Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    Feared, loathed, and admired in equal measure, early on he drew the wrath of many fans, who literally wore their emotions on their sleeve, donning tee-shirts that read: I hate warm beer, cold women, and Darrell Waltrip. As the decade progressed, he won over their hearts and was voted NASCAR's most popular driver in 1989 and 1990-and his popularity has continued to soar ever since. Waltrip retired in 2000, tied for third all-time with eighty-four career victories, and immediately began attracting new fans with his folksy style as a color commentator for FOX Sports' NASCAR coverage. Now, with that same inimitable charm, he shares his memories of his life in racing. It's the tale of a man who lived his dream every time he stepped into a race car, and whose dreams got better every time he climbed out in Victory Lane. But it's also the story of NASCAR, as Waltrip serves as a bridge between its earlier days and its explosion into one of the world's most popular sports. Having raced against immortals like Richard Petty and David Pearson, modern-day legends Dale Earnhardt and Jeff Gordon, and rising stars Tony Stewart and Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Waltrip provides a knowing look at the evolution of the sport and its greatest drivers and personalities.

    For Sam Brantley it was a harsh and horrific lesson in the realities of jungle combat. The war had always been somewhat distant, flying thousands of feet above the trees and rice paddies. Now, during the summer of the Tet Offensive, the war was in his face and what he saw -- and did -- changed his life forever.

    . . that's Boomtown.This is a humerous mystery and adventure story that kids (especially boys) will love to read! Boomtown is the home of Chang's Famous Fireworks factory, the Slush Olympics, the "Fighting Slugs" football team, rocket reindeer, and flying barber chairs. Boomtown is a humorous tall tale about a fictional town and its odd residents, written to capture the attention and inspire the imagination of intermediate readers. It's a fun read. However, underneath the humorous veneer, Boomtown asks and answers the question, "What does a healthy community look like?" The main characters struggle as they learn to trust their neighbors.Visit the Web site www.visitboomtown.com for more information on the book, author, free teacher guides, and more! But stay away from the chickens!

    For example, I was once pinned down by a young lad who repeatedly asked me why I was hitting myself, when he knew full well that I had temporarily ceded hegemony over my hands and forearms. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to comprehend. In retrospect, I can only conclude that my explanation was not articulate enough.To that end, I and Phil Plait have teamed up to create precisely 128 insults designed to weaken the resolve of aggressors, while educating them in their primary field of interest. Whether the person pummeling you is a student of mathematics or belles-lettres, we have the right words for the occasion.Zach WeinersmithPS: In the highly likely situation that the person pummeling you refuses to cease his aggression until he understands the meaning of the insult, we have also provided an appendix in which the insults are explained.

    We'll never quite know why, but sometimes they decide they've just had enough of this world- and that's when they start getting inventive. The Book of Bunny Suicides follows over one hundred bunnies as they find ever more outlandish ways to do themselves in. From an encounter with the business end of Darth Vader's lightsaber, to supergluing themselves to a diving submarine, to hanging around underneath a loose stalactite, these bunnies are serious about suicide. Illustrated in a stark and simple style, The Book of Bunny Suicides is a collection of hilarious and outrageous cartoons that will appeal to anyone in touch with their evil side.

    and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand.When is the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with a giraffe? That's what I thought. You are hopelessly clueless on giraffe culture, their likes/dislikes and voting patterns -- most giraffes are probably libertarian. "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " is the authoritative text on the biology, history and overall nature of giraffes.You are so behind on giraffes that it's rather embarrassing and you obviously need this book more than health insurance. Things you probably don't know about giraffes -- and can only be found in this book -- include giraffes' preferred mode of transportation (conveyor belt), what their bodies are made of (paper mache, a clock, fruit juices and a super-strong lightweight titanium alloy), where most giraffes live (Terra Haute, Indiana -- known for many things, including buildings made of wood and ground made of dirt), and basic giraffe history (in 50,000 B.C giraffes began to hang out with primitive man, they found him to be likeable and helped him paint buffaloes in caves).Cheat Sheet onGiraffes (good for slumber parties and barroom brawls):- Giraffes invented plastic. "No, not plastic--latex. My bad. Still, though isn't that amazing?"- Frequently Asked Question: "Why do we call giraffes "giraffes?"" Answer: Because when they came to Earth they asked us to.- Rarely Asked Question: "How fast can giraffes run?" The giraffes have tried to phase out running from their lives but if they had to, they could still run much faster than you. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that they can run 780 mph.With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the first volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.

    I HAD A BALL is full of stories no one but Michael would know. His friendship with Mom is evident on every page. A good read. Thank you Michael." -DESI ARNAZ J R ."Michael's memories are my memories, only clearer. What a talent for details! It was very moving for me to relive so much of our lives through Michael's eyes. Very entertaining. Charming. And, more importantly, true. As Mom wrote on one of her photos to him, 'Happy Thoughts.'" -LUCIE ARNAZIn 1971, ten-year-old Michael Stern thought he had died and gone to heaven as he watched a filming of Here's Lucy. He was enthralled with a redhead gifted with beauty, stage presence, and the ability to make others laugh. Over the next few years, he would attend several more filmings, meet Lucy, and eventually become (in Lucy's own words) her "number-one fan."In his memoir, Michael Stern offers a refreshing glimpse into the life of a natural comedienne and actress as he provides a fascinating narrative on what it was like to become first a fan and then a friend with one of the biggest television personalities of all time. Known to fans simply as Lucy, she entertained millions of people across the world with shows like I Love Lucy, The Lucy Show, and Here's Lucy. But to Michael, who was eventually allowed access into her private world, she was a fascinating woman with whom he would share many unforgettable adventures.I Had a Ball is a unique tribute to Lucy's legacy, her spirit, her talent, and her enthusiasm for life-sure to entertain Lucy fans, television aficionados, and comedy lovers around the world.

    Claudia and the Bad Joke20. Kristy and the Walking Disaster21. Mallory and the Trouble With Twins

    

    His new school is Freshwater Elementary. Will he fit in? This is an excellent read for early and beginning readers. Each story contains an important moral and lesson. Cute and bright illustrations for younger readers & a free coloring book! These stories are great for quick bedtime stories and cute tales to be read aloud with friends and family! Excellent for early and beginning readers Includes fun activities for kids Great for reading aloud with friends and family Cute short stories that are great for a quick bedtime story Funny and hilarious jokes for kids FREE coloring book downloads included This books is especially great for traveling, waiting rooms, and read aloud at home. Story List & Activities: Dilly’s First Day Freshwater Fun Day Just for Fun Activity Dilly Meets Tippy the Toad Field Day Celebrations Just for Fun Activity Welcome Back, Dilly! Funny Jokes FREE Coloring Book Downloads WHAT A GREAT DEAL! => 5 STORIES, JOKES, ACTIVITIES, AND A COLORING BOOK! Your child will be entertained for hours! Each story contains an important lesson for strong character development in children. * FREE GIFT with your purchase! * (see inside for link)Free membership to the Uncle Amon Book Club & 3 free books for children! Scroll up and click 'buy' and spend some quality time with your child! 100% Money Back Guaranteetags: dolphin, dolphin books for kids, marine life, dolphin books for children, dolphin stories, dolphins, Children's books, short stories, kids stories, stories for kids, stories for children, kids ebooks, short stories, bedtime stories, kids stories, stories for kids, short stories for kids, short stories, stories for kids, jokes, kids stories, childrens stories, kids books, childrens books, books for kids, bedtime stories, kids books, ebooks, books for kids, jokes, kids, hilarious, children, kid, kids books, childrens books, childrens book, kids book about animals, elementary, kids book, books for kids, childrens book, book, kindle book, kindle ebook, comedy, kindle unlimited, kindle unlimited books for kids, kindle unlimited books for children, humor, early reader, beginning reader, kids comedy, bedtime stories, free ebooks, ebooks free, stories for kids, preschool, ages 3-5, ages 6-8, ages 9-12, preteen, beginning readers, beginner reading, kids stories, children stories

    There was a girl named Andrea,But everyone called her Candy AndyYou know why?Every day, all day, Andy ate candies.Her mom, dad and grandmother tried all possible wayto convince her to eat healthy and nutritious food,But Andy refused and ate sweets and candies.Until one day, something unexpected happened that motivated Andyto change everything about her nutrition.This bed-time children's story tells the tale of Andy and her family and a funand easy way to motivate kids to eat healthy food and even enjoy doing it!without shouting,nor threateningnor promising all kind of gifts...

    This Fully illustrated picture book biography tells the story of a young boy and his loving, single mother and their struggle to make it on their own. With the help of a coach and his family, LeBron is introduced to the game of basketball. Against all odds, “the kid from Akron” not only makes it to the NBA but becomes a basketball legend who now helps others who are struggling like he and his mother once were. Children's/Kids Picture Book Biography K-6

    Once, long ago, they were kids -- but they still ended up saving the world! Now you can join Goku and his friends on their epic journey. Can they find the hidden Dragon Balls before Emperor Pilaf and Monster Carrot can get their greedy hands on the source of ultimate power?With more than fifty full color Dragon Ball stickers, and information about all your favorite Dragon Ball characters, now you can be a part of the Dragon Ball adventure!

    Broadway actress Sharon Wheatley reveals an authentic and personal look at the damaging physical and emotional effects of childhood obesity.