In the London office my new boss Victor tells me I shall be working in a regional office - and he wants me to drive there. I am to deliver Victor's shiny Jaguar: his pride and joy. The office is in Calcutta. This all sounds like fun to me. A month long holiday. How bad can that be I think and decide to invite my friend Douglas to come along for the ride. This will be a road trip to die for I tell him. Victor's P.A. Shirley is the all seeing eye. Nothing gets past here. I have to report in on my progress at key points on the route. Shirley is going to be watching me. 'If you so much as scratch it you're dead.' I laugh, what could possibly go wrong....? well just about everything. We were OK up till Trieste; then a goat got in the car - after that it was downhill all the way to Calcutta.

    novels. Follow Agent Ward as he searches for the clues that link a missing chemist to Sirens, Strippers and Snake Monsters in The Curious Case of the Kidnapped Chemist.Dodge the walking dead in Zombie Apocalypse Now when the eponymous undead attack Parliament and ... er ... Hull.Finally, thrill at the latest adventure Do Dragons Dream of Burning Sheep in which no sheep are burned, but dragons just might dream.

    He has spent centuries without a body, but now he is ready for his return. There is only one obstacle standing in his way. In the sixteen years since their marriage, Justan and Jhonate have gone through many adventures together. During this time, Justan has grown into the name given to him by the Bowl of Souls. He is SIR EDGE. He has the fame and glory that he had dreamt of as a child, but those things mean nothing to him anymore. He is now embroiled in a new conflict and driven by a deep pain within him, a pain fifteen years in the making . . . Join Edge and his bonded on an epic journey that will take them to places both holy and wrought with evil. Ogres and dragons, warriors and wizards are destined to clash, their fates guided by The Bowl of Souls. The Bowl of Souls series. THE MOONRAT SAGA 1. Eye of the Moonrat 2. Messenger of the Dark Prophet 3. Hunt of the Bandham 1.5. Hilt's Pride 4. War of Stardeon 5. Mother of the Moonrat THE JHARRO GROVE SAGA 1. Tarah Woodblade 2. Protector of the Grove 3. Ogre Apprentice 4. The Troll King 5. Priestess of War 6. Behemoth THE DARK PROPHET SAGA 1. Sir Edge 2. Half Breeds (2019)

    1965.  War's found himself deep in the glamorous yet lethal world of international espionage. Unhappy with both the treachery and restrictive dress-code, when a name from the past reappears in his life War realises he must risk everything to keep the world safe once again. This short story follows on from the How To Be Dead series and continues the tale of everybody's favourite grumpy Horseman of the Apocalypse...  What Amazon readers are saying about the How To Be Dead Comedy Fantasy Series: ★★★★★ “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.”★★★★★ “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.”★★★★★ “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.”★★★★★ "Laughs and excitement combined!"★★★★★ “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”★★★★★ "If you like Tom Holt, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, Dave Turner's books will fit perfectly into your collection."

    Nothing else going on. No girlfriend meeting his father for the first time. No recused sister back in his life after having been missing for a decade. No other sister married to a werecoyote gangster with a freshly born grandchild to show off. Especially no vampires. I promise. THE KING HENRY TAPES Book 1 - "The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady" (released) Book 2 - "The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes" (released) Book 3 - "The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm" (released) Book 4 - "The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny" (released) Book 5 - "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" (released) Book 5.5 - "King Henry and the Three Little Trips" (released) Book 6 - "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" (released) Book 6.5 - "Assault on Dread Fortress Paine" (released) Book 6.75 - "The Glassbreaker Goes Home" (released) Book 7 - "The Foul Mouth and the Runaway Rumble" (forthcoming)

    I pushed my sausages away untouched. Charting nearly ten years in the life of Adrian Mole, from his increasingly troubled adolescence and schooling to his first job as newt counter for the DoE, from his parents' marital troubles to his own difficult relationship with Pandora, from the failure of his early poems to the even grander failure of his epic novels, these three novels in one volume provide a hilarious portrait of one young man's coming of age. 'He will be remembered some day as one of England's great diarists. No matter what your troubles may be Adrian Mole is sure to make you feel better' Evening Standard

    Thrown out of every unit defending the City, either she takes on a new role, or she will be sent to the Rats, a company of misfits given the perilous tasks beyond the Great Walls.Her new role, if she takes it, will bring her face to face with her deepest fears, for beneath the walls, in a secret and hidden lair, lies a dragon, imprisoned and waiting… This box-set includes the Blade Trilogy - the first three books (complete arc) of The Magelands Eternal Siege, over 1300 paperback pages or 2000 Kindle pages.The Mortal BladeThe Dragon's BladeThe Prince's Blade

    As soon as they drive across Andalusia, they fall in love with its rugged beauty, whitewashed villages, red geraniums, giant aloes, and endless olive trees. After weeks of visiting ruins and dilapidated sheds advertised as homes, they find a little stone cottage in a mountain valley in the middle of nowhere. Equipped with everything that a romantic soul desires: a patio shaded by grape vines, an ancient bay leaf tree, and a formidable oak in front of a long driveway, they fall in love with this property and decide to reform it into a guest house. With little foresight or planning, they exchange cushy expats lives for a life in the sun.Quite quickly, however, they find themselves battling cowboy builders, no electricity, a dry well, torrential rain storms, and a freezing cold winter without a roof over their heads. Through all these adventures, they develop relations with their neighbours who had lived in the valley for many generations. Puzzled by the strangers’ behaviour, the neighbours teach them about olive picking, and the cultivation of local vegetables. But primarily, they offer their endless generosity and insight into life in rural Andalusia.As they begin to settle in, financial problems confront our somewhat naïve couple. Without steady pay checks and construction bills piling up, their idea of the good life starts to fall apart. Written with a wry sense of honest humour, this story is filled with twists and turns that take the reader on a journey from a life where every day was monotonously repetitive to a place where every day presents a new challenge.

    Everything Mark's not, Paris is a man of the world with a thirst for adventure - even his name is better than Mark's.But after a catastrophic argument, Mark finds himself setting off alone on his voyage, instead emailing an unresponsive Paris from the road. A cocktail cruise on the Seine, mindful pastry making in Foix, a graffiti tour in Barcelona: Mark will be forced to engage with life and strangers as he never has before, with poignantly recognisable results.But questions remain: will he ever be able to have an authentic interaction? Will Paris ever reply to his emails? And crucially, will he manage to write SEO friendly copy for every place he visits?After all, it's not the destination that counts: it's the homes and experiences you encounter along the way.

    It was also prophesied that this night would witness the return of Emperor Kellanved, and there are those prepared to do anything to prevent this from happening…Ian C. Esslemont co-created the world of Malaz with his friend Steven Erikson, and Esslemont’s Novels of the Malazan Empire are set in the same world as Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen.Other Tor books by Ian C. EsslemontPath to Ascendancy Dancer’s Lament Deadhouse Landing Other books in the world of Malaz by Steven Erikson Malazan Book of the Fallen Gardens of the Moon Deadhouse Gates Memories of Ice House of Chains Midnight Tides The Bonehunters Reaper’s Gale Toll the Hounds Dust of Dreams The Crippled God The Kharkanas Trilogy Forge of Darkness Fall of Light Walk in Shadow* At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

    (Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail. (* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.

    No idea they’ll encounter an undiscovered tribe, rescue a drowning actress, learn jungle survival from a commando, and attend cultural ceremonies few Westerners have seen. As they find out who hooks up, who breaks up, who cracks up, and who throws up, will they fulfil Simon’s ambition to see the queen, or will they be distracted by insomniac chickens, grunting wild piglets, and the easy-going Tongan lifestyle?

    The name of the series is Magium: The Mage Tournament. The individual books of the series do not have names. They only have numbers. Now that this has been cleared up, let us continue with the description of the series' story: Barry is an ordinary guy, with no magical powers whatsoever, who dreamed of becoming a mage for the better part of his life. After dedicating his whole life to studying magic, in the hopes of fulfilling his dream, he finally finds a way to do it. However, in order to become a mage, he must first win a deadly free-for-all tournament against the most powerful mages in the world. The fantasy world that the story takes place in is inspired by Dungeons and Dragons and by classic RPG games such as Neverwinter Nights, Dragon Age and Skyrim. The story of Magium starts at the beginning of the tournament, right after Barry and all the other participants are magically teleported to the continent where the contest is taking place. The winner of the competition will be given access to the Magium, which is thought to be the source of all magic. The tournament takes place on a continent hidden from the rest of the world, where there are mythical creatures like dragons and hydras, but also remnants of an old and technologically advanced civilization, whose magically powered devices are still being used in the present day. Due to his lack of magical abilities, Barry will be forced to use one such device, called a stat booster, which absorbs the magical energy around it and converts it into stat points. By leveling up stats such as Speed, Reflexes and Premonition, Barry will gain supernatural abilities that will help him survive against all the experienced mages that are also participating in the tournament. As the series progresses, Barry will meet with other participants, he will make friends and enemies, and he will gradually find out more about the continent he is on, and its inhabitants. He will find out that a person called "The Creator" had established several utopias in this place, six hundred years ago, where animals and humans lived in harmony, and food was created through magic. What Barry will get to see through his travels, however, is the downfall of these utopias, some of them being on the brink of destruction. As he begins to get involved with the people of this land, Barry will need to decide if he can simply ignore what is happening before his eyes, or if he will intervene, at the risk of being banned from the tournament, and forfeiting his dream. Credits for the magic ball image on the cover go to Agnes Landgraf.

    His travel stories have had millions of views online and are collected within for the first time. The content of Wayward was written during a yearlong trip around the world, during which the author lived in twelve countries over twelve months. Gates' writing has been described as “evocative”, “hilarious” and “brilliant.” He has been described as a “wanker”, “kind of a dipshit” and “retarded”.Wayward is a must-read for anyone who needs a shrink and likes to travel.

    Get paid to travel and write about it.Only no one told Jules that it would mean eating oily seabirds, repeatedly falling off a husky sled, getting stranded on a Mediterranean island, and crash-landing in Iran.The exotic destinations come thick and fast – Hong Kong, Hawaii, Huddersfield – as Jules navigates what it means to be a travel writer in a world with endless surprises up its sleeve.Add in a cast of larger-than-life characters – Elvis, Captain Cook, his own travel-mad Dad – and an eye for the ridiculous, and this journey with Jules is one you won’t want to miss.