“You’re about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat’s butt.” Keep this book handy, someday you’ll be glad you have it. “Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you just be yourself.” Pick any of the many jaw-dropping insults then laugh at the look on your adversary’s face when you whip one out and use it on them. You’ll leave no doubt in their mind that you are a master of sarcastic insults! ADDED BONUS: In addition to the fresh and hilarious insults in this book, you’ll also find great sarcastic observations about life hidden inside this book’s pages, like… “I think the reason so many people have smart phones is because opposites attract!” You’re no idiot, so you need this book to start your new life as the master of sarcastic insults and put-downs! “Hey! Who left the Idiot Box open? Now they're everywhere!”

    Then one day I found myself in a foreign country carrying an M-16 rifle and a medical bag fighting a war I knew little about. Within weeks of my arrival in Vietnam the Tet Offensive exploded all around me, changing my life, the war, and the entire world. I witnessed death on a daily basis and became known as Baby-san Bac-si, the baby-faced combat medic.

    Funny jokes, Knock Knock jokes, Kids Jokes.Jokes for Kids, Best Joke Book for Kids is styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate. That does not mean you go stiff on the kids, far from it. You want jokes that are funny, corny and have some substance. Usually the really good jokes will give even you the tickles.Kids jokes, with over 200 funny jokes, this will keep the kids, and adult laughing for some time.

    54 pages of summaries and analysis on Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore.This study guide includes the following sections: Plot Summary, Chapter Summaries & Analysis, Characters, Objects/Places, Themes, Style, Quotes, and Topics for Discussion.

    As her full-time carer, Tottie listened to daily recitations of her favourite saying: 'Mother, mother, it's a bugger, sell the pig and buy me out.” Catch up now with Tottie in the AM years – After Mother – as she starts her new life in the rural Livradois-Forez region of the Auvergne, living in Tottie's Grottage. Meet the local inhabitants, from exotic birds to colourful characters like the Bin Pickers, Library Lady and the Bowing Farmer. All are described with Tottie's familiar gently ironic humour. Discover the procedure behind the Frogification of Tottie, and if her bid for French nationality is successful. 'Mother Was It Worth It?' is the concluding part of the Sell the Pig series, which began with 'Sell the Pig' and 'Is That Billinge Lump?'

     Meet the hot men in the entire Dearest SEALs series: SEAL's Baby SEAL Billionaire SEAL Firefighter SEAL's Secretary SEAL's Virgin Don't miss out on these stunning SEALs. All 5 are full length novels with happily ever afters.

    Upon graduation from high school, I enlisted in the United States Air Force, not knowing where my travels would take me. I volunteered for flying duty and was sent to McGuire Air Force Base in New Jersey in 1963. From there, I traveled all over the world transporting troops.In 1973, I volunteered and was accepted into the 89th military airlift wing, special air missions organization at Andrews Air Force Base, Maryland, which required a top secret clearance, and was the home of Air Force One.After experiencing my first Air Force One backup trip with President Nixon to Europe and the Middle East, I set another goal to become a permanent member of the Air Force One flight crew; but it did not happen right away.Meanwhile, I was privileged to fly missions that included a 33 day presidential goodwill trip with the Apollo 17 astronauts, (the last men to walk on the moon), around the world, the prime minister of India, premier of China, Chancellor of Germany, President of Turkey, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip, President Carter's mother, Ms Lillian, cabinet level officers, members of congress, high ranking military officers, Vice President's Ford and Mondale.On September 1, 1979, I was selected as a permanent member of the Air Force One flight crew, during the last 16 months of the Carter administration, 8 years with President Reagan (19 months of which were served as his Chief Steward), 3 1/2 years as chief steward for President Bush SR. To quote President Bush Sr., "It was great to travel with the First Team".The Presidents I was privileged to serve were ordinary folks like you and I, who did extraordinary things to be elected. Personally, I had the time of my life, fulfilling my dreams of world travels, and it truly was a privilege and pleasure to serve the Presidents aboard Air Force One.

    Big sister and guardian of her family, she is thrown to the world without a harness, no guidance, and no help. Dahlia is not afraid to get her hands dirty or do the unthinkable to make sure her and her sister aren't separated. Love is foreign and get it by any means reigns supreme for her. Raising her sister was her only concern, but as her sister Deja prepares to set sail on her own journey, Dahlia is forced to focus on picking up the pieces and finding her own way. What was supposed to be a favor for his little brother turns into so much more as Ty'Key spends time peeling back the layers of Dahlia Starks. Ty' Key Patterson is handsome, strong, and willing to suffer the catastrophe of any damage Dahlia brings his way as long as she is. Both alike in so many ways, they run into different situations that could not only damage them personally but damage a long-standing friendship. Will they be able to clean up the damage or crumble like ashes scattered amongst the rubbish?

    But that peacefulness is suddenly interrupted when his new next-door neighbor becomes a target for someone with nefarious intentions. Canine rescuer Concetta "Chet" Suarez brings all his protective instincts to the surface, along with feelings he's never experienced with any other woman. Will he lose her before he ever gets a chance to make her his?Trident Security Field ManualThe Trident Security Field Manual: Standard Operating Procedures for FNGs (f*cking new guys—and anyone else who wants to read it) is a fun compilation of extras for fans of the TS series and its spinoffs. Fans will get Character Profiles from the original TS series and the Doms of The Covenant series, a Q&A session with characters from the TS series, the TS Omega Team series, and the Doms of The Convenant series, and Exclusive Short Stories--four of which had been previously published, but are no longer available, on Samantha A. Cole's website, plus a short story featuring fan-favorites Jenn Mullins and Doug Henderson! To wrap things up, family trees for the Sexy Six-Pack are included!Forty Days & One Knight: TS Omega Team Book 2Princess Tahira had grown up not worrying about being pushed into an arranged marriage, but after her mother's near-death illness, King Rajeemh orders his only daughter to choose a husband within forty days or have one chosen for her. While the deadline looms, Tahira and her cousin are kidnapped during a trip to Jamaica.Trident Security operative, Darius Knight, has been working undercover for several months, infiltrating a human-trafficking cartel. Just when he's almost in the position to take them down, a huge wrench is thrown into the mission. If he saves the woman whose body he's guarded in the past, his cover will be blown. But if he doesn't, he'll never be able to live with the results.When the rescue doesn't go as planned, Darius makes a rash decision that will affect both their lives. To keep their secret means he'll probably lose his dream job. To reveal it will destroy the woman who is inching her way into his heart.*If you prefer trigger warnings, please scroll down to the bottom. If you don't want to read the trigger warning, this is your chance to avoid it.Torn in Half: Trident Security BookRetired Navy SEAL and current private-security operative Ian Sawyer had never expected to have a child, much less a wife, but his beautiful Angie has changed all that. Her due date is only days away, and his anticipation outweighs his anxiety, thinking about holding his firstborn.But as he’s learned the hard way, life throws curveballs at the worst possible moment. A frantic phone call in the middle of the night is the beginning of Ian’s nightmare. He has to wake his brothers and teammates, leave his wife’s side, and fly halfway around the world to save the only other woman who could bring him to his knees—his mother......***Trigger warning for Forty Days & One Knight - Elements of rape but with a fade to black effect eliminating the graphic details.

    Always afraid he was about to die, he climbed into the cockpit anyway ... and lived to tell you about it. How would you feel if you were a new guy in the sky ... attacked by four Messerschmitts? Let me tell you, no matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you read, how much you train, no matter how much you think of yourself as a 'Hot Shot Pilot,' you are never ready for life and death combat! How did it feel to say a 'last goodbye' to your bride believing you would never see her again, as you left to fight WWII? Author's Facebook page at: facebook.com/P38Flyer/ As reviewed by A. L. Hanks, Lieutenant Colonel, USAF (Ret) who said it perfectly: In "Brave and Funny Memories of WWII" Lyndon Shubert, to our great benefit, tells us his story, an engaging tale of his WWII experience as a fighter pilot in WWII. A member of the "greatest generation" he recounts his days (and nights) flying P-38 fighters in the wartime skies of Europe. The tale is told in a relaxed, conversational style, honest and personal. The reader will appreciate the authenticity and the easy humor. He tells us a story that is at once delightfully humorous and deadly serious. He shares that unfettered sense of flying a powerful aircraft free in the vast expanse of the sky. The special sense that pilots have when they "can reach out and touch the face of God". Shubert relates the feelings of men in combat, that gripping apprehension in your gut when you know you're going to die, your senses at full maximum intensity, and then that striking after mission fear when you look back and realize that you cheated death once again. Shubert was indeed a special fellow. We are indebted to him for his service and his book. He captures a special piece of the American character and our history that is essential to pass on to our children and grandchildren. Lt Shubert was exceptional, a USAF officer and a fighter pilot who fought the war and earned the Distinguished Flying Cross. The author reminds us once again why fighter pilots are special. Why they are ubiquitously viewed as swaggering "raconteurs", with big egos and big watches who can sometimes be insufferable. But his tale also captures the reality of one-on-one aerial combat, loser goes home.... to God.

    Contains all 8 episodes of the international sensation THE INCIDENT, a Sam Jameson Serial Thriller. Where do you run when even the good guys want you dead? Special Agent Sam Jameson is having a bad week. People are trying to kill her.
 
That would be business as usual in the counterespionage world, except that it’s the good guys who have her in the crosshairs. Why are the DC Metro police trying to kidnap her? Do her bosses at Homeland want her in a body bag, too? And why does everyone she talks to seem to end up in the morgue? Will a ruthless mercenary, a hapless American traitor, and a dead man’s cryptic clue hold the key to Sam’s survival? As the noose tightens around her neck, Sam must uncover a brutal and deadly conspiracy before she becomes its next victim. Interview with author Lars Emmerich Q - So, what makes the Special Agent Sam Jameson series special? A - It's a mix of things, really. When I set out to write these books, I wanted to create something that mirrored exactly the kind of books I like to read. My top picks are usually espionage and private detective novels, any of the thousands of thrillers and mysteries best sellers, and, of course, books featuring classic pulp heroes. I also like heroes with problems and villains who are frighteningly human, maybe a little too much like us. The Sam Jameson books are a mix of these genres. The series focuses on the mystery and thriller / espionage genre overall, with a couple of themes borrowed from financial thrillers thrown in for good measure, a healthy dose of the stuff that makes political thrillers great, and a serial killer novel or two to keep things interesting. Why such a mixing of themes? Because life isn't monolithic and book genres are arbitrary. There's murder in spy novels and there's espionage in political conspiracy thrillers. Overall, the Sam Jameson series is designed to keep you turning the pages. I've done my best to make sure there's never a dull moment, and I think Sam's chutzpah and attitude makes for good entertainment. But I'm probably a little biased. Q - What order should I read the books in? A - I’ve written the series so you can read the books in any order, and all the story threads will tie up nicely by the time you're finished. The Incident is a standalone story, and it occurs before the Devolution series. If you do want to read them in order, I'd suggest the following sequence: - The Incident Season 1 - The Incident Season 2 - Devolution - Meltdown - Mindscrew - Balls Deep (A Peter Kittredge espionage and suspense thriller) Q - So, why should readers give these books a try? A - Because the Sam Jameson series is a fast, fun thrill-ride that never lets up! Each of the books has hit the top ten bestsellers list on Kindle for Women Sleuths, and each have been featured on Amazon's Thrillers 100 Must Reads list - which is no mean feat. Ultimately, readers who enjoy a blazing pace, characters with depth and distinctive voices, and a plot that twists and turns all the way to the end will enjoy this series.

    

    More dangerous than the perils of war, however, is the envy of his fellow officers and the double edge of his most cherished friendship.

    Spearman. A sci-fi military novel set in space, the book follows Captain Jonah Halberd, newly assigned commander of the spaceship HMS Cumberland, an advanced cruiser in the Royal Navy of the Commonwealth, currently under the reign of King Edward XII. There is an ongoing war between the Commonwealth and the Rodinan Federation. After rescuing Lady Julia Hawthorne, the fiancee of First Space Lord Chesterfield, Jonah and his crew set off for yet another dangerous assignment. But an ensuing battle with the Rodinan armada causes heavy casualties, and Jonah finds himself captured by the enemy. A daring rescue led by Lieutenant Commander Fred MacMurray results in Jonah receiving a hero's welcome back home. Now, he must unite the Coalition for war.

    Drop him into a ghastly Kenya prep school in the middle of Rider Haggard country. A school where cricketing news comes by carrier pigeon, leopards are assaulted with a red-hot poker, and runaway boys are hunted down with spearmen and a pack of foxhounds... For Martin Riddle, the experience is unforgettable. For the riding mistress, Lady Bullivant, it is all part of the day's work. And for the headmaster, a disreputable ex-Guards officer, it is simply a means of staving off bankruptcy for a few more weeks. As for the Masai, tennis may be on the curriculum at Haggard Hall, but midnight meetings with naked warriors definitely are not! 'The funniest book I have read since David Lodge's Small World' - Sunday Times 'Wickedly funny' - Daily Mail 'Less savage than Evelyn Waugh, Best is every bit as sharp... an immensely enjoyable book' - Evening Standard 'Very good entertainment' - Sir Alec Guinness (Sunday Times book of the year) Nicholas Best's books have been translated into many languages. He was the Financial Times's fiction critic for ten years and was long-listed in 2010 for the Sunday Times-EFG Bank 30,000 award, the biggest short story prize in the world. For more details, see www.nicholasbest.co.uk