Somebody has to support all the new galactic tech and Jack Buckston, President, CEO and sole employee of Xenotech Support Corporation, does his best to keep his clients happy, find true love and prevent interstellar war. Galactic technology has cured cancer, solved the energy crisis, and eliminated global warming--but what do the aliens want from us? They can't get enough Congressional subcommittee broadcasts--they consider them reality comedies! Xenotech Rising is a light-hearted romp and the first book in the Xenotech Support / Galactic Free Trade Association series.

    Fiction by Hugo and Nebula award winners and nominees as well as talented newcomers. Stories were selected by the Unidentified Funny Objects series curator Alex Shvartsman.

    She is a horse-mad girl strongly attracted to the idea of farming, Aubrey is the son of a farm manager without land or money. But with limited knowledge, much enthusiasm and the challenge of raising their young family, anything can happen. This is the true story of a shepherding life; where icy nights are spent searching for lost sheep, the lambing sheds are filled with the first cries of newborns, and idyllic summers are spent in the show ring. Amusing, poignant and beautifully detailed, this is a book about how dreams can grow from small beginnings into breeding prize-winning Texel sheep in the Cotswolds. Sue and Aubrey Andrews are internationally renowned breeders of pedigree Texels. Perfect for fans of The Yorkshire Shepherdess and The Shepherd's Life.

    With topics such as pointless professional development where the author learned how to make bird noises, insanely incompetent teachers who make the good ones look bad, the shit parades that are parent conferences, lack of discipline even for kids who attack people with weapons, outrageous parent requests such as checking the size and color of a teenager's poop, this follow-up to the wildly popular memoir Teacher Misery does not disappoint! Think the stories in Teacher Misery were crazy? Just wait till you read More Teacher Misery!"Morris opens up about the comical misery that has become the teaching profession-giving a voice to teachers everywhere." Parent Herald"One of the funniest teacher books you'll ever read!" Bored Teachers"The stories that Morris tells about the school system are riveting. The antics and violence and outright stupidity that she and other teachers have had to endure are outright insane -- some of it is so crazy it's almost unbelievable." Mission Incomplete"A must read for every single human being on this world, from teachers to parents, students, administrators,  just name it. Let me be honest, nonfiction kind of book is not my cup of tea, but this book is simply amazing, hilarious, keep surprising me non stop!" Jessica's Book Blog"This one is just the most hilarious and heart-breaking ever! Laugh out loud funny!" Teachers Are Terrific"Her stories are so ridiculous, that a non-educator might actually believe they're fabricated. Unfortunately, those of us who are on the inside know it's all too real. Her stories are laugh out loud funny, touching, and at times, maddening." Having a Mom Moment"This book is a great read and a real eye-opener." Carpe Librum"I recommend this book for many reasons. Morris is a great writer who did a great job at presenting her case. She is funny and entertaining. She is above all honest with her interpretation and the things that she sees around her. I liked the variation in text and material. Overall, this books needs to be spread around the country. She isn't the only person that feels this way. There are thousands of other people out there like her and their voices need to be heard." The Next Book on my List"This book was a HILARIOUS read!" The Simply Organized Teacher"I dare you not to laugh out loud!" Robin O'Bryant, New York Times bestselling author of Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves "Jane is a gifted storyteller, you will chuckle and you will sig. The perfect gift for your kid's teacher or a teacher friend!" Joyce Kaufman, EdD, Host of The Joyce Kaufman Show, Newstalk 850 WFTL "Jane Morris gives us a beautifully written exposé about the worst sides of today's students, parents and school administrators." Bruce Tulgan, bestselling author of Not Everyone Gets a Trophy: How to Manage the Millenials "Jane Morris lifts the curtain on the horror teachers in our country face every day." Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club "The stories Morris tells are unbelievable and yet, I'm positive they're true." Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat "Morris dishes on the truth about trying to teach in this culture and it is hilarious, informative, and insightful." Stefanie Wilder Taylor, New York Times bestselling author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay "A compelling answer to anyone thoughtless enough to assert that teachers have it easy.

    Which is making life for the Ministry of Occultism difficult, because magic is supposed to be their best kept secret.After centuries in the shadows, the Ministry is forced to unmask, exposing the country's magical history - and magical citizens - to a brave new world of social media, government scrutiny, and public relations.On the trail of the killer are the Ministry's top agents: a junior operative with a photographic memory (and not much else), a couple of overgrown schoolboys with godlike powers, and a demonstrably insane magician.But as they struggle for results, their superiors at HQ must face the greatest threat the Ministry has ever known: the forces of political correctness....Differently Morphous is the latest and greatest tale to emerge from the mind of writer (and narrator) Yahtzee Croshaw.

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Flames of Chaos spread, swallowing up all they can with horrific hunger, bringing pain and madness to all they cross. Across the ocean, the lands have long since begun to die. The Empire of mankind struggles to maintain against the pressing weight of drought, famine, and the long-standing dangers of the Eastern Mountains, where ancient Dwarven [Constructs] and monsters roam. The people whisper of a coming doom, and some say even the Emperor's own Seers claim the end has begun... But none of these things have anything to do with a Tiny Snake. Not in the slightest. ------ From the online web-serial, comes a story of reincarnation, comedy, and the winding path towards existential redemption: All Hail The Tiny Snake God!

    When he arrives at Meryton, he flutters and flounces and gives his opinions to all and sundry in his own inimitable way. Even if they are not wanted. Or maybe, especially if they are not wanted. Will his perceptions make a difference? If they do, what will be the outcome of the changes? Or will he simply create chaos for the fun of it, since, with his powers, anything might happen? If you want a light-hearted romp through P&P with some unexpected twists, please enjoy. Warning: If you are a serious P&P fan, this story is probably not for you.

    Impossible, you say? Not according to advertisers who flood the web with stock photos of perfect parents and children. They’d have you believe that parenting is a piece of cake, and every significant moment of family life takes place on a spotless white couch. So when Sara Given, a real mother of a real toddler, saw a picture of a radiant new mother in a cute little sundress breastfeeding her newborn in the middle of a golf course, she finally had enough. She launched a Tumblr, which is now visited by tens of thousands of new parents looking for a daily pick-me-up. Because what better way is there to deal with the stress and strain of being a new parent than laughter? The perfect gift of cheer and solidarity, Parenting Is Easy exploits the disconnect between these preposterous photos and what happens in real life, and makes every reader laugh out loud—and feel better, too, because we’re in on the joke.

    He discovers that entering the United States with his British wife is more difficult than he had anticipated.***A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.--Chinese ProverbA journey of seven thousand miles begins with a trip to the US Embassy-- Travis Casey Experience

    Two genetically modified human babies have been taken to the Choten-Zan Monastery to be raised to adulthood. The ancient priests have agreed to teach them their best hand-to-hand combat techniques and develop their speed and reflexes. The two children are sent away on their eighteenth birthday with a small warship and space armor that was left for them by the one that delivered them to the Zan. That’s all they received when they left the Monastery and they do not know who they are or where they were born. They kidnap a Werstag Engineer on a planet where they are attacked by hundreds of Yellow Armored Warriors. He tells them that they are a species called human and that their attackers are from a civilization that destroyed their home world. Grant and Cinny decide that Earth’s destroyers must pay for their crime. But first they have to find an invincible warship named Orion’s Sword to make that happen. The Werstag tells them that they were created to be the Orion’s pilots and the Yellow Species knows the danger they represent. It’s a race to see if the Raiders can kill the two before they find the most powerful warship in the universe. The action is non-stop as the two young humans struggle against dark forces arrayed against them. Discovering their real enemy is a shock that forces them to reevaluate their determination to take revenge for Earth’s destruction. But revenge served hot has a way of getting out of hand. Excerpt from Nemesis-Revenge is Best Served Hot Cinny shook her head, “What is so special about us?” The woman looked at her and her eyes twinkled, “You and your companion are the ultimate product of genetic development. You are unique and only the two of you can activate the Orion. Anyone else who tried would die.” Whippet nodded, “They are very different from what I saw Tom could do.” The woman looked at him, “They are faster, stronger, and smarter than any being alive today.” She paused, “And they are not at their ultimate abilities…yet.” Grant sat down, “I’m not sure what you mean, ultimate abilities?” “Part of my programing is to start your development. The Choten-Zan could only take you so far; you probably noticed that you surpassed their abilities.” Cinny and Grant nodded. “The landing bay on this ship has devices to assist you to develop your skills. However, there is another place we need to visit first.” Grant nodded, “Where you left the genetically modified animals from Earth.” The woman smiled and shook her head, “You are incredibly smart. How did you figure that out?” “I saw the ancestors of the animals you chose on the first download and I’ve talked with them several times in the past.” The Hologram stared at Grant, “You what?” “The coordinates of the planet where you left them were still in the navigation log. We went to see what was there and ran into them.” “That was an incredibly dangerous thing to do.” “I had a blaster and they didn’t take the chance of attacking.” The woman slowly shook her head, “That blaster wouldn’t have fazed them and they knew it.” Grant stared at the Hologram and Cinny said, “You mean they could have killed us.” “Yes. I’m surprised they didn’t. Those animals are the most dangerous creatures in the universe. They were specifically designed to be used against the civilization attacking Earth.

    He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    Whether he's assisting trauma surgeons who are singing “Take me out to the ballgame” while removing a well-placed iconic symbol of America’s greatest past time, learning how fast he can run after being shot at by an angry couple who called for an ambulance, working with a prankster-loving urologist who demonstrates how bladder problems were diagnosed before modern urinalysis, or screaming like a little girl while doing night rounds with a dead flashlight on a psychiatric ward, Cyra’s comedic style of storytelling will make your cheeks sore. Emergency Laughter: Stories of Humor Inside Ambulances and Operating Rooms shows why most health care professionals have such a twisted sense of humor and how critical laughter is to the survival of both patient and care giver.

    Longbottom, the Nebula Award-winning science-fiction and fantasy author and head writer of Mythic Quest. C.W. found literary fame with Inside the Caves of Beneroth and Tears of the Anaren, but even his most loyal fans don’t know that Tears of the Anaren began as a short story he wrote in the early 1970s while interning at Amazing Tales magazine.This never-before-published draft is now yours to discover, complete with C.W.’s (extremely) colorful commentary and an Introduction and Afterword by Ian Grimm, the iconoclastic creator of Mythic Quest. As sparks fly between heroic scoundrel Zeb and space seductress Merrith, we get a glimpse into the mind of a talented young man yearning for greatness. Like early Mozart, it is raw and green — but also magic.From Charlie Day, Megan Ganz, and Rob McElhenney, the Apple TV+ original comedy series, Mythic Quest, goes behind the scenes to follow the game’s creators. In a workplace focused on building worlds, molding heroes, and creating legends, the most hard-fought battles don’t occur in the game — they happen in the office. Rob McElhenney stars as Ian Grimm alongside Charlotte Nicdao and F. Murray Abraham.

     Meet Wally Moscowitz. His day job is top secret. As ghostwriter for Oral B, the most famous gangsta rapper in the world, Wally is the real mastermind behind Godz-Illa Records' best-selling artist, and the best-kept secret in the Industry. But if word gets out about Wally's true profession, Godz-Illa's kajillion-dollar rap empire will be sunk, and Wally will be dead meat. When Wally comes home one particularly bizarre afternoon to find a ransom note and his best friend and dog, Dr. Barry Schwartzman, missing, Wally goes to great lengths to stop the dognappers while keeping the big secret under wraps. He must, if he wants to walk away with his job, not to mention his life, intact. The hunt for Dr. Schwartzman and the blackmailing thug who is trying to reveal hip-hop's biggest conspiracy becomes a wild-goose chase in which everyone becomes a suspect: Sue Schadenfreude, Wally's girlfriend, who makes a pretty penny massaging Barbra Streisand's papillon, Yenta; Pardeep Vishvatma, Wally's neighbor, who keeps a watchful eye on all the suspicious characters lurking about the hood; Jerry Silver, Wally's slick-rick, self-styled superagent; Abraham "Dandy" Lyons, Wally's boss and Godz-Illa's CEO-badass with Suge Knight's street cred and Tony Soprano's "friends"; Jem, the fiery, achingly familiar vixen who steals Wally's heart; Yo Yo Pa and Teddy Bizzle, Oral B's entourage; and the mysterious mob crew: Five-two Lou, Six-seven Kevin, and Balsamic Vinny, who show up when Wally needs them most. Duck Duck Wally is a hilarious romp through the absurdities of Los Angeles, the bombastic details of hip-hop culture, and a day in the life of what was supposed to be the painfully ordinary existence of Wally Moscowitz.