Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    But mostly, I’m just sat eating pickles and being nice to some dogs. Whatever strangers think of me is fine with me. How audacious is that? I can always take a joke, I don’t waste time worrying about things I can’t control. I embrace the reality that you just can’t please everyone, so you might as well put yourself out there and have a laugh. As my mother always said, "Katherine, if we all liked the same thing, we’d all be married to your father." I’m often asked how I developed my lurid level of courage and assurance and for tips on how others can match. The Audacity is my chance to share my blueprint for just that. You will learn:• How To Be the Most Popular Girl in School• How to Waste All Your Money on Designer Dogs• How To Attract Toxic Men… AND Keep Them Interested!And so much more… Secrets are my favourite things to be told and I figured I’d better tell a few juicy ones myself, too. Why not? No matter what I do, there will always be something about me that reads as simply, outrageously audacious.

    But what of the unseen Alan? For the first time, this famously private man welcomes us into his home and audibly deshrouds himself for a fascinating series of podcasts. Over the course of 18 generously durated episodes, Partridge grants us full and unfettered access to his off-screen life (within reason). In exchange for a series of payments from Audible, he promises an access-all-areas pass to the nooks and crannies of his hinterland, to reveal a wiser, cleverer, more reflective Alan than many of his more vaunted peers have given him credit for. He then sends the resultant podcasts to Audible ensuring they meet the technical specifications laid down in the contract.

    Ever since he was given a copy of Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World for his ninth birthday Dom has been obsessed with the world of cryptozoology (monster hunting), and in Scary Monsters and Super Creeps he heads to six completely different destinations to investigate local monster sightings. He explores the Redwood Curtain in northern California in search of Sasquatch; in Canada he visits Lake Okanagan hoping to catch a glimpse of a thirty-foot snake-like creature called Ogopogo; and near Lake Télé in Congo he risks his life tracking the vegetarian sauropod Mokèlé-mbèmbé. Naturally he heads to Loch Ness - but for this hunt he has his family in tow; he treks across the Khumbu Valley in Nepal looking for Yeti; and in the hills above Hiroshima in Japan he enlists the help of a local man to find the Hibagon, a terribly smelly 'caveman ape'. In typically hilarious and irreverent fashion, Dom explores the cultures that gave rise to these monster myths and ends up in some pretty hairy situations with people even stranger than the monsters they are hunting. Are the monsters all the product of fevered minds, or is there a sliver of truth somewhere in the madness? Either way, the search gives Dom an excuse to dive into six fascinating destinations on a gloriously nutty adventure.

    He had a solid job. He ran 5Ks for charity. He was living a nice, safe Midwestern existence. And then his wife left him for a handsome paramedic down the street.We’re All Damaged begins after Andy has lost his job, ruined his best friend’s wedding, and moved to New York City, where he lives in a tiny apartment with an angry cat named Jeter that isn’t technically his. But before long he needs to go back to Omaha to say good-bye to his dying grandfather.Back home, Andy is confronted with his past, which includes his ex, his ex’s new boyfriend, his right-wing talk-radio-host mother, his parents’ crumbling marriage, and his still-angry best friend.As if these old problems weren’t enough, Andy encounters an entirely new complication: Daisy. She has fifteen tattoos, no job, and her own difficult past. But she claims she is the only person who can help Andy be happy again, if only she weren’t hiding a huge secret that will mess things up even more. Andy Carter needs a second chance at life, and Daisy—and the person Daisy pushes Andy to become—may be his last chance to set things right.

    

    In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    But three years later, with the economy crashing and the house refurbishments unfinished, their plan for a tranquil life is falling apart. Are they in danger of replicating the very lifestyle they had hoped to escape, or can they get their lives back on track? Only time will tell.Chock-full of laughter and with a few tears too, this third installment of their quirky life in County Clare sees these whimsical chicken farmers forge ahead with the renovations, make new friends, rescue more dogs, eat a lot of cake and dance joyfully, whilst enduring floods, droughts, fire and ice, and debating the curious problem of what to do with 300 eggs.

    Animal combines autobiography and evolutionary history to create a funny, fascinating insight into the forces that mould and affect modern women.Animal is entertaining and informative, personal and universal – silly about lots of things and serious about some. It's a laugh-out-loud investigation to help us understand and forgive our animal urges and insecurities.

    As a teen he joined a local gang that was first involved in petty burglary but later escalated into more dangerous crimes. One night when Preston was fifteen, he was faced with a decision to take a routine ride of mischief with the friends or stay home. Intuition told him not to go. Within an hour, everyone in that car was shot. This tragic event shook him to his core and catapulted him to finding higher purpose for himself.Love Louder presents a positive approach for getting more love and meaning out of life. With the lessons he’s learned through the years, he distills ancient wisdom and new thought teachings into thirty-three timeless tools to living your best life and asks questions such as:-What do you truly believe you deserve? Are your actions reflecting that?-What are you a slave to? Facebook? Twitter? Alcohol? Him? Her?-Do you have the need to be “right” all the time?Love Louder can help you tackle these everyday challenges and teach you how to live with more excitement, productivity, clarity, and confidence. Full of insights and powerful anecdotes, Preston’s motivational story is a heartwarming read for anyone seeking guidance on overall happiness and fulfillment in life.

    It’s a journey deep within, in a way that’s respectful and non-invasive; a journey for which we will all pay a heavy price, even if you’ve waited for the smaller paperback edition.Ayoade argues for the canonisation of this brutal masterpiece, a film that celebrates capitalism in all its victimless glory; one we might imagine Donald Trump himself half-watching on his private jet’s gold-plated flat screen while his other puffy eye scans the cabin for fresh, young prey."

    It was the first of fifteen dismembered body parts belonging to retired hospital worker Patricia O'Connor.Kieran Greene, the father of three of Patricia's grandchildren, later handed himself in, confessing to beating her to death in the home they shared in what he said was an act of self-defense. He also confessed to dismembering her and disposing of her remains but later changed his story, implicating several members of Patricia's household, including her husband and daughter.In this nuanced and meticulous account of a deeply disturbing crime, journalist Frank Greaney, who covered every day of the shocking trial and conducted exclusive follow-up interviews with other members of Patricia's family, uncovers the story behind the gruesome murder of Patricia O'Connor, and looks at who Patricia really was.

    What I found was that she hadn't kept some of it. She had kept all of it - every bus ticket, postcard, school report - from the moment I was born to the moment I finally had the confidence to turn round and say 'Why is our house full of this shit?'Sadly, a recycling 'incident' destroyed the bulk of this archive. This has meant two things: firstly, Dear Reader, you will never get to see countless drawings of wizards, read a poem about corn on the cob, or marvel at the kilos of brown flowers I so lovingly pressed as a child. Secondly, it's left me with no choice but to actually write this thing myself.This, my first ever book, will answer questions such as 'Is Mary Berry real?', 'Is it true you wear a surgical truss?' and 'Is a non-spherically symmetric gravitational pull from outside the observable universe responsible for some of the observed motion of large objects such as galactic clusters in the universe?'Most of this book is true. I have, of course, amplified my more positive characteristics in an effort to make you like me. Thank you for reading.

    Few could or would have predicted that the improvised raps and raw beats busting out of New York City's urban underclass would one day become a multimillion-dollar business and one of music's most lucrative genres. Among those few were two visionaries: Russell Simmons, a young black man from Hollis, Queens, and Rick Rubin, a Jewish kid from Long Island. Though the two came from different backgrounds, their all-consuming passion for hip-hop brought them together. Soon they would revolutionize the music industry with their groundbreaking label, Def Jam Records. Def Jam, Inc. traces the company's incredible rise from the NYU dorm room of nineteen-year-old Rubin (where LL Cool J was discovered on a demo tape) to the powerhouse it is today; from financial struggles and scandals-including The Beastie Boys's departure from the label and Rubin's and Simmons's eventual parting-to revealing anecdotes about artists like Slick Rick, Public Enemy, Foxy Brown, Jay-Z, and DMX. Stacy Gueraseva, former editor in chief of Russell Simmons's magazine, Oneworld, had access to the biggest players on the scene, and brings you real conversations and a behind-the-scenes look from a decade-and a company-that turned the music world upside down. She takes you back to New York in the '80s, when late-night spots such as Danceteria and Nell's were burning with young, fresh rappers, and Simmons and Rubin had nothing but a hunch that they were on to something huge. Far more than just a biography of the two men who made it happen, Def Jam, Inc. is a journey into the world of rap itself. Both an intriguing business history as well as a gritty narrative, here is the definitive book on Def Jam-a must read for any fan of hip-hop as well as all popular-culture junkies.

    Johanna Morrigan, fourteen, has shamed herself so badly on local TV that she decides that there’s no point in being Johanna anymore and reinvents herself as Dolly Wilde—fast-talking, hard-drinking Gothic hero and full-time Lady Sex Adventurer. She will save her poverty-stricken Bohemian family by becoming a writer—like Jo in Little Women, or the Bröntes—but without the dying young bit.By sixteen, she’s smoking cigarettes, getting drunk and working for a music paper. She’s writing pornographic letters to rock-stars, having all the kinds of sex with all kinds of men, and eviscerating bands in reviews of 600 words or less.But what happens when Johanna realizes she’s built Dolly with a fatal flaw? Is a box full of records, a wall full of posters, and a head full of paperbacks, enough to build a girl after all?Imagine The Bell Jar written by Rizzo from Grease. How to Build a Girl is a funny, poignant, and heartbreakingly evocative story of self-discovery and invention, as only Caitlin Moran could tell it.