Thematically covering every subject imaginable, from God to dogs, this collection is the seminal gathering of our national wit and a picture of who we are as a nation - a monument to our monumental silliness.'An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.' George MikesJane Austen, Jo Brand, Craig Brown, Winston Churchill, Alan Clark, Jeremy Clarkson, Billy Connolly, Peter Cook, Tommy Cooper, Stephen Fry, A.A. Gill, Boris Johnson, Samuel Johnson, Maureen Lipman, Spike Milligan, Eric Morecambe, William Shakespeare, George Bernard Shaw, Frank Skinner, Sue Townsend, Peter Ustinov, Queen Victoria, Oscar Wilde, P.G. Wodehouse, Victoria Wood and many more.

    The blast from a powerful handgun brings a halt to proceedings.Three days and two hundred miles separate the finding of a mutilated corpse in a Staffordshire beauty spot – there seems no connection.Interesting police work and pathology establish a shocking and unexpected history to the corpse and then another body is discovered. Detective inspector Doug Taylor knows that plenty of long days lie ahead.Sinister characters from different walks of life emerge as tales of rape, murder, corruption and horrific torture develop.A vigilante chase crosses the North Sea. Peril and intrigue loiter at every corner as the struggle to determine the criminal mastermind’s objectives intensifies with terrifying events in two different countries.Matters become all the more curious when a bizarre secret held by a cathedral and a church appear pivotal to the core of the affair – it is a secret surrounded by lies, a secret which stretches back decades and one which the main players will go to any lengths to obtain.Go to the interactive website www.cathedraloflies.com – when you have read the book you can open the secret pages and discover the truth of the real unsolved crime behind the book.

    What Dave Barry did for American history in Dave Barry Slept Here and for getting older in Dave Barry Turns Forty, he does for everything else in America! Tupperware ladies, eighties people and leisure-concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe!

    Put on your newest, spankin'est uniform, shine shoes and buttons, put a pretty little knot in your necktie. Look sharp That's half the secret. The other haof is to ack mis'able. Ain't nothin' attracks a gal like ackin' mis'able. Tell her you're lonesome for the gal back home, so she knows she ain't scratching' after a prize nobody wants. Then tell her you can't stay sad long around her, and begin gettin' frisky and sparklin'. If that don't get her, she ain't worth havin'. Stay Loose. Remember--Man proposes, God disposes."And with these words of wisdom--the U. S. Army almost succeeds in moving Putnam's Landing halfway across Long Island Sound.

    Star of action blockbuster Alpha Papa; a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future.Gregarious and popular, yet Alan’s never happier than when relaxing in his own five-bedroom, south-built house with three acres of land and access to a private stream. But who is this mysterious enigma?Alan Gordon Partridge is the best – and best-loved – radio presenter in the region. Born into a changing world of rationing, Teddy Boys, apes in space and the launch of ITV, Alan’s broadcasting career began as chief DJ of Radio Smile at St. Luke’s Hospital in Norwich. After replacing Peter Flint as the presenter of Scout About, he entered the top 8 of BBC sports presenters.But Alan’s big break came with his primetime BBC chat show Knowing Me, Knowing You. Sadly, the show battled against poor scheduling, having been put up against News at Ten, then in its heyday. Due to declining ratings, a single catastrophic hitch (the killing of a guest on air) and the dumbing down of network TV, Alan’s show was cancelled. Not to be dissuaded, he embraced this opportunity to wind up his production company, leave London and fulfil a lifelong ambition to return to his roots in local radio.Now single, Alan is an intensely private man but he opens up, for the second time, in this candid, entertaining, often deeply emotional – and of course compelling – memoir, written entirely in his own words. (Alan quickly dispelled the idea of using a ghost writer. With a grade B English Language O-Level, he knew he was up to the task.)He speaks touchingly about his tragic Toblerone addiction, and the painful moment when unsold copies of his first autobiography, Bouncing Back, were pulped like ‘word porridge’. He reveals all about his relationship with his ex-Ukrainian girlfriend, Sonja, with whom he had sex at least twice a day, and the truth about the thick people who make key decisions at the BBC.A literary tour de force, I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan charts the incredible journey of one of our greatest broadcasters.

    

    TALKING WITH GODIn Don Camillo's Little World, where the Cold War is fought on the very doorstep of life, the hot-headed Catholic priest and the equally pugnacious Communist mayor, Peppone, confront one another in riotous and often hilarious manner.But when Don Camillo unburdens himself in the village church a voice from the cross above the high altar responds and his conversations with Il Cristo begin. We watch and listen, as with fascinating insights and gentle humour the prejudices of the stubborn priest are undermined, a resolution to conflict emerges, and the situation is transformed to the benefit of the community.It is then that we see that the ideas and values of Don Camillo's Little World are true for all times, the world over...Inimitable, delicious, full of pure fun THE OBSERVERIn this brand new, authorised edition of Giovanni Guareschi's enchanting classic, nineteen stories never before translated into English are published for the first time. Set in an isolated village amidst the sultry beauty of Italy s Lower Plain, The Little World of Don Camillo has been enjoyed by countless folk from 10 to 100, not only in book form, but also on film, TV and radio, and most recently as an audio-book.

    Now, he’s being pursued by a homicidal interstellar tourist board, and calculating insurance dividends is as outdated as making stone axes. Sci-fi-hating technophobe Colin embarks on a desperate struggle to find a cure for his illness, as well as a place for himself in this strange new galaxy where toilets talk back, and door handles are a long-forgotten relic. Only by teaming up with his rescuer, hard-boiled, space-traveling archaeologist Tyresa Jak (that’s Doctor Jak to you), can Colin hope to succeed before time runs out. Along the way, this galactic odd-couple must evade the Erd Tourist Board - a powerful mega-corporation which will do anything to ensure the mythical Earth stays mythical - and deal with a crackpot religious cult who not only possess a cure for Colin’s illness, but who also believe there is more to this caveman from Earth than meets the eye.... Don't miss the start of this side-splitting intergalactic adventure that will keep you laughing into the night. It's perfect for fans of Guardians of the Galaxy, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Space Team. Also available on Audible, narrated by Steve West.

    What began as a mutual interest in sneak-reading comic books in class evolved into a friendship which has outlasted a great many Presidents and a whole lot more, besides.Teddy and Ray, along with two other boys, formed the core of a group of kids who did everything together. As teenagers, they discovered that restaurants gave free coffee refills even if you didn't order anything else, leading to a lifetime's worth of bottomless cups and frustrated restaurant owners. Now in advanced age, Teddy and Ray still meet regularly to drink too much coffee and talk about the things old guys usually tend to talk about. In between, they flash back to various times and events which helped shape their lives.One of their once-close group, who has enjoyed a modestly successful career in Hollywood, comes up with the idea of making a movie about their youthful experiences together and what came after for each of them. This would, of course, include starring the surviving originals as the present-day versions of their cinematic selves. For some, however, facing their past, present and inevitable future all in one sitting proves considerably more difficult than it looks on the silver screen.

    The woman you see at the bus stop every morning; the man who reaches for the last newspaper just before you get to it. Everyone you meet, and some you nearly meet, will have an impact on the way your day goes.Small World is the story of a group of men and women, living and working in a city, who are connected through love, work, friendship, or simply by virtue of proximity. We connect with the hearts and minds of characters including an all-coping housewife, a stressed out working mother, a put-upon nanny, a long-suffering journalist, an Indian waiter who dreams of stardom, a grieving shop assistant, a stand-up comic and a psychotic policeman - all of whom speak directly to us about their innermost thoughts, fears and desires in a series of interwoven first-person narratives.

    Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, this collection of stories written by Zack Whedon (Deadwood, Fringe) chronicles some of the earliest adventures in the lives of archenemies Captain Hammer and Dr. Horrible.This anthology solves many unanswered questions left over from the show. For instance: What event inspired Dr. Horrible to become the world's greatest criminal mastermind? Why is Penny, the beautiful girl from the Laundromat, still single? How can you, the reader, be like blustering do-gooder Captain Hammer? And why is Horrible's sidekick, Moist, so . . . um . . . well, you'll find out!* Collects the first issue of Dr. Horrible with all three digital comics from MySpace Dark Horse Presents.* Includes a never-before-seen sixteen-page story, about the top secret organization The Evil League of Evil.

    1965.  War's found himself deep in the glamorous yet lethal world of international espionage. Unhappy with both the treachery and restrictive dress-code, when a name from the past reappears in his life War realises he must risk everything to keep the world safe once again. This short story follows on from the How To Be Dead series and continues the tale of everybody's favourite grumpy Horseman of the Apocalypse...  What Amazon readers are saying about the How To Be Dead Comedy Fantasy Series: ★★★★★ “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.”★★★★★ “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.”★★★★★ “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.”★★★★★ "Laughs and excitement combined!"★★★★★ “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”★★★★★ "If you like Tom Holt, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, Dave Turner's books will fit perfectly into your collection."

    . .Holly, Naomi and Kate are determined to win the battle of the bulge. So it's down to the local slimming club, where carbs are strictly off the menu and there's no escaping the scales. But calorie-counting isn't the only thing on their minds.Newly engaged Holly should be over the moon. So why does she blush every time her sexy boss walks into the room? Curvaceous Naomi finds herself the object of a very unusual fetish and a shocking secret is revealed when an unexpected visitor arrives on Kate's doorstep. Yet with a little group support (and a particularly brutal weight loss boot camp) the women manage to stick to their regime, in time for the glamorous Slimmer of the Year Awards. But with tempting buffet tables, highly competitive contestants and even the odd fat fetishist lurking, it's anyone's guess as to what will happen . . .

    Show fans rejoice! After all these years, Bob and David are finally back together with a collection of hilarious, never-before-seen scripts, sketches, and ideas that may have just been too good for Hollywood. Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, creators of HBO's classic sketch comedy show Mr. Show, present to you this collection of never-before-seen scripts and ideas that Hollywood couldn't find the gumption to green-light. Simply put... Hollywood Said No! Since Mr. Show closed up shop, Bob and David have kept busy with many projects--acting in fun, successful, movies and TV shows, directing things, and complaining about stuff that didn't turn out well to anyone who would listen, and even alone, in silence, inside their own heads. Hollywood Said No! reveals the full-length, never-before-seen scripts for Bob and David Make a Movie (fleshed out with brand-new storyboards by acclaimed artist Mike Mitchell) and Hooray For America!: a satirical power-house indictment of all that you hold dear. This tome also includes a bonus section of orphaned sketch ideas from the Mr. Show days and beyond, suitable for performance by church groups that aren't all koo-koo about religion. What you are looking at online, and are about to buy, is chock-full of comic twists, turns, and maybe a few hard truths. We said "maybe," but what we mean was "probably not." Now, for the first time, take a peek at the scripts that didn't get the go-ahead and ponder a world we can only dream about...and beyond!

    But the life of one Brentford schoolboy is turned upside down when he is sent on a mission by a Venusian he finds in his Daddy's allotment shed, and with Barry the Time Sprout lodged in his head to act as his guardian angel, the sky really is the limit.For the boy has to pose as the famous detective Lazlo Woodbine, and his travels will take him to an alternative future, where a vast pleasure palace space liner orbits the Earth, and where one Count Ilya Rostof is planning a celebration of Queen Victoria's ninetieth year on the throne. He will travel to the fabled Garden on Venus, and even to Heaven to meet with God - a rather nice man named Terrance. But even as these events are taking place, what of the nefarious schemes of Lord Willoughby Chase, of Professor Mandelbrot and the silly boys and their plans to fly a spacecraft into the Sun, and what of the etherial Poppett and the fabled vegetable lamb of Tartary? Never mind Lady Raygun and a group of fanatical space pirates ...A work of surreal brilliance from the mind of Robert Rankin, combining ecumenical ponderings with breathless space opera, and jaw dropping imagination.