story collections of the year.Tidbeck is a rising star in her native country, having published a collection there in Swedish, won a prestigious literary grant, and just sold her first novel to Sweden’s largest publisher. A graduate of the iconic Clarion Writer’s Workshop at the University of California, San Diego, in 2010, her publication history includes Weird Tales, Shimmer Magazine, Unstuck Annual and the anthology Odd.

     Jeaniene Frost's story, One for the Money, features vampires Cat and Bones trying to protect a spoiled heiress with a price on her head and an undead hitman on her trail. Previously published in Death's Excellent Vacation. Also includes the first three chapters from Jeaniene's story in The Bite Before Christmas anthology, as well as a sneak peek at ONCE BURNED, the first novel in the new Night Prince series. Ilona Andrews' story, A Questionable Client, is a prequel to her award-winning Kate Daniels series. In a world beset by magic waves, Kate Daniels works as a mercenary. She is tired, hungry, and there is foul-smelling blood on her boots. All she wants to do is to go home, but when Mercenary Guild offers her a job she can't refuse, she finds herself protecting a man against Russian wizards. Previously published in Dark and Stormy Knights. Also includes first two chapters of FATE'S EDGE, book 3 in the Edge series, and first two chapters of Magic Grieves, a Kate Daniels novella.

    Fun, flirty, sweet and sassy - always with the perfect happy ending.Each story is 8,000 to 11,000 words in length (approximately 32-44 typical book pages in length. 53,000 words total, or 210 typical book pages.)The stories include:"The Hot Girl's Friend"How can a plain Jane find love when her best friend is a curvy blonde man magnet?Jane usually busies herself during a night on the town, fending off the men lusting after her gorgeous friend Miranda. When Brady the bartender overhears her inspired, ludicrous excuses, he resolves to hook up Jane with his friends. But Jane would be quite happy with him. Pine along as Jane tries to find her own happily ever after."Wrong Place, Right Guy"She's in the wrong place at the wrong time. Can the guy who saves her be Mr. Right? Or will his past keep them apart?When Kristen is jumped in a parking lot, Tony jumps in to save the day. While she thinks her hero could also be her heartthrob, Tony's worried his past is reason to stay apart. Will the good guy get the girl in the end?"Not You"One night with a stranger - gets even stranger the next day.Single, lonely Carly thinks the best way to handle her mother's third wedding is by throwing her own bachelorette-party-for-one the night before. What's the harm in her first one-night stand ever? She'll find out the next day."Desperately Seeking Cupid"Does she finally have the key for finding love?Brianna has tried everything to find love - with no luck. So she's turning to feng shui to bring romance to her world. Too bad the guy she's after thinks its bunk. Will her formula for love work - or blow up in her face?"Never Been Dumped"It's a relationship with an expiration date and it's going to go bad.Rachel hates breaking hearts. She's never been dumped, and she's tired of being the one to walk away. But a handsome stranger in town for the summer promises he'll dump her after their summer fling. Will they be able to say goodbye?Flirts! Five Romantic Short Stories to make you smile and swoon. Look for Beach Flirts! 5 Romantic Short Stories due out in late summer 2011.

    By the anniversary show a year later, the fanbase had exploded, vaulting the podcast into the #1 spot on iTunes. Since then, its popularity has grown by epic proportions, hitting more than 100 million downloads, and Night Vale has expanded to a successful live multi-cast international touring stage show and a New York Times bestselling novel. Now the first two seasons are available as books, offering an entertaining reading experience and a valuable reference guide to past episodes.Mostly Void, Partially Stars introduces us to Night Vale, a town in the American Southwest where every conspiracy theory is true, and to the strange but friendly people who live there.Mostly Void, Partially Stars features an introduction by creator and co-writer Joseph Fink, a foreword by Cory Doctorow, and behind-the-scenes commentary and guest introductions by performers from the podcast and notable fans, including Cecil Baldwin (Cecil), Dylan Marron (Carlos), and Kevin R. Free (Kevin) among others. Also included is the full script from the first Welcome to Night Vale live show, Condos. Beautiful illustrations by series artist Jessica Hayworth accompany each episode.Mostly Void, Partially Stars is an absolute must-have whether you’re a fan of the podcast or discovering for the first time the wonderful world of Night Vale.

    In “Girl on Girl,” a high school freshman goes to disturbing lengths to help an old friend. An insatiable temptress pursues the one man she can’t have in “Meteorologist Dave Santana.” And in the title story, a long fraught friendship comes undone when three buddies get impossibly lost on a lake it is impossible to get lost on. In Diane Cook’s perilous worlds, the quotidian surface conceals an unexpected surreality that illuminates different facets of our curious, troubling, and bewildering behavior.Other stories explore situations pulled directly from the wild, imposing on human lives the danger, tension, and precariousness of the natural world: a pack of not-needed boys take refuge in a murky forest and compete against each other for their next meal; an alpha male is pursued through city streets by murderous rivals and desirous women; helpless newborns are snatched by a man who stalks them from their suburban yards. Through these characters Cook asks: What is at the root of our most heartless, selfish impulses? Why are people drawn together in such messy, complicated, needful ways? When the unexpected intrudes upon the routine, what do we discover about ourselves? As entertaining as it is dangerous, this accomplished collection explores the boundary between the wild and the civilized, where nature acts as a catalyst for human drama and lays bare our vulnerabilities, fears, and desires.