But will those Nobel bastards honor them, too? Only God, our merciless and just God, knows."-Dave Eggers"The funniest publication in the United States."-The New Yorker"This publication is tasteless and destructive to our shared values. Read it for yourself and you'll see what I mean. Seriously, what else could make me laugh-much less laugh uproariously-while being offended week after week after week?"-Al Gore"The Onion is the funniest thing in news since Dan Rather's spooky stare."-Matt Groening"Brutal satire that rushes into the far reaches of race, class, sexuality, and culture where many publications-and critics-fear to tread."-Chicago Tribune"The Onion, unlike any other entity in our media culture, offers a refreshingly honest look at our complicated life."-Ken Burns

    Now these and twenty-two more of history's most famous personages are brought brilliantly to life, in this collection of unfailingly accurate yet undeniably hilarious biographies. You'll laugh while you learn about the very real people behind the legendary names, including why Montezuma was so vengeful, and why Catherine was so Great. You'll even finally lay to rest the rumor that Charlemagne was called "Chuck" by his friends.

    Winner of an Atlantic Monthly fiction competition while he was just a senior in college, Koontz today is a world-famous author whose books have been published in thirty-eight different languages and have sold more than three hundred million copies.Lavishly illustrated with spectacular paintings by Phil Parks, this thoroughly modern masterpiece breathes new life and warmth into the world's most beloved legend.

    Described by one reviewer as “like getting stabbed in the head,” the $6 million film earned a grand total of $1,800 at the box office and closed after two weeks. Now in its tenth anniversary year, The Room is an international phenomenon to rival The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Thousands of fans wait in line for hours to attend screenings complete with costumes, audience rituals, merchandising, and thousands of plastic spoons.Readers need not have seen The Room to appreciate its costar Greg Sestero’s account of how Tommy Wiseau defied every law of artistry, business, and interpersonal relationships to achieve the dream only he could love. While it does unravel mysteries for fans, The Disaster Artist is more than just an hilarious story about cinematic hubris: It is ultimately a surprisingly inspiring tour de force that reads like a page-turning novel, an open-hearted portrait of a supremely enigmatic man who will capture your heart.

    The soft, reflective, and often humorous words and pictures create a glimpse into everyday life through wide and wondering eyes that blends the familiar with the profoundly spiritual.

    Greasebeam, B.Sc. (Serpentology), F.R.Aud., to serve up this compendium of dragon lore and sheer inventive nonsense. Expanding on a dozen illustrations from his calendar Dragons Draaks & Beasties, Base fabricates a trio of correspondents?a Viking, a Chinese silk trader and a Prussian explorer?whose letters chronicle their discoveries of dragons in various continents. The resulting web of yarns that Base spins is nothing short of hilarious ("Hope the looting and pillaging went well," writes Bjorn of Bromme in a letter to Olaf the Grim, for instance). Illustrations showcase the kind of intricate detail for which Base is so well known, and he bolsters his dragon art with a deadpan running commentary set in a border at the bottom of each page. "Dagbar defunctus est" notes one caption in a fit of understatement, as the accompanying cartoon depicts the demise of one of Bjorn's companions. There's much to enjoy here, and much to propel readers to seek out every last drop of humor. All ages. Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

    Imagine, then, the excitement that Howard Carson, an amateur archeologist at best, experienced when in crossing the perimeter of an abandoned excavation site he felt the ground give way beneath him and found himself at the bottom of a shaft, which, judging from the DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging from an archaic doorknob, was clearly the entrance to a still-sealed burial chamber. Carson's incredible discoveries, including the remains of two bodies, one of then on a ceremonial bed facing an altar that appeared to be a means of communicating with the Gods and the other lying in a porcelain sarcophagus in the Inner Chamber, permitted him to piece together the whole fabric of that extraordinary civilization.

    Meet Marzi. She's an introvert who often finds herself in awkward situations. Marzi used to feel strange about her introverted tendencies. Not anymore! Now she knows that there are tons of introverts out there just like her--introverts who enjoy peace and quiet, need time alone to recharge their battery, and who prefer staying in with their pet and a good book to awkward social interactions. Just like Marzi, these introverts can often be found in libraries, at home watching Netflix, brainstorming excuses to miss your next party, or doodling cute cartoons. Being an introvert in an extrovert world isn't always easy, but it certainly is an adventure. In Introvert Doodles, follow Marzi through all of her most uncomfortable, charming, honest, and hilarious moments that everyone--introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between--can relate to.

    Embodying a ritual to be performed for the dead, with detailed instructions for the behavior of the disembodied spirit in the Land of the Gods, it served as the most important repository of religious authority for some three thousand years. Chapters were carved on the pyramids of the ancient 5th Dynasty, texts were written in papyrus, and selections were painted on mummy cases well into the Christian Era. In a certain sense it stood behind all Egyptian civilization.In the year 1888 Dr. E. Wallis Budge, then purchasing agent for the British Museum, followed rumors he heard of a spectacular archaeological find in Upper Egypt, and found in an 18th Dynasty tomb near Luxor "the largest roll of papyrus I had ever seen, tied with a thick band of papyrus, and in a perfect state of preservation." It was a copy of the Egyptian Book of the Dead, written around 1500 B.C. for Ani, Royal Scribe of Thebes, Overseer of the Granaries of the Lords of Abydos, and Scribe of the Offerings of the Lords of Thebes.The Papyrus of Ani, a full version of the Theban recension, is presented here by Dr. Budge, who later became perhaps the world's most renowned Egyptologist. Reproduced in full are a clear copy of the Egyptian hieroglyphs, and interlinear transliteration of their sounds (as reconstructed), a word-for-word translation, and separately a complete smooth translation. All this is preceded by an introduction of more than 150 pages. As a result of this multiple apparatus the reader has a unique opportunity to savor all aspects of the Book of the Dead, or as it is otherwise known, the Book of the Great Awakening.

    His cult hit comic, Get Your War On, turned him into an underground phenomenon. His trash-talking karate comic, My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable, made him a publishing sensation. Now, combining Rees's trademark gangsta vocabulary with the merciless absurdity (and eerie, quotidian accuracy) of Office Space and an uproariously profane sense of humor, Rees unleashes his volatile energy on a new comic that brings back the foul-mouthed cubicle slaves who starred in Get Your War On to (panel by panel) knock Dilbert on his ass and establish Rees as the Lenny Bruce of clockwatchers.

    But the dot, though perfect in every way, only had eyes for a wild and unkempt squiggle. All of the line's romantic dreams were in vain, until he discovered...angles! Now, with newfound self-expression, he can be anything he wants to be--a square, a triangle, a parallelogram....And that's just the beginning!First published in 1963 and made into an Academy Award-winning animated short film, here is a supremely witty love story with a twist that reveals profound truths about relationships--both human and mathematical--sure to tickle lovers of all ages.

    Can sit naked in front of book without fear of radiation 9. Reader not distracted by Dave's awful haircut 8. Can be readily enjoyed in Amish households 7. If you fall asleep while reading the book you won't wake up to fat weather guy wishing Happy Birthday to one hundred-year-olds 6. Can use your imagination to picture lists being read aloud by handsome actor George Peppard 5. Origami! Origami! Origami! 4. Can be enjoyed by inmates who have lost their TV privileges 3. Carrying book around proudly announces to rest of world, "I can read large print!" 2. Easier to shoplift than 26-inch Trinitron Stereo Sony 1. Any book is better than Dave's TV show

    Alagaësia comes alive in a lush and detailed look at an unforgettable magical land. From elves, dwarves, Urgals, humans, and dragons, to the natural landscape and the magic it contains, Eragon himself offers the reader an unsurpassed tour. This oversized, full-color book provides 15 spreads chock full of spectacular artwork, engaging novelty elements, and fascinating insights into Eragon’s home. With gorgeous jewels adorning the cover and pages filled with envelopes, gatefolds, samples of dragon skin, and more, Eragon’s Guide to Alagaësia is sure to appeal to the legions of fans of Christopher Paolini’s bestselling Inheritance cycle.

    The book chronicles the city's colorful citizens and hopping nightlife, and also explores some of the most hilarious events from its crazy history—like the time the whole town was on fire, its ongoing raccoon infestation, and the cult that took over in the 1970s. Packed with laugh-out-loud-funny photographs, illustrations, and commentary by the other inhabitants of Pawnee, it's a must-read that will make you enjoy every moment of your stay in the Greatest Town in America. Praise for Pawnee: "Carrying this book around is a good way of picking up girls with glasses." —Tom Haverford "I have read over four books, and this is by far the one that has me in it the most." —Andy Dwyer "Literally the greatest endeavor of human creativity in the history of mankind." —Chris Traeger

    In a world of theme parks, interactive exhibits, over-priced merchandise and queues, don't worry, these are names to stir the soul. Reassuring evidence that there's still somewhere to turn in search of the small, fascinating, unique and, dammit, British.In a stumbling journey across the country in search of the best we have to offer our intrepid heroes discovered dinosaurs in South London, a cold war castle in Essex, grown men pretending to be warships in Scarborough, unexplained tunnels under Liverpool and a terraced house in Bedford being kept warm for Jesus's return. And along the way they met the people behind them all: enthusiasts, eccentrics and, you know, those who just sort of fell into looking after a vast collection of gnomes ...Makes you proud!