The nightmarish effects of the most depressing holiday song of all time. A virtual reality environment that allows you to enact your most depraved fantasies…sort of. A cheerful snack mascot who snaps under the pressure. Giant mutant cockroaches doing battle with zombies in the Old West. An unnerving discovery in the Book of Revelations. The true secret of silent comedian Buster Keaton's success. Plus a Halloween curse, a lot of psychopaths, and much more!Often hilarious, frequently gruesome, and sometimes just flat-out wrong to the point where laughing at them presents a moral quandary, Candy Coated Madness is Strand at his demented best!Table of contents...Virtual Reality Kill ZoneGood DeedsCaptain Pistachio's Charming RampageThe Last Thing You Want To BeLab Experiment Turf WarNo TomatoClyde the NecrophileDon't Make Fun of the Haunted HouseIvan's Night OutPointy CanesGiant Mutant Cockroaches in the Old West Vs. ZombiesOutpouringSmashing JacksFaerieGreen SuitsThe FraudHostileThe Great Stone Face Vs. The GargoylesParodyAwakeningDismemberment FraudBeware! The! Beverage!Rotten EggsGave Up The GhostDecember BirthdayMy Werewolf Neighbor

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    how can it be wrong to be happy?' These lines are taken from Will's diary, a seemingly innocuous exercise book which details his house-breaking activities. Will carefully selects houses - forty-seven so far - ensuring their owners will be in. As they cook their supper or watch television, Will (wearing surgical gloves and leaving no trace behind) enters not only their houses, but their secret lives. A secret museum, housed in his loft, is 'held together by sex'. All his trophies are carefully catalogued and he keeps a very precise diary of his activities and his thoughts.All his life Tom Kendall had lived as quietly and normally as possible ... but he gave people the creeps ... 'kids didn't like him, or the cat'. When Tom discovers Will's diary he decides to adopt the same quest for happiness. Tom has problems of his own - a difficult temper, problems with his girlfriend, Maddie, and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness. Perhaps Will's diary holds the key?

    It also reads like a fairytale of Sayle's own literary career. Like Harriet, he just seems to keep getting better - more supple, more confident and more violent. This is a funny, frightening book which is also refreshingly bonkers. In terms of technique it's a big step forward from his last novel, Overtaken. It's meticulously plotted and persuasive and even has a nice line in nature description. But every now and then old Alexei stops the action, puts on his boots and stamps all over someone. He is not shy about naming names. There's a pair of hateful children called the Yentob twins. There's a fraudulent South American guru-novelist called Paulho Puoncho. Sometimes it's hard to know what the target is. I couldn't, for instance, figure out what Warbird - a charity that rescues talking birds from war zones - was supposed to be. But somehow the more disproportionate and undeserved the anger is, the funnier it is; the gratuitous rants give the book an unpredictable, hectic pace.

    I Dreamed You gives a voice to the feelings so difficult to express and so important to share.Award-winning and beloved children's author Justine Avery thoughtfully, reverently expresses the sentiments behind welcoming a child into our lives, whether we're a grandparent, adopting parent, step-parent, sibling, or anyone else blessed with a cherished young one.

    Now in this beautiful keepsake edition, Bombeck's moving words are paired with original art that bring to life the warm portrait of motherhood contained within. An angel marvels at the detail and overtime that the good Lord is putting into his creation of mothers. Despite the six pairs of hands and the three pairs of eyes that every mother needs, the angel thinks she has discovered a flaw:"There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.""It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear.""What's it for?""It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride.""You are a genius," said the angel.The Lord looked somber, "I didn't put it there." Every mother will treasure this moving tribute, penned by America's most beloved expert on motherhood.

    Continuing the comedic insight from I’m Too Young to be Seventy, these verses of memories and advice from eighty years of love, marriage, and grandchildren are sure to bring laughs.What does it mean to be eighty? In her wise and playful poems, Judith Viorst discusses love, friendship, grand parenthood, and all the particular marvels—and otherwise—of this extraordinary decade. She describes the wonder of seeing the world with new eyes—not because of revelation but because of a successful cataract operation. She promises not to gently fade away, and not to drive after daylight’s faded away either. She explains how she’s gotten to be a “three-desserts” grandmother (“Just don’t tell your mom!”), shares how memory failure can keep you married, and enumerates her hopes for the afterlife (which she doesn’t believe in, but if it does exist, her sister-in-law better not be there with her). As Viorst gleefully attests, eighty is not too old to dream, to flirt, to drink, and to dance. It’s also not too late to give up being cheap or to take up with a younger man of seventy-eight. Zesty, hopeful, and full of the pleasures of living, Viorst’s poems speak to her legions of readers, who recognize themselves in her knowing observations, in her touching reflections, and in her joyful affirmations. Funny, moving, inspirational, and true—the newest in Judith Viorst’s beloved “decades” series extols the virtues, victories, frustrations, and joys of life.

    A poet who favours dark suits, lager and long hot baths, he works on BBC Four in Charlie Brooker's Newswipe and on Radio 4, doing his late night poetry show.In 2009 he won the Edinburgh Comedy Award for his poetical recital The Slutcracker and has filmed some of his verse in black and white to overwhelming critical approval. Billed by Time Out as “He’s a genius plain and simple” Tim’s incomplete and unabridged reading of his book is hilarious and inventive, playful and punchy, and light and dark by turn.

    A hilarious collection of poetry by dogs- perfect for lovers of literature and pups alike.

    Human Achievement collects new truths, anxieties, and amusements from the mundane to the surreal in an addictively strange and entertaining picket-sized primer that welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the faithful.

    Only Benito, her husband's retainer, remains and when her husband becomes depressed and a virtual recluse, Lydia has to take on the management of the estate. Benito recounts to her the past history of the family and its gradual decline and it is this history and the characters concerned which forms the bulk of the narrative.

    They relish the joys of family gatherings; from preparing traditional holiday meals to organizing a wedding in which each of them is given a specific task -- whether it's sewing the bridal gown or preserving pickles as a gift to the newlyweds. Bound together by recipes, reminiscences and tangled relationships, these women are the foundation of a dignified, compassionate family--one that has learned to survive the hardships of emigration and assimilation in twentieth-century America.But as the century evolves, so does each succeeding generation. As the older women keep a tight hold on the family traditions passed from mother to daughter, the younger women are dealing with more modern problems, wounds not easily healed by the advice of a local priest or a kind word from mother.Amy is separated by four generations from her great-grandmother Rose, who emigrated from Poland. Rose's daughter Helen adjusted to the family's new home in a way her mother never could, while at the same time accepting the importance of Old Country ways. But Helen's daughter Ginger finds herself suffocating within the close-knit family, the first Marchewka woman to leave Detroit for the adventure of life beyond the reach of her mother and grandmother.It's in the American West that Giner raises her daughter Amy, uprooted from the safety of kitchens perfuned by the aroma of freshly baked poppy seed cake and pierogi made by hand by generations of women. But Amy is about to realize that there may be room in her heart for both the Old World and the New.

    Most, but not all. A Kilo of String is the story-so-far of this not-particularly-plucky couple’s often bewildering experiences among the descendants of Sophocles, Plato and Nana Mouskouri with occasional digressions into total irrelevances. This is a book which is almost guaranteed not to change your life, but what it will do is answer many of the fundamental questions about life in Greece, such as: How do you avoid ordering a double tomato for your pine marten when booking a hotel room? Should olive harvesting be registered with the Dangerous Sports Association? Why are chicken livers useful (other than to the chickens themselves)? Oh yes, and there are some serious bits too about how life in Greece has changed since the beginning of the economic crisis.

    The commentary will contain background on the poems or more deeply delve into themes or topics discussed in the poems themselves. The spiritual seeker as well as the mature in faith will both benefit from the poems.

    Fending off the attentions of the young Florence, a friend of his sister's who has set her heart on marrying him, he dedicates himself to the pastimes of the respectable: walking the flat planes of the Fens and tending to his indoor aviary. That is, until the arrival of Kitty. From here on, Cavendish's life of leisure and respectability seems a mere distant memory, as his obsession ferments within him and leads him down a dark path to destruction.